Haring

The offers have come pouring in since the ground breaking last week. Offers to have coffee, lunch, dinner, and sex. Everyone wants something from me. The men are looking for details on the place I’ve designed for them. And the women, well they want my body, and they’re not shy about telling me how they want it. If I was a better man, I’d be scandalized, but as I’ve done most of the things they suggest, I’m not. That’s the problem.

I slept around like the world was ending, because I thought it was ending for me. As I spiraled into my despair, I took whatever was offered to me, and fucked it. Fucked them. Women whose names I’ll never remember, and whose faces I want to forget. Hell, even before my fall from grace, I slept with lots of women. It’s not something to brag about, and I never did, but I lived that life.

I used women to try and forget, while Natasha used men to survive. How am I better? I’m starting to admit that I’m not. Seeing her hiding in the trees, instead of standing at my side, drove that home for me.

She watched me surrounded by women who were offering what I once took, and the pain on her face nearly brought me to my knees. My sister told me I was wrong, Isa and Jake told me I was wrong, but I didn’t want to hear it. I still don’t want to hear anyone tell me love can conquer all. Hearing it doesn’t make it true. Seeing Natasha, and realizing I’d do anything to make her stop hurting is what turned me into a believer.

I believe—no, I know—my love for Natasha is enough to make me overlook what she did. It’s also allowing me to see clearly. To remember how she was willing to sacrifice her life for mine in that basement. Her deception led me there, but she was going to do everything she could to make sure I lived. I knew that, but I didn’t know it. It was too soon, and I was too freaked out by everything I’d learned.

Can we really get past what she did, and what I said? I have no fucking idea, but I know I’m going to do everything I can to fight for her. She may choose to fight against me, and not with me, but that’s just a chance I’ll have to take.

“Hey Haring, do you have a minute?” Noah’s best friend, Brayden, asks, standing in my office doorway.

“Sure, what’s up?”

“We don’t know each other well, but you’re Matisse’s brother, and working with Noah, so I wanted to include you in a small party we’re having at the apartments tomorrow night. It’s just Society, and family.”

“Thanks. What are you celebrating?”

“Darcy and I just got approved as foster parents. It’s the first step towards adopting.”

“Oh wow! That’s great. Congrats!”

“Thank you. We’ve been through a long battle, trying to conceive a child, and now we’re in for a long battle, trying to give one love. It’s a lot, but we love each other, and there will never be a chance of us giving up.” He runs a hand through his hair. “I don’t know why I’m telling you all of this. Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. Sometimes it’s easier to talk to someone you don’t really know.”

“Yeah, maybe. So, I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Definitely.”

Brayden’s a nice guy, but now he’s got me thinking about babies. Beautiful little boys and girls with red curls. I can’t see their faces clearly in my mind, because I don’t know if they’ll look more like me, or Natasha, but I know they’re ours. I’m not even sure I can ever win her back, but I’m thinking of our children? Yeah, I’m obviously a mess right now. A mess of emotions I don’t have a clue how to deal with. All I know is I need to do anything I can to get the woman I love back into my life.

I pick up my phone, but put it right back down again. I can’t just call her. I need a plan. Something that she can’t resist, even if she’s still angry with me. I can handle her being angry. I can even handle her being hurt. It’s the fear of her hating me that’s giving me second thoughts in all of this.

One the one hand, she came to the ground breaking, a day she knew was important for me. But, she hid in the shadows, and never approached me. Okay, and she had to have snuck in—or maybe Jake got her an invite. No, I would’ve known. The Society had to clear any non-Corrigan invitees, meaning my sister would’ve known, and told me. Or would she have? She tried to talk to me about Natasha, and I didn’t listen, so why would she tell me she was there?

I haven’t been listening to anything but my anger, and fear, but now it’s time for me to listen to my love for her. My heart is telling me to do anything I can to get her back, and my head is in agreement this time around. It’s going to take both of them to give me even the slightest chance, but any chance is enough. It has to be.

Natasha

My time is almost up. My flight is booked for tomorrow. I’m leaving Las Vegas, and all that it holds. I can’t take Reina up on her offer. I want to, but there are still things I need to deal with back in D.C. Things that can’t be left alone.

As I wallow a little, a ringing from my bedroom makes me bound up the stairs. It’s the phone that’s long been hidden inside my tampon box. No one looks there, so it was the best place to put it.

“Hello,” I say, breathlessly.

“It’s happening tonight. This is your chance. Details will be encrypted when sent.”

The person on the other end of the line hangs up before I can say anything else. There’s nothing to say, so I’m not offended. I wait for the text, detailing where and when I need to be. When it comes through, I have to sit down on the bathroom floor, and take some deep breaths.

I work through possible scenarios in my head, weighing pros and cons. I finally pick up the new phone I bought after giving up my mob one, and make the phone call I need to, because I can’t do this alone.

“Hey, I need your help.”

“You’ve got it.”

This time, I’m the one hanging up without another word. The person I called trusts me to let them know what I need, and I trust them to have my back. After all I’ve seen, and done, that might be naïve of me, but in reality, it’s not. There’s no one I can trust more than him.

I spend the afternoon gathering what I need. My gun from the safe in my closet. A couple of knives from another safe in a kitchen cabinet. Climbing gear from REI. All the physical things I need to do what has to be done.

I can’t gather, or buy, courage. It’s something I have to find inside of me, and I do. Tonight, I could finally be free of the chains that have bound me for a long time. Chains I willingly accepted, but have become so tired of—and from. I’ve lost so much I may never get back, because I chose the path I’ve been walking on for years now.

Will I get some of it back when this all ends? Maybe. Will it be worth it? My head screams that yes, it will, but my heart tells me no. All I can hope for is that some of the people affected will understand.

As I dress in black leggings, and a black hoodie, I mentally go over what I texted my accomplice, making sure neither one of us forgot something. He’s as professional as am I, so I know I’d have received a text back if he thought the plan wouldn’t work. Honestly, there’s not much leeway we have in how to do it, but missing something would be deadly. For us, and the others who will be there when it all goes down.

It has to go down, because there’s no other way for everything to be over, once and for all.