CHAPTER NINE: Zoe

“You did great!”

My hands were shaking as I held the cellphone to my ear. Graham’s voice on the other line was supposed to make me feel better, calmer, but all it did was make me more anxious. Chad’s cologne still filled my sense, and the feeling of his arms wrapped around me in that tight hug was a lingering reminder that I had, in fact, not been dreaming. Ever since I walked out of the studio, I couldn’t stop shaking. How he still had that effect on me, after all these years, I couldn’t wrap my head around it.

I had tried to find Graham everywhere, but Sara told me he had left right after my segment. Which was just as well. I knew I had been a blabbering mess on the show, and I didn’t want him to see me like this. I didn’t feel like trying to explain anything to him. Not now.

“I messed up,” I said, catching the driver’s eyes in the rearview mirror before he quickly looked away.

“You did great,” Graham said in his usual assuring tone. “It was a big hit. And those free books, totally worth it. I’m telling you, Zoe, you had them eating out of the palm of your hands. I see big things for your next release.” He paused. “Sorry I couldn’t be there for the whole thing.”

“It’s okay,” I replied. “I was signing books, not fighting a zombie apocalypse.” Although, in my head, it was pretty much the same thing.

“Look at you, all confident.”

“I don’t really feel like it, though,” I said with a heavy sigh. “Any word from the studio about how it went?”

I didn’t really care. I was just asking because I thought it was the thing to do. In reality, all I could think about was Chad. The smile. The way he looked at me. His body, oh God, his body. For a second, I almost lost myself in imagining what it would be like to see him without his shirt on again. Run my hands across his chest. I felt a tingling between my legs and quickly shifted in my place, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly.

I caught the driver staring again in the rearview mirror.

“Sara said everyone was thrilled by your appearance and want to book you again when the next book comes out,” Graham replied. “And to be honest, I’m really not surprised. That Chad character definitely turned the heat up, and you closed it off with the promise of a hot read. I have a feeling a lot of women are going to be putting that trainer’s face to your character now.” Graham chuckled, and I bit my lower lip, hoping he wouldn’t put two and two together. The similarities between Chad and the character in my book were too close for comfort. A lot of the scenes started playing in the back of my mind, and I felt the heat rise in my cheeks.

The driver pulled up to my apartment and stepped out, racing around the car to open the door for me.

“I got to go, Graham,” I said as I stepped out into the sudden burst of New York noise. “I’ll call you later.”

“How about dinner tonight?” Graham asked. “A celebration of sorts.”

I hesitated. “I may have plans tonight.”

There was a brief silence on the other line before Graham said, “Rain check it is, then. Just call me in the morning, we have lots to discuss.”

“I will,” I promised. “Talk later.”

I hung up and was making my way to the front door when a hand tapped my shoulder from behind. I turned around to see the driver holding out a copy of my book in one hand and a pen in the other, smiling like a bashful child.

“My wife’s a big fan, Miss Maxwell,” he said. “I read it myself. You’re very…descriptive.”

I suddenly felt like a porn star as his eyes ran over me. I quickly grabbed the book and pen from his hands and took a deep breath, swallowing the words that were stinging my tongue. I didn’t understand how some people thought that just because I was an erotica writer, it automatically meant I was some kind of sex freak. I scribbled my name on the first page and handed the book back to him with as much of a smile as I could muster.

“Thank you,” I said and quickly walked away before he had a chance to start a conversation.

Too many people. Too many strangers.

I nodded at the doorman, then raced to the elevators, longing for the serenity of my apartment and the comfort of being alone. I clicked the close door button furiously as the elevator shut in front of me and began its ascent. I leaned against the large mirrored and sighed.

It was a churn of emotions. If I was one to give myself credit for a job well done, I would be patting myself on the back for how well the TV appearance went. Even though seeing Chad was like having a ghost pop up in a haunted house, I managed to muddle through the appearance to everyone’s delight. Except my own. Still, my emotions were all over the place. I wanted to laugh, to cry, to scream, to celebrate. And I knew it was because of him.

Chad Walters. The Chad Walters. The one I left behind, back in my life after all these years. And hot as fuck. And we were having dinner tonight. I bit my lip again, wondering what the hell I was thinking. Was this a good idea? How the hell was the night going to play out anyway?

I suddenly remembered that he had a copy of my book, and closed my eyes in silent agony. Knowing Chad, if he was anything like the man I remembered, he was probably going to use it as a door stop. The only thing Chad ever read was Sports Illustrated and Fitness Magazine . But time can change people. If he actually sat down and read it, he’d immediately make the connection that the main character was based on him. That could make tonight incredibly awkward, me wondering if he read the book and him wondering if I had really just detailed our sex life in print.

I rushed into my apartment, kicked off my heels and tossed the purse on the couch. I followed it, landing in the midst of cushions with a loud sigh. Every muscle in my body was tied in knots, and only then did I realize how tense I had been the entire day. My muscles were cramped like a full-body Charlie Horse. My feet felt like a dozen nails had been hammered into them, and my head ached like never before.

Hot shower.

I sat up slowly, pushing myself to my feet and making my way to the bathroom. My cellphone began to ring, but I ignored it, the thought of hot water over my body a stronger pull. I stripped out of my clothes, catching a glimpse of myself in the bathroom mirror, and stopped. It had been a while since I looked at myself naked. Being in the constant spotlight, and of course dating a married man, had forced me to keep in shape, and a small smile crept onto my face when I took in my reflection.

“I definitely have something to offer, too, Chad Walters,” I said to myself.

I turned on the hot water and stepped under the shower. I turned the showerhead around so that it was shooting jets of water onto my back, and I sighed with relief as the tension slowly melted away. My muscles immediately began to relax. A wave of relaxation took over, and I leaned back into the shower, letting the water rush over my head and down my body.

With it, the day began to wash away. Gone was the anxiety from the interview and the book signing. I began to forget all about the hungry eyes that stared at me while I thanked my readers for their support, men and women alike. The memory of three cameras pointed at me, forcing me to think a rethink every move I did and word I said, slowly disappeared down the drain.

All that remained was Chad.

I closed my eyes, and for a second I felt as if I were staring into his. The air around my body cooled despite the hot water. I shivered, and through closed lids I began to imagine him undressed in front of me. Stepping into the shower beside me. His chiseled body, those strong hands caressing my side. I used my memory to fill in the blanks, and my senses just went along for the ride.

I let my mind go wild, and my breathing became deeper, hotter, each detail of his chiseled body making me shiver just a little more. My hand crawled down between my legs, the tingling feeling that had been there earlier now strong as hell. It was begging to be acknowledged, and with the water rushing over me, I slipped a finger between my pussy lips.

I groaned, holding the shower head tight as my body gave in. I imagined Chad’s hands there, between my legs, his tight body pressed against my back, his cock against my ass. I moved my finger, rubbing softly against my clit and moaned. I could almost feel his hot breath against my neck, his lips brushing against my ear the way it had when he hugged me at the studio.

I slipped a finger inside my cunt, moving it in and out slowly, my body arching against Chad’s imaginary cock. I moved my hand faster, and in the midst of it all, began moaning his name. The water mixed with my juices, and boy, was I dripping. I slipped a second finger inside, imagining him turning me around and thrusting deep inside me. I pressed my feet to the floor and my back to the way, trying not to slip as I flowed hot juices all over my hand.

“Damn you,” I moaned, imagining Chad smirking like he did so often after sex, saying “You’re welcome…” for making me cum. It was his way of maintaining control. And one of the reasons I ran as far away from him as possible.

At that moment, I hated him. I hated how he stirred up these feelings inside me again, how age had not changed how hot he was. On the contrary, he had become even hotter, and I felt the burning inside me only intensify when I imagined his mouth on my nipples, sucking hard.

Chad always had a penchant for the rough stuff. Squeezing my nipples a little too hard. Ramming his cock into me until I was sore. Tying my hands to the bed and slapping my ass so hard it left his handprint. He had these fur-lined handcuffs and blindfolds he asked me to wear. I’ll have to admit, I liked it rough, there was a definite turn-on for me, but again, for Chad, it was all about control. I wondered if he was still into it, the rough sex, the light S&M. I wondered if I would still enjoy it… I wondered if I’d have the chance to find out the answers to either or those questions.

I slid my fingers from inside and rubbed my clit, faster, harder, my hips grinding against my own hand, the whole of me wishing it was Chad’s hand making me cum again. I could see the smug look on his face when he was in control, doing whatever he wanted to my body, making me squirm in his touch. My hand tightened on the shower head as my knees buckled, and before I knew it, another orgasm shook through me like a tidal wave.

I leaned against the tiled wall, the hot water blasting against my naked body, my breaths coming in short gasps. I opened my eyes, whimpering with the reality of being alone in the shower, without Chad.

I turned around and let the water beat against my breasts. The heat that had built up was slowly subsiding, and I quickly finished off and stepped out from under the water.

I looked at my reflection in the mirror, the red in my cheeks, the flush across my breasts, the heat between my legs, the devilish twinkle in my eyes.

I hadn’t seen the woman in the mirror in a long time.

I couldn’t deny the reason she was back.

It was Chad.

It was always Chad.