True to his word, Jamie made himself scarce the next morning. He was gone when I got up. I thought about stopping by his office on my way out to meet Theo, but I changed my mind at the last second. His feelings were still raw, and he had said we would talk when he got back. Maybe in the meantime I could talk Theo into easing up. His insistence that I cut Jamie loose made no sense anyway. I figured he was just carrying out my uncle’s wishes, which I was sure he had made known to everyone in his inner circle.

Theo was in his office when I arrived at the Scepter. He welcomed me in from behind his monstrosity of a desk, and I took my customary seat across from him. There was no Macallan this time—just an icy chill emanating from the man I now called mentor.

Well, I called him that to his face. In my mind, he was the bastard I was going to take down.

“So what’s on the agenda for today?” I finally asked. I didn’t want to push too hard or come off as too eager. If I had my way, Theo would spontaneously blurt out all of the secrets Aaron coveted, and I would be out of here. But that was far more than wishful thinking; it was high fantasy. Things like that didn’t happen in the real world.

In reality, Theo would keep his secrets hidden, and I would work to discover them for years. Jamie would move on and marry Cameron or someone else more deserving of him than me, and I would die alone like my uncle had. The other likely scenario was that I would get a bullet in my back while I was rifling through Theo’s drawers in search of some phantom list of clients that would have set me free.

“I’ll just be giving you a tour of the hotel today,” Theo said. “You are interested in seeing your own properties, right?”

What I wanted to say was, No, I don’t give a damn about my properties. Just tell me who you’re doing business with. Instead, I said, “Of course. I can’t wait to see it.”

So Theo gave me a mind-numbing tour of the Scepter, which was much less impressive than the Alcazar. It was in disrepair, with the entire top floor being completely closed off for renovations. Theo didn’t show me that floor, and he didn’t take me to the floor marked B for basement on the elevator keypad. That was fine by me. The dark basement of an old hotel was the last place I wanted to be alone with Theo Brown.

He explained that they didn’t do nearly the business the Alcazar did. They housed the odd straggler who stumbled upon the place by mistake while looking for somewhere to stay that wasn’t right in the middle of the fray. “Most people think we’ll be cheaper here, but we don’t want to encourage the budget crowd.”

His comment sounded blatantly elitist, but I could read the subtext: We’re not really a hotel. We’re a front for darker business. I was fine with that. I just wanted his client list.

He finished showing me around and informed me that he had a meeting to get to. I took that to mean he was done with me for the day, but I needed more than a tour of the supply closet and an introduction to the bored desk clerk.

“Would you mind if I tagged along to your meeting?” I smiled, hoping he wouldn’t sense the eagerness that was making me want to crawl out of my skin. “I don’t have anything better to do today.”

He regarded me with narrowed eyes. “I don’t think we’re there yet. I believe in baby steps.”

Baby steps. Great.

“Besides,” he continued. “I’m sure I’m keeping you from all of the fancy things you’re doing at the Alcazar. Didn’t you have a spa to finish or something?”

“I’ve got a great staff over there. They’ve really taken the ball and run with it. I hardly do anything besides check in with them every now and then.”

“Oh, yes. I forgot you’re just a beginner at all of this. I should warn you that letting your employees run the show is not a good thing and that you need to keep a close eye on every facet of your business, but you’ll learn that for yourself soon enough. If you’re letting someone else handle the decisions on this project, you’re going to spend at least twice as much. People aren’t nearly as conscientious about spending when it isn’t coming out of their own pockets.”

“I’ve been very hands-on with it up until now. It’s in the final stages, so I’m not too worried. It’s just a waiting game now.”

“How are your injuries?” he asked.

Oh, God. I was not about to let him get another look at my body. I could still feel his hands on me as if I’d been molested. I suppose in some weird pain-fetish way, I had been.

“They’re healing really fast, and I woke up with much less pain today than yesterday.”

Theo nodded but said nothing. I supposed he was disappointed that I wasn’t writhing in pain.

The truth was, I was still sore as hell, and the crazy sex with Jamie the night before hadn’t helped. But I wasn’t feeling quite as stiff, and that was a big plus. Hobbling around like an old man had been the worst. Hopefully, I would be fully recovered by the time I had to fight Anthony Rodriguez, who was a talented enough fighter to make me nervous. Not on a good day, though. If I were in the kind of shape I’d been a year before, I would have wiped the Octagon with him like I’d done everyone else, but I’d been shirking my training, and the weight cut already had me sweating bullets. I didn’t need to be injured on top of it.

Theo nodded and tapped his index finger deliberately on the desk. My eye was drawn to it, and I marveled not for the first time at how shiny his nails were, and I wondered if they had polished as well as buffed. He was obviously a vain man, with that perfectly waving mane of lion hair, immaculate suit, and a thick gold watch glittering at his wrist. My uncle had been very much the same, though without the flowing blond hair.

Suddenly I realized Theo’s finger was still tapping, and that it was a signal for me to stop wasting his precious time. Probably Morse code for Get the hell out of my office. Boy, when this man was done with you, he was done. No more chit-chat and no friendly smiles. Not that he was much of a smiler anyway.

I stood up and stretched, playing it off like it was my idea to leave. “You know, you’re probably right about the spa. I really should get back and see what they’re doing over there. I’m letting one of my employees handle the decorating, and he’s pretty flamboyant. If I’m not paying attention, he’ll probably have glitter paint on the walls.”

My attempt to lighten the mood fell flat. Either Theo didn’t appreciate humor, or I just wasn’t funny. Probably a little of both.

“So when can we do this again? I’m fascinated.”

Theo leaned back in his chair and steepled his long fingers in front of his chest. “I think a little get-to-know-you time is in order. This is all so formal. How about we have a few drinks at your place this weekend? I would invite you to mine, but to be quite honest I don’t trust you enough yet.”

Well, the man was certainly blunt.

“I don’t know—”

“Your ex-boyfriend won’t be there, will he? I trust you’ve taken care of that little problem.”

I shook my head, caught in the crossfires of his threatening stare. That little problem would be in New York until Sunday, but Theo didn’t need to know that. Let him assume that Jamie was gone for good. There was already a seed of an idea in my head about how Jamie and I could stay together without tripping Theo’s wire. If he was staying in one of the Alcazar suites, maybe I could visit him on the sly at his place until this was all over. I wasn’t sure if it would work.

“Jamie’s gone,” I said. “We can have drinks at my place.”

“Great. How does eight o’clock Saturday night sound?”

“Sounds like a date.”

And what the hell had I just said? Date? What if Theo took it to mean we were having a date date? I had no idea where his interests lay within the gender spectrum, but in his journal, Peter Santori had claimed that Theo tried to seduce him one night. He’d made it sound like a pity seduction, but I had my suspicions about that. I was pretty sure straight dudes who got a lot of action didn’t typically offer to fuck their hard-up guy friends as a birthday present.

Theo actually smiled at me. “Then it’s a date.”

I made a quick escape so that I could worry without an audience.

When I cranked up my car and started to back out, I got a text message from Aaron. Or I assumed it was Aaron since it was a confirmation for a time slot at a nearby gun range. Was Aaron going to teach me how to shoot? The prospect excited me almost to the point of giddiness.

I headed back to my place to grab my gun, and I almost made it through the lobby without anyone accosting me. Unfortunately, Steve saw me and followed me all the way to the elevator.

“What’s up with Jamie,” he asked without prelude. “He’s in an awful mood today, and I can’t get him to talk to me.”

“It’s personal. You need to mind your own business on this. He’ll talk when he’s ready.”

Steve’s face fell. “I don’t know what’s up with you guys, but you need to get your shit together. You can fire me if you want, but I’m not going to keep my mouth shut. You’re my friends, and my friends are my business.”

He stalked back over to the front desk and glared sullenly at me as I got on the elevator. I wasn’t going to fire him. It was an absurd thing for him to even suggest. But I did wish he’d stop trying to intrude. Things were complicated enough without him browbeating me about our love life.

Pushing those thoughts aside, I retrieved the duffel bag that contained my gun from the closet in my apartment and hurried back to my car. I had an appointment with destiny, and my destiny apparently included being a badass motherfucker with a gun.

As expected, Aaron was waiting for me at the gun range, dressed in his new casual style that still caught me off guard. I was so used to seeing him with his hair buzzed and wearing a suit, and now he was just a regular guy with hair, a beard, and street clothes. And the weight loss was probably the biggest difference of all. I had to admit the look suited him. Aaron was a good-looking man.

“Kage,” he greeted with a smile. He could be deceptively charming, but I knew that beneath the friendly veneer he was all business. “You ready to learn how to protect yourself?”

“Hell, yeah. If you’d told me a year ago I’d be learning to fire a gun, I would have called you a liar. The fact that I have a need to learn now is a little disturbing. Do you think I can get good enough to do any damage?”

“Nothing to it. You’ll be a pro in no time.”

I was pretty sure he was just trying to give me confidence, but I was excited to prove him right.

“Here’s my gun,” I said, showing him the 38 Special my uncle had left behind. It was a gorgeous gun, and it also had historical significance in my life. Call me a sap, but I liked the idea of using Santori’s gun even if he and I hadn’t seen eye-to-eye when he was alive. Like it or not, he was the only family I had.

“Actually, I brought you a present,” he said, pulling a black gun out of his bag and holding it out to me. I turned it over in my hands, thinking that it wasn’t nearly as attractive as the 38 Special. “It’s a Gen 4 Glock 19. Same gun I carry, right down to the modifications.”

“But I like my gun. It reminds me of old-world gangsters or something. This black one screams street thug.”

“I know you like it, and it’s fine to learn how to use it and enjoy it. It’s a fantastic gun. But you’re going to be at a disadvantage if you’re talking about concealed carry and protecting yourself against people who are much better armed and better trained than you.”

I frowned, unconvinced. I really wanted to use my gun.

“Let me put it this way,” Aaron said. “Would you rather have six rounds or fifteen? And would you rather deal with single bullets or a clip.”

“Okay, that’s a good point.” I returned the 38 Special to the duffel bag and got familiar with my new gun.

Aaron was a patient instructor. He started with proper handling and safety. Then we moved on to grip and squeezing the trigger. I’d never imagined there was a right and wrong way to pull a trigger. It was fascinating stuff. Eventually, he had me decked out in safety gear with my ears protected as I tried firing at the target. I have enough humility to admit I sucked at first. It wasn’t as easy as it looked to fire a gun. There were so many things to consider: kickback, foot placement, aiming, squeezing, and working with the unique characteristics of my gun. By the end of our training, I was more than a little discouraged, but Aaron gave me a cool holster that fit inside the right front of my waistband and could be concealed easily beneath a shirt. That cheered me up a little, because damn. I had a holster in my pants.

Then I realized… Shit, I have a gun in my pants.

“Am I going to shoot my dick off?” I asked Aaron point-blank.

He chuckled. “No. The appendix carry may seem dangerous, but it’s not any more dangerous than any other position. The trigger guard of your gun is protected at all times while in this holster. The only time you have to be careful is when you’re unholstering and reholstering your gun. Practice it a lot with the gun unloaded, making sure that you keep your finger clear of the trigger guard until the gun is pointed downrange.” He demonstrated. “When you’re reholstering, be aware of bits of clothing, especially drawstrings, which could potentially breach the trigger guard. That’s really it.”

“Okay. Since you wear one of these, I’m not too worried. Now I just have to learn to shoot. After that sorry excuse for shooting I exhibited here today, I don’t know if I’m even capable of learning.”

“You’ll get the hang of it,” Aaron said. “There’s a reason firing ranges exist. You have to practice to get good, and I expect you to be here at least a few times a week. My buddy Hank will take care of you.”

He introduced me to Hank, who was a burly, bearded man in his forties, and Hank instructed me to ask for him any time I came to the range. He and Aaron exchanged a hyper-manly hug, and then Aaron took me to an empty snack room and got both of us a bottle of water. We sat at one of four tables and got down to business.

“What have you learned so far?” Aaron asked.

I laughed. “I’ve only seen Theo twice since you and I talked. Not much time to learn anything.”

“Sometimes seemingly insignificant details can be important. You need to be paying attention to everything.”

“Well, I do know he’s got a hard-on for pain, and especially pain he’s inflicted. The bastard got me to show him the bruises his goons left. He put his hands on me. Squeezed my bruises to make me flinch. He’s kind of a sick bastard.”

Aaron gave a quizzical look. “But isn’t that the kind of thing you go for?”

“No, asshole, it’s not. I like to beat people up in the Octagon, and I like to get rough in bed. What I saw in that man’s eyes is something different altogether. I don’t gloat over the damage I do to my opponents, and I certainly don’t hurt people in bed just for the sheer torture of it. It’s—” I wasn’t sure how to explain my kink to Aaron, and it wasn’t really his business anyway.

“It’s what, Kage?”

I sighed. “It’s more of a power thing for me, I guess.”

“Do you think he’s any different just because he enjoys a different kind of pain? I see a lot of parallels between the two of you. And let’s not forget Santori. As I see it, the three of you are cut from the same cloth. I just hope you don’t turn out like them.”

Shame flooded my every cell. I felt like a pre-teen who’d been caught jerking off and was now forced to sit through his parents’ lecture. Aaron seemed to think that my predilection for pain had the potential to make a monster of me. Could that be true? Was pain more than just a bedroom kink for me? Was I destined to end up like Santori and Theo Brown? The thought made me shiver. I didn’t want to be like them. I hated them.

“Is that really how you see me? I asked, fearing the answer as much as needing it.

Aaron ran his fingertips distractedly through the condensation on his water bottle and shrugged. “I think you have a shot at being something better. A really good shot. I don’t believe you’re evil at heart, but then what man has ever been born evil? We all start out the same. It’s up to each of us to decide what we will become in the end. But I didn’t mean to get into a philosophical discussion with you about good and evil. My purpose in questioning you about Theo was to get you to explore what you know about him. That’s an important skill when you’re working undercover. I don’t have time to train you properly in all of the nuances of the job, but I can give you some quick pointers that could mean the differences between success and failure.”

“I’m down for learning anything you can teach. I don’t mind telling you I’m scared shitless right now. I’m trying to be what you need me to be, but as you know, I’m just winging it. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. There were several times when I was talking to Theo that my nerves nearly got the best of me. I never know if I’m doing or saying the right thing, and I’m terrified that I’m going to make one wrong move and get myself killed.” I paused and bit my lip. “He would kill me, wouldn’t he? If he thought I was a real threat.”

“I imagine so. That’s why you have to pay attention. The fact that you and Theo have a similar fascination with power and pain should be an asset to you in figuring out how to deal with him. Like minds and all that. Does that make sense?”

“Now it does. I thought you were just giving me a lecture. Trying to make me feel like shit about my kinks.”

He shook his head. “It’s not my place to judge you, Kage. All I can do is make observations. What else have you learned?”

“Well, most importantly I’ve learned that he doesn’t trust me. Or Jamie. I know you told me not to share any information concerning our arrangement with Jamie, and I fully intended to do as you asked. Now that’s not so much an issue anymore since Theo told me I had to break up with Jamie or else.”

“Really?” Aaron scrubbed his fingers through his beard. “Hmmm. I hadn’t expected that. What beef does he have with Jamie other than the fact that your uncle didn’t approve of him?”

“Your guess is as good as mine. He seemed very serious about it, though. Told me it was non-negotiable.”

“Do you think Theo could be attracted to you?”

“No,” I replied, my voice loud with vehemence. Then I put my disgust aside and considered it. “Well, I suppose he could be. I haven’t gotten all the way through the journals, but at the beginning, Peter mentioned that Theo had offered to have sex with him on his birthday. I thought that was a little strange.”

“You really need to finish those journals, Kage. I can’t stress enough the importance of getting to know this man through your uncle’s eyes.”

“I want to read every word. I just haven’t had the time with all this other shit going on. I was also trying to keep them a secret from Jamie. It seemed easier that way. If he’d known I was reading them, he would’ve had all kinds of questions, and I wasn’t ready to deal with that.”

“So he’s gone now?”

“Not exactly. I told him we needed to take a break while I try to get in good with Theo. Again, let me reiterate that I did not, nor do I plan to, expose your agenda or involvement to him. Without that information, my excuse for working with Theo is thin at best, but I really had no other choice. I don’t want to break Jamie’s heart, and I don’t want to put him at risk in any of this. I also don’t want him to go and find someone else to fall in love with while we’re working all of this shit out.”

“It may be inevitable.”

“Thanks a lot.” I shot him a petulant glare that didn’t seem to bother him in the least.

“You have to consider all possibilities realistically. In this line of work, there are sacrifices. It’s nearly impossible to hang onto the people in your life no matter how much love you feel for them. Sometimes it’s better for them to just set them free to have normal lives. It’s selfish to keep them hanging indefinitely in the hopes that someday it will work out. This job takes a lot from us and gives back very little.”

“Well, I’m not actually in this line of work, remember? This is your job, not mine.”

He nodded. “You’re right. But you’re still involved, and nothing can be done about that. Your unfortunate parentage is to blame for that, but it doesn’t change the facts. Do your best to help us out on this, and I’ll do my best to see that you’re safe and happy afterward. I just want you to realize there are things beyond my control, and Jamie is one of those things. You have to let him make his own choices. When the smoke clears, maybe he’ll choose you and maybe he won’t.”

“Maybe you could keep an eye on him for me. Step in if he starts getting too close to someone or doing something I wouldn’t like. That would give us some measure of control.”

Aaron grinned and raised an eyebrow. “My God, you sound just like your uncle.”

Jesus. He was right. I thought back over my words and was appalled that I had been the one to say them. I had just asked Aaron to spy on Jamie like he’d done for Santori, only this time it would be to keep Jamie tied to me instead of driving him away. In that moment, I sickened myself. For what I’d said, and the fact that even the shame of knowing all of that didn’t make me want to do it any less. I didn’t want to be like Santori, but dammit I still felt the urge to control Jamie by any means necessary. I hung my head and admitted to myself that I was fucked in the head, and that I was more of a bad guy than I’d thought.

“Hey, don’t beat yourself up,” Aaron said. “I know why you want to do it. Don’t think I haven’t been tempted in the past to use my resources to keep someone in line. But if you love him, I don’t think it would be a good idea. You would just feel guilty and ashamed for doing it, and if he ever found out, he would resent you. Consider this: Santori thought he was doing the right thing for you by getting rid of Jamie. I’m sure there was a lot of selfishness mixed in there, too, but for the most part, I think he truly believed he was helping you. Now that you know that, do you forgive him?”

“No,” I admitted. “I hated him for it. Still do.”

“Exactly. And I don’t think you should expect Jamie to be okay with you manipulating him, either. Even having someone tailed in the name of physical protection can be a slippery slope. Too easy to get turned around about what your true motives are. I can’t tell you what to do, but my advice is to let him go in the hopes that you can be reunited someday when this dark cloud isn’t hanging over your heads.”

Damn. That’s not what I wanted to hear. It made sense, but I still didn’t want to hear it. What if Jamie got with someone else in the interim? I couldn’t stand the thought of some other guy’s hands all over him. Some other guy’s dick inside him. Some other guy telling him he loved him, and worse, getting his love in return. It made me want to hurt somebody, and not in a good way.