The dreadful monotony that plagued my days laid shattered at my feet. 

Two weeks had passed since that fateful night. The relationship between Alex and I was in its infancy, fragile and weak. Moving its first steps with heavy uncertainty.

We had both been burned before, that much was certain. Charles had been the flame that scorched me, though I couldn’t say much about Alex’s life.

He kept it a mystery, for the most part. The tidbits of his personality I kept discovering on a day to day basis added up to build a man that had seen both happiness and sorrow, though the scale had been tipped towards the latter.

I tried not to pry too much into his private affairs. Truth be told I barely even knew if I should have. For once I wasn’t even sure what we were. Friends with benefits? Classical case of boss having his way with the hot and willing secretary? I was stumped, and to top it off, didn’t feel hot at all.

Being his secretary meant I could easily arrange his schedule to fit whatever activity I wanted. God knows I did shuffle a few entries around once or twice, just so we could get out of work earlier and spend some time together.

I enjoyed being with him. It wasn’t always a walk in the park, however. Alex had a hard time opening up and letting others peer into the jumbled — yet sharp — mess that was his mind.

His stress levels were quite obviously rising. At first glance I assumed his job to be the culprit, as it always was. Regardless, something else ate away at him, which I couldn’t seem to put a finger on.

I wanted to help him, though I feared he would take it the wrong way. Perhaps he’d gotten used to fixing his issues by himself or letting them fester over time. People need time to change, or even adapt to new situations.

I sat at my desk, pretending to work while browsing the internet. There was nothing much to do besides taking calls and organizing Alex’s days, both of which I could do while sleeping.

The phone rang. I picked up and a man with a shrill voice demanded I transfered the call to Alex. He seemed in a rush and severely upset. I let him wait on the line a couple minutes, just so he could enjoy the calming tones of that second grade elevator music they chose for our phones.

“Angry man waiting for you to pick up,” I announced over the intercom. The doors to his office were open, as they’d been for a while, but yelling didn’t quite fit the setting.

“Who is it?” Alex sighed, already annoyed.

“Wouldn’t say. High pitched voice, probably in a hurry,” I replied matter of factly.

Alex groaned and thanked me before turning off the intercom to pick up his phone. I couldn’t hear anything at first, and didn’t even try to eavesdrop. Alex’s voice rose and so did the tone of the conversation, though I could only get half of it.

Alex sounded furious. That outburst lasted less than a minute, culminating with the unmistakable sound of a phone receiver smashing into his desk. The second time that week.

I waited in complete silence for a few minutes barely even daring to make a sound despite knowing I had nothing to fear. His mood kept getting worse, and his fuse shorter, with each passing day. I couldn’t just stand there doing nothing.

Pushing my chair backwards I stood up and made my way towards Alex’s office. I knocked but heard no answer, and taking it as a silent invitation, I walked in.

Alex sat on his chair, still livid with rage. His body tense and stiff. To someone else he would have looked intimidating, but not to me. Not as much, at least.

“Are you okay?” I asked. Perhaps not the best choice of words. It fit the situation well enough, and deep down I truly wanted an answer to that question.

Alex shook his head, but replied positively. “Yeah, don’t worry.” His tone, weary and bitter, betrayed his true feelings just like his subconscious did.

“Come on, now. Maybe I can help,” I suggested, crossing my arms in front of my chest. 

He closed his eyes and rubbed his temples for a moment. “Just go, it’s fine.”

“But I—” He cut me off, his eyes snapping open, casting their piercing gaze onto me. Like bullets, leaving behind a searing pain that fortunately went away right after. 

“Lucy. Out.” He snarled, struck by a bolt of pure rage. I’d never seen him act that way towards me. It stunned me briefly but I recovered, and headed out of his office as he not so gently requested.

I didn’t blame him too much. Stress can do awful things to people, and Alex wasn’t immune to it. He eventually apologized for his behavior and promised it wouldn’t happen again. I wanted to believe him. We both knew that promise was as empty as the bottles he threw away every couple of days. 

I needed to get some rest, or at least fill my head with thoughts that didn’t pertain to my job. It was starting to affect me too, and I didn’t even know what was going on. No one else did but Alex. It must have been something big, and its weight pressed onto him like a boulder. 

I tried to help and got shut down every time. The man was like a bank vault, I couldn’t pry anything away from him no matter how hard I tried. I wasn’t interested in the issue itself, all I wanted was for him to sit back and relax. Problems could always be solved in one way or another, though Alex didn’t seem to understand that concept. 

The fallout eventually spread outside of the company as well. It started to affect our private life too. At that point we could be considered a couple of sorts, even if it was imperative we kept it a secret. 

The time we spent together was still somewhat enjoyable. Alas, it was clear that Alex couldn’t leave his troubles in his office. They followed him home like lost puppies and he’d take them in to nurse them until they grew into hungry wolves.

His inability — or unwillingness — to seek help made it all the more frustrating. 

I found myself walking aimlessly around the city in a vain attempt to clear my head. Raising my gaze at the sky, I saw it was as gray as the concrete this city was made of.

Angry, even, ready to unleash its fury onto the peasants below. And naturally, I had no umbrella.

People passed me by as I rounded corner after corner, one step after another, headed towards nothing in particular. The thoughts that clouded my mind were less than cheerful and despite my best attempts, I couldn’t seem to get rid of them.

The lethal blow came as a surprise. I barely even recognized where I was at first, even if the surroundings were all too familiar. A convenience store and a dry cleaner, divided by a vacant lot that used to be Shaw’s coffee shop.

It felt like a kick in the guts to see it empty, possibly being used by less than reputable people to do God knows what late at night. I sighed and walked away. There was nothing for me there anymore.

Much like that empty lot, every single one of us has a hole they struggle to fill. For a brief period of time I though Alex would be my solution, hopefully a permanent one. As time went on I couldn’t help but think he had instead been just a temporary fix. 

Perhaps I had just been looking in the wrong place all this time. 

A single raindrop fell onto my head. I snapped out of that miserable self induced trance and looked up at the angry sky. Darker than before and twice as menacing.

People began walking faster and using whatever they happened to carry as makeshift umbrellas. Lightning split the sky, followed by the deafening crack of thunder mere seconds later.

The wind picked up as the rain began to fall and wash away the stench of the city from the already polluted air. I hoped it would help me concentrate. That the droning humming of the raindrops hitting the ground would somehow drown out the never ending noise coming from the streets. Traffic didn’t stop, it barely even slowed down. New York didn’t care about the weather. Its people were always in motion, even during snowstorms and the like. I admired their spirit and determination. Envied it. I needed some too, but sadly never received my dose. 

I slowly made my way back to my apartment, and headed straight for the shower. 

The hot water relaxed my body, yet did nothing for my aching mind. If anything it made things worse, considering I found myself completely alone. 

Loneliness was perhaps what drove me to him, among other reasons. The lingering thoughts at the back of my head kept getting louder and louder still.

Was it just sex that bound us together? Was that all he wanted from me, or I from him?  

He could have any woman on planet Earth, and he picked me. Logically it made no sense to think it was just sex. The way Alex acted, however, pointed to the opposite.

Why was he so against opening up to someone who clearly wanted to help? 

I got out of the shower and donned my bathrobe. I had the house to myself yet felt like doing nothing at all. Not even cleaning up, despite my poor state of mind. 

My phone buzzed, and Alex’s picture came up on the screen. I picked the device up and was just about to tap the answer button, yet froze instead. I set it back down onto my bedside table.

Hearing his voice would only make things worse, even if he’d suddenly decided to bare his soul to me. We were on a collision course with fate, I just didn’t know the full extent of it yet.

Alex’s first words to me explicitly mentioned him being an asshole, and I had no trouble seeing he didn’t misuse the term. He wasn’t the kind of man that would purposefully bring himself down for no reason. Quite the opposite in fact, at times his ego was nearly impossible to bear.  

I couldn’t blame him for it, in fact I found that dash of arrogance to be attractive. Its roots ran deep into his personality, though I still couldn’t quite understand what made him tick.

Perhaps I never would, seeing how he was so afraid to allow me to gaze past the walls he’d put up over the years. A classic defense mechanism, but also the best way to demoralize people.

All the effort I put in seemed to go to waste, time and time again. Part of me wanted to keep trying, yet at the same time I also fell deeper into a hole made of discouragement after each failed attempt. It was disheartening. 

Issues such as those would need time. The wound would either heal or fester. There was only one way to find out, which sadly involved playing the waiting game. 

We were a fresh couple, if one could even call us that. I wasn’t too sure, but for the sake of simplicity I just loosely considered us to be one. Even the best relationships, those that can stand the test of time, had moments in which the road was full of debris and uncertainty. Perhaps destiny had it out for us, or maybe we were meant to have a bumpy ride from the start and triumph at the end. To get to the happy ending one needs to slay the dragon first, and my dragon was the man I was “dating”. 

Damned fairy tales.