Chapter Twelve
Jill leaned comfortably against Rollo on the drive home. After Tycho and Mia left, she’d stepped back inside to have a few drinks to soothe her nerves. The two beers she'd finished at the bar settled warmly in her stomach as she watched the snow pelt the windshield on the dark and lonely country road.
Rollo drove without any trouble, despite the weather and the darkness. She’d never stopped to think about how hybrid senses could be useful in all sorts of situations.
The hybrid wrapped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her more snugly against his side. She snaked her arms around his middle and nestled against the crook of his arm. She felt secure and safe with him, as if he could protect her from everything in the world.
It was a strange feeling, and it’d been a long time since she’d ever felt that way. The more she thought about it, the more she was sure the last time she’d felt that way was when she was young, and the only people who had made her feel that way were her parents.
"What are you thinking about?" Rollo asked softly, keeping his eyes on the road.
Jill sighed as she stared out at the snowy road. "My parents," she said. "Strange that Christmas can be just around the corner before you even know it. I’ve been so focused on Woods that I didn’t even think about it.” She sighed. “When I was a kid, my parents would go all out for Christmas, but without them it just seemed sort of pointless. I guess when they died, I stopped caring.” She let out a long sigh. “I don’t know if that’s awful or not. It’s just kind of painful to think about them.”
Rollo ran a comforting hand over her arm as she spoke. The soft pressure urged her on.
"How long have they been gone?" he asked.
Jill cleared her throat and sat up slightly. "About seven years now," she said. "I was in my last year of college when they were driving up to see me. It was a surprise visit before my last final. It was a bad year for ice. They hit a patch on a bridge just over the water.” Her voice shook at the end. “They didn’t have a chance.”
Rollo gave her another comforting squeeze.
She took in a breath as she tried to gain some sort of composure. She never talked about her parents, and this was why. Admitting how she felt was an obvious weakness, and the last thing she’d wanted for years was to be vulnerable in front of anyone, but somehow with Rollo she didn't feel vulnerable. She wanted to share this part of her with him. Wanted him to understand.
"I didn’t get the call until after my final was already finished," Jill said. She shrugged. “Since I wasn’t expecting them, I wasn’t worried or anything. So it ended up being a surprise all right, just a terrible one.” She squeezed her eyes shut as a few tears leaked out.
Rollo reached out and placed a hand on her thigh to give a small squeeze. "I'm so sorry," he said softly.
Jill shook her head and dashed the few tears on her face. "I was told they died on impact," she said. "They didn’t suffer, but still that is why this time of year is so hard. I don't know how am supposed to feel if I don't have family."
She frowned. Maybe that wasn't right to say. It wasn't exactly like Rollo had family. From what she understood of the Luna Lodge hybrids, they’d been raised by the Horatius Group in the most cold and clinical way possible.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean—" Jill said.
Rollo shook his head. "It's fine," he said. "I mean I don’t know my biological family, but the hybrids of the Lodge are my family. We care for one another and protect one another. That's what we do. That’s why I’m out here pretending to be a janitor and finding out what Woods is up to, after all." He shrugged his other shoulder.
Jill could hear the love in his voice and felt a twinge of jealousy. She missed having family. Or at least one that cared. The rest of her extended family had never been all that close, and after her parents’ death, those ties had all but dissolved, even when she’d hit it big. She was just there on her own.
She pulled her legs up against her chest and wrapped her arms around her knees. "I wish I had that," Jill said softly.
Rollo reached out and twined his fingers with hers, his thumb caressing the back of her hand as he did so. "You've got me," he said. “I hope you understand that.”
Her heart fluttered at his words. She wanted to believe that she did have him. That there was more to what they had than just great sex. Fantastic and ridiculous as the sex was.
Her mind wandered back to the conversation in the bar. Tycho had said she was a Vestal. That explained a lot about why she was so attracted to Rollo.
Jill knew the word well. Mia had explained the concept to her. The Vestals were women the hybrids took as wives. From what she'd been able to gather, the hybrids believed they were designed for one another, two halves of one whole, almost like some sort of soul mate thing. A hybrid might sleep with another woman, but he really only could connect with a Vestal, let alone if he wanted to have children.
She almost wanted to laugh. When she’d been against the hybrids, she’d suggested the hybrids had some sort of power to entice women. She’d been half-right. It also seemed liked the Vestals had the same power over the hybrids. It did explain why so many women hooked up with hybrids and never wanted to leave.
Jill glanced down to where their fingers melded together. Was she truly his Vestal? He’d never said anything to indicate that she was, but she knew they both felt the connection, something drawing them together since they met that horrible night she was kidnapped. All the evidence pointed to Rollo being her hybrid.
In truth, she couldn’t say she’d ever felt the way about a man the way she did about Rollo. The Vestal connection made a lot of things suddenly make sense, but it didn’t tell her what she should do going forward.
If she were his Vestal, what should she do?
Jill wasn't certain she had an answer to that one. It was hard to deny the feelings she had for the man sitting next to her. Despite his gruff nature, Rollo was gentle in ways she never expected. If she were being totally honest, she could easily see herself with him forever. There was an ease being around him that made her feel like she could be herself, and he’d always accept her.
But what sort of life would that be? With the impending bill being pushed by Woods, it might not be long before the hybrids found themselves in permanent hiding, hunted by the government like terrorists. Was she willing to give up everything to be with him, always looking over her shoulder and worried? That didn’t sound like a healthy environment if she ever wanted to have kids.
Not that she wanted any. At least she’d never thought about any before, but now she had to consider her long-term future.
The truth is she just didn’t have any answers at that moment.
Jill lay her head against Rollo’s shoulder, enjoying the warmth of him once again. The soft motion of the car gently rocked her to sleep.
* * *
Jill blinked several times as warm arms wrapped securely around her. Her body shifted toward him. She was vaguely aware of being carried, but she wasn’t sure where they were.
After a moment, she realized they were back at his apartment.
"Let's get you into the bed," Rollo rumbled in her ear, and opened the door to the apartment.
With ease, he carried her into the bedroom. He gently set her on the bed and helped to strip off her clothing until she lay in just her t-shirt and panties. He then removed his own clothing and climbed into bed next to her. He pulled her body securely against his warm chest.
Jill snuggled against him and pressed her lips against the flesh she found there. "I think I've disappointed them," she said after they lay there for a moment in silence.
Rollo's amber eyes stared down at her in the darkness. “Who?”
“My parents.”
"Why would you think that?"
Jill shrugged. She wasn’t even certain why she'd even said it aloud, only that the thought had been rolling around her head every since she’d left the office after getting fired.
"There were so proud of me," she said. "I worked so hard to get into the right school, and they were always so supportive. They always told me how I was going somewhere.” She let out a long sigh “Now I'm jobless, and I didn’t even accomplish what I originally wanted to accomplish, making the world a better place through journalism. I was part of the problem.”
Rollo placed a soft kiss against her forehead. "I doubt their feelings for you would have changed in the slightest," he said. "You are an amazingly smart woman, and anyone who knows you knows that. Your job is just a piece of you, and you’ve done a lot to help people. You’ve even done a lot to help my people.” He tapped his finger against the middle of her chest. "Besides, this is what makes you who you are. Not your job, or whatever big mission you’ve thought of for yourself.”
Jill wrapped her face in the pillow as tears slipped out. Somehow Rollo had said exactly what she needed to hear.
Rollo wound his arms around her and pulled her tightly against his chest. His large hands rubbed against her back as the tears slid down her face.
It wasn't long before she felt herself drifting off to sleep, surrounded by the comfort of his body.