JAMIE CAME home a half hour early. When I heard him enter the apartment, I scrambled around on the bed and shoved Santori’s journal into the drawer, hurting myself in the process. I’d been so wrapped up in the story I’d forgotten I was injured. Jesus Christ, my head was spinning.

Santori was gay? I couldn’t even fathom the idea.

Not only that, but who was this meek little Peter guy? I just could not reconcile the Peter Santori in the journal with the Peter Santori I knew. Their personalities were worlds apart, and yet everything pointed to the fact that they were indeed one and the same. It was surreal.

Jamie came into the room and sighed.

I tried to act normal. Like I wasn’t dying to rip that book out of the drawer and find out more. I was obsessed already, and Peter’s story had only just begun.

“How are you doing?” Jamie asked. “Did you get enough away-from-Jamie time today?”

I shook my head, trying to sling away the cobwebs. Trying to work my way up out of the story of someone else’s relationship and back into my own.

Peter and Gio had just been rolling happily in each other’s arms, but in real life—my life—Jamie and I were at odds. Had something happened between lunchtime and now?

“Don’t be like that, babe. I just wasn’t feeling well, that’s all.”

“What did you do all day?” Jamie asked, trying to sound nonchalant. I knew him well enough to see through that ploy. “Did you watch TV, or did those drugs have you completely knocked out?”

“I was mostly knocked out,” I lied, though I was still feeling the effects.

Jamie picked up his cell phone and checked the call log. “Whose number is this?”

Fuck. Why hadn’t I deleted the record of Aaron’s call? I couldn’t tell him it had been a wrong number, because he could clearly see the call had lasted several minutes. I decided I had to come clean. Sort of.

“Aaron called to check up on us.”

“Really?” Jamie looked shocked. “What did he say?”

“Nothing much,” I said. “He just wanted to make sure we were doing okay.”

“That’s it?” he asked. “After all this time, he just called to say hey?”

I shrugged. “He wanted to know if we needed anything. I told him we were okay.”

“You told him we were okay?” he asked incredulously.

He pulled something out of his back pocket and shoved it in my face. It was the note I had hidden in my desk drawer.

“You went through my things?” Even though I was the one hiding shit from Jamie, it pissed me off. “I can’t believe you would go snooping in my fucking office. Why can’t you just trust me?”

“Because you’re keeping things from me.” He shook the note for emphasis. “Exhibit A, Kage.”

“Why would I have told you about that? I don’t even know what it means or who left it. I just found it on my desk the day after the Grace Howard Show. It could be anything.”

Jamie shook his head. “You still should have told me. We’re in a committed relationship. We live together. Does that mean nothing to you?”

“Of course it does.” I ran a hand through my hair, and even that small movement sent a shockwave of pain through my ribs. “I just didn’t want to worry you. I want you to be happy.”

He paced across the room and back again, his anger barely in check. “How can I be happy when I can’t trust you to be honest with me? I know you didn’t lose your credit card last night, Kage. I found it in your pocket.”

“Found it?” I fumed. “You found it, or were you snooping again?”

He rushed the bed and got right up in my face, a tremor of anger rippling through his body. “I’ll snoop if I think there’s something to worry about. If you think I’m just going to sit back and watch everything fall apart, you’re sadly mistaken.”

I let out a vicious laugh. “Something to worry about? You thought I was cheating on you, didn’t you?”

I was being mean, and I knew it. I hadn’t even really meant the words. Jamie was absolutely right, and I was wrong, yet I couldn’t let myself give in.

He backed away from me, his face contorted with the anguish of betrayal. I had put that look there, on the beautiful face I loved so much. The knowledge made me feel lower than low.

“Actually, no,” he said, valiantly taking control of his emotions. “I didn’t think you were cheating on me. But now, judging from your overblown reaction, I’m beginning to wonder.”

“I’m not cheating,” I said, ashamed that I had caused him to think such a thing. “I would never do that to you.”

Jamie nodded and stared at me for a few tense seconds. Then he went calmly to the closet and changed into a pair of sweats and a t-shirt. My heart rate picked up and didn’t slow until he’d emerged again, apparently oblivious to the mini arsenal I had stashed at the back of the closet. I needed to figure out how to present all of this to him, but I wanted to talk to Aaron first.

No safety. Point and shoot.

If Jamie picked up that gun and accidentally got shot, I’d never be able to forgive myself. Again, I had put the man I loved in danger.

Fuck.

“I got a gun,” I told him. “From my uncle’s apartment. I also got a taser for you. The one he used on me that night. They’re in the closet, but don’t mess with them until we learn how to use them, okay? The gun is loaded, and there’s no safety on it.”

“You got them because of the mugging?” he asked.

I nodded, even though it wasn’t actually a mugging. I was pretty sure Jamie suspected as much, but he didn’t call me out on it directly.

“Do you really think that’s necessary? I don’t feel comfortable carrying weapons. Couldn’t we just get some pepper spray?”

“Pepper spray probably wouldn’t be very effective against four thugs with guns, Jamie.”

“Okay.” He took a deep breath and let it out, looking defeated. “I’m going to watch some TV. Do you want to watch, or should I go out to the living room?”

His voice was flat, and I didn’t like the sound of it, but there was nothing I could do at the moment. Not until I knew what we were up against. If push came to shove, I’d do the last thing in the world I wanted to do. I’d send Jamie back to Georgia.

“I just want to sleep. I’m hurting pretty bad.” It was the truth, so why did it feel like a lie?

Because you’re making a habit of being dishonest, a little voice inside my head whispered.

Jamie went into the kitchen and came back with my meds. “I don’t want you to hurt.”

He shook two out and handed them to me with a glass of water. I took them, even though I wasn’t sure if I wanted to.

“Thanks, babe,” I said. “Please don’t be mad. I’ll make it up to you as soon as I can move again.”

His face softened, and he ran a hand through my hair.

“Kage—” He paused, as if trying to work out what to say. “I’m just irritated, that’s all. I don’t like being kept in the dark. Get some sleep, and I’ll talk to you in the morning, okay? And don’t forget. If you feel like you need to go to the doctor, just let me know. I might be angry, but I’m also worried sick about you.”

I nodded and smiled. “Sure thing, babe. Don’t worry about me, though. I’m tough.”

“Yeah,” he said, turning to leave. “Sometimes you’re too damn tough for your own good.”

“I love you, college boy,” I called after him before he made it through the door.

“I love you, too,” he said. “No matter what.” Then he turned off the light and pulled the door closed behind him.

I lay there in the dark for a long time, wearing myself out with my swirling thoughts of murder, crime, danger, weapons, and cryptic notes written in red ink. What had my life become? It was spinning out of control, and as much as I had prayed it wouldn’t, it was all starting to affect my relationship with Jamie.

I decided I’d better call Dr. Key in the morning. I needed some help sorting shit out, and until Aaron saw fit to pay me a visit, Dr. Key was all I had. He was smart. He’d help me make things right with Jamie.

Thinking about our relationship reminded me of the other relationship I’d practically lived during the last few hours. The romance of Peter Santori and Gio Rivera.

It was unsettling and captivating. I needed to know what happened to them.

More importantly, I hoped Santori’s journals would be the key to understanding what was going on in my life now. I had already learned that Theo Brown, the man who had sent his Matrix goons to make mincemeat of my body, was Santori’s best friend. I also knew that the hotel I now owned had once belonged to Gio Rivera. What other secrets did the pages contain?

Would I learn more about my father and Evan? Would I gain a better understanding of the events that shaped me, and of my uncle’s part in them? Would I feel sympathy for the man who had ruined my life? Would I come to know his heart?

I reached up and ran my fingers along the herringbone chain at my throat. Gio’s chain. A chill danced up my spine, and I shuddered.

In order to find answers, I was going to have to take a walk in Peter Santori’s shoes. To experience his life. To feel what he felt.

It was one of the most terrifying prospects I’d ever faced, yet my fingers were already itching to pull the book out again. I was fiending for more, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to stop until the last page of his story had been turned.

* * *