16
ROLAND
"I came here to tell you something."
I gave a cheeky grin. "You're not pregnant, are you? Cause that's a step beyond what I'm ready for just yet."
She gave an awkward smile. "I'm leaving Boston."
My heart shattered into a thousand pieces, and the shards sliced through the inside of my chest. No! She couldn't be leaving, not now. I'd just been vulnerable with her, told her something almost nobody else in the world knew. And now she was leaving? I recoiled from the thought, emotionally and intellectually and physically, and the latter must have been more than the rest because she quickly grabbed my arms to hold me in place.
"I won't be back for three months. I'm going to Africa. For my thesis."
I relaxed, but only a fraction.
Harriet felt perfect in my arms. She belonged there, with my head buried in her tangle of red curls and her breath fogging in the air. I didn't want to let her go.
But I would have to. For three months.
I wanted to tell her no. That she was mine now, that I couldn't be away from her for that long, and that even though we'd only been together two times it felt like I'd known her all my life. I wanted to tell her a lot of things.
"Wow," I said.
"I'm an animal conservationist," she said. "I don't remember if I told you that already. But I'll be studying elephants in Mozambique."
"That's... incredible!" I said, seizing on my enthusiasm to drown out my sadness. "That sounds like the opportunity of a lifetime."
"It really is. I'm still in shock. I just found out earlier this week, and I've been studying and preparing nonstop. That's why I came here tonight: to let you know, just... in case."
"In case what?"
"I dunno," she said shyly. "In case you changed your mind."
"Changed my mind and swept you off your feet and carried you to the couch..."
"Stop!" she giggled, and I could see her cheeks blushing more than just from the cold night air. "But yeah. I leave tomorrow."
Something came over me. I remembered the totem in my pocket, which I'd grabbed from bed while getting dressed. It had finally stopped pulling on me while I was with Harriet, but now it pulsed in my pocket like a New England lighthouse.
I reached into my pocket and took it out. The teardrop ruby glowed gently in the night, casting a red glow over my fingers and wrist. Aside from the doctors at the hospital, she was the only person I'd shown it to. Taking it out right here made it more real than before, when nobody else knew.
"Here," I said, handing it to her. "This is yours."
This is yours. They weren't the words I'd meant to say, which were this is for you. But what I said out loud sounded more correct. It belonged to her now. Like a piece of me she could treasure.
Her face lit up in a way that made my heart soar.
"I love it!" she blurted out, holding it up to her face. "How did you know?"
"Know what, love?"
"When I was a little girl, I was bonkers for mythical creatures. I had a coloring book full of them: dragons, and leviathans, and gryphons. The body of a lion, the wings and head of an eagle. It's perfect!" She ran her finger over the head, caressing it the way it deserved.
All the tension left my chest. I was still sad that she was leaving tomorrow, but while she held the gryphon I thought I could survive. It would only make me yearn for her more in the mean time.
"Where'd you get this?" she asked.
I gave a start. "I've had it forever," I said airily. "Just an old thing." Somehow that sounded more like the truth than the actual truth.
Her smile faded. "I wish I had something for you..."
"Bloody hell, no!" I quickly said. "I'm giving you this because I want you to have it, not because I need something in return."
"I know, but..." She suddenly tilted her head up to the sky. "Damn light pollution from the city... there!"
I craned my neck to follow her pointing finger to the north, away from the city.
"See that star there? That's Altair." She moved her finger to trace a constellation. "That's the head... these two stars form the wings... and this bit down here makes the tail."
"The tail of what?"
"Well, there's no gryphon constellation. At least, not one I know of. But," she said excitedly, "the constellation there is Aquila. It's the bird that carried Zeus's thunderbolts in Greek mythology."
"Oh wow," I said, finally seeing the shape for what it was.
"Unfortunately, I won't be able to see the whole constellation while I'm in the southern hemisphere," she said. "But I'll be able to see Altair, the star that forms the head." She turned to face me with a giddy look on her face, and tapped the eagle's head of the stone carving. "You can look at it at night, and know that I'm looking at the same star somewhere else in the world."
I'd never been into astronomy, but there was something incredibly mystifying about that thought. That somewhere, across the world on another continent, Harriet would be looking at the same thing I was. And my gift to her made her think of it.
"I love it," I said, kissing her gently on the lips.
She sighed with happiness. "Three months isn't very long."
"How much packing do you need to do?" I asked.
"A little bit. Why?"
"Because," I said with a wicked smile, "we need to make tonight memorable."