It’s a few days after my showdown with Layla and the bizarre encounter with Raph in the kitchen. I’ve spent the entire afternoon after class and the early part of the evening in the art studio, distracting myself with my latest project.

It’s dark by the time I walk the tree lined road from campus to the edge of the plateau where Sovereign Hall perches.

I can hear the music blaring from midway down the road, and there is indeed another party in full swing. Great, this is the last thing I need.

I let out a long sigh and shoulder my way past a group of drunken students. Just like at the last party when Raph tried to drown me in the pool, I’m forced to witness the hormone fest surrounding me. I think I throw up in my mouth as I see a couple practically having sex on the kitchen island. Gross. I had my breakfast on that only a few hours ago.

I spot Baron in the pool, surrounded by a group of perky blondes. Totally in his element. Keller is also in the pool area, making out with a cute guy from the soccer team. He seems enthralled and intimidated by her at the same time.

I try not to look for Raph as I climb the stairs, but my eyes seem to have a mind of their own. I spot him in the packed living area. He’s with Layla, which is perfect. Of course. I notice though, that they seem to be locked in some heated argument. Raph looks furious. Whatever.

I feel Layla’s eyes on me as I continue up the stairs, but I don’t turn to look. The bitch can kiss my ass.

I open the double doors to my room and straightaway I notice that there’s a fire blazing brightly in the fireplace. What the hell?

I feel like I’m moving in slow motion as my gaze falls on the metal tin lying open on the plush black rug in front of the fire place. I run over to the orange and white flames just in time to see my mom’s sketches and photographs burning in the fire.

I feel like I’ve been punched in the chest and I can’t seem to get any air into my lungs as I stare at the fire. And stare. And stare.

I can’t tear my eyes away from the horrific scene of every single memory that I’ve ever had worth keeping, going up in flames. The only pieces of my mom that I have left.

I feel so utterly useless in that moment, because if I could summon water or wind, or anything—I could try to salvage what’s left of my mom’s memories. But I can’t even do that.

Panic spurs me then and I think I’ve lost my mind because I try to reach into the fire itself, not caring that I’m about to burn my own hands off.

I’m yanked back forcefully by strong arms and I thrash against them as they hold me back.

“Let me go!” I scream.

“Jaz, don’t,” Raph’s voice in my ear is oddly soothing and I can hear something else mixed with it—sadness?

“Get the fuck off me!” I whirl around to face him.

“Put out the fire—please!” I don’t care that I’m begging the guy who most likely is responsible for this for help.

He shakes his head and there’s that sadness again.

“It’s too late, Jaz—they’re gone.”

“No!” I cry out.

“I hate you—I fucking hate you!” I’m lunging for him now, but he holds my arms to stop me.

“It wasn’t me, Jaz—I had nothing to do with this, I swear.”

Those blue eyes look so sincere. But I don’t believe him. I don’t trust him.

“I don’t believe you.” I’m shaking my head as I back away from him, my voice barely a ragged whisper.

I turn on my heel and run.

I can hear him calling after me, but I don’t stop.

I see Layla’s satisfied smile as I run past the living area and I want to punch her on the mouth all over again. But it won’t bring my mom’s memories back.

So, I keep running. Out of Sovereign Hall, away from the crowd where I don’t belong, away from the people who will never accept me.

I keep running until I reach the rocky beach beneath and I collapse onto the sand, feeling like all of the fight in me is gone.

It’s only then that I cover my face with my hands and let the tears that I’ve been holding back since I stepped foot in this godforsaken place, fall. I let myself cry then—for myself, for all the lost memories.

I don’t sense his presence until he’s sitting next to me on the sand. I want to tell him to leave, but there’s nothing left inside me anymore. Nothing in me that cares.

I draw my knees up to my chest then, hugging them to me.

We sit in silence for what seems like an eternity, watching the silvery beams of the crescent moon reflecting off the waves as they lap against the rocky sand.

“I have no idea why I even decided to stay here,” I say finally. “I mean, Magnus basically kidnapped me and the only way back is with some key I can’t get my hands on and even if I could, I’d still have no idea how to summon a damn portal. Although I’ve been telling myself that I’m going to leave the first opportunity I get, so far I haven’t even bothered to try to find a way back. I guess some part of me was hoping that I’d finally found the place where I belong.”

I don’t know why I’m telling Raph all of this. I’m almost just saying it to myself. He listens though, not saying a word as he sits there beside me.

“After my mom died, I felt like I was drifting from place to place. Lost. Like there was nowhere on Earth where I could possibly belong. I felt so different from everyone else around me. I could be in a room full of people and still feel like I was the only one there. Like even if I screamed at the top of my lungs, none of those people would hear.

“When Magnus showed up with this promise of a different life, I guess part of me was sucked in. Part of me hoped that it would be different. That the connection that I sometimes feel to the moon, the stars and the night isn’t just me being crazy.

“But I was wrong—I don’t have those powers, I’m not one of you. I don’t belong here. I think the saddest part is that all along, I’ve known that there was nothing for me to go back to Earth for. My life on Earth was utterly meaningless—I was nothing, no one. Those memories of my mom in that tin? It was all I had left.”

I get up then, brushing the sand off my jeans.

“Now it’s all gone. And now, I’m done,” I say.

“I’m so done.”

I’m almost at the path that leads up the side of the cliff back up to Sovereign Hall when Raph’s voice stops me.

“Don’t go.”

His words are quiet, but the night breeze carries them to me.

I turn slowly and find him walking towards me, the blue of his eyes so dark, that they are almost the same color as the night sky.

“What?” I ask, my voice barely a ragged whisper.

“I said, don’t go,” he repeats.

I stare at him in confusion.

“Don’t you get it? I said I’m done—you win.”

He lets out a long breath, and those uncanny eyes lock onto mine, looking into me, through me.

“I’m sorry for … everything. Everything that’s happened to you since you’ve stepped foot here. All of it is my fault.”

The apology floors me and I don’t even know what to think. I should tell him that I don’t believe him. I should tell him that the apology doesn’t matter, not after all he’s done. But those words don’t come out and I can only stand there in silence.

“I don’t know if I’ve lost my mind and I have no idea why I’m stopping you right now... But I want you to stay. I … need you to stay.”

I’m utterly baffled now as I look back at him and I have no words.

“What you said about not being able to use your powers? I can help you with that.”

I start to shake my head, but he’s going on.

“Please let me help you with that.”

I’m silent for a long moment as I look at that impossibly beautiful face. For the first time since I’ve met him, he looks … scared almost.

It feels like I’m standing on the precipice of something so profound, that if I let myself look over the edge and see, things would never be the same. I would never be the same.

I’m aware that I feel terrified in that moment, but something about the fragile look in those uncanny eyes strikes a chord inside me and if anyone were to ask me why I did what I do next, I know I won’t be able to explain.

“Okay,” I say quietly.

He holds his hand out to me and I take it and in that moment, it feels like we’re the only two people in the vastness of time and space.