My alarm blared, and I sighed as I reached over to shut it off. I had two more weeks of hard studying before graduation. To make things easier, Val and I signed a six month lease so we could relax and explore our options. Our families were coming, and we had dinner plans after the ceremony and even a week-long trip to California to hang out at a beach house.

I was excited, but sad that Gage wouldn’t be here to celebrate with me. After all this time, my feelings hadn’t gone away. Not even a little.

I knew the band had big plans, but in the beginning, I imagined us staying together and working something out. I still hadn’t heard from him in months. He was busy, but I’d figured he would’ve reached out at some point just to talk. I wanted to think we’d been pretty good friends at least, seeing as how he confided in me with things he didn’t talk to anyone else about.

I think I missed his touch more than ever now and considered saying yes to a date with some random guy just to scratch the itch. But, I couldn’t. That was just me. I didn’t want to lead some guy on by accepting a date and taking it any further.

I’d had the best, and I wanted that back. I didn’t want to sleep with anyone but Gage, ever. I knew Kelly was dating some Hollywood heartthrob now and had seemed to move on, but there was something about their past that still bothered me. It seemed like he cared for her and still did even if they weren’t together. Maybe that was my biggest fear. That he really loved her and had just used me to get over her.

I shrugged and went on about my day. He’d call if he wanted to talk to me and he didn’t. That was it. I wasn’t going to call him and see how he was after all this time. The worst part of the whole thing was that I knew he used me on our last night together. He knew what was about to happen and fucked me as hard as he could for his own selfish reasons.

I sighed as I showered and hurried in the bathroom. I’d slept an extra ten minutes to keep dreaming about Gage, so I was already running late. I dressed in my favorite jeans and a long-sleeved shirt and tied a bandana in my hair to hold it back. I never wore makeup to school and today was no exception.

“Good morning.” Valerie seemed more chipper than usual. She seemed a little too happy these days, and I wondered what magic Jake was working on her. They were all but exclusive at this point. They didn’t see other people and spent as much time together as they could around their schedules.

I just worked until the end of summer, then kept my grades as high as I could. It wasn’t like I had a lot more going on besides that. My parents and Valerie kept me above water and I loved them for it. I planned to pay them back as soon as I was working. I just needed a bit of time. I thanked them every chance I got.

* * *

I finished my last class of the day and walked to the coffee shop for an iced latte. I studied there a lot for a change of scenery. I set up my table to go over some notes for an upcoming test. Val sent me a message asking where I was, and I replied with “coffeeee” before getting back to reading. I sipped my drink and yawned as I closed my eyes for a second, feeling the turmoil inside me.

School. My future. Gage.

I thought about the last one far too much.

“Hi.” A hand landed on my shoulder.

I jolted and opened my eyes. Val was standing there, grinning her ass off.

“You scared the shit out of me.” I gasped for a few quick breaths.

“I figured you’d be expecting me since I asked where you were.”

“Sorry. I’m on edge right now. These last weeks…” I let my voice trail off as I smiled weakly. “I don’t know.”

“I get it. Every senior in college in the world gets it.” She smiled and glanced at the counter. “Do they still have those espresso cookies here? I think we need a dozen for the apartment.”

I nodded. “They do.”

She was off and walking toward the counter before I could say anything else. I personally felt we should get some real food on the way since the fridge was nearly bare and reached for my phone. I had a menu pulled up for our favorite Thai place when she came back with a coffee and big bag.

“Hungry?”

She nodded again. “Feed me.”

Once we decided what to get, I called it in and we both stood to head to the restaurant.

“So, Nola is having a party on Friday night. She thinks we all need to relax. Wanna go with me?” Valerie asked as we walked across the street.

“Sure. It might be nice to let loose after everything this week.”

“Great. Maybe we can get dinner before and make an evening of it.”

I smiled as we walked into the restaurant and told them we were picking up an order. We came here a lot and chatted and laughed with the staff for a few minutes. Once we had the bag, we headed back to the apartment.

I looked around slowly once we stepped inside.

“I know we’re keeping the apartment but I’m going to miss this. It will be so different. No more studying and tests, not for me at least. I’ll be looking for a job and laughing at you studying.”

I squeezed her arm, and she groaned.

“I’m sure you’ll be jealous.” Valerie smiled widely at me. “You can bring me dinner and make my coffee.”

“I’d do that for you.”

We both fell silent for a moment, then I set the food down on the table. We both grabbed plates and glasses of wine, then relaxed on the couch, eating and enjoying the peace.

She kept grinning wide as she read a message on her phone. It must have been Jake.

After dinner, Valerie told me she was going to run somewhere with Jake for a while and locked the door on her way out. I washed dishes and lingered on the couch, feeling the emptiness of the surrounding room. I had so much to do but just wanted to sit around and do nothing for a bit.

I did the usual and went to YouTube on my phone to watch videos of Gage. Fans took them at shows and they seemed to have someone representing them on their social media now. The accounts were clean and current, and the new website looked fantastic. I was such a loser for knowing all this about the band, but it kept me going somehow. I also tortured myself with the gossip but there wasn’t much about him with any women. I was relieved. The pictures with the girls always left me with a pit in my stomach.

I allowed myself half an hour to obsess and moved on. It wasn’t healthy, but neither was eating ice cream, so that was that.

I returned to my studying and found the silence to be overwhelming. I turned on some soft music on my phone, curling up in the chair with my notebook. I woke up later to a dim room, blinking as I heard the sound of laughter from the hall. Valerie must be back, and I assumed Jake was with her. She usually went to his place. I yawned and slowly moved to work my numb legs. When I could walk, I grabbed some water and turned off the lights before going to my own room.

I dressed in my normal t-shirt and snuggled under the covers, jealous that she had Jake in there. I’d gotten myself off so many times the last several months and I was bored with it. I wanted it to be Gage that was making me come. I’d even take one of his filthy phone sex calls.

I tried to think about Ryan as I considered touching myself. He was a nice guy in one of my classes, interested in me for the last semester. He was cute and never stopped asking me out. I always said no but would it be terrible to try to move on? He seemed like he’d make a somewhat good dinner companion. It might be better than being home alone so often.

I fell asleep before I came to a self-service decision. My life was so glamorous.

* * *

I finished all my finals and ended up with a perfect GPA. I was proud of myself, but I knew it was all just the beginning. Now, the hard part started—finding a job.

I faked my enthusiasm through the end-of-year party with everyone, jealous of their carefree lives. I definitely was unsure about my future, but I would never tell anyone that. Everyone always looked at me like I was the put together one. Surely, they were as scared as I was, and I didn’t want to frighten them even more.

The day of graduation came too fast. I got ready in my bathroom as Valerie and I chatted back and forth. Our parents were on the way now and planned to be at the event. I sipped wine and did my makeup with shaky hands. I had to walk across the stage in front of so many people. Thank God I wasn’t doing a speech. I left that to someone else.

I dressed in a green wrap dress and black ballet flats after straightening my hair and making sure I looked presentable. We all wore burgundy robes over our clothes, but the dress was good for the restaurant afterward.

We took a car to the graduation venue, then got out and followed the swarm of students inside. We used a separate entrance and gathered backstage as people guided us into groups. I would be right after Valerie’s and smiled at her as she walked by. I glanced around taking it all in.

Ryan smiled at me. “It’s finally here.” He ran a hand through his tousled hair. He was an attractive guy and had a great smile. I started to wish I’d never met Gage. Ryan wanted to date and seemed like the perfect guy to take home and meet your parents.

Gage.

He’d cursed me forever with men.

“Yeah.” I tried to fake a smile back, grateful when we were finally led to our seats. Thoughts of Gage faded when I heard my name called out over the crowd.

Dad?

I craned my head around, staring at the crowd. It didn’t seem like his style, but it was my graduation. I finally saw him jumping up and down and waving. A wave of pride rushed through my body. He looked so happy.

The ceremony finally started, and to be honest, a lot of it was boring. People spoke and gave speeches and there was a lot of formality. I watched other students cross the stage to cheers and catcalls, laughing at some of the more creative ones.

I wondered what Dad was about to do. When I was just three back, I took a slow breath and prepared myself for the moment. I ran a hand through my hair and replaced the cap as I stepped up next in line.

My name was called along with some of my accomplishments. I blushed as I walked across the stage. It felt so much longer than it probably was, and I heard cheers as I reached out to shake my teacher’s hand. It sounded more like younger guys than it did my parents.

Weird.

Afterward, I joined everyone outside, and we hugged each other as some of the pressure lifted from my shoulders. I found Valerie, and we spun around, squealing together.

“We did it!”

We both kept saying that over and over, laughing and nodding. I looked around, wondering if anyone was on their way out yet. Celebrations weren’t really my thing.

Valerie yelled Jake’s name and hurried away as I bit my glossed lip, feeling more alone than ever. I looked around for a familiar face, pausing when I saw the one that I never expected.

Gage?

What the hell?

He walked toward me, dressed in a suit and holding a bouquet of multicolored flowers. He looked amazing, and a million feelings rushed back to the surface. His smile was the same one that won me over from the start and he stared into my eyes as he paused in front of me.

Not now.

I didn’t know if I could deal with this.

I’d sat in my room, depressed for a few weeks, but I never really let it all out. Tears formed in my eyes and I didn’t know if I could stop them. I didn’t cry. Especially not over a guy.

“Wh-what are you doing here?”

He rushed over and wiped the tears from my eyes. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…”

“It’s okay.”

I looked away.

“I just didn’t want to miss this. I know I screwed up, maybe I’m doing it again. I just—I watched you tonight, and you looked amazing. I’m so proud of you.” Gage handed me the roses.

I stared at the beautiful petals in silent shock for a second.

“How?”

“Valerie gave me a ticket. I was out there with Jake. We hollered for you when you got your diploma.”

I looked at him with wide, most likely bloodshot eyes.

He grabbed both my hands. “Bristol, I missed you. I wanted to call you so many times, but I needed to work on myself before I could face you again. I… pushed you away so hard and I’ve hated myself ever since that night. I’ve gone over it so many damn times and almost lost myself in the process. But, you were there for me. At least you tried to be. And I wanted to be there for you. At least this once.”

“I saw the look in your eyes in pictures. You didn’t look like the Gage I knew.”

He looked away, seemingly embarrassed. “I was in a bad place. But, enough about me right now. It’s your night. I’ll go if you want me to. I just wanted to congratulate you.” He turned to walk away.

I gripped him by the wrist. “It’s okay.”

“Really?” He raised his eyebrows.

“Yes, really. It’s good to see you like this. You look good.”

He shook his head. “I was an asshole, Bristol.”

“Yeah, you were.” I half-laughed.

“I’m sorry. I’m sure you hate me by now.”

“I don’t hate you. I just wanted you to talk to me. I wanted to know what you were going through, and that you were okay.”

He stepped closer. The heat flowed between us and my heart sped up like it always did any time he was around.

I blinked as I remembered where we were. My parents were here, and I heard my name called as I looked around. Gage reluctantly stepped back as they hugged me tightly. My mom was crying, and I wiped at her eyes.

“I’m so proud of you, sweetie.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

Dad wrapped me up in a huge hug.

“I can’t believe you hollered and jumped up and down.” I shook my head at him.

“Me either. I don’t know what came over me. We’re just, so damn proud, Baby Girl. You did it. You! We knew you would.”

“I love you, Dad.”

“Love you too.”

“Who are the flowers from?” Mom asked.

I gestured to Gage, introducing them to him. He was polite but looked a little awkward. He had no idea I hadn’t told them much about him at all. I let him be nervous about it, and that made me grin a little on the inside.

Valerie’s family found us, and I grinned as she walked up with Jake. They were holding hands and beaming at each other. Just a fling, my ass. Valerie looked at Gage and then to me as I hugged her again. Someone pulled the flowers away from me as I wrapped my arms around her neck.

“Thank you,” I whispered. “Even if he has a lot of groveling to do.”

“He called asking for my help. I tried to hang up, but he was kind of persuasive.”

We pulled apart and made our way out of the crowd, talking about dinner. Everyone asked Jake and Gage to join us. They both agreed.

Gage was more gorgeous than I remembered. I saw the way other people looked at him and Jake in disbelief that they were actually standing with us.

We enjoyed a long dinner and chatted in the parking lot for a while before everyone went their separate ways. Our parents had hotel rooms and Jake took Valerie to his place for the night. I swallowed the lump in my throat and asked Gage if he wanted to come over.

He took me to his car and opened the door for me, his eyes on my lips. He was different somehow, maybe even more mature than before. Nerves pooled low in my stomach as we drove, unsure of what was happening between us.

We got inside, and he asked me to sit down on the couch after I got us something to drink. I did, and he took off the suit jacket and laid it over the couch. His tie was loosened, and he looked good enough to eat as I crossed my legs.

We had a lot to discuss.

Our eyes locked and I couldn’t stop staring at him. He had to know he still owned me, the same way he always had. The electricity was still there, the current stronger than ever.

I started to speak but his lips crashed into mine.

The only difference was this time I knew I owned him too.