Chapter Nine
Olivia couldn’t stop the tremor in her body. She shouldn’t be scared. Powell said Shoshannah was a good creature, and that there was no reason to be afraid. Still, the unknown of the situation made her doubt her reasons for being there. What if the ancestral spirit was mad?
“Shoshannah, are you there?” Olivia called. Powell had said she was in wolf form. That had to be a good thing. Right?
“I’m here, child.”
A cool breeze washed over Olivia’s face, scented with lavender and roses. She breathed it in and felt her body relaxing.
“Why have you summoned me?”
Shoshannah’s voice seemed to come from inside Olivia’s head and from loudspeakers in the cave too. Olivia crossed her arms and took a deep breath. Where to begin?
“I hoped you would help me,” she began.
“If your need is true, I might.” The spirit wolf’s voice was hypnotic, low and soft. Loving yet authoritative. Familiar.
“I’m blind.” Anxiety almost caused her not to try, but the thought of Powell waiting outside in the cold pushed her onward. “I hoped that you could make me see. I also cannot shift, but I don’t know why. I know it is a great thing to ask, but I feel like my life would be so much more fulfilling if I could be more independent.”
“These problems are connected.” The voice floated on the scented air.
“Yes. I’m supposed to be able to shift, but I can’t. I think it’s because I’m blind.” Olivia took a deep breath and waited. “Will you help?”
Shoshannah paused before replying. “You are partially correct, my child. You cannot shift because your heart is blind, not because of your eyes. Once you remove the blindness you have placed there, you will be able to shift.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means I cannot help you. You must help yourself.”
“What about my eyesight? I can’t fix blindness. It would take a miracle.” Hot tears formed and dripped down her cheeks. Shoshannah wasn’t going to help. The whole day had been a waste and Powell would be so disappointed.
“I cannot help with that either. Your problem is not so simple, but it can be solved. You must find a way to remove the blindness from your heart, and then you will run as wolf. That’s all I can tell you. I give you the guidance of the gods, and they are never wrong. Trust yourself. You will find your answers.”
“I don’t know what to do!”
“Peace be with you, child. If your obstacles cleared easily, you wouldn’t appreciate the gifts you have. Trust yourself.” Shoshannah’s voice trailed off and the scent of lavender and roses dissipated.
Olivia strained to hear an answer, but the only sound in the cave was the dripping of a fountain or something nearby.
“Please, won’t you help me?”
No reply came. Shoshannah was gone.
Tears streamed down her face unabated. Shoshannah had not helped her. If anything, she’d confused things with her riddles. If the spirit knew her, she’d know how hard Olivia had tried to shift. So many nights, as a cub, she’d stayed up and tried, hiding so that no one would make fun of her. What would she do now?
Well, time to call Powell. Tell him the bad news. Would he stand by her, knowing she couldn’t shift and would never see? She wiped her tears away. In all the sadness and disappointment, he was the one thing that had been solid, unwavering.
She had to trust her mate.
“Powell?” Her voice rang through the cave, echoing off the walls. She waited but he didn’t come. Could he not hear her from outside? They’d come through a couple of rooms on the way in. She called to him again but no response.
Despite what he’d said, she’d have to go outside herself. She could find her way. He misjudged her ability to navigate. Well, barring snowstorms.
She felt along the cold stone wall of the anteroom and made her way toward the cave opening, following the rush of frigid air to its source. Had Powell left the lantern and taken the flashlight? It didn’t matter. Tears continued to flow, and she laid her head against the damp cave wall and sobbed.
She didn’t want Powell to see her crying.
Broken.
Unfixable.
Blind and unable to shift, why would Powell want her as his mate? He’d said those things when he thought Shoshannah was going to fix her. He wouldn’t have been so emphatic if he knew she’d never be able to shift.
Trust your mate. Shoshannah’s voice sounded in her head.
What if their pups were also blind and unable to shift? How tragic a life to lead. Shifter babies almost always took on the species of the mother. What would Powell and the bears do with a bunch of blind babies who couldn’t shift and learn all the things that shifters did?
Would she want to condemn offspring to her fate? Would Powell?
Trust him!
She wiped her eyes. She’d surely been a disappointment to her own parents. No one wanted a child as damaged as she was. She should go back to Alfred while he would still take her.
Her brief moment of happiness with Powell would have to sustain her for her whole lifetime. A time spent in ignorance of the burden she’d become once they found out she wasn’t ever going to be able to shift.
Somehow, the little bit of hope she’d felt at the possibility of Shoshannah helping her had made her situation stand out in stark contrast to normality. Being with a bear wasn’t possible. She’d been kidding herself. The other bears would never accept a blind wolf into their den. They’d see her as baggage.
And she was.
She pushed aside Shoshannah’s voice. This was reality, not some magical spirit wolf’s life.
No, she was going right outside and telling Powell that she needed to go back to Alfred. He could take her on the snowmobile. They didn’t have to tell Alfred anything about what had happened.
And she didn’t have to tell Powell anything more than Shoshannah couldn’t help her.
If she’d known the oracle was as crazy as the lady reading tarot cards at the street fair in Oakwood in the summer, she’d have not bothered. That lady spoke in riddles too. Alfred had stopped by with a group of wolves, and Olivia had listened to the reading. She couldn’t make heads or tails out of it, and the wolves had laughed it all off as nonsense.
She knew how they felt. Laughing would be as effective as crying, and neither was going to change the circumstance.
“Hey, you! I saw you come in with Powell.” A voice sounded to her right. A voice she didn’t recognize. “You need to go! Quickly, before they come back.”
She turned toward the voice. “What’s wrong? Who’s there?” She felt her way closer to the cave entrance.
“The wolves. They took him. Attacked me too. I’ve radioed for help but I need to get to the lake.”
“Where’s Powell?” Was that her voice screaming? She didn’t recognize herself. Oh gods, what had happened? Alfred had taken Powell?
“I told you, the wolves attacked. A tall red one and some smaller greys. I know you’re a wolf, but you’re in danger. I assume they’re after you—they kept asking for a she-wolf.”
“Yes, they’re after me. Is Powell okay?”
“I tried to help him, but they injured me badly. I’m losing blood.” The voice headed away from her. “They hurt him, too. He didn’t have time to shift, either. They attacked him beside the snowmobile. There’s blood everywhere. You’ve got to escape now before they come back.”
“Where are you going?” Her heart thumped in her throat, and her tears dried on her cheeks. She had to get to her mate! Alfred had attacked and taken Powell. Back to the Green Glen den, no doubt. They’d torture and kill him if he didn’t tell them where she was.
“I’ve got to get these injuries into the lake to heal.” The man paused. “I’ve radioed that we have a man down and that I’m injured. With the snow, it’ll take a while for anyone to get here. I doubt he has a chance unless those wolves need him for something. The big red one was asking for Olivia, but he wouldn’t tell them anything. I assume you’re her. If you can help save him, you’d better do it. Otherwise, he’s a goner.”
“But, I can’t help him!” She pleaded, “You have to get the bears to come. They can rescue him from the den.”
“Listen, lady, I don’t know what your issue is that you can’t tell I’m barely standing myself. I’d help him if I could. You’ll have to excuse me though. I need to get to the lake.”
“I’m sorry I’m not more help. I’m blind.” She chewed her bottom lip. “I’ll be okay till reinforcements get here. You go take care of your injuries.”
She paced a moment, her heart in her throat. If anything happened to Powell, it was her fault. He’d brought her to the cave. He’d waited outside while she made her plea to Shoshannah. Now, her mate was in peril. And it was entirely her doing.
My mate.
Though she was prepared to let him go, and defer to Alfred’s wishes, she couldn’t let Powell suffer because of her. She had to save him.
But how?
Energy flowed through her, like a shot of stamina, and she stood a little taller. What was it Shoshannah said?
Remove the blindness from your heart, and then you will run as wolf...
What did she mean? And she’d said trust yourself. What did she have to lose? With Powell’s life in the balance, there was no time like the present to give it all or nothing. Failure wasn’t an option, nor was not trying.
She began stripping. Could it be as easy and clear as it seemed? One way to find out. Push all her energy into the manifestation. This wasn’t for her. It was for her mate.
She focused inward, reaching back to the warm feeling she had when Powell carried her out of the woods with an injured ankle, the comfort when he dragged her back to the cabin after she crept out his window. Then, she savored the taste of the peanut butter and honey sandwich he’d made her, and Nar’s soft fur and the scent of burning pine logs, ripe with sap and spitting and popping in the fire.
Socks and pants came off, then shirt. She dropped them where they fell, trusting that she was doing what Shoshannah guided her to do. What she had to do.
She could almost sense the touch of Powell’s fingertips along her spine, across her cheek, along the side of her breast...and feel the wetness of his mouth, his tongue hot against hers, their climax as they moved together. Chills raced through her, but not from the cold.
The mating bond was strong. Unlike anything she’d ever felt.
Her body hummed and she fell into the sensation, lost on the ride of emotion she could only term as love. Love for her mate who needed her now. Love for the man who’d saved her not once but multiple times, with very little complaint—and all of it in the best interest of her well-being.
It was happening! Her body moved under the thoughts of love and self-sacrifice for her mate.
Her legs and arms stretched and changed, and her face changed like warm clay sliding down a windowpane, realigning into something new. Olivia fell inside her psyche, over and over, her body struggling not to panic as it moved in ways it was meant to but never had. Shifting didn’t hurt, but the buzz and burn was something new. Strength filled her bones as they lengthened and hardened into wolf bones.
She sensed paws at the end of strong legs and a long bushy tail.
She opened her eyes.
Her vision was so radiant and bright she had to squint. This was the white of snow that Powell had mentioned. She’d never imagined that a color could be so pure and bright. She placed a paw over her nose and eyes then peeked again.
By the gods, she’d not only shifted, but she could see!
The world, bright and new, held so much color, she could barely take it in all at once, though she didn’t know all the color names. Pine trees were green, she knew that. But so many shades. Were they all green?
She shook her head. No time for enjoyment. Her heart thumped wildly, and she breathed faster as her blood pumped through wolf veins. She had to get to her mate. Save him. She sniffed the air, his blood rode the currents like a beacon.
Injured.
Alive.
Running would be the fastest way to reach him. She couldn’t wait around for more bears to show up to help. Her clothes lay in a pile at the cave entrance, and deep snow greeted her feet as she dashed out into the light. Leaping into the air, she stared at the blue sky. All her life wolves had mentioned the blues of the sky. Such a color! With what must be clouds floating across the sunlit sky, the sight was more beautiful than she could’ve dreamed.
She never would’ve imagined such glorious beauty in Deep Creek. Thank the goddesses that she was gifted the power to save her mate. And thanks to Shoshannah. The sun shining through the trees like bright strips of warmth would lead her west to where the wolves lived. She knew exactly where to go.
Where she would find her injured mate and save him from the wolves that would surely kill him once they were done questioning him.
She turned her nose to the air and howled, the sound echoing through her chest and throughout her spirit.
She was wolf.