Chapter 33

Garrett

I wake up to darkness. To warmth. To Lola’s arms and body wrapped around me like a blanket. It feels better than anything has in a long, long time.

It’s certainly better than I deserve after the bullshit I pulled last night.

My head is throbbing from the damn tranquilizer shot the doctor all but forced on me, and my mouth is filled with cotton. I want a drink, want to move, but the second I try to roll over, Lola stirs.

“You okay?” she asks sleepily.

Because I’m a coward, I don’t answer her. Instead, I pretend to still be asleep. I’m not ready to face what I did last night, and I’m sure as hell not ready to face the horror and disgust she must be feeling. She came back, only to find me acting like a monster.

I feel like such a fucking loser.

Lola doesn’t say anything else. Instead, she cuddles closer and presses a couple of warm, soft kisses to my shoulder. Then she settles back into sleep, her body still spooned around mine like she’s trying to protect me from the world.

I’m supposed to be the one who protects her. Instead, I’ve dragged her into hell without so much as an apology, let alone a second thought.

Is it any wonder the King doesn’t think I can handle the throne when I can’t even handle the shit in my head?

Lola stirs again, her body soft and pliant against mine as she presses kisses to the scars that run across my shoulders and back. Scars that obviously run bone deep.

I don’t move, partly because I’m still not ready to face her and partly because the feel of her lips on my skin is so overwhelming, so perfect, that it’s all I can concentrate on.

I can’t believe I almost lost her.

I can’t believe she came back.

“I know you’re awake,” she says, voice husky and sleep-worn. “You can’t hide from me forever.”

And fuck. Just fuck.

I roll over then—no use pretending if she’s going to call me on it. I’m not sure what I expect to see in her face, but it’s not the bone-deep tenderness that’s there. It’s not the love she doesn’t even try to hide. And it sure as hell isn’t the tears burning in the depths of her eyes.

“Don’t cry, sweetheart,” I tell her as I pull her close. I kiss her closed eyelids, skim my lips across her forehead and down her cheeks. “Please don’t cry. I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”

“You’re sorry?” she repeats, disbelieving. “I’m the one who left like a freaking coward. I’m the one who should be apologizing.”

“Is that why you left?” I ask. “Because you were afraid?”

“I left because I convinced myself it was better for you. And—”

“It’s not,” I interrupt.

“So I’ve figured out.” She takes a deep breath, then lets it out slowly. “And to answer your other question, yes. I left because I was afraid—afraid of what I felt for you, afraid that what you felt for me might not be as strong. Afraid that I was keeping you from your destiny.”

“I’m so sorry you felt that way.”

“Don’t!” she answers. “Please don’t you dare apologize to me. Not for the fact that I was a coward who couldn’t get her shit together.”

I laugh. I can’t help it. Lola has a way of being brutally honest and somehow funny as hell at the same time.

“Yeah, well, you came back to a monster who was completely out of control. I figure that’s worse.”

“I came back to a man who has every right to be in pain,” she responds, rolling me over so that she’s on top of me, her legs straddling my hips. “If you ask me, I’m surprised you haven’t trashed a room sooner. Hell, I’m surprised you haven’t trashed the whole world. I’m not sure I could have that much control. If I went through even a tenth of what you have, I’d probably burn the whole damn place to the ground.”

Trust Lola to make me laugh when I’m at my absolute lowest. She laughs along with me, but then her eyes turn serious. She reaches a hand up to my face and traces a delicate finger over the lines by my eyes, the grooves around my mouth. “You okay?”

I nod.

“Really? You’re not faking it this time?”

“I’m not faking it. And if I’m not okay now, for the first time I have faith that I will be at some not-so-distant date. That has to count for something, right?”

“It counts for a lot.” She smiles at me with soft, sky-blue eyes.

“I’m going to get more help. I’ll see Michael twice a week. I’ll open up more, do whatever he wants me to do.”

“I’m so glad.”

“And you won’t leave me, right? If I do all that?”

“Oh, Garrett, baby. I was an idiot to leave you the first time. You were right. I was scared to trust you, scared to think I mattered enough for you to stick around if things didn’t work out the way you hoped.”

“I love you—”

“I know.” She presses soft kisses to my lips. “I love you too. I just let old fears and old rejections get in my way. Even if Samuel hadn’t come down to get me yesterday, I’m pretty sure I would have found my way back up here. The longer I spent in my own hotel room, the more I missed you. It hurt like hell to leave you, so I figured out it was stupid to worry about losing you some nebulous time in the future when I was already suffering for walking away from you.”

“Don’t do that again. I’ll do my part to get healthy, but please. Please don’t leave me like that again.”

“I won’t. I couldn’t, even if I wanted to. I need you too much.” For a second I think she’s going to say more, but then she just leans forward and presses her mouth to mine.

It feels so good, she feels so good, and I can do nothing but drown in it. Drown in her as I let her tenderness wash away the last of the filth inside of me.

After a few seconds, she starts to move away, but I slip a hand through her voluminous curls and cup the back of her head. I hold her in place just a little longer, pressing soft kisses to her lips until she moans into my mouth.

And still I’m not ready to let her go. Not now, when she’s so soft and warm and giving all around me. Not now, when the warmth of her is streaming through me like sunlight. Not now, when I finally have her back where she belongs.

So I don’t.

Instead, I slide my tongue along the seam of her lips. Delve inside the moment she opens to me. Stroke my tongue lazily against her own.

There’s a lot I need to do this morning, but for now I’m content to stay right here and steal these moments with Lola.

Content to swallow her cries down like rain.

Content to skim my lips over the velvet softness of her skin and drink her in.

And I’m more than content to slide my hands down to cup her ass. To lift her hips up and then lower her back down on my dick.

Lola gasps as I slide into her warm heat. Gasps again as I arch my hips to drive myself even deeper inside of her. She’s so slick, so hot, so sweet that I’d burrow deep within her if I could. Just bury myself in her until she washes away all the darkness inside of me.

But it’s not her job to heal me. She’s already filled so much of the dark, desperate void within me. I’ve got to do the rest.

And I will, after I make love to the only woman I’ve ever loved.

The heat builds between us slowly as she moves against me, her hips rising and falling of their own volition as she opens herself to me. As she softly calls my name. As she shatters around me, bathing me in the gentle warmth of her love.

And that’s when I know. When I really, really know. It doesn’t matter if I ever earn my father’s approval. And it doesn’t matter if I ever get the throne. As long as I have Lola, everything else can just work itself out.

She’s worth more than a crown, worth more than a kingdom.

I might have gone through hell to get here, but as I watch the sun rise outside our bedroom window, I know that right here, right now, I’m the luckiest man in the world.