CHAPTER ELEVEN
KENDALL PRESSED HER palms against the counter in the kitchen and took a deep breath. Since Holden was only gone for twenty-four hours, she was relatively sure it must have been a training event, but when he’d walked through the door looking like something the cat had dragged in, her heart had nearly seized up in her chest. Those rips on his uniform hadn’t come from a little tumble. Nor had the bruises on his arms and shoulders. He looked like he’d been messing with people who didn’t play nice.
That thought freaked her out way more than it should.
Before he’d gotten home, Kendall had nearly driven herself insane trying to come up with a way get him to talk about the guy who’d taken him under his wing in San Francisco. She needed to get his name even if she had to bang Holden like a cheap screen door in a hurricane to do it.
There was a big part of her that hated the idea of sleeping with Holden purely to get information. It felt sleazy. Like something the good guys shouldn’t be doing. But at the same time, she’d known when she went undercover that it might come down to this at some point. It was her job, dammit.
But the moment Holden walked into the apartment looking like he was about to pass out on his feet, the idea of seducing him had disappeared. Instead, all she could think about was taking care of him. Getting him cleaned up, feeding him, making sure he was okay. That was why she’d gone into the bedroom with him. So she could get him naked and check for injuries. When she’d finally confirmed bruises were the worst of it, the weight falling off her shoulders had probably made an audible thud when it hit the floor. Thank God, he was fine. Worn out and in need of some serious TLC, but fine.
She heard the shower turn off before she’d barely gotten the first pizza out of the box and a few slices plated, microwaved, and set out on the living room table. She grabbed soda for her and beer for Holden. After the day he had, he’d definitely earned it.
“You don’t have to go to work tomorrow, do you?” she called out loudly as she walked into the living room.
“No, I have the next two days off,” Holden said as he came out of the bedroom.
Barefoot like her, he wore a pair of running shorts and a T-shirt with a stylized Navy anchor screen-printed across the front, words above and below the symbol spelling out SEALs of Coronado. The shirt was nice and looked comfortable, but Kendall was more interested in all the muscles it showed off. She might have seen a lot more of him a few minutes ago when he’d been standing in front of her in nothing more than a pair of underwear, but she was as shallow as a petri dish when it came to muscles. She’d take her fix any way she could get it.
Holden collapsed onto the couch as Kendall set the drinks down beside the plates. She started to ask him if he felt better after the shower, but the words got stuck in her throat as she realized his gaze was locked like a laser beam on her ass. The smoldering heat in his dark eyes made her pulse quicken. While he might be tired from the mission he’d been on, he obviously wasn’t that tired.
Good to know.
“The girl at the pizza place said you always order pepperoni and sausage, so that’s what I got you.” She straightened. “I hope that’s okay?”
“Pepperoni and sausage is perfect,” he said. “But you could have ordered anything and I would have eaten it. I’m so hungry right now that if you’d slathered a pair of shoes in pizza sauce, I’d eat them.”
She laughed as she joined him on the couch.
Picking up his plate, he downed half a slice of pizza in one bite. Then the other half disappeared just as quickly. Holden hesitated long enough to lick some excess sauce off his fingers before starting in on the other slice, a little more slowly this time. He groaned as he chewed, his eyes almost rolling back in his head.
As she took a much smaller bite of her slice, she had to admit it was good pizza. She could see why he ordered it all the time.
“I guess you didn’t have a chance to eat much since you left, huh?” she asked.
“I had a protein bar during the flight out from Coronado, but we didn’t have time for anything after that. By the time we were done and back on the bird, all I wanted to do was sleep. I was too beat to do anything else.”
Kendall had gone through Quantico, so she understood what it was like to go for days on end without a lot of food or rest. But she’d seen the level of exhaustion on Holden’s face when he’d come in, and couldn’t imagine what he’d done in such a short period of time that would have worn him out so completely.
Maybe it hadn’t been a training exercise. Maybe he’d been somewhere horrible, running for his life as somebody tried to kill him. Yet another thought that terrified her way more than it should have.
“You okay?” he asked.
She looked up to see him regarding her, a worried expression on his face. The fear she’d felt must have shown on her face. Before she could say anything, Holden took her plate and placed it on the coffee table beside his, then took her hand and pulled her gently onto his lap. The next thing she knew, he was brushing her hair back from her face as he made gentle calming sounds beside her ear.
“You okay?” he asked again.
She hadn’t realized her breathing had sped up until it was back to normal like it was now. “Yeah. I just freaked out there a little bit. I’m not sure why.”
His mouth curved. “It wouldn’t have anything to do with being worried about where I went yesterday and why I came home looking like the proverbial rented mule?”
She gave him a sheepish look. “Am I that obvious?”
His smile slowly faded. “Let’s just say I’ve seen the look when a woman realizes that being with a SEAL isn’t nearly as much fun as she’d thought it would be.”
The flash of pain in Holden’s eyes surprised her. But even more shocking was how her chest tightened at the realization that she was the one who’d caused it. “You’re worried I’ll bail before we even get started, aren’t you?”
He shrugged. “I wouldn’t blame you if you did. Your life is complicated enough with college and your ex trashing your place. What woman in her right mind would want to get involved with a guy who disappears when he gets a phone call and shows back up looking like I did?”
Kendall couldn’t help smiling. While his question had been serious, the way he’d phrased it had sent a little thrill of excitement through her. It was plain crazy, of course. This whole set up between her and Holden was all a lie. But the idea that it was real to him made her feel good.
“We’re getting involved then?” She smiled. “And here I thought you were just offering me a place to crash for a while.”
He traced his fingers along her jawline, his thumb teasing her chin and lower lip. That simple touch had her body tingling. “Is a place to stay all you’re looking for? If it is, all you have to do is say the word and that’s all it will be. I won’t push.”
“And if I want something more than that?” she whispered. “Would you be okay with that?”
He didn’t answer. Instead, he kissed her, slowly nibbling at her lips and teasing her with his tongue. Her heart beat faster as she realized where this was going..
You’re making a mistake.
She ignored the little voice in the back of her head, and deepened the kiss. This might be insane, but she was doing it anyway.
“In answer to your question,” he said when he pulled away, “I’m very okay with that.”
* * * * *
Before Kendall could do more than grin, Holden pulled her lips back to his with a groan, his tongue slipping in to tangle with hers. She opened her mouth wider, inviting him in with a moan of her own. Her heart raced as his hand found its way into the hair at the back of her head and tightened possessively. She’d never had a guy tug on her hair like that before, but she liked it. A lot.
Kendall moved onto his lap, straddling his thighs without ever breaking the kiss. She spread her knees wide, letting the junction between her legs rest against his crotch. The material of her shorts was thin, and his wasn’t much thicker. That made it impossible to miss the rock-hard bulge beneath them. She couldn’t believe how thrilled she was knowing she could turn him on like this.
As Holden continued to ravish her mouth, Kendall rolled her hips in gentle circles, feeling a delicious heat building up as his cock pressed against her. Any remaining doubts she had about making love with him evaporated. As if they had a mind of their own, her hands slid up his chest, her fingers digging into the thick muscles of his shoulders. She needed to get him naked like five minutes ago.
When Holden’s hand slipped out of her hair, she was all ready to protest, but then he grasped her hips, getting a grip and taking control of her movements completely. That was when she decided no complaints were necessary.
Dragging her mouth away from his, she watched as he rocked her back and forth on his hard-on, putting almost all the pressure on her clit now. The sensation was so intense she wondered if she might actually come this way. She spread her thighs even further, grinding on him. Purely in the name of scientific discovery, of course. She caught her breath. Oh, yeah. This would definitely work for her.
Kendall was so into the heat building up a few inches below her belly button she didn’t realize Holden’s hands had slipped off her hips and under her T-shirt until she felt strong fingers tracing up her stomach and shoving the light material over her head. Before she could thank him for the assistance, his warm mouth came down to nibble on one of her bare shoulders. There was a brief nip of teeth, followed by the loving swipe of his tongue. A moment of pain followed by pleasure.
She’d never experienced a sensation quite like it before and could only gasp. She’d had guys playfully bite her before, but Holden did it a little harder than anyone else ever had. She was shocked at how much she liked it.
But then Holden was on the move again, trailing kisses along her collar bone and across her throat, then over to the other shoulder. Every inch or so he’d stop and give her another little nip and lick, driving her completely insane.
Kendall leaned back, letting his amazing mouth go anywhere it wanted. She wasn’t disappointed when he moved south, his hands going around her back to smoothly unclasp her bra and slip it off without even interrupting his teasing kisses. Damn, he was better at getting her clothes off than she was.
She reached around behind her to rest her hands on his knees, arching her back and pushing her breasts out. Holden didn’t waste the gift the position offered, his mouth going straight for one of her nipples and making her gasp out loud as he did that nip and lick routine over and over. It was the perfect amount of pressure followed by a through tongue laving that made her head spin. He was using more pressure now, his teeth coming down hard enough to make her jump. Little lightning bolts of pleasure raced all over her body.
“Don’t you dare stop doing that,” she murmured even as she wondered how much more she was going to learn about herself tonight. It seemed like Holden knew more about what her body liked than she did.
“Never,” he promised, his mouth moving to her other nipple, like he didn’t want that one to feel unloved.
Her answering giggle turned into a breathy moan as his teeth and tongue sent a zap of pleasure straight from the nipple he was toying with to her pussy. She bucked a little on his lap at the reminder that there were other parts of her body that needed attention.
Holden suddenly pulled his mouth away from her nipple and stood, at the same time sliding his hands down to cup her ass and picking her up like she weighed nothing. She instinctively wrapped her legs around his hips with a yelp of surprise. She threw her arms around his shoulders, though it was obvious he wasn’t going to let her fall.
He carried her to his bedroom, kissing her neck the entire way. The moment Holden lowered her to the edge of the bed, Kendall reached up and grabbed the hem of his T-shirt, shoving it up to let him know how badly she wanted to see him naked.
Chuckling, Holden dragged his shirt over his head. He was a lot cleaner now, but she realized that some of the marks she’d earlier assumed to be dirt were actually bruises. There was one to the left of his ribcage that looked like someone had taken a swing at him with a baseball bat. It had to be painful as hell, and Kendall couldn’t help but think that maybe he wasn’t in any shape for what she wanted to do to him.
That thought must have shown on her face. Or maybe he read it in her body language. Either way, he shook his head as he climbed on the bed with her, following as she scrambled back to the center.
“Don’t worry about it,” he whispered, his fingers hooking in the waistband of her shorts, pulling them and her panties off all at once. “It’s just a bruise.”
She opened her mouth to point out that bruises could hide more serious injuries, but Holden was already leaning down, his warm mouth teasing her belly button, then leaving a tingling line of fire as he moved even lower. The words she’d planned to say became locked in her throat.
Then that mouth was dipping between her legs, his tongue slipping between her wet folds, teasing from top to bottom, then back up again. Kendall gasped out loud and buried her hands in Holden’s short hair, doing her best to drag him exactly where she wanted him. But he refused to go where she steered him, continuing his slow licks up and down her folds.
“Stop teasing me,” she begged. “I’m about to go insane here.”
Holden stopped licking and looked up at her, his smoldering eyes filled with lust and looking sexy as hell framed by her legs spread open on either side of his face. “Maybe I like driving you insane.”
Before she could say anything, his mouth came down to nibble on the tender flesh of her inner thigh. She whimpered as his teeth sank in, the pain/pleasure sensation making her pussy clench so hard she thought she might just fall over the edge just from that. Then came the tongue, laving the sting away to a simmering heat that had her wanting to beg for more.
Kendall started to do just that, but then Holden’s mouth came down over her clit, sucking hard as his tongue flicked lightning fast over that most sensitive part of her body, making her explode within seconds.
She cried out, arching her back. The pleasure his tongue was giving her was so intense that everything went pure white around her, and she was only vaguely aware of her body twitching and jerking in almost painful spasms.
She was convinced her orgasm lasted an hour…maybe two. At least it felt that way as Holden’s tongue continued to tease out her pleasure longer than she would have ever thought possible.
Just when it was getting to be too much…too sensitive…he stopped. How he knew the exact right moment, she’d never know. But he did. That was all Kendall cared about as she lay there, gasping for breath and replaying the film reel of the most amazing climax of her life over and over again through her head.
At some point, she realized Holden wasn’t in bed with her. She turned her head to the side to see her favorite Navy SEAL coming back from the bathroom, completely naked now. She wasn’t surprised to see that everything about him was perfect…even his cock. Long and thick enough to make her tummy quiver in anticipation, he was as hard as a two-by-four.
She’d hoped to return the oral favor, but when she saw Holden rolling a condom down over that perfect shaft, she realized he had other ideas. Then she saw the look of raw hunger on his face as he approached the bed and something told her the orgasm she’d experienced was only the beginning of a night she was never going to forget.
He flicked on one of the bedside lamps before turning off the bedroom’s overhead light. The lamps had heavy shades that only let out the barest possible light. It was sexy, not to mention romantic.
Holden climbed on the bed and she spread her legs wide, no words required as he moved between them with that same hungry look on his face. His forearms came down on either side of her shoulders as he carefully settled himself above her, his legs moving between hers and nudging her thighs wider. There was no fumbling or messing around the way it happened sometimes with guys. He simply entered her in one long, slow thrust.
The sensations as he slid in deep were enough to take her breath away, and her moan of pleasure was met with a groan from Holden.
He pulled out a little, then pushed back in even deeper than before.. She expected him to repeat the move, but instead, he stayed where he was, buried deep, pinning her to the mattress with his weight.
She locked her legs around his waist, her heels resting on his lower back, her hands moving up to grip his strong shoulders. He gazed into her eyes for several long heartbeats, then lowered his head to kiss her. It was crazy, but the feel of his tongue slipping into her mouth was as breathtaking as his shaft buried deep inside her…perhaps more so.
Maybe because she’d never been kissed by a man at the same time he gazed into her eyes so deeply she thought she might be seeing into his soul.
Holden lifted his head to look at her, his face intense. “Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?”
The words made her stomach flutter. There was no way she could answer that question, so she didn’t even try. Instead, she tugged him back down for another kiss, trying to tell him without words exactly how much she appreciated his compliment.
Holden began to thrust again, his move so slow and methodical she thought he was trying to drive her crazy. But then he picked up the pace, going a tiny bit faster with each one.
She moaned, her head dropping back as she rolled her hips and clenched her legs tighter in time with his movements, tingles zipping through her as he touched her deep inside every time. “Yeah, just like that. Don’t stop.”
Holden pumped faster, until he was pounding into her so hard she could hear the slap of his hips on the insides of her thighs and feel her ass bouncing off the bed. Those little tingles were now lightning bolts. She was going to come, and soon.
Kendall was barely aware of what she was doing as she reached her hands up and locked her fingers in the short hair at the base of his neck again, then dragged his head down so she could bury her face in the junction of his neck and shoulder. Once there, she simply breathed him in, losing herself in his scent as he continued to pump into her. His arms slid around her, pulling her closer and closer until it seemed like she was almost a part of him.
She sank her teeth into Holden’s shoulder as she came for the second time that night.
Even after the last of the tremors subsided, Kendall refused to let Holden move, keeping her arms and legs around him as his warm breath tickled her neck. She was more than ready to fall asleep right where she was, Holden still deep inside her, but he did the responsible thing and got up to deal with the condom. She supposed it was good one of them was thinking straight, but the moment he left the bed, she decided responsibility was highly overrated because she was chilly without him there. Or maybe she missed him that badly.
Thankfully, Holden made fast work of the clean-up and came out of the bathroom a minute later.
“Get back in bed,” she murmured, waving him over. “I’m cold.”
“You want me to turn up the heat?” he asked.
She laughed. “No, I don’t want you to turn up the heat. I want you to get your butt back in this bed and wrap your arms around me again.”
Chuckling, he joined her in bed, pulling up the blankets as he did. Kendall immediately slipped into the warmth of his arms, resting her head comfortably on his chest as he covered them up. His skin was hot from their lovemaking and she burrowed deeper into his embrace. She loved being in his arms. Even though she knew it was crazy, being there with him felt right.
They lay there together, one of his arms around her shoulders, her fingers tracing imaginary circles on his chest. She liked listening to his heart beat under her ear, liked feeling his body relax against hers.
She was snuggling closer when she saw the big bruise on the left side of his chest. She frowned. “So, was it a training exercise?”
He didn’t say anything for so long, she thought he wasn’t going to answer, but then he spoke. “Yeah, it was a training exercise. Nothing crazy. Just lots of running around and stuff like that, you know?”
A part of her wanted to point out that a person didn’t typically get the kind of bruises Holden had from running around. But she didn’t.
“I guess you can’t tell me what the training was for, can you?” she asked softly.
He tensed beside her, then shook his head. “I wish I could tell you, but I can’t.”
She took a breath and nodded, glad he couldn’t see her face. “It’s okay. No big deal.”
Holden shifted her on his chest, turning her a little so he could see her face. “You don’t have to do that.”
“Do what?” Kendall asked.
She knew what he was talking about. She simply wasn’t interested in admitting how much all of this was affecting her.
Holden lifted a brow, clearly not believing her. “You don’t have to act like none of this bothers you. You wouldn’t be the first woman who thought it would be fun to get involved with a SEAL only to change her mind when reality intruded.”
“That’s the second time you’ve said something like that,” she said. “Did that happen to you before? Were you with someone who thought they wanted to be with you, then changed their mind?”
He didn’t say anything for a long time, but when he finally nodded, she was shocked how sad it made her feel to think about someone walking away from Holden because they didn’t like his job. It wasn’t surprising. A good portion of her coworkers in the Bureau were either divorced or permanently single because of their job. Being a SEAL had to be worse.
“I’m not going anywhere,” she said firmly. “You haven’t known me long enough to realize this yet, but soon enough you’ll figure out that once I make up my mind about something, I don’t ever look back.”
Holden regarded her quietly for a long time, then flicked off the bedside lamp before pulling her back down to his chest. She snuggled in close, already thinking about what they could do with the two days he had off.
Then it hit her. She’d been making plans like Holden was really her boyfriend. Yeah, she’d slept with him and it had been incredible, but none of this was real, no matter how much she might want it to be. What the hell was she thinking? A few days from now, he’d be in jail and she’d be working the next case.
She blinked back tears. What the hell was she going to do?