Chapter 9

Zenon had no inkling how Nickie had been able to take control of the information being shared, but once she’d found the thread joining them, nothing he could do—no mental barriers he’d erected—could keep her from accessing his mind. He had fought her. Hard. But there had been no stopping it.

He yanked open the door to the SUV, almost taking it off its hinges as he pulled her from it. She would be all right. He would ensure it. His chest heaved, not from exertion, but blinding fear that perhaps what she had seen would be enough to take her from him so soon. There had been no time to bind her fully—to make her his mate in every sense of the word—and she was vulnerable.

In her mind, he’d seen how her heart had given out. How each time he had perished, she had done so, as well, her own pain echoing the agony of the violence being performed on him. Though he didn’t fear death, she did. Unerringly, blinding terror paralyzed both her body and her mind for moments before her heart stopped.

“Come now, my Nickie, you must awaken,” he begged as he removed her from the vehicle. Sitting on the dry ground, he set her on his lap and drew her to his chest. She fit there so perfectly, he didn’t question the rightness of it. Tucking her head onto his shoulder, her warm breath fanned against his neck. The soft caress grounded him. It assured him of one thing—that she lived.

Rocking back and forth, he made soothing sounds his mother had made when he had been but a boy and he or one of his brothers required calming. He stroked his hand up and down her back, needing the added physical connection even though she was as close to his body as she could be. “You can do this. You are strong and powerful. You will overcome this,” he asserted, adding his will to her own.

Every part of him, down to the deepest recesses of his soul, was raw. He could have closed the doors to the memories as she’d taken them from him—as he’d done for centuries—choosing not to examine them more closely than necessary, but he was not a coward. He would not allow her to go through it alone. He’d swept his thumb over her skin, letting her know he was there even if she could no longer hear his words—his pleas—for her to cease as she’d delved into his darkened soul.

“Come back to me, little one. The darkness is nowhere for an angel such as you to dwell,” he encouraged as she stirred on his lap. Burying his nose in her sweet-smelling hair, he breathed away the demons still chasing him. It wasn’t that his memories didn’t haunt him—they did—but he’d learned many moons ago to place them where they belonged—in his past.

She didn’t move. Didn’t say a word. But warm tears dribbled down his chest. If she wasn’t ready to speak, he would not push her. He continued to hold her, rocking her back and forth until the damp trail dried and all that as left were dainty sniffles.

“Are you well, my Nickie?” he asked her softly, not wishing to startle her.

She shook her head and burrowed closer. “I don’t understand how you could have gone through all that and come out intact,” she admitted after a few shuddering breaths.

“It is the nature of the phoenix. We do not succumb. Ever. Not truly, in any case.”

Goose flesh rose on her skin as she trembled in his arms.

“Even before your capture, there was so much pain. So much darkness and pure evil. How did you bear it? How did you keep from unleashing the fury inside you?” she asked, a new sob spilling from her, tearing his spirit apart.

He pressed his lips to her crown, wishing he could take his memories back. He’d rather go into battle unprepared than have her suffer as she was. “The same way you bore your own deaths. The fear you hid from everyone around you, including Jasmine. The same way you absorbed the pain of learning your body would not be strong enough to carry your young. There was no other choice.”

She gasped and tried to pull away, but he held her tightly against him until the tension coiled within her released once more.

“You saw all that?” she asked, her voice smaller still.

“Mmm. And so much more. You’ve given me many gifts with this exchange, sweet angel. Had I known the toll it would have had on you, I never would have requested it.” As difficult as it would have been to learn on his own what he’d gleaned from Nickie in the short time they’d melded their minds, it would have been preferable than what she now dealt with.

The very thought of her distress churned the ball of fury in his core faster and hotter.

***

Nickie didn’t try to get out of Zenon’s arms again. She needed his comfort more than she was willing to admit. Had she been stronger, she could have offered it to him instead—he was the one who’d lived through the horrors she’d seen—but she wasn’t. Not yet, anyway.

“Where did you grow up? That castle was beautiful,” she asked, needing to remove herself from the darkness still eating away at her.

“Across the vast waters, on a small island.” Zenon’s hand paused on the upstroke over her spine. “Off the coast of what you would call Scotland, I think. It is difficult to say. The land masses from the maps in your memories are different than what they used to be. Smaller. More water separates them.”

She glanced up at him. “I never would have guessed it from your accent. The Scottish have a distinct sound, but I don’t hear it in your voice.”

“It was where we called home, but we traveled the world. Learned from all cultures.”

She flexed her fingers against warm skin, and his nipple hardened beneath her palm. “I should probably get off your lap,” she said but made no move to stand.

The arm he still had wrapped around her waist tightened just enough for her to feel it. The hand caressing her back paused mid-stroke before continuing its leisurely journey. “If that is what you wish, but I would prefer keeping you where you are for a while longer. It soothes my phoenix.”

She had a niggling feeling that she was still the one being comforted, but if he didn’t mind, she didn’t, either.

“How does it work? Can you speak to your brothers anytime you want? To me?” she asked as she lay her head against his shoulder again.

“You can speak to me like this any time you wish, and I with you. Whatever dark magic is blocking me from speaking to my brothers is weaker than it once was. I had not had contact with either since the moment the collar was secured around my neck all those years ago,” he spoke into her mind.

It should have been invasive—or at the very least, awkward—but it wasn’t. It was like his presence there should have always been, and now, he filled a space reserved for him she hadn’t known was empty.

A soft touch pressed at the top of her head, making Nickie smile. His hands were nowhere near there, so it had to have been a kiss. Had he heard her thought?

“It is a lovely thought,” he admitted out loud, proving that he had. “With time, you will learn to erect barriers to ensure privacy, but until then, I will be privy to most of what goes through your mind. I will do my best to keep from making you uncomfortable.”

“Thank you. Will you teach me how to do it?”

“Of course. Though, if you sift through the knowledge I’ve shared with you, it is already there. Alas, like anything else, it will require practice to master the skill.”

He was quiet for a moment, and she couldn’t bring herself to ask more questions. The truth was, after the ordeal of witnessing all he’d gone through, she was exhausted both physically and mentally.

“When Zandar spoke to me for the first time this morning, I thought I had imagined it, or perhaps that I was delirious, but I no longer believe that to be the case. Somehow, your nearness awakened my latent phoenix. The power within you must be great for you to have wrested control over the merging as you did.”

She lifted her head so she could look at him. “All I did was let the images come to me. I didn’t seek them out,” she denied. And as far as she knew, she hadn’t.

“Yet, they seeped from my mind and into yours like rain in the desert. Perhaps my shields are weak since I’ve had no need to reinforce them in so long. Or maybe your strength is greater than either of us can imagine.”

She didn’t know what kind of strength he was talking about, but she was too tired to ask. She snuggled deeper into him, inhaling his scent.

“Have you managed to contact Zechariah yet?” she asked. The image of the baby boys flitted through her mind, then more as they grew. It was odd thinking of them as family, yet, her intimate knowledge of them couldn’t be denied. Zandar was the playful one. His smiles were never far from his lips, and he could always make his brothers laugh, even the straight-laced Zech who constantly analyzed everything.

Zenon sighed. “I have not. Even Zandar is silent once more.”

Her breath hitched at the sadness flooding her. On a conscious level, she was aware it wasn’t her own, but still, the acuteness of it slammed into her, squeezing at her heart until even taking a breath was difficult. “We’ll find him. And Zech,” she promised. No matter what, they would not quit until every captured phoenix was free. That had been her plan all along, but now, she’d do it if for no other reason than to dull some of the pain Zenon endured.

Silence stretched between them as his sorrow abated, leaving her emotionally drained after the excitement of the day and devastation after glimpsing Zenon’s past.

“We should probably go back. If we’re going to head out on the next leg of our journey in the morning, we need to get some sleep,” she suggested. This time, when she tried to wiggle out of his grasp, he let her go, then followed her up to stand next to her.

“I did not see a dwelling anywhere near when I circled the area to assess for threats.” He looked down at her, but he wasn’t seeing her. His eyebrows rose. “Ah, the fabric domes.”

“Tents. I wish I could offer you something more comfortable, but considering the remoteness of the places we’re traveling to, the tents made the most sense. I have an air mattress, though, so we won’t be on the hard ground.” Heat raced from her chest and into her cheeks. Presumptuous much? “If you want to share with me, that is. If not, then you can have the smaller tent to yourself, and I’ll bunk with the other girls.”

When gathering supplies, they had bought two tents large enough to house all of the women, and then smaller tents for when the mates were found to make things less awkward for the new couples. The fact that it hadn’t occurred to her until then that the men might not want to be in such close living quarters with someone they’d just met was proof of not only her desperation but that of the other women’s, too.

The feather light caress of his finger down her cheek sent a shiver of awareness coursing through her. “If you knew the lustful thoughts that entered my mind every time I look upon you, you would not doubt my wish to have your body close to mine. It would please me to have you nestled against me in repose, sweet angel.”

More than the shine in his eyes or the words he’d uttered, comfort infused with heat came at her, driving out all doubt. She sucked in a breath and lifted her hand to her chest as though doing so could calm the steady uptick of her heart. “Is it always going to be like this? I can feel what you’re saying. In here,” she said, tapping her trembling fingers on her breast bone.

With a gentle touch, he took her hand and covered his own heart. The steady beat of his kept time with her own. “I can block the sensation if it overwhelms, but the deep connection of mates makes it almost unbearable to be so detached. You’d feel that more acutely if we were fully mated, but even before it may be uncomfortable. I do not think it wise to sever that so soon in our courtship. It would unsettle my phoenix.”

Wow, okay. She forced a breath into her lungs. She knew the likelihood of them being together for the rest of their lives was almost guaranteed. The witch had been clear on that. The old woman had given each of them the opportunity to tuck tail and run if forever with a man they hadn’t even met wasn’t what they wanted. But none of them had. If what she said was true, whatever it was that kept them alive thus far was running out.

She didn’t know the first thing about accessing his memories, and with how painful it had been the first time, she wasn’t sure she was ready to go there again. Not even to find out more about him or what he might be feeling—not yet, in any case. Deep down, she had all the information she needed, even if she couldn’t face it. Her gut told her she could trust Zenon. The scenes she’d seen—graphic and horrible as they had been—were of him helping people. Saving them.

“No, you don’t need to do that. It’s just a lot to take in,” she finally said. He was a good man. They would figure out the rest as they went. “Let’s get back. It’s going to be a long day tomorrow.”