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“When is this going to be over?”

This loud whisper came from Rachael. She's sitting in the row behind me, next to Kevin, at Anthony’s school Easter program.

I roll my eyes and only my mother’s warning squeeze on my thigh stops me from turning around to tell her to shut up.

This is my first real event at Anthony’s school since Kevin and I split. I was hoping an evening free of any drama would show them I was still the same old boring Milly.

When I saw Kevin walk in with her, I felt a horrifying combination of humiliation and shock. I couldn’t believe he would bring her here, to parade her in front of these people I have to see every day.

I already deal with their snide barbs about being a single parent and their disingenuous offers of “help” if I need it. Now, they can add their jokes about being traded in for a younger model to their running repertoire of the disaster that is Milly Dennis’ life. The only woman I’ve befriended is Laila and she isn’t here tonight.

This is Anthony’s second year at this school and this is only the second time Kevin has bothered to attend any of his performances. It is galling to have to share what should be an evening of pride and happiness with them just so they can use it in their bid to gain custody.

So, I have ignored them since they got here. Rachael started whining about fifteen minutes ago, and it is starting to grate on my nerves.

Anthony’s class is up next and I try to turn my attention back to the stage where it belongs.

When his class comes out, Anthony scans the crowd for me and when we make eye contact he gives me a huge grin and a thumbs-up. He's the spitting image of my father when he smiles and it tugs at my heart to think of him missing all of this.

The music cues and I want to cry with pride as he takes his place on stage and starts to sing.

The performance is a perfect disaster as only school programs can be. I stood up when he started so that I could get a better view to video tape the performance.

When he’s done, he jumps off the stage and comes running toward me. I barely have time to open my arms before he's hurling himself into them.

“Mommy, I was awesome!” He grins up at me, his eyes sparkling.

“Yes, little man, you were.” I kiss his head and see my mother coming to join us.

“Nana, did you see me?” he shouts as he wriggles out of my hold to go to my mother. They hug and she teases, “No, I didn’t see you! Were you on the stage?”

“Nana! I was! I was right there!” He points to where he was standing and looking like he can’t believe what he’s hearing.

Just then, Kevin and Rachel walk over.

“Anthony. Good job, son,” Kevin says, his voice full of genuine warmth and happiness.

“Daddy!” Anthony sprints to his father, and I feel a pang of sadness in my chest for him. He loves his father more than he loves almost anyone and seeing him is something he relishes above all else.

Kevin has missed so much, and I think about what else he's going to miss as we raise Anthony in two separate households. My stomach turns at the thought. I can’t believe this is my life. I can’t believe I’m watching the man I’ve called my husband for ten years hug my son with one arm while holding another woman’s hand with the other.

“Kevin. Hello,” my mother says with a tone as cold as ice.

Kevin has always loved my mother. She treated him like her own son and since his parents are both deceased, he loved the attention she lavished on him.

“Good evening, Mary.” He lets go of Rachael’s hand and can’t quite meet my mother’s eye.

“I would ask how you are, but I can see you’re doing just fine,” she says, again her tone clipped. She turns her gaze to Rachael, but doesn’t address her.

“We’re going home, Kevin. It’s a school night and it’s late,” I say, trying to end this encounter.

“Well, I was hoping I . . .” Rachael jabs him in the ribs. “I mean we, could take Anthony out to dinner to congratulate him,” Kevin stammers, not looking at me.

I want to slap him. I feel people watching us as they congregate in their own little family clusters. I want to get out of there. How dare he even propose such an idiotic thing?

“It’s Thursday. It’s seven p.m. and he is six years old. He’s already had dinner, and now, he is going home to take a bath and go to bed,” I respond as calmly as I can.

“I told you she’d say no,” Rachael whines loudly.

I kneel down in front of Anthony who is watching our exchange with big, anxious eyes.

“Honey, say good night to Daddy, okay?” “Honey, say good night to Daddy, okay?” He nods at me and walks over to give his dad a hug. I lock eyes with Kevin, but speak to my mother.

“Mom, can you please take Anthony home with you? I just want to say good night to his teacher.”

Without a word, my mother takes Anthony’s hand and walks him out, saying something to him just as they reach the door that makes him laugh.

I watch them walk out and as soon as I see that they have left the room, I turn back to Kevin.

“That was really low. I'm not sure whose idea this was, but don’t use our son as a pawn in your games.”

He gives me a pained looked. “I just want to spend some time with him.”

“Then take him to the park on the weekend, come read to him before he goes to bed, but you don’t take a six-year-old out to dinner on a week night,” I hiss.

“You can’t tell him what to do,” Rachael interjects, loud enough that the remaining people in the gym all turn to look at us.

“Lower your voice. This is where Anthony goes to school every day. Do not come here and embarrass him and me because you didn’t get your way.” My voice is low but angry.

I look at Kevin not bothering to disguise the hurt in my eyes.

“I don’t even know who you are anymore.”

I turn and walk out of the school’s assembly hall feeling a dozen pair of eyes on me as I try to walk out with as much dignity as I can.

Just as I get outside my phone rings and a number I don’t recognize comes up. I let it go to voicemail and get into my car.

I'm beyond humiliated. I don’t want Kevin back and after my night with Dean, I know that at the very least, our sex life was completely lacking. Yet, to see he has moved on, that he's with someone else hurts. To think this vile person will have access to my son makes me feel like burning something down.

I push the button to start my car to begin the short drive home. Almost as soon as I get ready to put the car in drive my phone rings again. I look at the clock on the dash and it’s almost seven p.m., the time Dean calls, my mood lifts as I answer.

“Dean?”

“Hello?” And just like that my buzz is gone. It’s Kevin.

“Yes, Kevin?”

“Who is Dean?” he snaps.

“None of your business. What could you possibly want?” I snap back.

He's silent for a beat, as if deciding whether to pursue this line of argument, but then he says in a tone that is rushed and quiet, “Look, I just wanted to apologize. Rachael said she wanted to try and get to know Anthony, I wasn’t thinking about it being a school night.”

“Fine,” I say with a calm I’m not really feeling.

“Fine? That’s it?”

“You’ve called, you told me why you did what you did. What else should I say?”

“Shit. You’re such a bitch,” he snarls. And then he hangs up.

“Takes one to know one,” I mutter to myself.

I'm turning into our driveway now. As I pull into the garage, I just sit there contemplating the evening and the state of my life in general.

I sigh and my forehead hits the steering wheel. I start thinking about Kevin and decide that I’d rather not. Stunts like the one he pulled tonight make me worry that our relationship is only going to get more acrimonious.

I pull my phone out and open my voicemails. That missed call was Dean, and it is the most pleasant of surprises when his voice floods my car’s speakers.

“Hey, Red. It’s me. I miss you.” I can hear the longing in his voice and my heart and thighs clench in unison. “It’s been such a busy week, but I’ll be back tomorrow. Can I take you to dinner? I was thinking Claudia’s again, since that seems to be our place? Wear your hair up, so I can take it down. What do you say? I miss you. Call me.”

I listen to it, on a repeat loop for five minutes before I get out of my car and go put my son to sleep.