Sarah waited outside the hospital as promised, although she really didn’t see the point. Finch stayed inside for so long that she began to wish she had at least tried to see Eleanor with him. To pass the time, she walked several laps around the complex. When Finch still hadn’t returned, she pulled out her phone and installed the Reel Life app once again.

And as she browsed through all the pictures and videos she had missed in her brief absence, she knew she’d made the right choice by rejoining. Reel Life was something Finch didn’t like, but now that she’d had a bit of a break, she realized it was something she did. She realized now that she needed to make decisions because they were right for her, not because they were what someone else wanted.

Living vicariously through others meant she never really got to live at all. Her time off work had made that abundantly clear. At first she’d been lost without the patients to fill her day. Heck, she was still lost. But at least now she knew to look for a compass.

The car beeped, drawing her from her self-exploration. Finch plopped into the driver’s seat and ran both hands through his hair before turning to Sarah and shaking his head. “She confessed,” he said in a way that suggested he still couldn’t believe it.

He caught her up on the kidnappings, the money, the written list, all of it. Finch seemed so sad in the wake of these momentous discoveries, and Sarah longed to help him feel better. To save him.

“Wow,” she said when he’d finally finished. “She played God with so many lives. Including yours. How do you feel?”

“I’m really not sure. I still have to finish decoding the numbers from her list, and then I guess I’m going to find my family.” He grabbed her hand and laced his fingers through hers—and she let him. The physical connection seemed to help him find his strength again. “Find as many of the families as I can.”

She nodded thoughtfully. “That makes sense.”

Finch sighed and pulled Sarah into a hug. The center console between them made it awkward, but he didn’t seem to mind. “Thank for you doing this with me, Sarah. I would never have known without you.”

Oh no. I’m doing it again. Doing what I think other people want, not figuring out what I need. Maybe one day she would end up as Mrs. Finch Jameson, but she wasn’t ready to take that leap today. She needed time to think, to discover…

“You’re a smart guy,” she said, going limp in his arms. “You would have figured things out eventually.”

“It’s not just that.” Finch moved one hand to Sarah’s face and rubbed the apple of her cheek with this thumb. “I love that this happened now. That this horrible thing brought such a beautiful person into my life. Sarah, I’m crazy about you. Everything about my past is this messy chaos, but the future seems to clear. Looking at you.”

“Finch, I…”

“Don’t say anything. Not yet.”

The bottoms of his eyes clenched up into a smile. Their breaths synchronized as she waited for whatever this gorgeous man planned to tell her next. I want him, but I don’t know if I’m ready…

“That day,” he said at last. “At the zip line. I should have kissed you. I wanted to kiss you, but—”

“But?” Sarah’s pulse took off at a gallop. Finch was a good man. They could be so good together, if only she could cast all her doubts aside.

Finch cupped her other cheek in his palm and moved so close that his lips brushed hers as he spoke. “I wanted our first kiss to be perfect. But now this whole mess with Eleanor, it’s taught me that things won’t ever be perfect. And, well--”

He crushed his lips to hers in the world’s most perfect kiss. Yes, perfect did exist despite what he’d just said. A million thoughts flooded her mind as his mouth explored hers. That you could crave and fear something at the same time, that you could know and not know, that you could never really turn your thoughts off—and perhaps you shouldn’t.

She’d finally gotten what she’d craved for so long…

And now she felt more confused than ever.

After a bit of patient coaxing, Finch drove with Sarah to Dorma Valley Wine that evening. It was a little out of the way vineyard he’d discovered years ago and knew it would be the perfect place for their first official date.

The proprietress showed them to a small bistro table that sat beneath an overhanging trellis. Gossamer fabric and tiny fairy lights brought the stars closer to the earth as they sipped at their wine and enjoyed matching plates of tortellini. Now that Finch had finally kissed Sarah, he found it difficult to stop and kept rising from his chair to steal little kisses between bites.

“Let me eat,” Sarah said with a laugh, accepting his kiss anyway.

“I just can’t believe how lucky I am,” he said, and it was true. He’d undergo a million public humiliations if they all led him right here—to this night, with this woman.

She rolled her eyes playfully, but her words came out serious. “I’m nothing special.”

Finch rushed to her side and kissed her again. “How could you say that? You are the most incredible, kind, and giving person I’ve ever met.”

She set her fork down and shivered before looking him in the eye and saying, “That’s because, like Eleanor, I have a guilty conscience.”

“I don’t understand.” He felt her pulling away from him both physically and emotionally, desperately wishing he could turn the clock back, give her more time, fix whatever had hurt her.

“She may have stolen all those babies, but I…” Sarah choked back a sob. “I killed someone.”

He fell back on his haunches, just barely catching himself with his palms as he shook his head vehemently. “No, that’s impossible.” He refused to believe this about the woman he was falling in love with, about a woman as gentle and kind as Sarah.

Her eyelids drooped as she spoke, a shield keeping the emotions in and Finch out. “I was twelve, and it was my grandmother. I wasn’t watching her like I should have, and—”

Finch found his footing again and grabbed onto both of her shoulders, forcing her to see him, to see the love and acceptance in his eyes. “Stop right there. You were a child. There’s no way what happened was your fault.”

She shook him off and hugged her arms around herself, and it was in that moment he knew he’d already lost her. “You can say that all you want, but it won’t make it true.”

He refused to give up without first giving it everything he had to offer. This wasn’t just about a relationship between them. This was about Sarah’s relationship with the past—her relationship with herself. She hurt so deeply, and Finch desperately wanted to fix everything for her. “So you dedicated your life to helping the elderly in your grandmother’s honor. That’s noble and a great tribute to her.”

“No, not to remember. To forget and hope for forgiveness.”

“But you’ve given so much to so many. It’s shaped you into this incredible person who helps others.”

“I’m not a person,” she insisted, clenching her eyes shut again. “I’m a shell.”

He pressed his lips to hers, but this time she didn’t respond. “Where is this all coming from?”

She shivered as a chill rippled through the night air, and he wanted to hold her so badly—but every time he reached for her, he felt her moving farther and farther away.

“The thing with Eleanor,” she said at last. “It’s made me realize some things about myself.”

“Stop. You are nothing like her. We all make mistakes. Accidents happen. Life goes on.”

“I wish that were true,” she whispered, picking up her fork again and attempting to eat.

Finch returned to his own chair to give her the space she so clearly craved, but he refused to ignore this. He would not let her shoulder these burdens on her own. He was here now. He could help make things better. If only she’d let him…

“Even if your grandmother’s death was your fault, and I still don’t believe it was, that one thing doesn’t define you,” he insisted, wishing she would look at him, wishing she would smile. “You’re so much more than one thing that happened in the past.”

She shrugged and continued eating. “Just like you’re so much more than Reel Life?”

That one hurt, especially because Finch knew what she was saying was true. Just like her, he’d let his past define him. But unlike her, he hadn’t used it to try to become a better person. He took a deep breath to make sure he had enough strength to say all that needed to be said.

“I never meant to become this social media mogul. I was just a guy that loved photography. One day I had an idea, and before I knew it, it had become this huge thing. I never wanted it, so I sold. And I felt pretty good about that decision until the entire world began to mock me. Seriously, my Google alerts were going crazy. They called me every insult under the sun. All the friends I had made left, and I ended up alone without the work I had poured myself into for so many years and without the passion that had inspired it in the first place. I made bad investments, lost a lot of money. The insults became crueler, but I never wanted all that money to begin with. I never wanted any of it. Until it was gone. Until I saw the alternative.”

Sarah continued to move her pasta around the plate, not looking at him as he spoke, but at least she was listening.

Finch continued, hoping the passion came through in his words, hoping she’d understand. “Now, though, all I want is you, Sarah. I don’t know who I am or what I’m going to do with the rest of my life. All I know is that I want to live it beside you. I come alive in your company. I finally feel like maybe there’s something more out there that I have yet to discover. You do that for me, Sarah.”

She drained the rest of her wine, then stood and offered Finch both of her hands. Together they danced under the trellis as the sun set on the horizon. As he held her close, he realized he had never been happier, never felt more like himself. She belonged in his arms just like this, pressed to his chest, their hearts beating in time. They swayed quietly for what felt like an eternity, but it also wasn’t nearly long enough.

When at last they parted, Sarah had tears running down her face.