Alec didn’t bother to hide her expression when Kalix landed the transport inside the mountain fortress, noticing the presence of only two warriors instead of the entire squad she had been greeted with last time.

Kalix set his palm to her waist to urge her forward, Zhenya bouncing alongside her with a grin on his face while he looked around at the citadel.

The kid was fascinated by everything, head on a swivel at all times, drinking in everything almost ravenously.

It made Alec almost smile, reaching out to grab him by the back of his tunic to keep him from falling over while he was looking straight up at the ceiling and all the carvings in the stone.

“We won’t be meeting with the Asho until tomorrow morning. Ne’tare has situated us in our previous guest quarters, and we’ve been invited to join the evening meal with the other mated pairs in residence.”

Zhenya gave a sideways skip, “Can I go?”

Secretly, Alec adored the look Kalix shot the kid. “You were invited as well, cub. Yes.”

Having never been to what sounded like a fancy affair to Zhenya, naturally he asked Kalix all about it the entire walk up to their quarters.

*****

It was difficult to sleep inside the cavernous rooms. They felt too much like a tomb. Alec hadn’t ever been inside a tomb before, but she remembered the horror vids shown every Friday night in the dining hall on Moika with uncomfortable detail.

This place, as luxurious and comfortable as it was made to appear, was still a cave buried deep inside a mountain.

Most of the hybrids living here now had spent the majority of their lives on board a starship, so cramped quarters were familiar to them.

To Alec, she couldn’t think of anything more hellish.

She tried to think of anything else to combat the crushing darkness. Her mind rolled backwards and forwards, searching for anything to latch onto.

She longed to be back in the forest, high in the trees, close to the air and sky. Where she could run, fight if she had to.

Here, there was no space to do anything other than be cornered.

“It takes time.” Kalix’s voice drifted from the depths of the shadows, making her already thundering pulse leap and crash against her ribs.

“W-what?” Alec felt her beast shift inside her, blink, and she suddenly saw in streams of heat. Yellows, greens, reds.

She saw the enormous bulk that was Kalix sitting not far from the bed. Unsure how she had stumbled on this weird new ability, she waited to see if it was just a fluke.

“More time than you think for the urge to run, to fight your way out of what your mind tells you is a dangerous situation, isn’t the first instinct that comes out in the dark. Do you need some air?”

“Ah... yes. Air. Um, I can see you.”

Kalix tilted his head curiously, his features plain as day. “See me?”

“Something happened to my eyes. I see you, like I’m looking through a thermal readout display.” She saw Kalix blink and a shine came over his eyeballs. Green and reflective.

He reached out to catch her chin, gently turning her this way then that. He smiled, brushing his thumb over her jaw before he released her.

“It is an ability most have to work very hard over a span of years to achieve. What were you thinking of when the shift happened?”

“You startled me, I hadn’t expected you to be awake. I wasn’t thinking anything, it just... happened.”

“Interesting. Lights low.”

Even dim, the glow of the lights caused her to wince and shut her eyes. When she risked a peek a second later, her sight was back to normal, and Kalix was exactly where she thought he had been.

“Why do you keep sitting up to watch me sleep?” she blurted out without thinking.

His lips kicked up at the corners. “Because it brings me peace to do so. Does it make you uncomfortable?”

“Yes.”

“I would prefer to be lying beside you.” Alec opened her mouth to tell him that wasn’t happening tonight, but he held up a finger to stop her. “I know. Come, let us walk for a while.”

She tossed the blankets away and followed Kalix out. Zee was asleep on the floor, but they didn’t make it across the room before he was wide awake and wanting to know what was wrong.

“Feeling claustrophobic, Zee. Just need some air. Go back to sleep, it’s okay.”

The kid obeyed after only a minor hesitation, rolling over on the palate he had insisted on making himself in front of the low burning fire.

Kalix set the biometric lock and assured her no one would be able to gain access to the room, or Zhenya while they were gone. He took her hand, and Alec noticed the moment where her muscles tensed to jerk away.

Relax. He’s trying so hard.

The thought crossed her mind, and for a moment Alec almost thought it was her own inner voice, but something tugged deep inside her. Pricked at her heartstrings and made her throat close as she looked around, some stupid impulse making her think for a minute she’d heard Meg’s laughter.

“Alec?” Kalix’s hand firmed around hers, his eyes serious and gentle with concern.

She opened her mouth to tell him it was nothing, but the thoughts that sounded so much like Meg’s voice came again. 

Let him in. Be his mate, stop fighting him. Let yourself be happy for once, it won’t kill you.

He must have become truly worried because he was suddenly crowding her, cupping her cheek in his hand, using his thumb to swipe away the tear she hadn’t realized had slipped free.

“What is it?”

“This place makes me crazy,” she rasped. “I swear I can hear my sister talking to me.”

Alec held her breath after blurting the truth out like that, expecting Kalix to laugh at her or tell her she was losing her mind.

He did neither. He continued to brush his thumb back and forth over her cheek, giving her his absolute attention. 

“What does she tell you?”

Taken aback by the utter seriousness of his question, Alec floundered for an answer.

“To relax. To stop fighting you, us, and um, let myself be happy.”

He gave a hum, his lips kicked up in a small smile. It was warm, tender, and so was the kiss he touched to her brow.

“I agree wholeheartedly with your sister then.”

“You don’t think I’m crazy?”

“Not at all. Come, I have something to show you.”

Kalix kept her hand, nodding to the warriors who stood sentinel in the hallways. They went up one level and down a corridor to a pair of large metal banded doors. Kalix shouldered one of them open and motioned for her to walk inside.

Unsurprisingly, the room was cavernous, lit by hundreds of candles set along special trenches throughout the indoor garden.

The air felt different in here, lighter, almost fresh and moving gently through the room. Waterfalls fell from a crevice at the rear of the chamber, spilling down the wall into a shallow pool that in turn trickled out to feed a series of ponds dotted around the space.

To the left hand side sat a pair of oddly curved benches and behind them, a gigantic statue of a Sarazen beast that looked like it would prowl right off the stone and come to life any second.

“This is a temple to your god?”

Kalix made a curious noise beside her, his fingers working gently to squeeze and rub at hers.

“This is a temple, yes, and many do regard this creature as their god. It is said this beast here was the very first of what later became the Sarazen people. I was taught to think of the Beast differently.

“My sire was with me when I struggled with my first change. It came earlier than expected, I was much younger than most.

“I was frightened and certain I wasn’t strong enough to shift. Certain I would die before ever making the transformation.

“I remember wondering why that made my sire laugh, and he told me even the Great Beast had once suffered through his first shift, only backwards from beast to male.

“Just days before, my sire showed me a wooden carving made by the sire of his sire, a toy we played with. It looked much like this,” Kalix nodded to the statue, “only smaller. When I did begin my transformation, my sire told me to see myself as that same great animal, to keep the image of it in my mind and allow myself to become my beast.”

Kalix shot her a quick smirk, “I recall being quite proud of myself when I shifted and was so much larger than the carving.

“I don’t remember much of my youth before the uprising, but I do know the Beast wasn’t a god my family prayed to. He was a creature to be emulated. Be strong like the Beast. Be fierce like the Beast.

“I remember my sire would sit beside me in the darkness of my room and his voice, soothing my fears. ‘If you are frightened, remember the first of us, where you come from, and have no fear.’”

Alec reached up to touch the cold stone, her fingertips finding the fine grooves the artist had carved to give life to the fur of the creature.

She walked around the statue entirely, studying it, listening to the affection in Kalix’s voice as he recounted memories from his childhood.

The only good memories she had of her own childhood involved Meg, and Clary’s parents. Alec had stopped being jealous of other people with caring mothers and fathers a long time ago, but she still felt a punch of emotion all the same.

“It sounds like your father loved you very much.”

“He did.”

“How did you do it?” she murmured, hugging herself while she looked into the snarling face of the stone cat.

Kalix’s heat touched her back before his hands curved over her shoulders.

“Do what?”

What would it be like to let him take her weight, to hold her up, to not be—

Such a hardass? Just give a little, Alec. Just try.

So it was official. As her anger faded and the grief set in, Alec was going insane.

“Alec?”

His voice, the vibration of his words on her back made her blink. It took effort to unlock the muscles in her knees, conscious thought to allow him to hold her.

His arms were warm and strong, strong enough to hold her up when all she wanted to do was run from the room and chase down the ghost of her sister’s voice.

Alec sucked back her tears and tried to remember what she had intended to ask.

“Succeed when everyone around you slandered your father, your family?”

“Because no matter what they said, true or false, my sire, my mother, my brothers? I knew nothing of the politics or the friction between the clans as a cub.

“All I knew was that I had been loved. So I held the memories close, and I remembered what my sire told me. To be strong and have no fear.”

“To be a warrior,” Alec murmured.

“Yes. There were times when it was harder than others to remember. Sometimes when it got too dark, all I wanted to do was escape the barracks and run home.

“I felt like the walls and the cots with the other cubs beside me would suffocating me.

No one understood, or cared enough to try, so sometimes I did escape.

“I only ever made it as far as the rooftop, and I was always alone. Some nights the trainers assigned to teach us left me be, and those nights of their neglect were some of my most cherished moments.”

“Why?”

Kalix didn’t immediately answer her, turning her so he could bend and pick her up, cradling her like a child as he carried her over to the curved stone benches.

He sat, settling her between his thighs and lay back with her, holding her steady while he loudly commanded the room to illuminate.

Only it wasn’t light that filled the temple. She gasped in awe as the shadowy ceiling was suddenly covered with stars and planets. A far more sophisticated hologram of the heavens than Alec had ever seen.

“My mother loved the stars. We used to lay on the roof of our den and she would tell me the story of how our ancestors became stars once they gave their last breath.

“She told me those same stars we had once used to navigate across the continents, before the Sarazen people became technologically advanced, were because those who had come before us loved us enough to light the way home.

“So those moments alone on the rooftop of the barracks, I looked for my way home. I looked for stars I had never seen before, hoping perhaps I could tell, that I would just know somehow which stars my parents and siblings had become.

“Some nights I swear I could hear my mother’s voice in my ear, telling me I could never be alone so long as there were stars left to shine. My father’s voice, telling me to be strong and have no fear.”

Moved beyond anything Alec had experienced thus far, she stayed quiet and let herself feel. Let herself listen to the deep rhythmic cadence of Kalix’s voice while he stretched his arm up to show her the constellations his mother had taught him to navigate by.

She watched him trace the shapes of animals and birds and allowed herself to relax. To imagine the child Kalix had been, lying out on a roof somewhere alone, looking up to the stars for his family. How lonely he must have been.

How every word he had spoken was evidence to support the fact that though their situations had been different, he did indeed understand what it felt like to be an outcast among his own people.

To be alone.

She realized how hard he must have struggled and fought for a place to belong, and once he had attained a place of esteem and honor, how difficult it might have been to give it all up. For the first time since learning of his abandonment of her, Alec tried to understand.

To acknowledge as hard of a struggle as it had been for her to find a place to belong in a new world, to have a purpose now that every reason she had for fighting was moot, Kalix had been struggling in a similar manner. Only for much longer.

As many times as she had been told how long lived the Sarazen people were, their rate of time explained and compared to the human measurement of months and years, it still baffled her that a fair number of the warriors she had met were between the ages of eight and twelve hundred years old.

Clary had told her Kalix had been born in the same decade as Tarek, which put Kalix closer to that twelve hundred year mark. If he had spent even half of that time fighting for a place within his community, for respect among his peers, or even acknowledgment of his loyalty as a warrior, what right did Alec have to be upset with him for wanting to keep the position he had struggled to attain for so long?

She couldn’t know what she might have done differently if Kalix had gone and staked his claim on her back on board his warship.

The moment he had spilled the blue crystals into her palm and explained where they had come from, if he had opened his arms to her then, maybe she would have fallen into them. Maybe she would have lashed out later and blamed him for trying to take advantage of her pain.

Did it matter now? He was here now and he was trying.

Sensing the change in her mood, he dropped his arm from pointing at another cluster of stars to rest on her belly.

He was making a habit of that, touching her, finding ways to slip his fingers beneath the edge of her shirt to rub at her skin. It was distracting, though it was a habit she would be hard pressed to say she didn’t like.

His hand spread on her stomach, his fingertips spreading back and forth, drawing the weirdest sound from inside her.

Alec startled, the purr that vibrated out of her own throat turning to a choked gargle when she tried to stop.

Kalix chuckled, curving his palm around her throat gently. “That sound was very sweet, mate.”

“Sweet? I just made a sound no human throat is supposed to make!”

He laughed in earnest now, rearranging her so she was laying on top of him, face to face.

“Alec? You are no longer altogether human.”

He took her hand, spreading his fingers between hers, looking at her blunt fingernails. He squeezed each of her knuckles gently to release her claws, shaking his head with a bemused little smile on her face.

“I pity the person stupid enough to forget it.”

*****

Kalix wondered if Alec could tell yet their bond strengthened enough to allow their emotions to flow back and forth between them.

He wanted to give her time to acclimate to it, but they were on their way to meet with the Asho and as he could sense Alec’s apprehension, Kalix did his best to share his calm with her.

She projected a beautifully strong female on the outside, not a scent to betray her otherwise, but inside she was a seething mess of emotions. Chief among them was uncertainty.

Kalix knew the blame for that lay at his feet, insinuating others among the community would have reason to fear Alec, or perhaps it was a residual discomfort from this morning.

Her reaction to the gifts Kalix and Zhenya had presented her with to celebrate her day of birth.

Alec had been very careful to conceal the devastation she had felt when she had come out of their sleeping quarters. It was the moment he had realized their bond had formed in truth, as agony had speared right through him.

Somehow despite her pain, Alec had smiled when Zhenya had loudly announced,

“Happy birthday!” and held out a sweet cake the cub had somehow managed to acquire from Ne’tare.

She had even laughed a little when Zhenya had bemoaned the fact that Sarazens did not have candles small enough to be placed on top of the cake, trying to cover his nervousness with a joke to say Alec’s cake might catch on fire.

Kalix had no idea what placing candles on a cake symbolized, but the antics of the cub had caused Alec to laugh.

To hear it made Zhenya grow a little emotional himself, and Alec’s devastation had turned to a sweeter, softer sorrow.

The cub had distracted her with his gift, something Zhenya called a utility belt. The cub blushed with pride as he explained the many uses of his creation, his cheeks bright when Alec put it on and declared it to be the most amazing thing Zhenya had made yet.

Kalix had opted to give only one of his gifts, despite the fact he had brought many, and as luck would have it the twelve blades no longer than Alec’s palm he had purchased at the market fit perfectly into the pockets on her belt.

Alec had been surprised by his gift, her eyes widening with recognition, then shot to him with astonishment.

“These are from the market we went to the other day.”

Kalix shrugged, attempting to conceal his relief at her reaction. “You spent a great deal of time perusing the table of weapons, but continued to return to those with interest.”

She shocked him with the shy kiss she brushed across his cheek, thanking him softly before turning to Zhenya and demanding cake for breakfast.

Kalix had stood rooted to the spot for a moment, attempting to understand the burst of feeling he had experienced, uncertain he could even define what it was.

Walking toward the secure room the Asho had taken as his command center, Kalix was still not sure if that roil of tender emotion had come from him, or from Alec.

She stopped suddenly in the hallway, which of course meant he stopped as well, concerned by the frown on her face.

He immediately tried to decipher what she was feeling, but there were so many things still rioting around inside her, he had difficulty.

“Is something wrong?” he glanced around at the warriors escorting them, glad when they obeyed the flick of his chin and withdrew to a respectful distance.

Alec didn’t seem to notice or care, staring at their joined hands for a moment before looking up at him.

“No. Before we go in, I just wanted to say, thank you.” When he tilted his head curiously, wondering what she could possibly be thanking him for, she tugged at her lip with her blunt little teeth and turned pink with a lick of embarrassment.

“For this morning. But more for last night. I don’t know how you knew, but I was thinking of how much I needed the wind and sky, and that place you took me was perfect.”

He hummed as understanding dawned, bending to rub his nose alongside hers, unashamed to give her a soft rumble of affection.

“I am very glad you found it so pleasing. It would be no hardship to install a holo-view in your quarters at the fortress with the same view.”

“I’ll think about it.”

“Good. Come, we must not be late.”

As soon as they crossed the threshold of the command room, Clary pounced to envelop Alec in a tight hug, murmuring a very soft, kind happy birthday in her ear.

Kalix experienced Alec’s surprise, her sorrow, her uncertainty, the war of discomfort and gratitude for the Asho’na’s embrace.

Alec returned Clary’s hug, fighting to maintain her composure despite how emotionally off balance she was.

Kalix grew concerned that today might have been the wrong day for this, or at least too much for Alec to endure with her normal tenacity.

The females exchanged their pleasantries before they all took their seats, though Alec did not sit in his lap the way Clary crawled comfortably onto Tarek’s.

Kalix could tell this gave Alec pause, her emotions flowing freely between them enough for Kalix to understand she was as curious as she was put off.

There was no denying Kalix longed for the day when Alec felt so comfortable as to openly share such affection and solidarity with him.

“So, what has prompted this meeting?” Tarek asked, giving nothing away in expression or scent to display his thoughts.

Trained to come to the point as quickly as possible, Kalix began to explain. “Alec had an altercation with—”

“It was not an altercation,” Alec interrupted, scowling at him. Sinking into her chair a bit more when he lifted his brow at her and fought not to smile.

“Very well, an incident which required her to reprimand—”

Alec interrupted again and explained for herself what had happened. “I got pissed off that Jonas was sticking his nose in my business again. Apparently he thought he needed to tell Kalix how to deal with me after my first shift, insinuating I might be irrationally emotional or something, and I decided I’d had enough of his meddling. I told Jonas in plain terms what I would do if he overstepped like that again.”

Clary sighed as though she understood Alec’s displeasure perfectly. Tarek merely blinked.

“Warranted as it was,” Kalix began, “that is not the purpose for why we are here. It was the initial encounter with Jonas’s mate, and the manner in which Alec delivered her reprimand.”

Tarek blinked again. “The manner?”

Alec wiggled in her seat uncomfortably, clutching the hand Kalix sat on her thigh.

“D’nora challenged Alec with rudeness and disrespect, and Alec responded by overpowering D’nora’s beast. Alec didn’t move a muscle, yet caused Jonas and his mate both to change.”

“Fully change?” Clary asked, unexpectedly excited for some reason.

Alec cleared her throat. “No. Jonas popped his claws, and his eyes changed. D’nora too. Seriously, though. I don’t know how I did it.”

Kalix tried not to smile at his mate. Truly, the threat they posed to the pride aside, Kalix could not help but be proud of her.

“They would have, had Alec pressed further and the two not acquiesced to the command of her beast.”

“Oh, thank god,” Clary said in a rush of relief.

Beside him, Alec’s eyebrows shot clear into her hairline, yet Kalix remained uncertain as to why the Asho’na was relieved by the news that Alec held the power to take Clary’s place. Kalix looked to his commander in confusion, put on edge by the total lack of his reaction.

“You were concerned my mate and I would consider this a threat.” Tarek made it a statement rather than a question, but Kalix answered anyway.

“Yes.”

“Do you want the pride?”

Kalix opened his mouth to deny he did, but Alec beat him to it. “Not a chance in hell.”

Clary laughed at the vehemence in Alec’s tone, further confusing them. Tarek rocked back in his chair, still giving nothing away to say one way or the other if he felt differently.

“The Breeding Festival is in two days,” he commented.

Kalix inclined his head slightly, rubbing his thumb over Alec’s thigh when she squeezed his hand tightly.

“We have not made arrangements to attend yet. In light of what occurred, I wished to ask permission to go, and to ensure both of you held no doubts about our continued loyalty to the pride. To you. Neither Alec or I have any desire to challenge your place as pride rulers.”

Clary took a breath to answer, but frowned sideways at her mate, likely receiving a silent instruction to be quiet.

“I had not and do not doubt your loyalty.” Tarek stated gravely.

Kalix could feel the immediate rush of Alec’s relief, and could not say he did not feel a measure of it himself.

“I gladly give you my blessing to attend the festival. However, there is a matter I would discuss with you.”

“Should I leave, then?” Alec offered, earning herself a gentle snort from Clary.

Tarek gave a careless wave of his fingers. “There are no secrets between mates, and what I ask will affect both of you.”

Kalix purposefully shoved his amusement toward Alec, feeling her jolt a little in reaction.

She frowned, no doubt searching her emotions for the cause of it, but to his delight looked at him askance when she realized where the amusement had come from.

“Until my plans are finalized and put in motion, what I tell you now is not to be shared with anyone else.” Kalix and Alec both agreed to keep their silence, and Tarek continued with an annoyed curl of his lip.

“After much discussion, I have decided to give the traitors of the Original Council what they claim to want.

“They claim my fore sires are to blame for the uprising that led my sire to unite the clans, thereby weakening the pride as a whole.

“They also claim the poisoning of our females, allowed by my great-grandsire, is the reason why our population continues to decline every hundred cycles or so, and why taking mates outside of our species will only weaken the pride further.

“The Original Council make many such accusations as to how I and those before me are to blame for the problems which plague our species.

“Hypocritically excusing the murder and usury of their own people, importing banned technology and weapons created by our enemies and all manner of treasonous crimes, to be the only way to save our declining way of life.

“While I find the majority of the human legislative system to be ridiculous, my mate has provided me with some rather valuable insight on how I cannot only strengthen the pride, but also undermine the foothold the traitors have gained through their supporters.

“I can say with confidence, none of them will be pleased with my plans, and I expect there will be more unrest for some time to come.

“There is in truth simply too much ground for me to cover without the assistance of those I know I can trust, to ensure the traitors have no place to go to continue their infiltration.

“Discovering your mate’s ability to command beasts the way my mate is able is actually quite timely.

“It is my decision, that just as the armada has commanders, so too will the corresponding planets. Clary has used the term governor, and for now that title suits our purposes.

“It is my wish that you govern over one of the planets, the commander of the corresponding warship with report directly to you, and you will report to me. Thereby increasing the efficiency of how we maintain control of our system wide territory.”

To say Kalix was stunned would have been glaringly inaccurate.

What the Asho was proposing was indeed a brilliant plan, giving the population as a whole the certainty that their pride ruler had their best interests at heart and was willing to do whatever necessary to protect and provide for them.

While at the same time giving the Original Council no option to continue using the uprising and forced unity of the clans as an excuse for their terrorism.

Kalix was honored, humbled, that Tarek would even consider him to play such a vital role in his plans. But the frank truth was no one would recognize Kalix as an authority figure, simply for the color of his clan markings.

He intended to say so, but before he could even push the thought from his lips, Tarek went on with a purpose.

“No doubt you intend to say something ridiculous about your heritage, but the planet I would have you command, and the fierceness of the female beside you will swiftly reveal which of the warriors around you are trustworthy, and which are not.

“You will likely be challenged for the right to your command once it is established. If you are even half the beast Brennaugh claims you are, I have no doubt you will meet all comers and grind them into the dust.” 

“Which planet?” Alec asked confidently.

Tarek continued to rock back and forth, Clary sitting in his lap with a happy smile on her face.

“S6.”

“The prison planet?” Alec clarified slowly, already gathering herself to defend him.

Tarek inclined his head in his regal manner, watching them both closely now. “I had initially thought to appoint my brother to the task, but his mate is unfortunately too soft and gentle for such an undertaking.” Clary elbowed her mate and shot him a dark look, which made him sigh with exasperation.

“Also, it was suggested it might appear as though I was punishing T’mai, or insinuating that for his perceived weakness, he belonged there.

“Neither is true, and because my mate is so concerned with everyone’s feelings, I will clarify my reasons for assigning you this post.

“S6 is, as you know, Kalix, not just a prison. It is the wellspring of our most valuable resource, and the most vulnerable to attack.”

Clary, finally seeming to be unable to maintain her silence, looked at Alec with kindness.

“It’s where the ore comes from. It’s used as currency in this star system and what we trade with for things we can’t manufacture. It’s also the metal used to make the warships, armor, and weapons for the Sarazen military.”

Alec made a sound of understanding, but within, she still maintained her skepticism.

“Thus, I cannot send a warrior or a mated pair to govern the territory unless they are strong enough to hold it.” Tarek gave Kalix a questioning look, likely asking if he understood. Of course he did.

Without a capable commander to maintain order and control of a territory as volatile as that of S6, the Asho would constantly have to send more warriors and resources to hold the planet and keep it out of enemy hands. Not to mention the danger the prisoners themselves posed.

That Tarek was appointing Kalix to this command was not a punishment or a statement to say he found Kalix unworthy to control the territory. It was the complete opposite.

“What about the kids and the rest of my people? Will they stay here, or go with us to S6?” Alec asked.

Tarek jerked his chin up at them. “That will be up to the two of you to decide. Commander V’ar will likely object at first.

“No doubt he will feel slighted at first, having been charged with protecting S6 from orbit for so long, but he cannot hold the planet and command a warship at the same time.

“The odds of him calling for a challenge are good, and will potentially be the first of your obstacles as you take command of the planet.

“I have found him honorable thus far. His temperament is such that when you claim victory, he will cede graciously and be a strong ally.

“I intend to call a meeting of all fifteen warship commanders and the males I have chosen as governors to begin the transition process, after the breeding festival.”

“You’ll need a few days to recover,” Clary told Alec. “After the meeting, there will be time enough for you guys to have a little honeymoon if you want.”

Alec gave a strangled laugh, scarlet and radiating embarrassment for some reason.

“Honeymoon? Is this another human day of birth celebration?” Kalix asked seriously, confused as to why his mate was so mortified, and why his question made the Asho’na burst out laughing.

*****

Clary’s laughter followed them out of Tarek’s office and Alec was fairly certain she had never been more embarrassed.

She was trying to fend off Kalix’s continued curiosity about honeymoons, but she knew she was going to have to tell him.

If she didn’t, he would ask Zee, which would be even more embarrassing.

Worse, Alec could actually feel Kalix trying to figure it out. Feel his curiosity, the lingering sensation of his uncertainty regarding being given a promotion, the confusion, the amazement. Even his feelings of triumph and happiness. 

Aside from having been surprised with Zhenya’s unbearably sweet effort into her birthday, it had taken her the entire morning to suss out why she had felt so emotionally whacked out.

It hadn’t been until she had been feeling seriously uncertain in Tarek’s office, then felt the urge to laugh come out of nowhere, that she realized what had happened.

The unexplainable mystery of the bond between Sarazens and their mates, finally manifesting between them.

First the erotic dream sharing, now this, which wasn’t bad. Just... confusing. More than a little overwhelming, and Kalix wouldn’t stop pestering her!

She made it to one of the semi-private balconies and grabbed him by the shirt, looking around hoping no one would overhear her when she smacked at his arm and hissed.

“Clary meant sex. Okay? That’s what she meant. That after the festival we should go to S6 and fuck like rabbits the whole time.”

Unsurprisingly, Kalix’s pupils jumped up to slits and back at the mention of sex. Except this time, she felt the punch of his own desire hit her right between her thighs.

As though he had reached down and touched her physically, despite standing perfectly still with his hands in plain sight at his sides.

“What is a rabbit?”

Alec blew out a breath, attempting to calm down her suddenly very excited vagina.

“A small furry creature they used to have on Earth. Put two rabbits in a cage together, a month later you’d have ten rabbits. Then fifty by the end of the next month.”

“So rabbits perform this honeymoon ritual in order to create a horde of offspring?”

Despite her embarrassment, Alec found herself laughing. She laughed so hard tears streamed down her cheeks.

When she was finally able to see, when the gut clenching laughter eased to giggles, she glanced up and saw Kalix looking down at her.

There was a softness in his expression to match the gentleness of whatever emotion he was feeling.

A feeling that tingled, that warmed her insides and left her a little unsteady on her feet. Alec had no idea what the feeling was, certain she hadn’t ever experienced it before.

“What?”

Kalix shook his head and reached up to brush the tears of her laughter from her cheeks.

“You should do that more often. Laugh.” She would have responded, but Kalix bent to give her a soft kiss, further throwing her off balance. “We need to collect Zhenya and return to the fortress.”

All she could do was shrug and nod, but because of her silence, Kalix stepped closer. That warm, bubbly feeling dissipating to one of concern.

“Is something wrong, mate?”

The stark truth rolled out of her mouth before she even considered stopping herself.

“No, I’m just overwhelmed. I have been since this morning.”

It felt so odd to be so honest, to not keep anything back for fear she would be perceived as weak. The only other person she would have confided in, been that honest with, was Meg.

Maybe it was the day.

Maybe it was their bond.

Maybe she was testing this alien in front of her to see just what he truly thought of her, because she was that defensive.

Maybe you’re doing what I said, and trying. It’s okay. You should confide in him.

Or maybe, as the voice of her dead sister suggested, she was simply going crazy.

You aren’t crazy. Don’t use that as an excuse.

Kalix lowered his brow to hers, radiating nothing but calm. “We do not have to go to the festival this time.”

“No, we need to. Your assignment—”

He barked out a quick laugh. “So you will go because of the assignment, but not because you want to?”

Alec tried to explain, stumbling and fumbling over trying to tell him all the reasons why she wanted to be his mate, but she could barely get the words out.

For god’s sake! Stop acting like some wilting flower. Fear ruled our lives for so long, please, please get over yourself and be happy.

Alec took a deep breath and closed her eyes, “I want to go. For me, for us. I’m just... I mean it’s not—”

“Look at me, Alec.”

Kalix took her jaw in his hands, his fingers sliding back along her scalp to knead gently. To urge her to tilt her head back so she had no choice but to look at him when she opened her eyes.

She couldn’t feel anything from him right now, so the jumble of emotions belonged solely to her.

“Is the fear you feel because of me?” Kalix held her gaze, held her steady, and offered no judgment.

Alec had to fight not to look around for prying ears, wishing to have the ability to speak to Kalix without words. Hoping no one would hear her confession.

How could she tell him she had been fighting for so long, that she no longer knew how to do anything else?

As an outcast among the other children she had grown up with, she had fought to prove she was the best so her father wouldn’t beat her.

Fought to make him believe she was Meg when it was Meg’s turn for a beating, so Meg wouldn’t know what that pain felt like.

Then their father had gone back into space to find the rest of their people, Sage took Meg and Alec in, and Alec fought to be normal. To be good like Meg, so Sage and Sully wouldn’t kick them out, or hit them.

It had taken Alec a year to believe Clary’s parents were the good, genuine people they appeared to be.

When the Scylla had attacked and Alec was left to lead everyone, they thought she was fighting to keep them safe. The truth was, all Alec had ever wanted was to keep the only person who had ever loved her alive.

Alec had failed to do that. She had failed to protect the most important person in the whole world, and she had been fighting to accept that ever since.

Fighting to find her place, her purpose, how to live without her sister. Now she was fighting to figure out how to be a woman, and she had no idea what that meant.

Alec fought. It’s all she knew how to do and she was exceptionally good at it.

How could she possibly explain all that and not come across as weak? And why was Kalix smiling at her like that?

“Because, mate, I would never think you weak.”

*****

Something had happened in these precious few moments. Some thought or feeling Alec had experienced, some desire she had, had unlocked the last door between them.

Every word, the silent ache his mate fought so hard to bear, filled his mind while she had gnawed on her lips and worried he would think less of her.

“I don’t wish for you to be anything or anyone, other than you are,” he told her gravely. Then tilted his head to tease her just a bit. “Perhaps somewhat less argumentative.”

Alec gave him a look he interpreted to mean she thought he was delusional, but in truth, any frustration he suffered was justly earned.

Kalix rumbled for her and let his nose rub along her cheek, allowing her to decide whether or not she wished to kiss him.

She didn’t, but neither did she shy from his touch. Progress enough for now, more than enough as they now had the ability to speak to one another wordlessly, as mates.

“There are three other mated pairs who will be attending the festival and it would be wise for all of us to travel together.”

Alec rolled her lip through her teeth slowly. “Probably so. Um, about that whole breeding aspect of the festival?”

Already sensing her apprehension and uncertainty, Kalix quickly made the attempt to soothe her.

“It is not a requirement that we consummate our mating in the field. We already know we will find one another the day of the festival, thus, there will be three following days to complete the legalities and... fuck like rabbits.”

His attempt to adopt the human phrase for what sounded like a very enjoyable mating made Alec once again laugh so hard, tears leaked from her eyes.

He was unclear why his declaration garnered such hilarity in response, but he welcomed it in place of her apprehension.

––––––––

Hours later as they boarded the vessel that would take them and the three other couples to S9, Kalix caught his mate blushing and smiling when she thought no one was looking.

When it came time to retire to the small cabin appointed to them for the duration of the trip, he walked in and found Alec already in bed, seated with her back against the wall, watching him through narrow eyes.

He sensed curiosity mixed with a jumble of shyness and uncertainty through their bond, yet neither her posture nor her scent gave away any of those feelings.

It was remarkable to him how some of the human hybrids had so easily bonded with their beasts.

How capable they were at adapting to their circumstances physically, unconsciously performing tasks such as concealing their scents, without anyone telling them how.

He tilted his head at her, preparing to ask if something was amiss. Her brows furrowed in concentration, and a blossom of elation filled him as her voice once again whispered across his thoughts.

~Can you hear me?

Kalix leaned back against the door, folding his arms across his chest to keep himself from leaping the distance to put his hands on her.

~I hear you very clearly, mate.

Alec’s cheeks turned bright pink, though she lifted her chin as though defying her own feelings of pride and pleasure, which was ridiculous. She should be pleased, and very proud of herself. He certainly was.

~Good. I kept trying earlier, but the distraction of carrying on a verbal and non-verbal conversation was too much.

~It will become easier as our connection deepens.

She gave a hum of agreement, shifting to curl her feet beneath her, fidgeting with the fold of the blankets.

~The cabin is small, you, um, you won’t be able to sit up and watch me sleep. Which is just weird, by the way. We’re about to go running through a desert. You should sleep.

~I had planned to shift and sleep here on the deck.

Her head shot up fast enough to cause her curls to fly, surprise plain now in her expression.

~On the floor?

~Yes, mate.  He chuckled. I have slept on far worse things.

~That’s not necessary. We can share the bed. I need to get used to it, and why do you call me that?

Having already moved toward her at her invitation to share the bed, Kalix was lowering himself down when the last of her thoughts hit him in a rush. Her knees brushed his hip as he sat, the tiniest scent of her arousal tickled at his senses.

~Call you what?

~Mate.

~Because you are my mate.

~No, I mean yes, I know I am. But that’s not what the others call their mates.

Kalix understood immediately what she was asking and reached out to wind a skein of her hair around his fingers. Again, she leaned into the tug ever so slightly.

~No, it’s not. I do not call you my One, because I do not feel as though I have earned the right to make such a claim.

You know I desire nothing more than to lie here with you, but if it unsettles you, I will gladly sleep on the floor.

She took a breath to speak, her lips jumping in a quick smile when she remembered she didn’t need to.

~I’m trying to face the things that unsettle me. And... I did like it. Lying with you by the lake the other day.

Kalix had his boots off and was lying back before Alec could change her mind about sharing the bed. He waited, his beast frozen and eagerly perked, waiting for Alec to decide how she would be most comfortable.

It took her a few moments to settle, but she scooted down and lay her cheek on his chest, a soft sigh feathering from her lips when he curved his arm around her and buried his hand in her hair to knead at her scalp.

~Tell me about the festival. How many have you been to?

Her mental voice held an edge of relaxation, her muscles unknotting one at a time as his rumbles and the gentle tugs to her hair began to soothe her.

Kalix smiled, glad they were finally able to communicate this way, so he could speak to her and give her the purring tones intended to soothe her.

~I have not personally attended a festival, so my experience comes from the stories of others.

Kalix could feel his sleepy mate frown, wanting so badly to kiss her when she tilted her head back far enough to look up at him.

~You’ve never been? I thought it was like a mandatory big deal for everyone.

~Mandatory? No, it is not mandatory, though it is as you say, a big deal. It is uncommon for mates to find one another at random on the street.

Only twice a solar cycle will a Sarazen born female come into heat and put off a mating scent. It was not always this way, and now with the new evidence of the forced population control, we know why.

The gathering of all unmated males and females at the festivals gives us the optimal chance to call a mate within the time frame that the females are in heat.

I have not attended because I knew, even if my beast did call a mate, she would not have me.

Alec continued to frown, gently tracing her fingertips along the lines of his clan markings, unconcerned by what they meant or what they represented.

~Just because your marks are purple? That’s ridiculous.

Kalix let his feelings in response to her heartfelt remark flow openly between them. He wanted her to sense his gratitude, his continued relief, his happiness even, that she was not among the females who would have discounted him as a potential mate.

~I am glad you feel this way.

~So you haven’t been to a festival. Does uh...does that mean you’ve never been with a woman before?

He turned to rub his lips against her brow, pressing away the scowl she still wore with a hum.

~No. When I was newly assigned to Warship Five, there were opportunities to explore. I assumed because of my heritage there would never be a mate for me, so I enjoyed what pleasure was offered to me. Does this upset you?

~No. I figure one of us should know what they’re doing.

Her response was honest, making him breathe a sigh of relief. He regretted those interludes with females who had no care for him other than what pleasure he could provide them, but he was glad that he had the experience to satisfy his mate.

~I haven’t seen anyone else with a pattern like this. Or with a beard.

Most Sarazens’ markings spread down the sides of their skulls and onto their shoulders. Kalix’s covered only his left side, from scalp to fingertips.

The pattern wasn’t unique; he was simply the last remaining member of his clan, and no other Sarazen he was aware of, had anything like it. As for the hair on his jaw, it was simply another visible marker to alert others that he was different.

~Our markings are unique to our clans. This pattern and the hair growth on my face is aberrant and seen only among my familial line, of which I am the last.

Alec’s fingertips followed the swirl over his wrist, exploring the way the stripes and whorls got smaller and smaller as they stretched up to his knuckles.

~You say aberrant, like it was a bad thing.

~Not bad. Just... different.

~One of a kind? Special? Something no one else in the Sarazen population has?

Alec argued, causing Kalix to grin at the ceiling. Beast’s Fur, she did like to challenge him.

~Yes, mate. It is unique, but it is a genetic trait I may pass on to our offspring, so it may not be one of a kind for long.

As open as their bond was, there was no possible way for Kalix to mistake the churn of sadness, fear, and no small amount of anger that burned through Alec’s body.

~Unless it is your wish not to have cubs.

Alec shook her head, and for one heartrending moment, Kalix thought it might be the case.

~It’s not that I don’t want to. It honestly wasn’t ever a topic that came up, thinking someday, when we weren’t being hunted by the Scylla or fighting for one more day of survival, I might have kids. And... it hurts, makes me angry, thinking about all the things I’ll get to do that Meg won’t.

Kalix rolled to his side and hugged his arms tight around his mate, relieved when she didn’t struggle or pull away. He rubbed his chin over her hair, wondering if there was anything he could say to comfort her.

~Rest, we will not speak of it again until you are ready to do so.