Chapter 16
Marianne rolled over and stretched as she slowly roused from the heated dream. She could feel the coolness of the room from under the heavy counterpane. The fire must have gone out hours ago. But her body burned all over.
She had been dreaming. About Drew. They were making love. Not like the one and only time they had joined on their wedding night. No. This was like the kiss they shared last night.
Long. Slow. Intense. Intimate.
She tried not to go to bed with thoughts of her husband in her head but it had been impossible. Those heated moments kissing in front of the hearth of the library had left an indelible yearning deep inside of her. Just a momentary thought of her husband consumed her with the desire to be close to him, to talk with him, to touch him even if only in a formal manner. Her thoughts would gather the size of him, the strength of him, that unusual scent he wore and the deep sapphirine color of his eyes, eyes that seemed as fathomless as the ocean now that he had returned from his life at sea with so much knowledge, so many experiences. All that yet unshared. She yearned to know what he knew.
Why were women so limited in what they could do, where they could go? She thought she had gained so much freedom while Drew had been away but now she found a whole world existed that she had never dreamed of and it, too, exceeded her reach.
But Drew knew it. He had experienced it. He had lived life fully for the last few years and look what had become of him.
He was magnificent.
Every woman at every event they attended watched him. No longer the fop, Dandy Andy, everyone snickered about behind gloved hands and lacy fans. He had become the gentleman every man wanted to be and every woman wanted to have.
And . . . he belonged to her. Only she had not reaped the rewards of that arrangement. Every night passed and she lay alone in her bed, her sensual, desirable husband in the next room or out on the town entertaining himself after years of being away.
Something had to change. She had to decide if she should get out of her marriage as respectably as possible so she could marry Robert. Or, she had to give up Robert, steady, reliable, patient Robert, so she could stay with her husband, the father of her child, the man who had disappeared into thin air and returned just as abruptly years later an entirely different person, a totally new and exciting person.
What did she want?
What should she do?
Would anything, either alternative, let her live her life happily for the years to come?
~ ~ ~
“Vanessa, I am so relieved we are riding in the park together this afternoon.” Marianne settled into the barouche in which Lady Summersborne had arrived only moments before.
“We could have done this sooner, Marianne. You had only to send me a note. After watching the two of you dance around each other yet again last night, I decided I’ve waited long enough to hear exactly what is going on between you. I’m so glad you could come out with me since I arrived uninvited.” Vanessa flicked her wrist at the driver. “Tom Driver, you may move on.” She turned back to her friend. “Are you in such a quandary? What is the trouble?”
Marianne, gloves not yet pulled on in her hurry to escape the town house, unconsciously used her left thumb to twist her wedding ring on her finger, then took a handkerchief from the pocket of her pelisse and wrung it in her lap. It dawned on her she had renewed a habit she left behind years prior. Once again, she felt out of control.
She never liked the feeling.
Something would have to change.
“I cannot decide what to do. Drew . . . Andrew is back and nothing like when he left. But Robert has been here for me over two years. He’s been steady, reliable, kind, patient, all the things a woman should want a man to be.”
The carriage turned into the park. They were in no hurry so the driver rolled on with little regard to how slowly they were moving. As familiar faces went by, each of the ladies would nod or wave and smile as if nothing were the matter.
“Good grief, Marianne, what is it you want? Every woman of the ton would give their jewels to be in your position. They compare their husbands and fiancés to the earl and come up lacking almost every time. I would give up my jewels to be in your shoes. He walks into a room and everyone, even the men, stop to look at him. I’ve heard more than one man talk about taking to the sea for such a miraculous metamorphosis and more than one woman wish her husband or lover would do so in hopes of the same results. And here you sit wondering what you should do? Tell me, have you taken him to bed yet?”
Marianne straightened her back and looked down her nose at her friend. “Vanessa, have you taken leave of your senses? Of course not. I don’t even know who he is.”
Vanessa gave her a look of disgust. “Bloody hell, Marianne, how can you know what you want if you don’t give him a go? The man is your husband. It’s not illegal. It’s not even unseemly or improper. You knew even less about him on your wedding night. Every woman I meet is wondering what that magnificent specimen of maleness is like in bed. The discussions behind closed doors are colorful, graphic, and endless. Even I hoped you’d share some of the sordid details on our ride today and yet I find out you are being some straitlaced miss. What are you thinking?”
Marianne worried her handkerchief, then pulled on her gloves. “Well, there’s Sir Robert to think about.”
“In heaven’s name, why?” Vanessa’s agitation made Marianne uncomfortable. “He’s not your husband. From what I know he’s never even been your lover, has he?”
“Oh! No! I could never do that until I knew Drew dead as well as gone, or at least the courts had defined him as legally dead. We were still years away from that possibility.”
“So, what are you thinking?” Vanessa clearly did not see Marianne’s dilemma.
“Well, I know Robert. He’s safe and steady and reliable and patient. But I don’t know anything about Drew. He’s a completely changed man.”
“I’ll say. And the change is definitely for the better. No one meeting him now would ever imagine he once had the sobriquet of ‘Dandy Andy.’ The man makes my toes curl every time I look at him. If he were my husband, I would have been in his bed the night he arrived. How can you possibly reject what you haven’t even experienced? Do you not find him attractive? Appealing? Does he not heat your blood? What happens when he touches you?”
Marianne sighed heavily. “My toes curl. My blood heats. My body tingles all over. Just thinking about him makes me uncomfortable in places I will not detail. Last night I dreamt about him. I woke with damp sheets and a need I’ve never felt before.”
“Surely the man has shown that he wants you. Wait just a minute.” Vanessa looked up to the driver. “Tom Driver, please take us to Gunter’s Tea Shop for ices.” She returned her attention to Marianne. “Look what you’ve done. We’re talking about the earl and you’ve made me hot and faint just thinking about him taking you to bed. Good grief, Marianne, if you don’t want the man, please, give him to me. I’ll be glad to have him in my bed. Lord knows it’s been pretty empty since my husband passed.”
“Oh, Vanessa, you’re being silly. You know I just can’t give the man away. If I give him up, we will have to be divorced.”
“Oh, yes, and there’s that. Are you willing to go through such a trauma just to have Sir Robert? Is he so fine a catch that you would permanently sully your reputation, be shunned by everyone of Society, and ruin your daughter’s chances of a quality marriage? All this when you’ve never even been to bed with Sir Robert and not gone back to bed with the earl? I ask you, Marianne, who’s being the silly one? Not I.”
Vanessa’s carriage stopped in front of Gunter’s. She continued as one of the tea shop attendants approached. “You want my advice, Marianne? Here it is. Go to bed with the earl. Do it soon. Do it more than once. Know exactly what you have before you throw it away with both hands. Then, and only then, if you truly feel that a life with Sir Robert will make you happy in spite of all the debasement you’ll have to go through to achieve a divorce, plot your path. But, Marianne, once you’re on that path, there’s no going back. You’ll lose your status in the ton forever and, more importantly, you’ll lose the earl. Believe me when I tell you he won’t be lonely for long. The single ladies of the ton and their mothers will celebrate your blatant stupidity. Even I would be willing to have a go with him. I’d wager at White’s, if I could, that he’d be remarried in a year. So, my dear friend, if you have any feelings for him at all, you’d better clarify exactly what they are. And remember, if you do leave him, Andrea will be his. The law is clear on this. Watching him with her at her party gives me no doubt he would want her, take her. It would only be by his good graces if you’d ever even see her again.” Vanessa turned to order her ice.
Marianne leaned back heavily against the squabs. She wanted to hear none of this. She wanted this to be easy. She wanted the choice to be obvious. She wanted everything to fall into place.
Vanessa turned back and patted her hand. “Stop stewing, Marianne. You know what you must do for your answer. It surely won’t be that difficult. Now what kind of ice do you want?”