CHAPTER 13
Edward’s arm is draped across my shoulder. We are walking down the street to the steady hum of car engines. The buildings glow against the inky sky. The diner was packed after work. We met there, shared a meal, and are walking back to my place. By the time I finished with work, I was starving.
Edward squeezes my shoulder, and grins down at me, “So, tell me how today went. What do you do all day? How’s working with your boss?” We didn’t talk about work at dinner, instead I put it off. He lifts his chin and we stop at a corner, waiting for the light to change. A car horn blares behind us. When the light changes, we walk in the mass of people.
I say, “Well, it turns out my boss is Cole Stevens.”
Edward gasps, “No way.” He knows who Cole is. Everyone knows who Cole is, so that isn’t surprising. But, like me, Edward assumed someone else would be overseeing the internship.
Nodding, I say, “Yeah. It turns out that he’s in charge of my internship. I stay here with him to do some shoots in the city this week, and then the rest of the summer, I’ll be out East on Long Island somewhere. I probably should have asked where.” My voice trails off.
I grew up out there. In the back of my mind, I’m hoping that the new studio is near enough to my parent’s house to commute. Housing arrangements would be an issue, paid or not. Renting something short term on Long Island was expensive.
His shoulders sag and Edward stops walking, “No. The whole summer? Are you serious?”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize exactly what this internship included until today, but it’s only a few weeks.” He still looks crestfallen. I add, “And it’s not like I’m that far away. I’m sure we can get together a few times a week.”
He’s smiling at me again. Pulling me close, we stop on the sidewalk. People walk past us, some bumping into me, but I don’t care. In the moment, there is only Edward and me. He lowers his lips to mine and that familiar light feeling floats through my stomach. Gently, he pushes my hair away from my cheek.
He breaks the kiss, and breathes deeply. A rush of warm breath flows from his lips as he breathes, “Oh God, I want you. When you kiss me like that, I can’t think. You’re amazing.” His fingers tangle in my hair. I look up into his cool eyes. The way he looks at me makes me squirm. Someone bumps my elbow. It brings attention back to where we are.
“We’d better get home so I can make you think even less,” I try not to giggle. I try to be sexy, but I laugh softly anyway. Taking his hand in mine, we walk faster down the street.
____
By the time we plow through the apartment door, his hands are all over me. One is pushing up my skirt, my leg is hiked up and wrapped around his hips, while he cups the curve of my ass. We don’t break the kiss. I’m so hot. It feels like every inch of me is on fire. I want him. I need him. The place between my legs is throbbing. Feeling his lips there is what I want, but I’m too afraid to ask. I want him to do it, I want him to take me—and not ask permission—to have me how he wants. But Edward won’t do that. He’s too cautious, that carnal part of him seems buried too deep. I wonder if I’ll ever get at the part of him that’s wild and dauntless. The part of Edward that’s more animal than man, the part that wants me in every way. I tell myself that every relationship has problems and that we can learn to deal with them.
My hand slides down between us and below his waistband. I stroke his hard length, hoping he’ll ravish me the way I want him to. His breath hitches and before I can do anything, his fingers are around my wrist. “Slow down, babe.” He’s breathing hard in my ear, his face is flushed.
Disappointed I say, “Don’t you ever just want to tear my clothes off and take me?”
Between kisses down my neck, he says, “Of course.”
My heart is pounding. Pulling his face back, I hold his cheeks between my palms. Breathing hard I say, “Then do it. Anything you want, anyway you want. Right now.”
His eyes are wide and dark. They look into mine with an expression that makes me afraid. Edward doesn’t move. His eyes drift lower, watching the deep breaths making my chest rise and fall. After a moment, he steps back and releases me. A rush of cold fills the void. Ice drips down my spine. He’s going to reject me. That look on his face says what I already know.
He pushes his hair out of his eyes and looks up at me, “I—“ he starts to say, but a noise stops him from speaking. The telltale sound of metal scraping lets us know the door is being unlocked. Emma will step into the room any second. His eyes are apologetic, like he can’t be the man I want.
I don’t understand.
We blink at each other as Emma pushes the door open and turns to yank her key out of the lock. She sees us, but doesn’t sense the tension right away, “Hey guys. Anna, you gotta tell me how today went. I can’t wait—” she turns and realizes she walked in on something. It’s probably not what she thinks it is.
I act like nothing happened, and turn toward the kitchen. I pull open the fridge door and bend over, peering inside. “It was interesting. That’s for sure.” I need a drink. Where’s the wine?
I hear plastic bags being set on the counter. Emma says, “I bought your favorite.” She holds up a bottle of White Merlot. I could die. Smiling at me, she holds the bottle by the neck. “You guys can celebrate without me. I totally didn’t mean to...”
I cut her off, “You didn’t. And we already celebrated, didn’t we Edward?”
He nods, “Yup. Dinner and stuff.” He’s staring at me. I can’t tell what he wants from me. I wish he’d just take me in his arms and say he wanted me. But he says nothing. He stands there with his arms folded like he’s an awkward kid.
Emma pulls out two glasses and looks at her brother, “Well, I want to hear about it. Sorry if it’s old news to you. So are you staying or going?” She has her fingers on a third glass, but he shakes his head.
“Nah, I’ll head home. Things to think about.” His eyes are on me, but I can’t look at him. “Congratulations, Anna.” He steps toward me, and kisses my temple. I smile at him, but it’s one of those smiles that feels wrong, like the lines of my face are filled with cement. “See you tomorrow?”
I nod, “Sure,” my voice is too soft.
He knows our relationship is broken. He likes slow and steady. I like everything else. Slow makes me fall into a coma. Steady isn’t my idea of romantic. But I don’t want to lose him. In every other way, we’re perfect together. He steps toward the door and lets himself out. I watch him go. Part of me wants to call him back and be with him his way, but I don’t move.
Emma watches me. She can tell I’m out of sorts, but she doesn’t mention it. Instead we talk about Cole and work and half-naked models. I tell her that I hold reflectors, move lights, and adjust things on set. I leave out that adjustments include things of a more sensual nature.
“So, Cole was with you today?” she asks, knowing it’s weird. “Anna, interns are treated like dirt, and you have the owner doing yours. You ever wonder why?”
For a second the only response I have is a half open mouth. “I have. And I don’t know. For some reason he didn’t want Sottero to have me. That much, I’m sure of.”
She nods at me. Although she hasn’t said it, the question—the reason she’s thinking—has crossed my mind as well. Maybe it was more than he didn’t want Sottero to have me. Maybe he actually wanted me. But that doesn’t make sense. I have next to no reputation, and the one I do have says I’m a pain in the ass, stubborn to a fault.
“So, next week you’ll be out East somewhere. How’d Edward take that?” she asks, and then adds. “You don’t have to say anything, if you don’t want to, but when I walked through the door, you looked like someone hit you in the head with a frying pan. I’d be a shitty friend if I didn’t ask.”
I snort, and pull my knees into my chest. We’re sitting on the living room floor. Half the bottle of wine is gone. Tucking a stray hair behind my ear, I stare at my glass, “He was okay with it. That’s not the problem. He’s always supportive, exactly the kind of guy a girl hopes for.”
She watches me. After a moment she asks, “But not you?”
Shrugging, I say, “It gets into things I can’t discuss with you.” I stare at my toes. Sighing, I finally just ask her, “You know I’ve only had two serious relationships. One was a stoner, and the other was—” I try to find the right words, but Emma choses them for me.
“A dick.” She throws back the rest of her wine.
I nod, “Yeah, so I don’t really know what to expect. I mean, if a guy was great in every single way but your bedroom preferences didn’t exactly line up, what would you do?” I stumble over the words as I say them.
She blinks once and stares at me. “If you asked me that before my third glass of wine, I think I would have puked on you. And I might now, anyway.”
I roll my eyes at her, “Stop it. Be serious for once. I need you. I’m not talking about your brother. I’m talking about me. I’m a freak, Emma. Guys seem to think that I’m this little goodie-two-shoes kinda girl, and I’m not. I want things... things that they seem to think are weird. What do I do?”
Emma seems intrigued. “What kind of things do you want that no one will do?”
I shrug, “I don’t know. Things.” I can’t say it. I don’t want to. But I know what I want, and if I’m with Edward, I’ll be three for zero, in terms of guys that make me melt.
“Okay, you’re a bad liar. But I understand if you don’t want to tell me. I’ve done some things that I wouldn’t tell anyone about either.” I glance up at her surprised. She shrugs, “The right guy makes just about anything sound sexy. But that’s not your problem.” She pushes her dark hair out of her face. “I wouldn’t throw away an entire relationship based on the sex, but staying in a relationship where you both want different things, I don’t know...” Her tone is leading, but she’s saying what I already know.
“It’s settling, isn’t it?”
“Seems that way,” she nods and reaches for my glass. She refills both our cups and the bottle is empty. She glances at her glass, “After I drink this, I won’t have any recollection of our conversation, so if you have to ask me funky sex stuff that involves my twin, you’d better do it now.” She makes a face and I laugh.
I hold onto her shoulder, “I can’t do that to you. Telling you that I want more than he’s willing to give is enough.”
“And that’s the problem that you’ll face with every guy,” she lifts her glass and taps it against mine. The crystal rings. “Cheers, Anna. May your future be filled with someone who can give you everything you need.”