CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Raven Dawn
“My life is a fucking disaster.”
Divine looks up from her desk as I flop down onto her bed. Kicking off my boots, I crawl under the covers. I’m still frozen from running recklessly down the streets of Toronto in the middle of winter.
“What happened?” She looks concerned and slams shut the textbook she was reading. Good for her, trying to catch up on homework. I’m a lost cause in that department.
“Paparazzi.” I spit the word out like a curse.
“Oh.” She nods sympathetically. She’s seen them surround me like a pack of hungry wolves before. “What’d they want this time?”
I bury my face in my hands and peek at her through my fingers. “They, errr… want to know who’s going to pop my cherry on my birthday.”
Divine’s eyes grow comically wide. “Tell me they did not say that!”
I’m in a terrible mood but she’s making me laugh. “Not in those exact words, but close enough. You remember when I told them that’s what I was doing for my birthday?”
“Yeah, but I didn’t think they took you seriously. Besides, balls on them to ask you that.”
“Monumentally rude.”
“Stupid creepy.”
“Tragically misguided,” I say, trying to keep up.
We’re both laughing now and I’m so glad for the distraction from what’s really bothering me—Fringe.
“Ick factor eleven!”
I stick my tongue out at her. “Okay, you win.”
From her chair, she does a little mock bow. “What else is bothering you?”
I gape at her. “Nothing.”
Shaking her head, she lobs a pencil at me. “C’mon, Dawn, I know you.”
I sigh and look away, staring at a spot on the wall behind her. I don’t want to talk about this. I don’t want to examine my feelings, whatever they are. Most of all, I don’t want to start crying. Again.
Divine plants an elbow on the desk, laying her chin on her fist, letting me know she’ll wait all night and I sigh.
“When I broke free of them and ran down the street, they ran after me. I kinda panicked and wound up running all the way to Fringe’s place. I made sure I’d lost them first, though.”
“They fucking chased you?”
“Yeah, but that’s not the part—”
“That’s bothering you. So, spill.”
I groan. “Fringe was with some girl I didn’t recognize. She wasn’t someone from our crowd.”
Divine doesn’t look impressed. Or upset. Did she not hear me? “Yeah, and?”
I sit up in my frustration. “Yeah and they might be serious!”
She shakes her head with a knowing smile. “Impossible.”
“Huh?” I could not be more baffled. “Why not?”
“Because, my silly clueless friend, Fringe is in love with you.”
I find myself gaping at her again. She did not just say that. I must have heard her wrong. “That’s… that’s…” Ridiculous. Insane. Nuts. True? “He is not.”
“Say what you want, but he is.” She holds up a hand and starts counting off on her fingers. “In a couple of days, you’re only going to be… six years younger than him. That’s a lot different from when you were twelve and he was eighteen.”
“But he was with some girl.”
She nods sympathetically. “While you take your sweet-ass time giving him the signal to act on his feelings, you think he’s gonna be a monk?” She shrugs with a smile. “’Sides, I don’t think there’s anything going on with this girl.”
“Why?” I barely get the word out, I’m so stunned.
“Fringe has been different lately.”
“How?” Great, I’m a monosyllabic cavewoman now.
“Dunno, like he’s had some sort of epiphany.” She looks at me but I don’t think she’s seeing me. She’s considering the question, putting her thoughts together. “He’s been more serious in general. Look, I think he wants you and he knows he has to reel you in now before you slip away. Believe me or not. I’m just saying.”
I shake my head, ready to deny everything again but she stops me with a look.
“Think about it. It’s easier for me to see it because I’m on the outside looking in. You’re in the middle of it and completely oblivious. The big question is whether or not you feel the same way about him.” She smirks. “I’m betting yes.”
I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. I don’t know what to say, so I opt for the coward’s way and say nothing.
Grabbing a throw from the end of the bed, I pop out of Divine’s bed and wrap it around myself. “It’s getting late. I got shit to do before school tomorrow.”
Divine’s laughter follows me as I scurry from her room.
***
The school day flows by in a complete blur. I get as much out of it as I would have if I ditched classes altogether. I didn’t sleep well last night. What—who I saw at Fringe’s kept vying for attention, along with everything Divine said.
Do I love Fringe?
Of course, I do. The real question is, am I in love with him?
My head is spinning. This is why I didn’t want the complications of a relationship. This is why I chose Lobo. I’ve heard he’s good in bed and he doesn’t expect anything else from me. My first time would be successful, not the horrible nightmare it could be.
Not the awful, soul-crushing event it was for Mom.
So, why does Fringe’s face keep appearing in my mind when I think about this?
I should talk to him.
The thought makes me cringe. What an awkward conversation.
Hey, Fringe. Are you in love with me? Cuz, ya know, I think I might be… ya know, in love with you.
God, no. That conversation is so not happening.
Then again, it’s Fringe, my best friend. He’d never hurt me.
Gah, I feel like throwing up. This is simply all too much, too fast. Tomorrow, I turn eighteen. I’m not a damn child anymore. But, shit, does growing up have to happen all in one day?
The last bell of the day has me flying out of my seat and to the exit to meet Divine at the side door. She’s driving us home. I am not getting caught in a paparazzi feeding frenzy again. Moving quickly out the exit, I turn to go to the side of the building when I hear my name being called. My head swivels in that direction.
No paparazzi, thank god. It’s Lobo on his motorcycle, beckoning to me.
Taking a good look around to make sure I didn’t miss any of those sneaky devils, I go down the path to talk to him.
“Hop on,” he says when I get to him.
“Nah, that’s okay. I’m catching a ride with Divine.”
“C’mon, we never got a chance to talk yesterday.” He pats the seat behind him. “We’ll go to my place. I’ll order a pizza and we can get friendly, have a nice evening.”
“My birthday’s tomorrow,” I remind him, thinking he’s talking about hooking up tonight.
“Yeah, I know. If it’s so important to you, I can wait one more day. Doesn’t mean we can’t have some fun, eh?” He points a leather-gloved finger at me. “You haven’t been at Lucifer’s in days. I’m starting to think you’re avoiding me.”
I tilt my head, considering him. I’m beginning to see everything in a new light and realize that I don’t know what his motives are. I can’t believe I never asked.
“Why’s this so important to you? It’s not like we’re dating. You have your pick of the litter, whenever you want. I mean, girls are happy to blow you under the table. So—”
He chuckles. “Can’t we talk about this later?” He jerks his head to the back of his bike. “Come on, let’s get out of the cold.”
I relent with a sigh and pull out my cell phone. “Hang on, I’m texting Divine.”
Me: Lobo’s here. Going to his place.
Divine: You sure?
Me: Yeah
Divine: Well, just be careful, k?
Me: Always
Divine: K, if u need me I’ll be at Peach’s.
Me: Have fun.
Divine: You too.
Putting my phone back into my bag, I step to the bike, mount, and hold on tight to Lobo as he peels away from the curb.