Vidalia

⊱✿ ✿⊰

Reg sits on the front porch, watching his kids blow bubbles. Neo and Princess wave at me, but they’re too busy fighting over who has the bigger bubbles to care about my return. Reg can barely acknowledge me with his blue-eyed gaze locked on Gunnar.

“Reg, this is Gunnar. He’s the guy I’m moving in with.”

“Well, that was quick,” my brother says, shaking Gunnar’s hand.

“Do you know where my old suitcase is?”

“Somewhere in the garage probably.”

Thinking of the mess I’d have to climb through to find a battered piece of luggage; I shake my head. “No way am I spending an hour digging around for it. I’ll pack up with garbage bags.”

“What do you do for a living?” Reg asks Gunnar.

“I’m the accountant for my family’s business.”

Laughing is the wrong move, but his silly answer sends me into hysterics. Gunnar only smirks while I disappear inside. I hear him asking Reg about the air conditioning business. Men have their way of feeling out each other. With women, we’re a bit blunter.

“Who the fuck is this guy?” Champagne asks, leaning against the door jamb and rubbing her baby bump.

“He helped me out, and we’re moving in together.”

“I never looked at you as selfish, Vi, but you’re putting us in a bad place.”

“How do you figure?” I ask, shoving my clothes into a garbage bag.

“How do you think? I finally decide to keep one,” she says, patting her gut, “because I thought we were financially stable. Now you’re up and leaving us with less income. It’s not like I can get rid of it at this point.”

Frowning at her, I shake my head. “If you weren’t married to my brother and the mother of my niece and nephew, I don’t think I’d like you at all.”

“Is that why you’re bailing on the family when we need you?”

Her words ought to sting. I’ve spent years wanting to be useful, but wrong thinking Vi won’t be deterred from wanting something for herself.

“I’ll still be around to babysit, but I can’t keep living here so that you can have my rent. Besides, this room isn’t big enough for four people. With me gone, there’ll be more room for the kids, and you’ll only miss out on a few hundred a month anyway.”

“Explain something. I get you want out of the house. But why did you hook up with the first roughneck you meet, but when I introduced you to nice guys, you didn’t want to date. What’s that about?”

“Champagne,” I ask, holding her gaze, “is there something you want besides to make me feel guilty for leaving?”

“You should feel guilty.”

“If you really need my rent money, why can’t you and Diamond open a daycare and watch a few kids? Just one of them at eighty a week will give you as much as I was. Or one of you could get a job.”

“Bitch,” Champagne hisses. “We took you in when your mom threw you out.”

“Reg helped me because he’s my brother. You only agreed because you got money for having me here. First from Mom and then me. Did you think I’d live here forever and be your permanent babysitter?”

Muttering “bitch” again, Champagne walks away while I finish packing. I’m surprised by how everything I own fits into two garbage bags. Despite realizing how little I possess and the burn of Champagne’s bad attitude, I wear a smile when I walk outside.

“All ready,” I announce.

Reg is back in his chair, nodding at whatever Gunnar’s saying.

“Everything okay inside?” my brother asks.

“Your wife isn’t my biggest fan.”

Rolling his eyes, Reg sips his beer. “She’s pissed you shared gossip with Fern and not her.”

“I barely told Fern anything, so assume most of what she shares is bullshit.”

“Doesn’t matter to me either way,” Reg says, and I believe him. “I’m not interested in gossip about my little sister.”

“I’ll be staying at Gunnar’s place until we get something bigger.”

“Are you still going to work at Walmart?”

“Yes.”

Gunnar immediately adds, “For now.”

Taking my bags from me, he says a quick goodbye to Reg. Once he shoves the bags into the SUV, I tell my brother, “We’re having dinner with his family tonight.”

Reg studies me from the shaded spot under the porch. I wonder if he’s worried about me standing in the sun.

“You always have a place if you need one,” he finally says.

“And I’ll help out whenever I can like with babysitting.”

“You’ll still come around.”

Reg’s words are meant to comfort his worries more than mine. I smile reassuringly and then tap his foot with mine.

“I’ll send you our new address soon.”

Reg nods again, and we share another quiet moment. We didn’t grow up close like some siblings, but Reg was always there when I needed him, and I did my best to make things easy on him. I can’t help wondering what we’ll share now that I’m no longer dependent on him.

Can I create a closeness with Reg like Gunnar has with Heidi, or are we bound to be the kind of family that only bonds during holidays?

⊱✿ ✿⊰

Only days after I move out of the house, I already feel like a new person. This new Vidalia waits for Tawny and Heidi to pick her up for lunch while Gunnar is out riding with Jox and a few club guys. I suspect “riding” is code for them breaking a law or two, but I don’t ask the specifics. No reason to put Gunnar in the tough spot between sharing dangerous info or having to lie.

Climbing into the back seat of Heidi’s red SUV, I adjust my pale blue skirt. I’ve never enjoyed wearing them before, but that was the old Vi. These days, I’ll give everything a second chance.

“Any news on the rental front?” Tawny asks once we’re stopped at a light.

“Gunnar wants a place in your neighborhood, but there isn’t much available.”

“You might want to consider buying land and a double-wide of your own. Probably be cheaper than finding a place out that way.”

I only shrug because Gunnar has a very specific idea of where he wants to live. Besides bigger than his studio apartment, I’m open to pretty much anything.

Tawny finds a spot in the crowded parking lot of the Tex-Mex restaurant. I haven’t eaten a burrito or taco in nearly a decade. The last time gave me food poisoning, and I forever connected that type of food with nearly crapping myself to death.

We are seated quickly despite the crowd, and Heidi immediately wants to order.

“Give Vi a chance to look over the menu,” Tawny mumbles while glancing around.

“Sorry,” Heidi tells me. “I’m hungrier than shit since I started a diet.”

“You look great,” I quickly say.

“I’m trying to lose some ass fat. Only like five pounds but if I eat a tiny bit less, my stomach freaks the fuck out. I’m taking a few hours off from eating healthy.”

“I tried that carb diet once. It wasn’t bad for like a week. Then I got mean, and my skin broke out. If I was going to look like crap on a diet, it defeated the purpose of depriving myself.”

“Well, no diets today,” Tawny says before ordering drinks for the table.

When I can’t choose what to eat, Tawny orders for me the same special she’s getting. I’m relieved by how she takes charge when I’m stuck. Just like her son does.

“Do you own your dreams now?” Heidi asks after her peach margarita arrives.

“Yes. I want to be a wife and mother. Get some pets. Learn how to cook. Not big dreams but dreams nonetheless.”

“Never minimize your dreams,” Heidi warns me. “Own them. It’s my dream to swim with sharks. I probably will never do it because I’m terrified of any water source larger than a backyard pool, but I feel no shame in having the dream.”

Tawny caresses Heidi’s dark hair. For a moment, I’m insanely jealous of their mother-daughter bonding. I don’t remember my mom ever touching me so casually. It’s possible I’ve forgotten such a random moment, yet, suddenly, I long to have the same kind of comfort.

As if sensing where my thoughts have gone, Tawny reaches over and caresses my head exactly how she did with Heidi. I smile at her and fight the shiver her soft touch sends through my body. I could get used to feeling so comfortable with other people. The ease I have with Gunnar is what I’ve craved all my life.

“If you don’t want to keep your job at Walmart,” Heidi says, “I could use help organizing club crap. It’d give you something to do until Gunnar impregnates you with his giant sperm.”

Tawny laughs and nearly spits out her drink. “Heidi, stop. You’ll scare her.”

“No, I’m fine,” I say immediately. “I was around for Champagne’s pregnancies and know about the dirty details.”

“I hope you won’t insist on a natural birth,” Heidi mumbles, wiping her lips. “Childbirth hurts, and modern medicine allows humans to reduce the pain. I don’t understand why people think suffering is meaningful but, yeah, no. I really enjoyed my epidural.”

“It’s true,” Tawny tells me. “She acted as if she was on vacation.”

“I wanted childbirth to be as fun as possible especially after nine months of feeling pukey and fat. Well, you’ll see soon enough.”

“Assuming I get pregnant. You never know.”

Heidi frowns at me and then looks at her mother. “She’s already forgotten how to own her dreams.”

“It’s new for her,” Tawny says. “She didn’t grow up with ‘The World’s Best Mother,’ now did she?”

Based on their smiles, I assume this is an inside joke. I don’t worry about not understanding. I’m one of them now, and I’ll learn everything in time. I trust in this knowledge because I believe Gunnar is my one true guy who makes sense even when he makes all the wrong choices.