“What does that mean? Fun and nothing more?” Matt asked as he stood and zipped his jeans back up.

“It means, I don’t want to get into something with you. I don’t want to start having feelings and get things tangled up.”

“What exactly would be wrong with that?” he asked. “Doesn’t Jason deserve to have two parents who are together, who love each other?”

Her mouth popped open in shock. “Are you saying…?”

“I’m not saying I love you. But maybe we could. One day.”

“That’s exactly what I want to avoid.” The way her heart jumped when she’d thought he was confessing his love for her was proof. “If we have sex once in a while, that’s one thing. It’s physical. I don’t want the emotional getting tangled up in it. I can’t do it right now.”

“Why?”

“I can’t let you back in. You hurt me so badly, Matt. I can’t take the chance of that happening again. You weren’t just the first—and only—person I’ve had sex with. You were the first person I almost loved. I thought I was falling for you.”

“You haven’t had sex with anyone else?”

She shook her head. “But I’m sure you have. Probably lots. And that just proves it. Even if you hadn’t already broken my heart, you’re not ready to settle down and have a family. You’re too much of a player.”

“I’m not. I don’t need to sleep around. And sex doesn’t always have to have meaning. Just because I slept with plenty of—”

“Good. Then let’s keep it that way. No meaning. Just sex.”

Matt closed his open mouth.

She crossed her arms over her still bare breasts. “Can you handle that?”

He looked down the length of her body. “If I don’t have a choice. It’s not like I could ever say no to you.”

“Good.” She stood and dressed. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Can’t we spend the night together?”

“Nope. That’s too emotional.”

He sighed and pulled on his shoes. “Tomorrow then.”

They went on like that for weeks. After putting Jason to bed, they’d make love on the couch. Never in her room. She didn’t want it to feel too intimate and personal. On occasion they tried out the kitchen and once the bathroom, but never the bedroom. He would ask to stay every time and she would always tell him no.

But the first time Maya had gotten her period after they started having sex, she realized two things. One, she wasn’t as relieved as she should be that she wasn’t pregnant, and two, having to tell him they couldn’t have sex for a week made her miss it. And him.

Despite all her planning in keeping it just physical, she had to admit it wasn’t. She was falling for him. She craved him. And not just to have sex. She looked forward to his coming over, loved watching him with Jason, and was just as happy to put Jason to bed and have Matt to herself for a few hours.

When her period was over, she nearly threw herself on him the next opportunity she had. She thought that maybe she would let him stay the night. Try it out and see what it felt like. See what happened. But she must’ve said no too many times. He didn’t ask, and she didn’t feel confidant enough in her change of her heart to invite him to stay.

One evening when Matt wasn’t scheduled to come over, Maya had gotten Jason to bed and was relaxing on the couch with a book. She liked to sit there and think of their time together, looking forward to the next time.

Her phone beeped with Matt’s ringtone. A text from him came through.

“Is Jason in bed?”

“Yes,” she responded. Her heart sped a little in anticipation. Was he going to come over anyway?

“I need your help. Can I stop by?”

“Sure.”

She tore through the house, quickly picking up a few things and changing from sweatpants into leggings that showed off her butt better. Who knew what he needed, but if he was coming over, there was a good chance they’d have sex. She grew warm at the thought.

When the knock came at the door, a grin spread over her face. But when opened the door, it faded.

“What happened to you?” She looked at his bruises and cuts, his bleeding mouth.

“Can I come in?” He looked exhausted and in pain.

She stepped aside and led him to the couch. “What in the world, Matt?”

He lay his head back and closed his eyes. She went into nurse mode and ran to get things to clean him up. Once his cuts had been cleaned and bandaged, once she’d given him pain killers and an ice pack for his eye, she sat beside him and stared at him.

“What happened?”

“I got into a fight.”

“Duh. I mean how? With who? Over what?”

“It’s not something I can talk about.”

“Oh right. You’re not-a-gang gang. Got it.” She crossed her arms and shook her head. “It’s such bullshit, you know that? That you won’t tell me what’s really going on.”

“It’s to keep you safe.”

“That doesn’t make any sense, either. You always say that. How can me knowing change anything? How would that put us in danger?”

“It just would.”

“No. I’ve had enough of this. Knowing isn’t going to hurt anyone. You’re over here all the time. I’m sure your gang assumes you’ve already told me.”

“It’s not a gang.”

“Then what is it?”

“Maya, please.”

“Nope.” She picked up her phone and held it. “Tell me, or I’m calling the cops.”

“That would be a big mistake.”

“Then I guess you should tell me.”

“What difference does it make?” He put his head back and closed his eyes again.

“I want to know what’s really going on. What makes you get hurt like this?”

“Let’s just go with gang, then. If that’s what you want to believe, that’s fine.”

“Hello, police? I need to report an assault.”

He sat up and his eyes flew open. When he saw she hadn’t really called the cops, he glared and shook his head. “Why would you do that?”

“To make you tell me.”

“You probably won’t even believe me.”

“Let’s just find out.” She laced her fingers and smiled, waiting.

“I’m in the mafia.”

She laughed. “That’s better than a gang. Come on, Matt. You’re the father of my child. I deserve to know the truth!”

“Told you, you wouldn’t believe me.”

“Wait… what? You’re serious? You’re in the mafia?”

“Yup. Got made shortly after we were together. After the two guys who were at your aunt’s taking pictures showed up and I beat them up, then they told my boss about you. After I had to cut off contact with you because my mob boss was using you as a way to make me work for him. Either I stayed in the mob or he’d kill you. It was that simple. So, I stayed, but I also stopped talking to you and it worked. He thought you meant nothing to me and stopped having your house watched and you followed all the time.”

She stared at him in shock. How could any of this be true? “That’s why you vanished? Because your mob boss was watching me and said he’d kill me if you didn’t do what he wanted?”

“That’s why. And it was the hardest thing I ever did. I was on top on the world when I left your place. Then everything fell apart.”

“Wow. I don’t even know what to say.”

“You could start with, sorry I ever doubted you.”

She gave him a sympathetic look. “You could have at least called me to tell me that.”

“Would it have worked? Would you have stayed away from me?”

“If I thought I was going to be killed maybe.”

“Right. And when you found out you were pregnant, would you have still stayed away?”

“I would have at least called you to tell you. But what about now? Your boss doesn’t know we’re talking again? He won’t threaten to kill me and Jason if he knows?”

“I’ve been very careful to make sure he doesn’t find out.”

“And what if he does?”

“Then I die protecting you.”

“Can’t you leave?”

Matt laughed. “You don’t leave the mafia. Not alive anyway.”

“How in the world did you get involved in all that in the first place?”

He let out a long sign. “My father. He loved to gamble. Problem was, he was no good at it. Didn’t stop him, though. He lost money all the time. It was nothing for him to come home all bloody after getting knocked around for not paying someone. He lost to the wrong guy, then he got sick. He had no way to make the money he owed, so I had to work for the mafia to pay off his debt. I was told I’d be done once I finished a few tasks for them, but they happened to like me. So, when I was done, they found you and used you to keep me. It worked. Then my parents died. I had no one left that I was close to, and by that point I was making really good money, so I didn’t fight it.”

It took Maya several moments to process all this. “Your dad got you into all this?”

“I had to drop out of college. Well, I dropped out three different times, actually. Each time because I had to go get a job to pay back what he lost gambling.”

“You’d think after the first time it would be enough to make him stop.”

Matt laughed. “Why would he stop if I was going to work to pay off what he owed? He was a deadbeat. I’m not going to be anything like him.”

“What were you going to school for?”

“Criminal justice. Of all things.” He shook his head. “I never thought I was going to end up on this side of the law. I wanted to take down people like me.”

“What if you still could? What if you could, like, go under cover and take down the mob from the inside?”

He shook his head. “I’m not a cop or lawyer or judge or anyone else who could make something like that happen. I’m just a criminal. The most I could do is turn myself in and hope for a plea deal. But that never works. They find out and they would for sure kill me and you and Jason. It’s not worth it. Hey, at least I make a ton of money.” He shrugged. “I guess there are worse jobs.”

She raised her eyebrows. “Really?”

“I don’t know. But it doesn’t matter. I don’t have a choice. I have to do my best to keep my boss happy so he has no reason to punish me. And if I keep you and Jason hidden from him, then he wouldn’t know to use you two anyhow.”

“Matt… this is… terrible.”

Her eyes filled with tears. She couldn’t stand knowing how his life had gone so wrong. All to pay for his father’s mistakes. That was why he’d left them? Because of his father’s mess up? Her heart ached for him. Whatever feelings for him she’d been trying to push away were right there, raging through her. She couldn’t deny her love for him or her anger at the people who had ruined his life. And by proxy, hers and Jason’s.