Chapter 14

Olivia

A piercing wail cut right down the middle of the blackness in my mind. Sleep. Deep and delicious sleep, totally dreamless. Usually I had vivid dreams, and they were filled with scents. Leather or oil or sour clouds of ash or the soft grace of a lily.

Not tonight.

I bolted upright in bed, and my comforter slipped from my naked body. It was dark, curtains drawn. I blinked, listened.

Another wail from down the hall and through the baby monitor on my bedside table.

Penny!

I reached for the lamp on my bedside table and nearly knocked it off. I clicked it on, and the room flooded with butter-yellow light. The rumpled sheets, the clothes on the floor. My clothes only. Not Beckett’s.

Oh god. Beckett.

I struggled to the bathroom and washed my hands and face, then rushed to my closet and whipped out some loose PJs and another of my robes. I dressed in what had to be two seconds flat and tied the robe at my waist, then grabbed my cell from the top of the dresser, tucked it in my pocket, and rushed for the door.

I jogged down the hall and into Penny’s room.

The two-year-old sweetheart stood up in her crib, gripping the rail in those chubby fists and howling, tears streaking down her cheeks.

Dread settled in my belly.

What if she asks for her mommy and daddy again?

“What’s wrong, sweetheart? Did you have a nightmare?”

Penny wailed on.

“Do you want to go for a walk around the house? You can see my dresses again.” I held out my arms to her, and my heart practically stopped in my chest. Please, please, please don’t ask for your daddy or mommy. Please don’t ask for something I can’t give you.

Penny sniffled and held out her arms to me, and it was as if a choir of angels had just sung a chorus of hallelujahs.

I swept her up and tucked her to my side, then kissed her forehead. “All right,” I said. “All right, you’re all right. Come on, let’s go.”

She sniffled and didn’t say a word but clutched the front of my robe as I walked her out of her room and back down the hall to mine. We trundled past the unmade bed and to the closet. Inside, I clicked on the overhead light, and we walked all the way to the back, toward the dresses. This time, I picked out the lilac number I’d worn years ago to a party at the Prices’ mansion.

It was another reminder of Beckett, but I swallowed my nerves and handed it to Penny.

“Do you like it?” I asked, still holding it by the hanger.

“Yes,” she said, and mushed it in her sticky toddler hands. “Pretty.” The ‘r’ came out as a ‘w’. “Mine?”

“I bought it, Penny. Long ago. It was very expensive.”

She gave one of those precious smiles. I sat down with her, placing her on the floor beside me so she could play with it for a while until she calmed down enough to go back to bed.

Penny pulled the fabric into her lap and ran her fingers over it. She giggled and worried the silk, but I didn’t care. She was happy, and the dress was just a memory. I hadn’t worn it in seven years. I’d kept it as a reminder of what a total nut Beckett was, and even that hadn’t kept me from sleeping with him.

And now he was gone.

Penny’s crying had distracted me from that, but now she was happy, playing with the dress, and it slammed home.

He’d left.

Was this how it was going to be?

What had I expected?

Beckett had always taken what he wanted from me and then left me in the lurch. It was the same pattern he’d displayed during high school and college. We’d grown closer, closer, closer. He’d been possessive until finally he’d kissed me.

God, no, he’d sucked my soul out through my mouth.

And then he’d left, and he hadn’t spoken to me again in seven entire years.

He’d simply ceased to care, and I’d been left with nothing but memories and yearning for him.

And yeah, I hadn’t slept with anyone but one guy. Yeah, maybe that made me a dumbass prude, but I’d never seen the point in sex without love.

What did that say about me now?

There were two horrible options.

Either I loved him. Or I’d broken my no-love-no-sex rule.

I forced the thoughts aside and focused on Penny instead. Her future was important. I’d help shape her and show her that the way I’d lived my life, from spa treatment to fancy restaurant, wasn’t real.

That family was real. Family and love and warmth.

The little girl yawned and clutched the dress to her cheek.

“Would you like to go to sleep, Penny?”

She yawned again in response.

“But you’ll have to leave the dress here, darling.”

She shook her head. “I like dress,” she said, in her slurry toddler voice.

“I know, baby, but you can’t sleep with it.” I tugged on its end and lifted it. “See? It’s got these bad chokey straps. It can’t go in your crib.”

Penny welled up regardless.

I raised a finger. “But, if you want, I can find someone who can turn this dress into a teddy bear for you. Would you like that?” A silky purple teddy bear for Penny. It sounded ridiculous. It sounded cute.

Penny’s cerulean eyes lit up. “Yes!”

“Please,” I said.

“Please,” she repeated.

“All right, then if you’re a good girl and you have a nice sleep now, tomorrow we’ll find someone who can change this dress into a teddy bear for you.” I opened my arms, and she toddled over to me, the toes of her sleepy jammies flopping on the floor. I hefted her, then rose. “Whooo, you’re getting big. Such a big girl.”

“Yes,” she said and nodded proudly.

“That’s right. You be proud. You’re beautiful.” Positive body image was another thing we’d reinforce. Relax, girl, she’s two, not ten. I carried her down the hall through to her room and placed her in her crib. “Goodnight, sweetheart.”

She held onto my wrist. “Beck poo here?”

“No, baby, he’s not here tonight,” I said, and my heart tha-thudded like the traitor it was. “Sleep now, and tomorrow we’ll go get that teddy fixed up.”

Penny pressed her lips out, and I bent low. She smooshed her mouth to my cheek, which left a trail of spit, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. She’d kissed me. She’d hugged me. She wasn’t screaming.

“Sleep tight, Penny Boo.”

“Bye, bye, Libya.”

I laughed and watched as she settled, then tucked her light blankie under her chin. I waved at her, headed out of the bedroom, and left the door open a crack and the hall light on.

The rush of thoughts and emotions flooded me.

Beckett had left. He’d left after we had sex. And he probably wouldn’t come back.

Thanks, hon, see ya in another seven years.

Fuck, I was an idiot. I should never have let it happen, but I’d been so buoyed up by my success getting Penny to sleep without crying for the first time, and he’d been there and so him.

“Stop it. Enough.” I walked through to the living room and plonked down on the sofa, dragged my cell out of my pocket, and stared at the blank screen.

That elusive scent, his cosmic cologne—with a hint of amber—draped around my shoulders. I gritted my teeth and unlocked my phone.

I could call him. But I wouldn’t.

No, I wasn’t that weak.

When he’d walked away years ago, I hadn’t chased after him at all. I’d realized that whatever was going on in Beckett’s life was too much for me to handle. Worse, he didn’t want me a part of it.

And then he’d gone to jail and—

My phone buzzed in my palm, and my heart leaped.

It was already 10:20 p.m. A booty call?

Bebe’s name flashed on the screen, and my hope flickered and died.

Just my friend. Probably calling from some hot and happening club or party or restaurant with whomever she was dating this week.

I answered anyway. She’d been my friend for years—had been my roommate when I’d first moved to the big city—and I needed a distraction.

“Hello?”

“Babes!” Bebe’s background was filled with chatter and the low thump of music. “How are you?” Her words slurred a little, too. Oh, god, this was a booty call, in friendship terms at least. She obviously needed something.

“I’m good,” I said. “Just about to go to bed, actually.”

“Go to bed. OMG, how old are you?” Bebe tittered a high-pitched laugh. It didn’t sound anything like her. Or maybe it did, and I’d simply changed. Perhaps I’d been like her, too. Had I made late calls in the club?

No, I despised clubs. I despised drinking ever since Nathan, my younger brother, had pretty much disowned our family and fallen into booze, clubbing, and god knew what else.

“Twenty-six? What’s up?”

“Oh, I just heard the juiciest gossip, and I wanted to find out if it was true,” Bebe said.

“Huh?” I plugged my other ear, even though there was no noise on my side except for the distant hum of traffic. “Sorry to disappoint, Beebs, but I’m not exactly hooked up to the grapevine right now.”

Another reason I’d drifted apart from my old friend. She was still all about her. Ashamedly, I’d been all about me at one point, too.

“Don’t play dumb,” Bebe said and laughed again, but there was an edge to that. “You know what I’m talking about.”

“I really don’t.”

“OK, I’ll bite. So, like, everyone’s talking about the hottest bachelor in Manhattan. I think you know him. Beckett Price.”

“OK? Well, um, why should I care?” My pulse raced regardless, and I paced past Penny’s playpen and back again. “Beckett’s bachelorhood is his problem.”

“That’s not what I heard,” Bebe hissed.

“Are you going to get to the point any time soon or am I going to have to wring it out of you?”

“Everyone knows, hon.”

“Knows what?”

“That you’re fucking him.”

My jaw dropped. That was impossible. We’d only had sex literally three hours ago. “What the fuck? I’m not—what—?”

“Okay, maybe not fucking, but they took pictures of him visiting your building. They did some sleuthing and found out who he’d gone up to see. And it’s you. And I mean, I saw him there the other day so I assumed—”

“Well, don’t assume,” I snapped.

“Good,” Bebe said and let out a sigh of relief. “That’s good. I just—I was concerned, babe. You see, there’s something you don’t know about Beckett Price.”

“What’s that?” I asked and steeled my insides.

Oh god. I had no idea what to expect here. Beckett was capable of practically anything in my mind. He’d driven a car into his father’s pool, for fuck’s sake. Not any car, a Lambo, and then he’d followed that up by smashing every window in the downstairs of the house. He’d taken a knife to the sofas then tripped the alarm and walked out of the house.

And then he’d come to me.

Kissed me.

Left me.

“Beckett Price used to be mine,” Bebe said. The possessiveness in her voice was unmistakable.

Jealousy flared in my chest. “What?”

“He used to be mine,” she shouted. “I hooked up with him a couple of months ago, babes. Before any of this happened. And I just don’t want to see you get hurt like he hurt me. He fucked me and dumped me. That’s the type of guy he is, OK? So, just be careful. If you haven’t fucked him already, don’t do it.”

“Thanks for the advice,” I said, numbly.

He’d fucked Bebe?

Oh god, this was it. This was what would finally kill me. My chest hurt. I hated myself for the fact that it hurt.

“Stay safe, doll.” And Bebe hung up, her mission for the night completed.

I couldn’t blame her for warning me or for sleeping with him. I’d never told her or anyone about my feelings for him or our history, and it was logical that they’d roll in similar circles. She was the daughter of a businessman. She partied, drank, and smoked, and I didn’t.

Regardless, it didn’t hurt any less, and I walked to the sofa in the living room and sank down into it, fists balled up.

Everyone knew Beckett had come to see me. What would this do to Penny?

I needed her to have a normal life.

This was the last thing we needed.

And it was all my fault.