Chapter Four

 

“Look at you, you dirty whore. Opening your legs for two men. Where do they touch you, hmm? What do you let them do to you?”

The voice was slick. Like thick oil creeping down her skin. She shuddered. Would she ever feel clean again? Would she ever be able to breathe without suffocating?

Savannah held back her whimper of fear as he approached. How much time had passed since he’d taken her? Since she’d woken up in this dusty, dirty, old cabin, her head throbbing, her arms tied above her head, naked and afraid.

She closed her eyes, refusing to look at him. Max and Logan would come for her. They’d find her. They wouldn’t give up until they had her back in their arms.

Searing pain scorched her back, and she screamed, unable to stop herself from reacting. She opened her eyes, sobbing as he appeared in her vision.

He smiled gently and patted her cheek. “I don’t like hurting you, you know.”

Like fuck, he didn’t. Evil bastard.

“But you force me to. I only want what’s best for you. I want to cleanse you like I did my Laken. To purge you of the evil.”

God, he was completely delusional. She’d quickly learned there was no reasoning with him. He’d totally lost it. How had no one seen it? How had he hidden this madness? Even Laken hadn’t noticed. She’d worked for this asshole not realizing he was the one who’d kidnapped and abused her. Thank God he hadn’t raped her.

“If you will repent and tell me all your sins, I’ll cleanse you, and you can be free.”

Yeah, she was pretty certain his idea of being free, and hers were two completely different things.

She wasn’t ready to die. What would Logan and Max do if he killed her? They needed her.

“Tell you what, you let me go, and I’ll make sure my men don’t kill you. Can’t guarantee they won’t kick your ass, however.”

Smack. He slapped her face. Then he stepped back and flicked the whip he held, the leather slashing across her chest, landing on her nipples, leaving a wave of pure fire in its wake.

Oh, God. Oh, God. Please.

Tears dripped down her face. She’d tried to remain stoic, to not react, but it felt like her entire body was aflame with pain, bruised, and broken.

She wanted Logan and Max.

He moved forward, his eyes filled with glee as he reached out and softly flicked her abused nipple. She whimpered. This was worse. She could take the pain. She could even take the verbal abuse. But touching her gently, intimately, as though he had the right—another sob escaped.

She moaned in disgust and horror as he latched onto her nipple with his mouth and sucked.

“No, no, no!” she screamed.

 

“Savi! Savannah! Wake up, now! Savannah, wake up! That’s an order.”

Savannah opened her eyes with a gasp. She sat up, her heart racing, her skin clammy and chilled. She stared at him. Where was she? Gone was the dirty, dark cabin that had been cold and damp and had a horrible, musty stench.

“You’re safe, Savi. You’re home.”

Safe. Home.

She focused on the man who sat facing her on the bed, his face filled with concern as he watched her.

Safe. Home.

“L-Logan?”

“Yeah, darlin’.”

He wasn’t quite touching her, and she wished he would. That he would reach out and pull her onto his lap like he used to. Sometimes, he’d tickle her until she screeched for mercy. Then he’d make it up to her by licking every inch of her skin until she was screaming for a whole other reason.

But he sat still, mere inches away from her, the gulf between them so wide it terrified her.

“I must have fallen asleep.”

“You were exhausted. You need sleep.”

She stared at his hands. They were large, rough, and tanned. They were hands a woman could rely on, hands that would make her feel safe.

Reach out. Touch him.

She licked her lips, they felt dry and cracked. He frowned slightly. “I’ll get you some water.”

He stood, and she gasped as she saw his face clearly for the first time. “What happened to you?”

She hastily leaned forward, kneeling in front of him, gaping at his swollen nose. “Someone hurt you.”

Her heart beat fast. Who? Who had hurt him? Were they here?

“Savi. Savannah, calm down, sweetheart.” Logan sat once more and grabbed her hands, his warm and rough against hers. “Jesus, your hands are like blocks of ice. Savi, look at me.”

She stared up at him, her breath coming too fast.

“Fuck. Savannah, no one hurt me.”

“You have a broken nose.”

“It’s not broken. Just a bit tender because I was too slow, and Max wasn’t pulling his punches. Asshole.”

Max? “Max hit you?”

“Yeah, but don’t worry, he got as good as he gave.” His chest puffed out slightly. Men. Such idiots. But her men never fought. Oh, they argued. About a lot of things. Who’s turn it was to wash up. Who was in charge of the remote. Stupid stuff like that.

But they didn’t get into physical fights.

“Why were you fighting?”

His face shut down, and he looked away.

Her. They were fighting over her. Her heart stilled for a moment. Why else would Logan look so guilty? She licked her lips again, her mouth parched and dry.

“Where’s Max?”

“In the stables,” he told her. “I’ll get you that drink.” He left the room, and she stared after him, her heart breaking into little bits. Why had they been fighting over her? What had they argued about? Had she caused this?

She stared around, a sick feeling filled her as she remembered what she’d just been dreaming of. Stanton. She whimpered right as Logan entered the room, holding a glass of water. He paused and stared down at her.

“Savi? Oh, Jesus, baby.” He sat again, placing the water on the bedside table before pulling her close to his chest. She closed her eyes and sank into the safety of his embrace.

He rubbed his hand up and down her back. “I’m here for you, darlin’. Talk to me.”

She pulled back. “You want to talk?”

He looked so uncomfortable it almost made her smile. Almost.

“You’re so cute.”

“Cute?” he said, sounding outraged. “I’m a man.”

She raised her eyebrows. “So, you can’t be cute?”

“No. Men are not cute. And if you need me to demonstrate how manly I am, I will . . .” his voice tapered off.

“You’ll what?” she asked.

He didn’t say anything, just stared down at her, pulling back once more. Frustration hit her. Would things ever be the same again? How could she go back to that carefree person when she knew the danger that lurked everywhere?

“You hate talking.”

“I can talk.”

“Sure, about sports, cattle, trucks, beer, and which asshole you’d take out first if you were on Survivor.”

“You forgot something.”

“I did?”

“Yeah, I also like to talk about you. Your magnificent boobs, your soft stomach, those pretty eyes, your firm, round butt.”

Her insides stirred, a mix of heat and worry swirling inside her.

“Sorry,” he immediately said, his face closing down. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Because you didn’t mean it?”

He turned back, his eyes widening. “No. Because I shouldn’t bring up sex.”

She should just nod and change the subject. She didn’t want to cause an argument or tension.

But then, wasn’t there plenty of that anyway? Look at poor Logan’s face. There was already so much tension it was exploding out in ways none of them could have imagined.

“Why?”

“Because of . . . well . . .” Poor Logan, he looked like he’d rather be having a colonoscopy that having this conversation, “I don’t want you to think I expect you to . . . you know.”

Oh, Logan.

He sighed. “I know I’m not good at this shit. If you’d rather talk to Max . . .”

What? No.

“It’s not that.” She looked up into his face. His gorgeous, handsome face. “I’m sorry, Logan.”

He stiffened. “Why would you apologize? What are you sorry for?”

For so many things.

“For not listening to you. You warned me over and over never to stop to help someone when I was alone. I could have avoided all this. It’s all my fault—”

“Hey.” He grasped her shoulders and shook her slightly. “What happened was not your fault.”

“I shouldn’t have stopped.”

“No, you shouldn’t have. But that’s who you are, Savannah. You help people in need. It’s part of what I love about you. Your caring nature. The way you stop whatever you’re doing to come to someone’s aid. None of what happened is on you. It’s all on him. And on Max and me.”

“You guys?” She frowned slightly. “Why would you be at fault?”

“I was supposed to be with you that day.” The darkness in his voice surprised her. She frowned, thinking back.

“You were going to come with me. But something came up on the ranch. You had to stay.”

She’d forgotten that. How had she forgotten that? But then, it seemed she’d forgotten a lot. Or suppressed it.

“If I’d been with you then you wouldn’t have stopped. He wouldn’t have taken you.”

Oh, no. No, no, no. Had he been living with this guilt, and she hadn’t noticed? How hadn’t she known? Regret coursed through her, and she had to wait for a moment before she could speak without crying.

“It’s not your fault.”

“No?” His face closed down, his shoulders hunching in. “How do you figure that?”

“Because you had no idea what would happen. I’ve driven to Freestown probably a hundred times by myself, and nothing bad ever happened. You didn’t do this, Logan, he did.”

“It’s my job to take care of you.”

She shook her head with a small smile. “Logan, you can’t protect me from everything and everyone. If it’s not my fault then it’s not yours, either.”

They stared at each other for a long moment. He drew her against his chest once more, and she sank into his embrace, drinking it up. “I like holding you like this. I’ve missed it.”

“You have?” she asked breathlessly.

“Of course, I have. Why would you ask me that?”

She glanced down, twisting her fingers together.

“Savannah, talk.” His voice was low and commanding and it sent chills of longing through her. She used to complain how bossy he was, but she’d actually missed the way he took command.

She looked over at the door, the floor, staring at anything but him. “You haven’t touched me much lately. I thought maybe you didn’t want to.”

The sound of a door banging made her jump, her heart race. Logan tightened his arms around her. “It’s just Max.”

“Savannah? Logan?”

“In here,” Logan barked back. She winced, covering her ears with her hands.

“Sorry,” Logan said sheepishly.

Max appeared in the doorway, and she gasped at the sight of him. His right eye was swollen, his jaw bruised. There were scratches on his arms, and his clothing was disheveled.

“Max? Are you okay?”

Max was harder to read than Logan. But he’d always opened up to her. Or she thought he had. Until she’d seen the unpaid bills in his desk drawers. She wondered if Logan knew about them or if Max had kept them from him as well since he did all the bookwork for the ranch.

“What are the two of you doing?” Max snapped.

She stiffened, pulling away from Logan. But the other man tightened his hold on her.

“Stay there,” Logan barked. She stared up at him in surprise.

Max frowned at Logan. “Don’t snap at her.”

“I’m not. I’m giving her an order not to move away. Because I like touching her and I haven’t done it enough lately. Neither of us has.”

Her breath caught as Max moved his dark gaze to her.

“She needs us to show her we still love her.”

Max’s eyes widened. “She knows we love her, don’t you, Savannah?”

Did she? Yes, of course, she did. At least she thought she did.

“Fuck,” Max muttered.

Max and Logan shared a look she couldn’t decipher. Then Max nodded. “Colin was right. We need to be on the same page about this.”

Logan nodded.

“Colin?” she asked.

“Colin and Trace were over earlier. They pointed out that we weren’t doing you any favors by allowing you to shut us out. It’s not something we would have allowed in the past, is it?” He raised an eyebrow, looking stern.

She glanced away. “I kind of had the same thought. I’ve been trying to keep myself from feeling too much pain. If I didn’t feel anything then I couldn’t be scared or afraid.” She looked at them both. “But then I realized I was pushing you both away and that’s actually the last thing I want. Because I don’t know what I would do if I lost the two of you.”

“You’re not losing us,” Logan growled.

Max shook his head. “We’ve been letting you hold back from us because we thought you needed time. Because we were worried about scaring you. But I think you’ve had too much time. The fact that you think you might lose us tells me that.”

Max moved forward, crouching in front of her. He reached out and took one of her hands in his. “You’re freezing.”

“I’m okay.”

 “She doesn’t think we want to touch her,” Logan explained.

“Logan,” she protested.

“You’ve taken the first step, don’t wimp out on us now, darlin’,” he said quietly.

A shiver of desire whispered across her skin. Her body was waking up. Maybe she wasn’t completely broken after all.

“Savannah, you know we love you, don’t you?” Max asked.

“You haven’t said it since,” she blurted out.

He rocked backward, almost falling. “What?”

“Since I was in the hospital. You both said you loved me when I woke up but you haven’t said it since.”

“We have,” Logan said quietly.

“No, you haven’t,” she cried.

She would know if they’d said it. She’d been waiting to hear those words from them.

“We say it every time you fall asleep,” Max told her. “Every time you’re caught in one of those nightmares, we tell you we love you. We tell you to come back to us.”

She shuddered out a deep breath. “I don’t remember. I didn’t hear you.”

“You thought we’d stopped loving you?” Max looked aghast. “Savannah, you are everything to us. You’re the reason we damn well get up in the morning. You’re what keeps us going. You’re our reason for breathing.”

“Yeah. What he said,” Logan said gruffly.

She gave a small laugh, although even to her ears it came out more like a sob.

“You’ve been worrying we didn’t love you?” Max asked.

She stared down at her clenched hands. “I hate this. I hate feeling like a victim, like I’m weak.”

“You are not weak,” Logan growled at her.

“You’re one of the strongest people I know,” Max added.

“How do you figure that? I can’t even walk outside for God’s sake.”

There was a moment of silence.

She glanced up at them, but didn’t see surprise.

“You knew?”

“We suspected,” Max said. “What happens when you try to walk outside?”

“I panic. I feel sick and dizzy. Out of control.”

“When did you figure this out?” Max asked.

“A few days ago. On your birthday.”

“You should have told us,” Logan scolded.

“I know,” she whispered. “But I…I thought if I just buried everything deep it would go away and we could go on as if everything was normal. But all I did was drive you both away.”

“Nothing will drive us away from you,” Max told her.

“You don’t sleep in the same bed with me. You’ve moved me into this bedroom. Is it because he touched me? Is that it?”

“What the hell?” Logan stood and started pacing. “Fuck no, that has nothing to do with it.”

The loss of him beside her was like a gaping hole inside her. Why had she started this? Why hadn’t she gone on with the pretense that everything was fine?

“We thought we were doing the right thing,” Max told her, looking miserable. “We were so terrified when he took you. We had no idea where you were.”

“Or if you were hurt,” Logan added darkly.

“When you were in that hospital bed, you seemed so fragile. You are so precious to us, Savannah. We swore we would do whatever it took to protect you. We couldn’t stand the idea of us scaring you, of maybe hurting you.”

They could never hurt her. She’d never thought that for a minute. But she knew how protective they were of her.

Max turned to Logan. “You were right. We need help.”

“Help? What do you mean?” She stared from one to the other.

Max and Logan looked at each other. “Trace gave me the number of a therapist who might be able to help you. We think you should talk to her.”

A therapist?

“You think I need a therapist?” she asked.

Of course, you do. You can’t even go outside.

She stared down at her hands, which were gripped together so tightly her skin was white from the pressure.

Two hands landed on hers. One was wider and had a deeper tan. The other was scratched and bruised with long, almost elegant fingers. They warmed her chilled skin, and she looked up at the two men she loved more than life. It might have been easier to live in the bubble she’d erected, but it wasn’t worth not feeling this. Not feeling them.

“He’s gone, he’s locked away, he can’t hurt me, and yet every time I close my eyes, he’s there. He won’t leave me alone. He haunts me day and night. It was easier when I pushed everything deep down, keeping myself from feeling much of anything.”

“But that’s not a healthy way to live,” Max told her. “Believe me, I know.”

“Was it like this for you? When you were transitioning into civilian life?” She knew he’d struggled to adjust after he’d left the armed forces. That he’d suffered from PTSD. He’d warned her that first night they’d slept together that sometimes he had nightmares. Then he’d asked her if she’d rather he slept in a different bed and she could sleep with just Logan.

She’d told him he wasn’t getting out of after-sex cuddles that easily. No cuddles. No sex.

But beyond that, she didn’t know much about what he’d been through. He’d had a few nightmares over the time they’d been together. But he’d never become violent. Afterwards, he’d tried to retreat, but she’d clung to him like a leech and wouldn’t let go until he relaxed and laid back in the bed with them.

“You know I have nightmares, but they’re nothing like what they were in the beginning. Sometimes I’d wake up, and my room would be trashed, and I wouldn’t have any memory of having done it. Or I’d wake up with Logan pinning me down, yelling at me that I was safe. That I was home.” Max rubbed his chest. “He weighs a freakin’ ton, too. For a while there I thought he was trying to suffocate me.”

Logan glowered at him.

“Sorry, man, but someone has to say it. I think it’s time for a diet.”

Logan smacked his hand against Max’s stomach. “Speak for yourself. Going a bit soft around there, old man?”

“I’m three minutes older than you, idiot.”

She rolled her eyes at their antics. “But you got better over time. Without a counselor.”

Max looked uncomfortable. “I saw a shrink for a while, but he was worse than no help at all. With a better psychiatrist, I’m sure my transition would have been easier.

“We want to help you, Savannah.”

“I don’t understand why I’m having problems when Laken is so together. She was held for days by that asshole and hurt far worse than I was. Maybe she’s just stronger.”

Max crouched and cupped her face between his warm, wide hands. “Laken has had years to recover from what happened to her, and from what I’ve heard her recovery wasn’t quick or easy.”

“And she saw a therapist,” Logan added.

That’s right, she had. Maybe with some help, Savannah could get her shit together once more.

Max ran a finger down her cheek. “We’re here for you to lean on, to support you, help you. We can get through this if you don’t shut us out.”

“I just didn’t want to be a burden to you guys.”

“A burden?” Logan snapped. “You’re our wife, you could never be a fucking burden.”

“You’re not supposed to do this alone, Savannah,” Max added.

 “Do you think the counselor could help?” she asked.

Max scowled. “We’ll find you a good one. I won’t have you going to anyone we haven’t completely vetted.”

“Maybe I should try the one Laken went to. If she’ll do it via Skype.”

“Good.” Logan stood, looking happier now that they had a plan of attack. “I’ll get in touch with Laken and get her number. We’ll get you an appointment tomorrow. Don’t worry, she’ll do Skype.”

His voice promised there would be problems if she didn’t.

“Um, Logan, I don’t think she’s going to be able to take me tomorrow,” she told him.

“Why not?”

“Well, because she has other clients and stuff. She can’t rearrange them just for me.”

“Then we’ll take the next available appointment. I’m gonna call Laken now.” He walked out of the room.

“He needs something to do. He feels helpless. So do I,” Max told her.

“I didn’t mean to make you both worry so much. The truth is, I don’t know what to do either. I don’t like being like this. I want to be normal.”

“Hey, just because you’re having problems doesn’t mean you’re not normal. Or maybe it does, but in that case, none of us is.”

She gave him a tentative smile. “I guess.”

“And Logan, well, we both know he’s never been normal.”

“I heard that,” Logan yelled out.

Her smile grew.

Max cupped her cheeks. “There’s that smile I’ve missed. I’m going to make everything better, Savannah. You just concentrate on doing what the therapist wants and let us take care of everything else.”

She thought of the bills she’d found, wanting to bring them up. But for the first time since she’d been kidnapped, they were actually talking to each other, and she didn’t want to ruin that.

Still, she’d bring them up. Soon.