We had plans for dinner.

He had left about an hour after he’d initially said he had to get going and that was because every time we looked at each other, we sort of seemed to forget that anything and everything else existed.

I’d thought about asking if we could order in, but had scrapped that plan because we needed to talk.

There were so many things unsaid between us.

You waited.

Are you angry?

What do you feel?

Do you still love me?

All those things hovered on my lips when I looked at him and I wanted answers, I wanted to tell him things…and I wanted to lean on him and just…hold on.

But then my libido and the needs I’d shoved down and suppressed for the past eight years got in the way and took over. I couldn’t exactly complain, but ignoring everything that had happened so we could focus on the physical wasn’t exactly the smartest thing to do either.

So instead of suggesting we order in, I’d asked where his favorite restaurant was and suggested he take me there.

LeVan had always had excellent taste when it came to food, and after all the energy we’d expended the night before—and all the energy we’d no doubt expend tonight, and probably well into the morning, I had no doubt I’d need to refuel.

And we could just…talk. Maybe it wouldn’t even have to be all about the past. I missed talking to him. A thousand times, I’ll almost picked up a pen just to write him a letter. I could’ve gotten his address from his parents, but even that contact would’ve weakened my resolve and I wasn’t going to risk Melody’s wrath falling on Nicky’s head. It was bad enough that as she got sicker and weaker, she’d gotten uglier toward me.

She hadn’t lifted a hand to me in years.

The last time she had, I’d made sure she understood it would be the very last time because I’d hit back and I doubted she had the strength I had, or the fury.

But there were other ways to cut, wound and bruise that went deeper than the physical, and Melody had been a master at it.

“Stop thinking about her,” I told myself as the taxi pulled up in front of High Crest.

“Ma’am?”

I glanced at the mirror and smiled at the driver’s reflection. “Ignore me. I’m talking to myself.”

He chuckled. “That’s probably the least weird thing I’ve had happen in my cab.”

“And that’s not the most reassuring thing you could’ve said.” I grinned as I swiped my card and added a tip.

“Well, it’s not like I told you any of the weirder stuff.” He winked at me.

“Imagination…it’s a scary thing.” I grabbed my bag and climbed out, pausing a moment to admire the independent living center that would be Nicky’s home for another two months—at least. He could be here up to six months, but his care team was impressed with his progress. The head coordinator had told me that Nicky would do well on his own and eventually might not even need the help of one of the counselors who would still come by to check on him for as long as I desired their services.

It was something I’d longed to hear, but I’d been afraid to hope for. I’d tried, early on, to convince Melody that Nicky might be able to be on his own, but she’d brushed it off. “You don’t know anything about this matter, Dorothea.”

I hadn’t, at the time, but I’d remembered fights between her and Daddy, before he’d died.

“He’s limited, Mel, that doesn’t mean he can’t lead a full and happy life.”

She had been more concerned about how Nicky would affect her life, the cow.

Nicky had gotten used to our schedule and came rushing out to meet me. “Did you and LeVan kiss more?” he demanded. “Did you go on a date? Is he your boyfriend? Are we going to see him more?”

“I don’t kiss and tell,” I replied mildly. I wasn’t too surprised by the questions. Nicky had shown an awful lot of interest in things concerning boys and girls and the birds and the bees lately, enough that the counselors and I had ended up having an interesting discussion with him not long ago. It hadn’t put an end to the questions. At all. If anything, they came more often, but he seemed to accept it when I told him something wasn’t his business.

“Did you go on a date?” he persisted. “Is he your boyfriend? He used to be, didn’t he? He used to hold your hand.”

Pursing my lips, I studied my brother’s face and realized there was more behind his questions than just regular curiosity. “Why so many questions, Nick?”

“I…well, if he was your boyfriend, then why’d he disappear on you, and why are you two kissing again if he disappeared like he did?” Nicky’s hair tumbled into his eyes and he pushed it back impatiently.

“We need to get you a haircut,” I mused as the hair fell promptly back into place. “And Nicky…it’s complicated. Yes, LeVan was my boyfriend… I think he kinda still is, although he’s not really a boy, is he?”

Nicky blinked as he processed that. “He grew up. Like I did.”

“Yes.” I smiled at him and held out my hand. “Want to go for a walk?”

“I don’t need to hold your hand,” he informed me. “It’s not like I’m going to walk into the road. I’m not a little boy.”

No, I decided sometime later. He wasn’t. Not even in spirit anymore. He wasn’t ever going to be the man Melody might’ve wished him to be, but Nicky was becoming his own man, and he was so much happier. “You like the center, don’t you?” I asked as we neared it some twenty minutes later. I never spent more than thirty minutes a day with him, unless it was the weekend. The counselors had advised against it, telling me it was better that he adjust to seeing me less often while he learned to live on his own.

I missed him, but at the same time, there was a weight off my shoulders as I realized he could live without me. If something happened to me—

I swallowed that thought. It had been a fear for a long time, but it wasn’t something I should dwell on either.

He was going to be able to take care of himself and that was what I needed to think about.

“I do.” He smiled so widely it was a wonder it didn’t split his face. “I was scared at first. I thought you were taking me to someplace like Sunny Vista but I should’ve known you’d never do that. You never would do that, Thea.” He gave me a sad look. “I’m sorry I thought that about you.”

“It’s okay.” I stopped with him, then took his hand, tugging him over to the bench near the fountain by the entrance. “Part of me felt like that was what I was doing, but you understand how good this place is for you…why it’s important.”

“I can cook now.” He looked so proud of himself.

It made my heart hurt.

“I have to do my own laundry.”

And now I had to laugh because he sounded disgusted about it. “Alice always did ours. I liked that better, but cooking is fun. And nobody yells at me if I burn something.”

“You’re probably better at cooking than I am.” Squeezing his hand, I asked, “Will you cook for me sometime?”

“You bet!” That wide grin flashed again and for a minute, he was my sweet little baby brother, that sweet little boy all over again.

A part of him always would be, even if he was finally being allowed to grow up—to take on some responsibility and maturity.

“Hey, maybe I can cook for LeVan, too! I’ll ask him.” He pointed past my shoulder and I whipped my head around.

LeVan was striding toward us, a smile on his face at the sight of Nicky.

“Nicky, my man…”

“LeVan!”

I’d texted LeVan the address for the center and told him he could pick me up there, although he was nearly twenty minutes early. He had always been on time when we were dating, too. I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised. Good thing Nicky hadn’t been talking about anything embarrassing, I decided, rising to my feet.

Nicky had already beat me, rushing toward LeVan and catching him in an exuberant hug that had tears stinging my eyes.

“Did you come to see me, too?” he demanded, grinning up at LeVan.

Nicky was almost as tall as LeVan now. I knew my brother had grown, but I hadn’t realized just how much. The last time LeVan and Nicky stood side by side, there was almost a full head height difference between them. Now a mere two inches separated them. I went to say something, but caught sight of the odd look in LeVan’s eyes.

“What do you mean, visit you, Nicky? I figured I’d be taking you both out to eat.” He glanced at me, then at Nicky.

“Oh, I can’t go out to eat tonight.” Nicky shook his head. “It’s my turn to cook for the group. I’m making spaghetti. I’m making it for four people—that’s a lot!” He pulled back from LeVan, but took the other man’s hand. “You want to come inside and see my home?”

A change fell over LeVan’s face.

It was subtle.

Nicky was so excited, he didn’t even notice it and when LeVan tugged him in for another hug, Nicky went with it. “In a little bit, man, okay? Can I talk to your sister, though?”

“Yeah, yeah! I need to go back in for my face check.” He thrust his wrist out, displaying the Rolex I’d bought him the day after he’d moved in, explaining to him that he was going to be responsible for himself and that he’d eventually find a job one day, so he needed to be able to keep up with the time. He’d been so excited at the idea of having a job. “They don’t like it when I’m late. But I’ll be back out in a few minutes.”

He came to me and hugged me. “I’ll see you in a few minutes.” Then he hurried off to the center, leaving me alone with LeVan.

“He lives here,” LeVan said flatly.

“For the time being.” I cocked a brow. “That was one of things I thought we’d discuss last night, but…” Ending with a shrug, I glanced back just as Nicky disappeared inside.

“You and I lost each other for eight fucking years because your mother kept threatening to put him back in Sunny Vista.” The accusation in those words came flying at me before I even had a chance to look back at him.

Head spinning, I gaped at him and abruptly, I realized I had the answer to at least one of my questions. Are you angry? I’d wanted to know.

Oh, hell, yes. He was angry. “LeVan,” I said, taking a step toward him.

He backed up, flinging out a hand. “You put your brother away just like she did.”

I sucked in a breath, the words hitting me with more force, more pain than any blow my mother had ever struck.

Tears blinded me. “You…” I swallowed. “LeVan, you don’t know what you’re talking about. Will you just hold up a minute?”

“I don’t know what in the fuck I’m talking about?” he demanded. “Is he or is he not living here?”

“It’s not that simple!” I shouted. “This isn’t like Sunny Vista. He’s not sitting around doing arts and crafts or going on field trips to the zoo, for crying out loud.”

“But he’s fucking living here,” LeVan said, taking a step toward me and closing some of the distance he’d put between us.

I wish he wouldn’t have. Now that he stood closer, I felt the heat of his fury buzzing against my skin like angry ants. “This isn’t the same thing and if you’ll shut up a minute—”

“I haven’t had a chance to speak my mind for eight years, thanks to your fucking mother and that Dear John letter of yours,” he bit off. “I think I’ve shut up enough. I don’t think I’m going to be quiet about the fact that you put your brother in a damn home!”

I sucked in a breath, unable to believe this. He couldn’t think that, could he?

But one look in his eyes told me otherwise.

“Is everything okay here?”

A polite but firm voice intruded and I looked up to find one of the life counselors—LCs, I reminded myself, feeling dazed—standing there. It was Nicky’s evening LC. He looked at me, clearly concerned. “Um…hey, hey there…”

“Thea, are you okay?” he asked, shooting a look at LeVan before meeting my gaze again.

No, I thought desperately. The weight of everything—the entire eight years—felt like it was going to drop on me and I knew if I didn’t get out of there, right then—I was going to break. “Can you do me a favor and tell Nicky I’ll call him? I have to…it’s urgent,” I babbled, knowing I wasn’t making any sense.

Then I turned and started to walk.

LeVan said my name, but the LC cut between us. “Sir, maybe you should calm down a bit…she seems…”

I didn’t hear anything else, rushing for the curb and raising a hand at one of the cabs lingering there.

I all but dived inside.