“Emily. Thank God you’re here.”

“What are you doing here?” She's shaking as she approaches me, I realize with surprise. I've never seen her like this before, her face red with anger, her eyes ablaze, and her hands clenched into tight little fists. “How do you even know I’m here?”

“The phone I gave you. There’s a tracker on it. It must still be in your bag.” I stop on the grass a couple of feet before her and stumble all over my words.

There are so many things I need to tell her, but we don’t have much time. I managed to slip away from the office while two of my father’s new men went out to buy some food, but it won’t take them long to realize I’m missing.

“You put a tracker on me?” She looks like she’s about to erupt, like there’s red, hot anger boiling just beneath her skin, right on the cusp of spilling out into the world.

“It’s not like that,” I say in the calmest voice I can muster. Maybe if I keep my cool she’ll simmer down as well. “It’s an old phone that my family bought and they put trackers in all their phones. I never planned on putting a tracker specifically on your phone.”

“Why should I believe you?”

“I never meant to hurt you, Emily. Everything I’ve done, I’ve done it to help you. Please. At least believe me on that.” When she stays quiet, I decide I should probably find out exactly what Rick has told her. “Why do you feel like you shouldn’t believe me, baby?”

“Don’t call me baby. Not after everything you’ve done. How long did you think you were going to hide the fact that you were the driver of the car that hit us that night? You killed Scott and destroyed my whole life!”

“Please, hear me out. I never meant to do any of those things to you, believe me. I’m an asshole, yes, but I’m not a murderer. It was an accident.”

“Oh, was it an accident too that you hired me and then made me trust you, when you were hiding such a big lie from me?” Her voice is breaking. That’s even worse than the shouting. It makes me want to run to her and scoop her up in my arms. I wish I can stroke her hair and tell her everything’s going to be fine, tell her I’ll keep her safe and take care of everything.

But I have a feeling, if I take even one step closer, she’s going to bolt like a scared wild squirrel and I’m never going to see her again.

“It wasn’t an accident that I hired you. I saw that you were struggling to find work, so I gave you work. And I never planned to fall for you, but I did. I wanted to tell you everything, but I was waiting for the right time. And I see now that I was wrong to not tell you everything from the start. I’m so, so, so sorry.”

“How did you even know I was struggling to find work? Were you always spying on me? What else are you hiding from me?” She’s shouting at the top of her lungs now, and the handful of people in the cemetery are turning their heads to watch us.

“Can we please sit down somewhere and have a talk? I’ll tell you everything, I promise.”

“It’s too late for that now, Cole. We worked at the same office for months. You’ve had millions of opportunities to tell me!”

“You’re right. You’re absolutely right, Emily. I’ll tell you everything right here, right now.” At least if I’m the one talking, there will be no shouting to attract people’s attention. The way people are looking at us with worry on their faces, it’s only a matter of time until one nosy person comes along and “rescues” Emily from me.

“Fine. Tell me.” She crosses her arms in front of her chest. Under normal circumstances, I’d be staring at the way her stance pushes out her perky breasts, but this is no time to be distracted, although it’s incredible how good she looks with no make-up and an outfit she has clearly just thrown together.

“Okay. Firstly, I’m so sorry I didn’t talk to you as soon as you left the bar last night. My family...disapproves. And they’ve got people watching me so I don’t call you or come looking for you. You know about the tracker now. That’s the kind of thing that they do. They’re paranoid criminals.”

“Maybe they just know that it’s a bad idea for you to have anything to do with me. Maybe they have a point.” Emily’s tone is still angry, but at least she’s not shouting anymore now that she’s curious enough to listen.

“I was hoping to see you at the office this morning.” I admit she has a point. Emily probably would’ve been better off had I stayed away from her. But there’s no point talking about that right now. That’s all done and in the past. I need to focus on what to do from this point on. I need to get my whole story out or I’ll run out of time. And then I’ll never get another chance to beg for her forgiveness again.

“I’m not working there anymore. You’re crazy if you think I’m going back,” she says.

“Fair enough. It would’ve been easier for me to sneak out and find you if you were at the office. I’ve also been to Alice’s apartment, but you weren’t there. And then I remembered that you still had the phone I gave you. On the off chance that you still had it, I checked the tracker and found you here. I promise you, I never planned to put a tracker on you.” I look at Emily expectantly, hoping to see if that softens her heart a little bit.

“Go on,” she says, raising her eyebrows.

“On the night of the accident, if you remember, it was dark and raining. There was a storm. The winds were really strong. My phone was ringing, and I reached for it on the passenger seat to reject the call. I took my eyes off the road for a split second, and…” My voice trails off.

“...and you hit us.” Emily finishes my sentence. She presses her lips together and forces her eyes wide to stop the tears in her eyes from falling, but I can see how much sadness she’s holding back.

“Yes. That’s when the accident happened.” I’ve practiced telling this story to Emily thousands of times before when I’ve been awake in the dark, tortured with guilt. But now that the time has come, I still can’t find the right words to say.

“Why did you remember seeing me in that bar? I’d only been there once before,” she says in a small, shaky voice.

“I, uh, I just thought you looked beautiful. I wanted to talk to you, but you disappeared before I had a chance to. We must’ve left the bar at about the same time.”

My phone starts ringing. Fuck. This is the worst time. I dig into my pocket and glance down just long enough to tap the red “Decline” button on my phone.

“Do you have somewhere else you’d rather be?” She asks with a hint of annoyance in her voice.

“Absolutely not.” I softly shake my head. “There’s nowhere in the world I’d rather be than wherever you are.”

“I have to ask. Did you do it on purpose?” She stares intensely at my face like she’s looking for answers.

“Fuck, Emily.” That hurts. “Of course not. I can see why you’d think that, because I saw you at the bar, but I didn’t chase your car if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“But you did follow me after the accident?”

“Yes, I did.” When I see sadness clouding her features, I quickly add, “But it was just to make sure you were doing fine.”

“I’d be doing fine already by now if it wasn’t for you.” Emily’s expression hardens.

The phone rings again, and I shut it off without even looking at it. That must be my father or one of his men. And I’m sure whoever it is won’t hesitate to put me in a world of pain if they find out where I am and what I’m doing.

But right now it seems more important that I don’t cause Emily more pain than she’s already in. I can handle whatever my father dishes out, but Emily… I have to do everything I can to make Emily safe and happy.

“Look, Emily. Can I please see you tomorrow? There’s something I need to show you. I have a plan.”

“I don’t need your plans, Cole. I don’t need you to take care of me.”

“I promise you, I can fix everything. Please,” I beg her.

“I told you, I’ve had enough of you trying to run my life. Why do you even do it? Do you get some sort of sick pleasure from destroying and then rebuilding my life?”

“No, Emily, I’m not trying to—”

"Stop it!" She shouts. "Everything! Just stop! Stop trying to control my life. I'm not your puppet for you to manipulate and toy with as you wish."

"Emily," I say, trying to calm her down. "I'm not try—"

"Shush!" She cuts me off. "Don't tell me what to think! Don't tell me what to do! Just... Just stop!"

"Will you please let me at least explain what I’m planning to do?" I ask, exasperated.

"No.” She looks straight at me, her eyes cold and indifferent. “I don’t care anymore about anything you have to say. I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear any of it. You've had a lot of chances to explain. You've had years!" She takes in a deep breath, then exhales audibly. In a calmer voice, she continues, "Years, Cole."

"I know. I know I’ve done you wrong and I don’t deserve your forgiveness. But please, Emily. Let me make it up to you. I never meant to hide anything from you. I just wanted—“

"I said stop it, Cole. You want to explain. You never meant to do it. You just wanted something else — I don't even care anymore what it was. It's all about you, isn't it?"

I was almost ready to go on with my explanation, but my mouth falls open and remains that way for a few long seconds that feel like forever. Emily makes a good point. A point that many other people in my life have made before. Maybe there's a truth to it.

"I thought so," she says. "I'm not here to assuage your guilt, Cole. Stop treating me like I'm some hurt little bird you pick up to put back together. Maybe it hasn't occurred to you, but I'm a human being with my own wants, my own needs, my own aspirations. It’s not all about you.“ She pauses to catch her breath. "It's too late for explanations now, Cole. Stop thinking about yourself for once and let me live my life."

"Emily, please don't do this." I'm begging now and I know I sound desperate and pathetic, but I'm grasping at straws. I have to tell her something. Something real. Something that actually means something to her. Something that will make her listen to me and stay with me. "Emily. I love you."

"Then leave me alone," she says with finality.

She walks away, and I just stand there. I let her leave. It feels like a thousand arrows have just stabbed into my chest.

I’ve failed.