CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Ruby woke with a start to the sound of Desiree's doorbell. She sat up with a start, flailing around for her phone, only succeeding in knocking it off the end table.

 

It was past midnight. Somehow she must have fallen asleep. The bell didn't sound again. She waited motionless, arms straight at her sides, not even daring to breathe. Finally, a rapping came gently, then a little harder. Bang, bang, bang. Bang-bang-bang.

 

Ruby threw off the covers and sat up, her bare feet sinking into the shag rug, making her feel even smaller and more vulnerable. She reached into the bottom of her handbag for the Beretta and cocked it, though it made her feel only slightly less fearful as she crept over to the door. Maybe it was just Desiree, having locked herself out--or, she thought optimistically, Joe coming to check on her. Still, she left the chain lock on the door as she cracked it open.

 

"Sean," she said, trying to sound casual. "What are you doing here? It's--"

 

"Late, I know," he said. In the gloom, cold air rushed into the house. He looked darkly dangerous silhouetted against the hazy glow from the single neon lamp outside. His dark hair fell in front of one eye, and Ruby couldn't help but admire again how his eyes shone like black diamonds. His good looks were completely different from Joe's, whose looks were in turn were completely different from Fox's--though she was starting to understand which type she preferred. "But still, I figured I would be remiss in my duty as host if I didn't come see how you were doing." He held up a bottle of Jack Daniels, half-full. "I thought we could get to know each other better."

 

"Right now? It's past midnight, Sean," she said, wondering whether she was under an obligation to let him in. She didn’t want to seem ungrateful for the hospitality Sean and his charter had shown them. But she decided to stall him. "Where's Joe?"

 

"Don't worry about your boy. I gave him a job to do. You know, for being Kyle Clarke's sister, you've got a lot to learn about how things work with the Steel Jockeys."

 

"I think I would prefer to keep it that way."

 

"You see," he said, "it's customary when you ask a favor from another charter that you do a little errand in return."

 

Ruby frowned; something about the way he said it made her suspect this "errand" was more than a run to the dry cleaner's. Sean smiled. "Don't worry. It’s not anything that will harm his pretty face. I promise."

 

Ruby feared she'd been staring at Joe earlier in the bar. She would have to watch that in the future; letting slip that was she was increasingly finding herself attracted to him was simply another way to show vulnerability in front of those that had the power to hurt her.

 

"Well, how about when Joe comes back from wherever, the three of us can sit down and have a conversation. Tomorrow morning maybe. You know, in daylight? When normal people usually have conversations." Ruby backed up a little, clutching the Beretta behind her back, the steel warming underneath her hands, trying to scan her exits--but even if she could get past him, where would she go?

 

A day ago, she never would have believed that the feel of a gun under her hands would start to feel familiar. Much as she hated the idea of letting a man--taller, stronger, and with intentions she suspected weren't nearly as honorable as he wanted her to believe--into the house, she decided the best thing she could do was play along until she thought of an idea to get rid of him. Or even better, until Joe returned.

 

"He likes you, you know," Sean continued as he stepped into the house and sank into the armchair, unscrewing the cap on the bottle and taking a swig. "He won't admit it, but he does. I'm glad for the kid." Ruby looked at the floor. "He had kind of a rough time of it growing up, you know. Has he ever told you about his family?"

 

Ruby shook her head, almost forgetting what a vulnerable position Sean had put her in, as eager as she was to learn more about Joe.

 

"He never knew his dad, and his mom was so strung out on Oxy she barely recognized him half the time. She finally OD'd when he was eight or nine."

 

Ruby's mouth parted, though she was speechless. She'd told Fox she thought she was cursed. Certainly she'd had worse luck than most, but there was no denying that she and Kyle had been fortunate enough to have had two loving parents for most of their childhood.

 

She pictured Joe's intense amber eyes looking up at her as she knelt in that muddy field. Those eyes that must have seen so much; suffered so much, not only from a mother who was barely a mother at all, but for whichever of the four winds he'd been cast to after her death. Most of the time he was confident, decisive, as is befitting someone who leads an outlaw motorcycle club, and yet at others it was no wonder he seemed so cautious.

 

"Relax," Sean said, grabbing her shoulders and guiding her over to the rumpled sheets of the sofa bed. She wriggled out of his grip. "God, are you tense. I know a good masseuse in Fresno--know her a little too well in fact," he added with a chuckle. "If you stay here, I can introduce you. It's not safe back in Oakland, you know. And if Joe takes you back to Madelia, the Reapers will be battering down your door in no time.” He paused dramatically. “What do you say?"

 

"To staying here? Joe would never agree to that," she insisted.

 

"Are you kidding? It was your precious Joey Boy who suggested it. Look, I know how girls react to him. Sure, he keeps his head down. Flies under the radar at first. Then bam!” He pounded one fist into the other hand. “Gets you right here, doesn't he?" He touched his chest. "I've known him a long time. He's always been like that. He can steal the girls right out from under me, and that's no small task."

 

Sean went on. "But he's also poor as shit. He doesn’t even have a proper apartment, unless you count the attic up above the biker bar in Madelia. He told me he knows he can't take care of you like I can."

 

"Who says I need taking care of?" Avoiding his face, she fixed her eyes on the DVDs on the shelf, studying their titles. "The Notebook," "The Wedding Planner." Desiree liked happy endings, apparently, but the thought of a happy ending, now, just made Ruby's cheeks burn.

 

"See, Ruby," he said, drawing his arm around her shoulders casually in a way that seemed almost brotherly, and yet it didn't make her feel the least bit safe. "That's another thing about the Steel Jockeys that Kyle probably didn't teach you.

 

“We're more than friends. We’re brothers. For someone like our Joey, who barely had a family: that means something. It's important to him. And brothers share. And care. It's like that saying, everything we need to know we learned in kindergarten?" He smirked. "Let me tell you a story. Back in the day, Joey Boy and I both knew this one particular girl named Lydia. She was the cousin of our compatriot Aaron Beeson, and the daughter of one of the Jockeys' more successful associates--brains, looks, and money.

 

“We both wanted her, and I had had her first. But what can I say? The minute Joey came on the scene batting his eyelashes, she was gone. I was beaten by the best. Ever since, he's been looking for a way to make it up to me. So me coming here--I mean, if you're worried that your boy will be angry--don't be. He gave me his blessing."

 

Ruby twisted around. "His blessing?" The idea that she was some kind of toy to be passed around, like two "brothers" sharing a cigarette, made the bile in her stomach want to backwash into her throat. Not to mention she wasn’t quite ready for an allusion to Joe’s romantic past, which must have been considerable.

 

Sean's hand on her thigh seemed to land there like a spark from a fire. She wrenched herself away from his grip, but he grabbed her wrist. In truth, she didn't know which was more terrifying--staying here, or running out into the cold night, defenseless where everyone within shouting distance worked for Sean.

 

"Sean, what the fuck are you doing here?” said Joe from the doorway.

 

“Having a heart-to-heart.”

 

“Looks more like a heart-to--” he cut himself off, as if not to embarrass Ruby with whatever risque term he’d been about to use. “In any case, it’s over.”

 

Sean raised his arms, the picture of innocence, as he turned to face Joe, who stood looking as dangerous as Sean had when he’d arrived, if not more so. Ruby sat perfectly still, gaze fixed on him. The intensity of his eyes was almost hypnotic. “This is my dad's property, you know. Desiree just rents it from him."

 

"I meant what I said, Sean," said Joe, gesturing to the door, his eyes glinting like fiery opals. "Get out. Ruby and I are leaving. Give me the gun."

 

"Let's not be too hasty there, bro. Can't we talk about this in the morning? I'm sure we can work out a mutually beneficial arrangement. "

 

"My days of making arrangements with you are over. The only reason we came here is because everyone knows none of the Jockeys trusts you anymore, making this the one place we wouldn’t think to go." He turned to Ruby, who tentatively reached for her clothes, which Desiree had folded on a nearby armchair. She hoped her hostess wouldn't mind losing a pair of pajama pants, because there wouldn't be enough time to change.

 

"Joey, don't be an idiot. What are you going to do? Take her back to Bumfuck, USA and have her sleep in a chicken coop?"

 

"Better than sleeping anywhere near you,” Joe snarled.

 

Sean took a step back, raised the Beretta and casually cocked it, not pointing anywhere specific, though the body language was clear. "Looks like I'm the idiot. See, I thought we could resolve this with as little unpleasantness as possible. But since you've insisted on making things thoroughly awkward, I might as well let you two know that I'm not the only one here prepared to do whatever it takes to make you see reason."

 

He crossed toward the door and made a light casual gesture, as if whistling for a dog. "Deke? Wes?" The very floorboards seemed to squeak in protest as two armed, bearded bikers appeared in the doorway, both rivaling Colt in size and dressed head-to-toe in studded black leather and black bandanas knotted around their heads.

 

Ruby stared at Joe, whose jaw tightened underneath his smooth ivory skin. The complexity of his amber eyes seemed to increase tenfold as he shifted his gaze from her to Sean, and she could almost see his brain cells racing to come up with a plan. "Remember, I said whatever it takes. Including telling your girlfriend here the truth about where you were the night her big brother ate lead."

 

Joe's entire face went from ivory to white; his beautiful amber pupils seemed to cloud up with horror. He seemed to momentarily lose his resolve. His hand rested on the doorframe, sliding down a few inches. Sean looked down to casually fiddle with the Beretta, as if it were a toy.

 

"Joe--?" Ruby questioned him, barely a whisper.

 

"Sean, this is low, even for you," Joe said. "He’s a liar, Ruby, and he's always been a liar." Still, Joe made no further move out the door.

 

"What can I say?" Sean said with a shrug and a grin. "Even a stopped clock is right twice a day."

 

Ruby knew Sean enough by now to realize that he wasn't necessarily telling the truth--but the stricken shock on Joe's face let her know that at least something he'd said had hit the younger man in a tender place. However, she couldn't pause now to ponder what Sean had meant.

 

Besides, that was what he'd been counting on; that his pronouncement would shake Ruby up enough that she would begin to doubt placing her trust in Joe. She had to compartmentalize. She could demand Joe clarify later. Right now, she needed to make sure there was a later.

 

"Joe," she said carefully. "Let's stay. Just for tonight. It's not worth getting into this now when we're all exhausted. We can just deal with it in the morning."

 

Sean turned to Ruby, a gesture of obsequious applause. "Beauty and brains. I always knew you had good taste, Joey." Ruby held out her hand for the Beretta. Sean hesitated, and Ruby looked to Joe, formulating a plan that she prayed her eyes alone could communicate. Luckily, it appeared he had the same one in mind. Slowly, he crossed the room and sat down on the bed next to Ruby. He looked at her briefly, seeming as if he wanted to put her arm around her, though he must have sensed her jumpiness. She couldn't believe how it suddenly relaxed her, knowing he was close enough to touch. Her skin seemed to act like an electric magnet, drawing her closer to him.

 

Sean took a step toward the door. "How do I know I can leave you two unsupervised?"

 

"Because," said Joe, and Ruby could sense a little smirk emerging from his full lips. "You were right about one thing."

 

Joe caught her eye briefly, and the strange combination of determination and longing in them made her stomach seem to leap. As she slid across the comforter to allow their bodies to meet, her nerves seemed to follow. Every inch of her, from the nerve endings in her skin to the hollow halls of her rib cage seemed to snap to attention, to rally themselves for the cause.

 

Of course, she knew it was possible that she was seeing something that wasn't there--something that she perhaps wanted to be there. She placed her finger on Joe's wrist, almost melting as she felt his nerves flex under her the tips of her fingers. Yes, he was a good enough, tough enough, to hide his nervousness in front of Sean--but a touch never lied.

 

He moved his hand up her arm, curling up over her shoulders and around her other side, slowly fusing their bodies together, and Ruby closed her eyes automatically as she collapsed further into his touch. She was close enough now to breathe him in--the leather, the grass, the wind, the same elements she had inhaled when he had first come up behind her in her apartment, that had strangely comforted her even as she was frightened to death. It's only acting, she tried to tell herself, but her body wasn't prepared to agree with her mind's conclusion.

 

Amid her excitement, she managed to steal a glance at Sean as he stared down at the couple. She recognized the knowing twinkle in the slightly older man's cold blue eyes. His unbridled lust was what was going to buy them time, if not save them. Call it gullibility on Sean's part, but Ruby knew it was impossible for him not to believe that Joe, like him, was too much of a slave to his sexual appetites to be able to hold back. If he was led to believe that the young couple on the bed had a tryst in mind, he wouldn't interfere.

 

Ruby inhaled slowly as Joe bent down to place his lips softly on her collarbone--perhaps to be romantic; perhaps to signal to her that despite the situation, he wouldn't go any farther than she was comfortable with. Or perhaps because--and this is what made Ruby's stomach continue to turn gymnastics--he'd wanted to do it all along. "Do you mind, guys?" Joe demanded as he raised his head, as if surprised Sean and the bikers were still there. "A little privacy?"

 

"Don't be shy, Joey," Sean hooted. "It's nothing I haven't seen before. Come on, show us you mean business!"

 

Ruby stiffened, suddenly nervous about how far Joe might be willing to go to demonstrate he was serious. Playacting was one thing, abject humiliation was another. But Joe had her in mind; he handled it without missing a beat. "Sean, I'm disappointed in you. Can't you see that Ruby here isn’t one of your girls down at Curves Cabaret? I mean," he said, his voice quickening as he stole a small glance at the woman next to him, "I haven't known her that long, but I think I can safely say she's not in the business of performing for the amusement of you and your fellow pervs here." He gestured dismissively to Deke and Wes.

 

Sean crossed his arms and nodded at his cronies, whose hard and dark eyes, black as coal, couldn't bely their own voyeuristic impulses. "Point taken. I know when we're not needed," he said to the bikers. "But you know I've never been one for unnecessary risk, so I'll be keeping this as an insurance policy." He tipped the barrel of the gun up toward his lips.

 

Ruby felt Joe harden a little, though he said nothing. She knew the loss of the Beretta was a small price to pay for giving them a chance to get out of here unscathed, but it would leave them defenseless. As much as Ruby had resisted using it at first, she knew how much she had come to depend on it. But the mere fact that Joe was still poised, the muscles in his arm and back where her own body rested still taut and ready, made her think that merely his presence might be enough to get her through whatever lay ahead of them.

 

Sean and his compatriots filed out. When the door closed firmly behind them, the couple on the bed turned instantly to look at each other, letting out two identical sighs. Then Ruby let out a little laugh followed by Joe.

 

Then, to her surprise, his eyes widened, as if possessed by some sudden urge. He leaned in. She bristled, knew she should pull away, shriek, or throw a pillow at him at the very least. Show him that she'd only been performing. Like a ballerina in a music box, dancing on cue simply to save her skin. That she had had no other intention, no other desire for young Joseph Ryan, and that he must be not only presumptuous but insane to think otherwise.

 

Instead, she kissed him back.

 

The way his full lips felt was unexpected, confident but also curious as they probed hers, slowly, exploratory, not in any way aggressive or forceful. He was giving her an out, she realized. In case she didn't want this. In case she'd made a mistake. But she darted her tongue deeper, to taste more, and she felt his body shift and respond, as if he were surprised at the enthusiasm of her kiss. As if he had almost been expecting her to resist.

 

Eyes closed she felt his fingers, still cold from the outdoors, reach for hers with a certain roughness that on him, felt right. A little weathered and a little dangerous. She walked her fingers up his arm as he slid it around her back, brushing the bottom of the camisole she wore. Making his way to the waistband of her pajama pants, he pressed her more strongly against him as if urging her to lay back. At the pressure, she felt a delicious frisson somewhere in the middle of her body. She arched her back and grabbed onto a lock of his thick blond hair, as if she could pull him backward with her.

 

By the time her back hit the mattress and she opened her eyes, she was looking into two ardent amber-gold irises, studying her like a riddle. Joe bit his lip, as if he were trying to control himself.

 

He was genuinely attracted to her. There was no doubt about that now and she took refuge in it. She reached up to brush his chin, his cheek, marveling at its smoothness that even a day’s growth of beard couldn’t erase, like sandstone washed by the ocean for a thousand years. She hooked his full bottom lip with her thumb.

 

He closed his eyes, almost purring, and she wondered how long it had been since he had been touched like this, since he'd lain in bed with anyone for any other purpose but a cheap thrill. His hand reached gently for her wrist and guided it down to the waistband of his jeans. The idea of giving Joe pleasure, of allowing him to pleasure her, tantalized her so much that it made her shiver as she grazed her fingers against the rough material.

 

After what she'd been through in the last 24 hours, she dared anyone to judge her for wanting to delight in this young man who, despite his youth, she suspected had been through thousands of hells. More than she, who had seen her share of tragedy, could possibly imagine. And it was this knowledge that made his gentleness and generosity when she was in his arms all the more surprising, all the more wondrous. And it made her want to explore him, what other secrets he might be hiding.

 

Secrets. They flashed through her head, reeling like grainy black-and-white film, sharply edited. Kyle on the pavement, the windy night in Ross Canyon, Fox's voice. "They're dangerous men."

 

The spell broke all at once. "Joe," she breathed, her voice barely audible. "I don't think--"

 

Joe immediately sat up. The sudden lack of the weight of his skin made her feel uncloaked, strangely unwhole. "You don't want--? I mean, I thought--" His hair had fallen forward when he'd bent down, and he flipped it off his face again, revealing the confused expression there.

 

"No, no!" she backtracked. "It's not that--" she stopped herself, before she revealed too much. She knew it was better and safer if she left him believing that she had a handle on her desire for him when, in reality, she was afraid she was closer and closer to losing control entirely. On the other hand, when she thought of giving this impossibly gorgeous young man sitting on the bed the impression that she didn't want him, it made her want to tear her hair out. She forced herself to speak evenly, almost robotically. "It's better this way," she said, rubbing her hand absently over the goosebumps on her arm.

 

Joe nodded and looked down at his hands, as if marveling that a few seconds ago, they had been touching Ruby. "You're right. We don't have any time to waste getting the hell out of here." His voice was calm, but Ruby noticed the radiance from his amber eyes had changed. It was as if, when he'd kissed her, he'd opened up a closet door, allowing her to gaze down into its depths. And now, as he rose from the bed, whether or not he was conscious of it, it was like he had slammed it shut and locked it. Its contents were safe again.

 

"You do have a plan, right?" she asked hesitantly as she gathered up her clothing, wondering whether Desiree would want her to put the sofa bed back together. She glanced around for some paper and pen, knowing she should at least scrawl a thank-you note.

 

"Ruby, I’m offended that you even have to ask," he joked mildly. "I always have a plan…Sort of."

 

He turned around, and she was relieved to see a cocky twinkle in his eye, more like the Joe she had first met yesterday. If he had closed the door on his desire for her, that was just as well, she thought. They made a better team when they weren't ogling each other. Somewhere within her, though, still echoed the ache of disappointment, of lost opportunity.

 

"Have you eaten recently?" he asked.

 

"Just a little. Why?"

 

"Our escape route favors the skinny."