Five
—
Standing in the University of Melbrooke’s parking lot, I stared up at the spread of glassy buildings with a mixture of dread and nostalgia.
The sound of laughter and conversation carried across the expansive lot of cars. Though it didn’t drown out my heart’s heaving thudding in my ears. My fingers clenched the straps of my backpack. I wanted to move my feet, but I couldn’t.
Not yet.
Nothing had changed since the last time I’d set foot on campus. I reminisced on the pleasanter times of when I attended U of M. Then the memories darkened. The pressure of school and wanting a way to lighten the stress. Popping a few pills to make things easier. No longer being able to function without the pills close at hand. My life spiralling out of control. My relationship with my mother sinking into the depths as she begged me to be better and I ignored her completely. Then my expulsion when I was arrested for shoplifting drugs from a pharmacy.
Shame and disappointment cloaked me. Threatened to suffocate me and weakened my will to move forward. Inhaling deeply, I fought to regain calm and a clear mind.
I had a job to do.
Quickly adjusting my ball cap, I marched toward the campus building that held the exam. I was glad I still remembered my way around. As I walked, I took out my phone and pretended to read an email on it so I could keep my head down. Even though it had been years since I last came here, I didn’t want anyone who still worked here to recognize me.
The hallways bustled with students. When I got to the correct room, I found a cluster of students idling outside the door. Nobody looked at me as I approached. They all had anxious, unhappy expressions I knew well. Pre-exam panic. Some were frantically going over notes, repeating words to themselves under their breaths. Last minute attempts to remember all that they were supposed to learn during the semester.
Yesterday had been much the same for me. After I’d agreed to do the job, Jared had emailed over PDF documents for me to go over. It had been so much. And I had to learn it all in one day.
I’d thrown myself completely into the task, studying as much as I could. It had felt like I was back at school again. And it had made me feel good. Like I had a sense of purpose and a second shot at my education.
Even though what I was preparing to do was unethical.
A few minutes passed while we all waited and then the door opened. My body froze, my eyes widening as I recognized the handsome face of the man who stepped out and regarded us all.
Graham West.
“Please come in and place your bags in the area provided. Ensure your cellular phones have been turned off. Show your IDs to my assistant and sign your names on the sign-in sheet.”
Then he stepped aside to let us through. He swept his gaze over everyone before his gaze stopped on me. His gaze lingered on me for a brief moment and I took a step back to flee, but as quickly as he noticed me, he disregarded me.
I exhaled in relief. Maybe he didn’t remember me. It was a week ago since I’d last seen him and he’d only met me once anyway. Still, his presence unsettled me. Even as I stepped past him into the exam room, I contemplated turning around and leaving the building. But to do so was sacrificing money I needed.
I set down my bag with the others on desks pushed together and then went to sign in as Veronica Sutherland. My arms felt shaky and my stomach tight as I handed over Veronica’s ID to Graham’s assistant. Jared hadn’t been far off. Veronica and I shared similar features.
The assistant gave a brief glance between me and the ID then encouraged me to sign in. I gripped the pen he handed me tight as I put down Veronica’s initials on the sheet. Then I strode quickly to a seat at the very back of the room.
When we were all seated, Graham moved to stand at the front and addressed us.
“I am Professor Graham West and I will be your invigilator for your exam today. The time for this exam is ninety minutes.” Then he went on to state rules we shouldn’t break unless we wanted an immediate fail mark for the exam. “Most importantly, if it’s discovered your exam was falsified in any way, your scores for this exam will be invalidated and further disciplinary action will be taken against you.”
His words made me squirm. I peered at him beneath the brim of my hat, certain he was staring right at me when he spoke, but he turned away and went to grab up a stack of paper.
With the help of his assistant, the test sheets were distributed. The timer for the exam began. As much as I tried to ignore Graham, I couldn’t help but glance up at him every so often. He was either at his desk at the front of the class, his handsome face in a stern expression watching us intently, or he was patrolling the aisles to ensure we weren’t cheating.
Whenever his gaze wandered in my direction or he passed along my side, I focused even more on the paper on the desk before me. I’d hold my breath in dread, waiting to see if he’d recognize me.
Relax. The most he can do is throw you out of the room. There wasn’t any major penalties for being caught as an impostor for a student. At least, I didn’t think so. I’d been so caught up in studying for this exam, I hadn’t bothered to find out what were the ramifications.
I guess Veronica Sutherland might get expelled for cheating if we were found out. Granted that wasn’t great, but it made me feel better that if the worst were to happen, it wouldn’t affect me as much.
That consolation was what I needed to concentrate on the test. What is the meaning of ‘fiscal deficit’? asked the question sheet, and I was tempted to write down my bank account as the answer. In a way, there was a dark humorous irony that me—who sucked at personal economics—had to take and pass an Economics exam.
I was confident that I’d followed Jared’s instructions by the time I’d written the last answer. Veronica would at least get a passing grade. When the exam was over, our sheets were collected and then Graham told us we could sign out, take our belongings and leave.
Since I sat at the furthest seat in the back, I was the last student to grab my bag. Anxiety came over me again and I hurried over to Graham’s assistant to sign out before Graham noticed me. I wrote down Veronica’s initials then straightened to find Graham standing beside me.
I hadn’t heard or felt his approach at all. His intent stare made my stomach tighten and my heart race. I took a step back, ready to flee when he smiled and held out a hand.
“I would like to see your ID, please.”
He knew. Oh god, he knew it was me.
And yet, with shaking fingers I took out the ID card with Veronica’s name and smiling face on it and handed it to him. He glanced at it and nodded before handing it back to me.
“Miss Sutherland, would you mind waiting while I finish up here?” He’d phrased it as a question, but we both knew it was a demand. “I’d like to discuss an important matter with you in my office.”
“I’m sorry but I can’t—I have something… I—I have to go, Professor West.”
“It won’t take long.” His gaze darkened. “And believe me, for your own good, it’s imperative we speak. Do you understand?”
And he waited. Expectant. Those deep blue eyes boring into me, hypnotizing me.
And I remembered what he’d said to me that first time we met.
I dropped my gaze to the floor.
“Yes, sir.”