Members wishing to leave the club must have served five full years and turned their colors over to the president.
“So … you’re leaving Conundrum?”
“Yeah.” Arianne stared out the window of the Sinner SUV as Wheels pulled away from the curb outside Banks’s Bar. Banks waved from the doorway, and then disappeared inside, but she’d caught his slight wince as he raised his arm. He was injured because of her. If she’d just left when she’d planned, none of this would have happened.
But then she would never have met Jagger. And she wouldn’t have known the truth about Jeff.
“Hey.” Wheels reached over and squeezed her hand. “You okay? That wasn’t good-bye forever, was it?”
Her chin dropped to her chest, and she crumpled under his scrutiny. “I promised I’d stop by the bar and say good-bye to him and Dawn before I left. It’s just … when I look at him…”
Sympathy creased his face. “It’s not your fault.”
“Of course it’s my fault.” She wrenched her hand away. “I should have thought about what would happen if I got anyone else involved. Once Banks heard the whole story, what happened this morning was a foregone conclusion. And that’s what kills me. I understand why Jagger did what he did. It was a matter of honor for the club. That’s our … their way.”
“You don’t think of yourself as a biker?”
“Do I look like a biker?”
Sweat trickled down his forehead and he wiped it away. “Frankly, yes. You walk with the same confidence. You share the same attitude. You’ve got the same edge. You’ve got a kick-ass bike. You ride and shoot better than most of the guys. Everything about you gives your biker roots away, just like someone would know I was American if I went to France.”
She gave him a sidelong glance. Wheels sure didn’t talk like any biker or prospect she knew. He talked like someone who’d spent a lot of time in the biker world. Maybe he had biker roots, too. “Just because I was born into it and forced to live the life, doesn’t mean I have to embrace it.” She twisted her mother’s ring around her finger. “We have a choice. I chose to turn my back on biker life and find a place where I can be happy and not afraid. I just never thought I’d be going alone.”
“If my dad and brother threatened to kill me, I’d probably run, too.” His hands jerked the steering wheel and he muttered a curse. “I mean, if I had a brother.” He cast her a sidelong glance and then looked back at the road. Arianne tilted her head to the side, trying to reconcile the odd tremor in his tone and his even stranger reaction, with what she had first taken to be an innocuous statement.
“Viper never threatened to kill me.”
“But he put that picture in Gunner’s cut,” Wheels said. “Jagger took it as a death threat. He went crazy. You saw the result.”
Indeed she had, and she would never forget the sight of Banks tied to that chair. But as for Viper … She scoffed. “That was Jeff. Viper doesn’t threaten. He doesn’t do furtive. And he doesn’t know his way around a dark room. He’d see an action like that as cowardly. If he wants someone dead, he kills them. No messing around. That’s why the members of his club follow the rules. If they screw up, there is no warning. There one day. Dead the next.”
Wheels stared at her with a scrutiny that was unsettling, particularly because his eyes were supposed to be on the road. “Do you wonder if maybe Jagger released his blood claim because he wanted you to leave? So you could go somewhere safe?”
“Maybe you should watch where you’re going.” She pointed to the windshield, even as she shook her head. Jagger was protecting the honor of the club, not her. Love wasn’t part of the “club first” equation.
When they reached her apartment building, Wheels pulled over to the side of the road and turned off the engine. “What are you going to do now that you’re free?”
Free. She’d dreamed of being free, but not like this. “I’m leaving town before Viper hears Jagger released me from his claim. If I don’t, I’ll never get away. I’m almost at the point where I’ve exhausted all my escape options. This tiny window, where he thinks I’m with the Sinners, is pretty much my last hope.”
“So you’re leaving the biker life?”
Arianne gave him a half-hearted smile. “I’m going to be normal … happy.” But for the first time since she’d made up the little speech that had seen her through the worst of times, she didn’t feel any conviction behind her words.
Wheels clicked his fingernails against the steering wheel and shifted in his seat. Puzzled, and no small bit apprehensive, Arianne pushed open the door.
“Wait.” He scrubbed his hands over his face. “It’s just … I like you.”
“I like you, too, Wheels.” She forced a smile and stepped out of the vehicle.
“Maybe you should leave tonight,” he said. “You know … just in case Viper finds out.”
She breathed out a relieved sigh. Ah. He wasn’t crazy after all, just a nice guy looking out for her. “I need to get stuff ready and say good-bye. I’m going to be leaving forever, and forever is a very long time.”
* * *
Two days after Banks’s beating, the Sinners held a party. Partially in honor of all the brothers who had been injured recently, and the brother they had lost, but mostly to keep up their spirits, because the war with the Jacks had just begun.
By the time Jagger arrived at Riders, Cade had taken over the DJ booth by the window and was spinning his favorite blend of heavy metal and thrash, interspersed with the odd Irish jig. The vines and palm trees from Dawn’s party had been cleared away, the bullet holes filled, glass repaired, and the bar was back to looking as a biker bar should: rough and gritty, with worn tables, wooden floors, and metal band posters plastered over the walls. The sweet butts laughed it up with the brothers, and old ladies helped the staff serving snacks and pouring beer. Gunner stood at the corner of the room, arms folded, trying to keep order with the fierceness of his scowl.
Jagger nodded a few greetings and then threw himself on the couch at the back of the bar. He was here for appearances and nothing else.
“Hey, baby. You’re not lookin’ the way a man should look at a party.” Sherry joined him on the couch, tugging the bottom of her skin-tight black dress over her ass. The damn dress was cut so low, the only part of her tits not showing were her nipples. But then, Sherry had nice tits and she liked showing them off. Tonight, however, he didn’t take up the invitation when she leaned across his body, ostensibly to brush something off his shoulder.
Instead, he turned away. “You’re back on probation on the recommendation of the executive board,” he said abruptly. “And not just because you’ve been feeding us info on Axle’s whereabouts, or because we found out you acted under duress and no small amount of abuse. If it were up to me alone, you’d still be gone, especially after you helped him steal our weapons.”
“You looked like you needed some cheering up,” she said softly. “And I know where you sit on me coming back. I also know you could have vetoed the vote, so thank you for not doing that. Axle was a mistake. I was messed up after you broke it off, and he was there for me. He told me he loved me, and I believed him. But after you kicked him out, and he started making all sorts of demands for information about the club, and forcing me to do things I didn’t want to do, I realized he never really loved me at all. He was using me to get to you. You’re a wanted man, Jagger. In more ways than one.”
She settled by his side and leaned her head on his shoulder. His nose wrinkled at the sharp scent of her cloying perfume, but he put an arm around her for the simple comfort of her familiarity and the fact she didn’t want anything from him, at least for the moment. They always wanted something. The sweet butts and hood rats wanted in his bed. Sherry had wanted to wear his patch. The brothers jostled for position or favor. Even Max would nudge his leg or nip his hand when he wanted to play or go for a walk. Everyone needed a piece of him.
Except Arianne.
Damn, the woman had made it clear she wanted nothing from him. Didn’t need his help or his protection. Hell, she took independence to a whole new level. Jagger didn’t know if he liked that or not. How could he control her if there was nothing she needed from him? Not that it mattered now.
“I knew you couldn’t stay grouchy for the entire party.” Sherry slid her hand over his thigh and his cock twitched—an automatic response, given their history together.
“Sherry…”
“You’re thinking about her.” Sherry gave his leg a chaste pat. “You only smile when it has to do with women or Max. So don’t worry. I won’t try to seduce you, although you’re looking mighty seduceable, all glowering and moody here in the corner. Some girls go for cheerful guys. I go for the dark, sullen type.”
“Well, then, Zane’s your man.” He jerked his head at Zane, who was chatting with Gunner in the corner.
Sherry laughed. “I think I’ll pass. You might be scary, but you’ve got heart. Zane is cold all the way through.”
“He has heart,” Jagger said. “He’s just hidden it away.”
“And yours is on your sleeve.”
“She’s gone, Sherry.” He stood so quickly, she had to throw out an arm to catch herself. “I withdrew the Sinner claim, and kicked her out. She’s nothing to the club.”
Sherry squeezed Jagger’s hand. “She’s something to you. Even though you pretend you don’t—you do care, Jagger. And if you let me come back, how can you do less for her?”
Less? Hell, he’d done more. He’d released his claim and given her the freedom she desired. He’d let her go. Damn Sherry for stirring things up when he’d already settled everything in his mind. He’d done everything he could do. Time to move on.
“I’m outta here. Not in the mood for a party.” He took a step away, and then looked back over his shoulder. “You okay getting home?”
Sherry smiled. “I am home. You know the brothers will watch out for me.”
And they would. Which meant he could get on his bike and just ride. Away from the crowds and the memories, away from the hope Sherry had planted in his heart. He needed his bike, and the afternoon sun in his face. He needed the rev of the engine and the wind in his hair.
He needed his girl. Arianne.
* * *
“You aren’t leaving tonight.” Banks scowled at Arianne as a worker narrowly missed running a two-by-four through the mirror behind the bar. “Don’t even think about it.”
Arianne stared at Banks’s bruised face. He looked worse than when she’d seen him three days ago, the bruises now a motley collection of blue and green. She turned away and swept broken glass from the bar counter into a container. Renovations were almost complete, and Banks had called her in to help get ready for the big reopening.
“Tomorrow,” she said. “And after I go, I won’t ever have to worry about Viper hunting me down or beating me again. I won’t be kidnapped, shot at, or claimed as a blood price. I’ll be normal.”
Dawn slid onto a stool and out of the way as two workers carried a new table to the center of the bar.
“Is that what you really want? I mean, you’re not going for Jeff anymore, and the people who love you most are right here.” Dawn hesitated. “Me and Banks. Your friends. Jagger’s here.”
“Jagger will be hunting for Jeff. He knows everything now, and there’s no way he’s going to let it go.” Arianne grabbed a wet cloth and scrubbed the counter so hard, the cloth squeaked across the surface. “I’ve left messages on Jeff’s phone and with some of his friends to warn him. But that’s all I’ll do. I’ll never give up hope that he might change or reform, and he won’t have that chance if he’s dead.”
“You’re loyal to a fault.” Dawn’s sympathetic look sliced through Arianne, shaking her resolve. How could she leave her bestie? And yet, how could she not go?
“That’s the problem.” She rinsed out the cloth in the bar sink and hung it to dry. “How can I be with the man who kills my brother? How can I love someone who lives by a code that puts the honor of his club over Jeff’s life? Jagger and I share the same values, but for me they lead to forgiveness, and for him they lead to revenge. It’s a conundrum.”
Dawn laughed. “Then you’re living in the perfect place.”
Banks joined them at the bar and hefted a box of liquor on the counter, a scowl on his face. “Not working as usual, I see.”
Arianne pulled a bottle of whiskey from the box and put it on the shelf behind the bar. The entire display stock had to be replenished. Not one bottle remained unbroken after the fight.
“That’s ‘cause you’re under renovation until the doors open. You were lucky to get a crew out here so fast to fix the place up.”
“Wasn’t me.” Banks handed Arianne another bottle. “Didn’t recognize the name of the company on the work order, but I’m pretty sure Jagger sent them.”
“Jagger?” A knot formed in Arianne’s belly. “Is that his way of saying sorry?”
“Man like that doesn’t say sorry.” He nudged her until she’d put the bottle on the shelf and then gave her another one. “The work crew … they’re here because he wants something from me.”
Arianne froze. “I gave him what he wanted. If he hurts you again—”
“He didn’t hurt me.”
“Look at your face.” Her voice rose above the cacophony of sound. “Of course he hurt you. It’s just another reason why I’m leaving. Normal people don’t tie up your friends and beat them up to get information. They ask. And if the information isn’t forthcoming, they might get angry, but then they walk away.”
“He didn’t hurt me, Arianne.” Banks’s face softened. “What he did was all for show. If he really wanted information from me, he would’ve broken a coupla my bones. He woulda picked up that iron bar and used it first, or he would have used a knife. And he wouldn’t have done it in front of you. There’s a big difference between hitting someone to make a point and hitting with the intent to harm.”
“What point?” The bottle dangled from her fingers as her brain tried to process Banks’s words. “It was about the club, Banks. You don’t understand. He has to avenge the club.”
“I got that about the club.” Banks dropped his hands to the box and leaned toward her. “But he also had a duty to protect you, and he couldn’t because you wouldn’t let him. People were beatin’ on you, tyin’ you up, shootin’ at you, and you wouldn’t give him the information he needed to stop them. So what’s he gonna do?”
Her lips pressed into a thin line. “Beat up my friend.”
“Nah.” Banks stepped behind the bar to avoid two workers carrying a plate-glass window. “I took down six of his guys in under five minutes. He got the message I wouldn’t be talking. He brought me in anyway because he had only one option left.”
Just as Wheels had said. “Make me leave town.” She slumped against the bar and covered her face with her hands. Why hadn’t she accepted it before? Jagger was capable of much more than bruises. She’d seen him with Axle and Leo, and she was intimately familiar with the difference between hurt and harm.
“He’s at Riders.” Banks pulled out another bottle of whiskey, then twisted off the cap and poured himself a shot. “He invited me to their party. They want me to join the MC.”
Wide-eyed, Dawn grabbed the bottle from his hand and poured another glass. “Seriously? They beat the crap out of you, drag you out of your bar, tie you up, beat you some more, and then invite you to join the club?”
Banks grinned. “Yeah. But I turned them down. Zane told me if I changed my mind, or wanted to get to know the guys, they’d be at Riders tonight.” He looked at Arianne and his voice roughened. “Thought you should know. Just in case you want to say good-bye.”
* * *
Jagger didn’t know how far he’d ridden, or for how long. He didn’t feel the cold, although his visible breath told him the temperature had dropped below zero. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d eaten, and the only reason he’d had a drink was because at some point during his ride he had to stop for fuel. He knew only that the sun had set long ago, and he was being torn in two.
Life hadn’t equipped him to deal with divided emotions. Duty had defined his world since he was old enough to say the word. In an attempt to curb his rebellious nature, duty had been drilled into him by his military family over and over again until he knew only duty and nothing of desire. He had never allowed anything to conflict with duty. And yet, despite his best intentions, it had happened anyway.
Arianne.
He wanted her with an ache that burned into his soul. He wanted her more than anything he had ever wanted in his life. Desire was tearing him apart, mercilessly ripping through his body like the shrapnel that had pierced his heart. And still, he clung to duty, his life raft in the tumult of emotions that rocked his world.
His phone buzzed in his pocket as he filled his tank. Would they never leave him alone? For once, he wanted to be free from duty. He wanted to ride until his body and brain were numb and Arianne was gone from his heart.
Buzz. Buzz. Buzz.
He pulled out the phone, intending to turn it off until he saw Sherry’s name on the screen. With a sigh, he answered the call.
“Arianne came here looking for you.” Sherry shouted above the music at the bar. “Thought you might want to know.”
A wave of longing crashed through him, and he mentally patted himself on the back for leaving the party early. How much harder would it have been to see her again, knowing for certain it would be the last time? “I’m riding, Sherry. I’m not coming back.”
“I asked Zane to take her to the clubhouse. She’s waiting for you.”
“Why the fuck did you do that?”
Her voice dropped so low, he barely heard her next words. “Club first. I loved you, Jag. I would have been proud to be your old lady. But the first time I saw you with her, I finally understood why you broke it off. It had nothing to do with Christel and everything to do with the fact that I wasn’t the right girl for you. But she is. And this whole thing is tearing you apart. I need you, but the club needs you more. This thing with Arianne is taking you away from us. You gotta settle it. Either say good-bye and finish it, or tell her how you feel and convince her to stay.”
“Sherry—”
“You can thank me later,” she said softly.
“I thought you were afraid of Zane.” He replaced the gas nozzle and straddled his bike.
“I am, but I’m more afraid of what will happen to you if you lose her, so I took one for the club. Turns out, he’s not so scary after all. He was right choked up when I told him what I wanted.”
Jagger smiled. “You did good, Sherry.”
“You saved me once,” she said. “You gave me a home in the club when I had nothing, a reason to live when I just wanted to die. And you did it again after I screwed up so bad with Axle, although you like to pretend it was all the board’s doing. Thought it was time I returned the favor.”
* * *
The drive took forever.
But not so long as the walk through the clubhouse. Room by room, he searched for her, his anxiety increasing exponentially until he reached the top floor. Was she still here? Or had she changed her mind?
Heart beating an erratic rhythm in his chest, he pushed open the door to his room.
Moonlight streamed through the window overlooking the grounds below. His gaze followed the soft light as it washed across the hardwood floor. And then he saw an angel.
Long dark lashes rested on creamy cheeks, and her T-shirt caressed the sweet curves of her breasts. His hands trembled as he remembered the softness of her skin beneath his palms, and when he finally drew in a breath, he caught her scent of wildflowers in springtime.
He had never before watched her sleep. Never realized how much softer she looked in repose, younger, unburdened.
Under his scrutiny, she awoke, stretched, her breasts straining against the thin fabric of her shirt, and then she caught him with her gaze.
“Hi, baby.”
His throat seized and he pressed himself against the door jamb to keep from walking toward her, taking the one thing he longed for most in this world. The only thing he had ever truly wanted.
“Why are you here?” His words came out harsh, abrupt, but she didn’t flinch.
“I wanted to see you.”
His siren beckoned. An arm outstretched. Inviting. Beguiling.
Jagger remained resolute by the door. Duty before all else. Duty before desire. Duty silenced the keening of his heart. “I can’t.” His voice cracked, broke. “I can’t do this. You need to leave.”
“I’ve lived this life,” she said. “There aren’t many people who could say this to you, but I understand. Truly I do. I’m not saying what you did to Banks was right, and I’m not saying I agree or even that I forgive you, but I know you were trying to protect me and uphold the code, and the code says ‘Club first.’”
She threw back the covers and slid off the bed, her only clothing a T-shirt and a tiny pair of panties. He dipped his gaze, trying not to notice her beautiful, long, supple legs, or the tiny frills peeking out from beneath her shirt. But his cock swelled and his heart pounded and by the time she reached him it was all he could do to stay still.
“I also know you’re hunting for Jeff. Any MC president would do the same.” She leaned up and kissed his neck. “I’ve warned him. Despite what he did to me, I’m still his sister and I owed him that. I understand what you have to do, but I can’t condone it, and I can’t stay. I’m leaving tomorrow, so tonight I came to say good-bye.”
He closed his eyes and fisted his hands by his sides, but her scent surrounded him, her voice warmed him, her touch inflamed him, and his heart squeezed in his chest when she leaned closer and brushed her lips over his.
“Say it, then.”
Her lips whispered over his cheek. “Not just words. When I’m gone, it will be forever, and I didn’t want to leave the way we ended things. I want to spend the night with you. And in the morning, you’ll do what you have to do, and I’ll do what I have to do, and we’ll say good-bye and never see each other again, but right now those choices don’t have to be made. Right now, it’s just you and me alone in this room, and I want you so much it hurts.”
She unbuckled his belt and then slid it through the loops, doubling it before she placed it in his palm. “I trust you, Jagger. I want to give you everything. Make this beautiful for me so I never have nightmares again.”
He broke. Split wide open, his damaged heart drawing him down to the angel in front of him with the power of a desire that had waited a lifetime to be fulfilled. As he took her in his arms, cleaved to her warmth, he knew with a certainty that shook him to the core, she was wrong.
He would never say good-bye.
“Clothes off. On your knees. Back to me.”
She stripped off her shirt and panties, then knelt on the bed and positioned herself as he directed, her body trembling under his scrutiny.
“If you feel uncomfortable or afraid; you want me to stop or slow down, just say the word.”
“Okay.”
Jagger gently eased her hands back and then bound them together, tightening the leather around her wrists. Her back arched ever so slightly, her ass on display. He ran a hand over the creamy cheeks and steeled himself to restraint.
“Too tight?”
“No.”
“Feel me, sweetheart.” He swept her hair away from her neck and pressed his lips to her nape, slow and tender, fanning the flames of her desire. “Don’t think about anything except my lips, my hands, my body on yours.”
He eased her down until her cheek pressed against the cotton sheet and her ass was up in the air.
“Love your beautiful ass.” He smoothed his hand over each cheek and then leaned forward and feathered kisses down her spine. She shivered as his lips whispered over her skin, but when he reached around to cup and caress her breast, her body softened.
“Love these beautiful breasts. I could play with them all night.”
“Please don’t.”
Jagger chuckled. No real chance of that. Already he was rock hard and ready for her.
Sliding his fingers between her thighs, he forced her legs apart, then spread her open, parting her folds to expose the delicate heat beneath. He was tempted to slick her moisture up around her clit, tease her until she writhed beneath him, but he wanted to build sensation on sensation until she knew only desire and nothing of fear.
Gently, he pressed a finger inside her moist, wet heat, his cock pulsing in time to his strokes. She tensed and quivered around him, sliding her knees wider to give him better access. If it had been any other night, he might have smacked her ass for moving without his permission. His dominance aroused her, and he suspected she would get even hotter if he exerted more control. But not tonight. Tonight was about pleasure. Not pain.
He added a second finger, spreading them inside her, pumping long and deep, delighted when he’d stimulated her sensitive inner tissue to the point that moisture gushed from her sex and she shuddered and moaned.
“Good girl.” One hand deep inside her, the other tweaking her nipple, he feathered kisses down her spine to her bound hands, and then he kissed each open palm, reminding her that she was bound but cared for. Restrained but loved.
No part of her body went untouched as he awakened her senses with soft kisses and sweet caresses, while he continued to drive his fingers into her channel, controlling her arousal with a rhythm that would keep her on edge but not let her go over.
“Oh God, Jagger. I’m so close.” Her hips rocked in time to his thrusts, her pussy grinding against his fingers as she sought the release he was withholding.
“My little Sinner.” He pressed his lips to her lower back, just below her bound hands, brushing kisses down to the cleft of her buttocks. “One day I want to show you what it truly means to sin.”
She gasped, moaned, her hands straining against the bonds, but she was aroused, not afraid, trembling beneath his palms.
“You want to come, sweetheart?”
“Yes,” she whispered.
“Tell me.” He shoved his jeans past his hips, sheathed himself with a condom from his wallet, and then stroked the length of his cock. Once. Twice. But instead of relieving the pressure, his touch increased the pain, and he felt the beginning tremors in the base of his shaft that signaled his imminent release.
Arianne groaned and shuddered, stilling only when he added a third finger, readying her for him.
“Please. I want to come.”
He gave a satisfied grunt and then withdrew his fingers and spread her moisture up and around her clit. “I’m going to make you come like this, sweetheart, with your beautiful ass in the air, and your hands tied behind your back. And I’m gonna hold you so all you’ll be able to do is feel the pleasure I give you. I have control, sweetheart. You don’t have to fight and you don’t have to fear. And when you let go, you’ll know you’re coming because I want you to come, and you’ll know I’m there to catch you. Are you ready for me?”
“God yes.”
With a tortured groan, he spread her wide with his thigh and then he thrust, stretching her, parting her swollen flesh as he drove his cock deep inside her.
Fucking heaven.
Arianne whimpered and her pussy clenched around him. Heaven became hell and he had to move, pulling out and driving in as far as he could go. Mindless, she rocked her hips against him, begging him to give her what she needed. Hard. Fast.
Now.
With powerful, relentless strokes, he pounded into her, until his brain had fuzzed with lust and he was only seconds away from the oblivion of release.
“Come with me.” He slid his hand around her hip and teased her clit until her muscles tightened, coiled like a spring. And then he let her go.
“Now, sweetheart. Come for me.”
And she did. A scream ripped from her throat, and her sex pulsed around him, drawing him so deep inside her. When he couldn’t fight it anymore, he grabbed her hips and pounded into her, his cock hammering in a frantic rhythm. He climaxed hard and fast, her name a roar on his lips as he pumped his seed inside her.
Before she had fully come down, Jagger released her hands and settled her on his chest, enfolded in his arms. She had given him her trust tonight. She had let him protect her. He could only hope he was worthy of her gift.
“I love hearing you scream.” He pressed a soft kiss to her forehead.
“I didn’t scream.” She looked up, mocking a frown. “I’m not a screamer.”
A satisfied smile spread across his face. “You did. You screamed my name.”
Arianne pushed herself further up and glared. “I think I would know.”
“I think you wouldn’t. You were too far gone.”
Because she had let herself go. When her body finally accepted she had neither the strength nor the will to defeat him, she had yielded, trusted he would keep her safe. And he had kept his word. But would it be enough to convince her to stay?
“Whatever you want, whatever you need, sweetheart, I will find a way.”
“Thank you.” She rested her cheek on his chest, and his lungs seized with emotion. “For everything.”