Chapter 25
My dearest,
I confess, I have thought of you all day, in ways I am certain you would enjoy. I pray that you are looking after yourself.
Acheron growled from his pillow by Jess’s feet. She paused with the quill suspended above the parchment, then she leaned over to frown down at the tiny pug.
“What troubles you?”
He repeated the small sound of disapproval, then bounded to the door leading to the gallery. There, he jumped and spun in circles. As Jess fetched her shawl to take him outside to relieve himself, his ears lay back against his head and he growled again. Then he whimpered pitifully and piddled on the hardwood before she reached him.
“Acheron.” Her tone was soft with resignation. The pug whined in response.
Jess collected a towel from the washstand in the corner and moved to the door. As she neared, she heard a masculine voice raised in anger. She dropped the towel on the tiny puddle and turned the knob. The sound of shouting became clearer without the solid wood barrier, and its source became recognizable—Hester’s rooms.
“No wonder you’re upset,” she murmured to Acheron, tossing her shawl on a nearby chair. “Stay here.”
She strode swiftly down the hallway. Regmont’s voice grew louder with every step. Her stomach knotted and her palms grew damp. As familiar fear set in, she fought to breathe in an even cadence.
“You’ve humiliated me! All these weeks . . . the match with Tarley . . . I will not be cuckolded!”
Hester’s low replies were indecipherable, but the rapid delivery suggested anger . . . or panic. When a crash resounded, Jess lunged for the door and threw it open.
Dear God . . .
Her sister stood in her night rail, her face blanched and lips white. Her eyes were huge in her face and filled with a terror Jess knew all too well. A new bruise was already darkening her temple.
Regmont’s back was to the door, his hands fisted at his sides. He was dressed for a night on the town, and he stank of liquor and tobacco. A side table had been overturned, and the decorative urn that graced it lay shattered on the floor. He began to advance. Jess shouted his name.
He stilled, his back stiffening. “Get out, Lady Tarley. This is none of your concern.”
“I think you should be the one to depart, my lord,” she retorted, trembling. “Your wife is breeding and has orders from the doctor to abstain from any excitement.”
“Is it even mine?” he barked at Hester. “How many men have there been?”
“Go, Jess,” Hester pleaded. “Run.”
Jess shook her head. “No.”
“You can’t always be the one who saves me!”
“Regmont.” Jess’s voice cracked like a whip. “Please leave.”
He rounded on her then, and her heart stopped. His eyes were bloodshot and filled with the single-minded malevolence Hadley always displayed when determined to use his fists on someone who couldn’t fight back.
“This is my house!” he bellowed. “And you . . . you have come here with your harlot ways and attached scandal to my good name. Now your sister seeks to do the same. I won’t have it!”
Jess’s ears filled with the sound of roaring blood, muffling his vitriol, but she understood his threat to teach her proper behavior. The room spun. She’d lived through this moment before. Heard those same words. So many times . . .
The fear receded as swiftly as it had come, leaving an odd calm in its wake. She was not a frightened, lonely girl anymore. Alistair had shown her that she was stronger than she’d given herself credit for. And when he came for her, which he would do as soon as she could send for him, Regmont would pay for his actions this night.
“Hitting me,” she said, “would be the biggest mistake you will ever make in your life.”
He laughed and drew his arm back.
Michael vaulted onto the back of his horse, then watched Alistair do the same. A raging feeling of helplessness goaded his agitation. He wanted his handkerchief back, damn it. He wanted Hester. And he wanted Regmont dead with a fervor that scared him.
“Say something!” he snapped at Alistair, who hadn’t spoken since he’d challenged Regmont.
“You’re an idiot.”
“Christ.”
“So you kill him in a duel. Then what?” Alistair spurred his mount away from Remington’s. “You avoid persecution by fleeing the country. Your family suffers without you. Hester hates you for taking her husband from her. Jessica becomes furious with me for being even remotely attached to this mess. Will you feel better then?”
“You’ve no notion of what this is like! How it feels to know she needs looking after and I cannot be the one to do it!”
“Don’t I?” Alistair asked softly, glancing aside at him.
“No. You do not. Whatever envy you may have harbored for my brother’s good fortune, you at least knew he cared for Jessica and saw to her comfort. He made her happy. You did not have to wonder at every minute of every day if he was raising his hand to her. If she was terrified or hurt or—”
Alistair yanked so hard on his reins that his horse reared up with a whinny of protest. The clap of hooves to cobblestone was like a thundercrack in the darkness. The gelding pranced in agitation, turning completely around. “What did you say?”
“He beats her. I know he does. From things I’ve observed, and things my mother has observed as well.”
“Damn you.” The fury in Alistair’s tone was unmistakable. “And you allowed him to leave? What if he’s at home now?”
Michael’s own wrath boiled over. “What can I do? She is his wife. I have no recourse.”
“Jessica is there! And her greatest terror is a man’s rage.”
“What the devil—?”
“Hadley was abusive,” Alistair bit out, pulling his horse around. “He punished the girls as liberally and as painfully as possible.”
Michael’s gut twisted. “Jesus.”
Alistair kicked his mount into a gallop, bending low over the horse’s arched neck and weaving recklessly through the busy streets. Michael followed close behind him.
Jess watched Regmont’s arm draw back and steeled herself for the blow, refusing to cower.
But before it came, a sickening thud reverberated through the room. She watched, astonished and confused, as Regmont’s eyes rolled back into his head. He crumpled to the floor in a boneless heap.
Startled, she stumbled back. Blood seeped through his blond hair and glistened in the candlelight. A harsh clattering drew Jess’s gaze to the fireplace poker rattling on the floor . . . dropped from Hester’s lax hand.
“Jess . . .”
Her gaze lifted. Her sister doubled over with a sharp cry of pain. There was blood at Hester’s feet, coursing down her legs, rapidly forming a spreading pool. No . . .
Pounding footsteps approached. “Jessica!”
She called out to him as she leaped over Regmont toward Hester.
Alistair appeared, followed directly by Michael. Both men skid to a halt at Regmont’s body. Jessica caught Hester just as her sister’s knees gave out. Together, they sank to the floor.
“Is he dead?” Jess asked as she paced the length of the downstairs parlor. Acheron sprawled beneath the table between the settees, whining softly.
“No.” Alistair came to her, bearing a glass of brandy. “Here. Drink this.”
She looked at the amber liquid longingly, wanting the soothing oblivion of liquor with a ferocity that was nearly undeniable. Her throat was dry and her hands unsteady, symptoms she knew would be alleviated by one small drink, but she found the will to shake her head. She wasn’t going backward. The past was behind her. After tonight, she was newly determined to leave it there.
Her gaze roamed the room. The cheery yellow décor seemed absurd considering the state of the couple who laid claim to it.
“She brained him with the poker,” she murmured, still trying to grasp the enormity of what had transpired and how blind she’d been to the signs of abuse
“Good,” Michael said with vehemence.
Alistair set the brandy down and came up behind her. He caught her shoulders with his large hands, massaging the painfully tight muscles. “The doctor is seeing to your sister first, but he says Regmont will need stitches.”
Jess’s heart broke. “She was despondent before. Now that she’s lost the baby . . .”
Michael snatched the brandy from the table and tossed it back in one swallow. His hair was a mess from the relentless raking of his fingers, and his dark eyes were haunted.
Finally, Jess saw the love he harbored for her sister. Guilt ate at her like acid. She had steered Hester toward Regmont all the while a man worthy of her was right beneath their noses.
She looked over her shoulder at Alistair. “After we are wed, I would like Hester to stay with us for whatever time she needs. I don’t think she should remain in this house any longer than necessary.”
“Of course.” His beautiful eyes were soft and filled with sympathy and love.
She breathed him in, absorbing the soothing scent of sandalwood and musk with that invigorating hint of verbena. She set her hands over his, grateful for him in so many ways. He anchored her in the midst of chaos, giving her the strength she needed to do the same for Hester.
“In the interim,” Michael said, “you should both reside with me. You have lived in the house longer than I have, Jessica, and the servants are well versed in your needs. It will be familiar to Hester. And my mother is there for now. She can be a great help, too.”
The report of a pistol broke the silence, followed by a bloodcurdling scream. Jess’s stomach lurched. She was running toward the stairs before she knew what she was about. Michael passed her on the first landing, but Alistair stayed with her, catching her arm just before they reached Hester’s room.
Dr. Lyon stood in the gallery, grim faced. He pointed at Hester’s door in front of him. “His lordship went in and threw the latch.”
On the other side of the door, Hester was still screaming.
Panic stole the strength from Jess’s knees, but Alistair held her up. Michael gripped the doorknob and rammed into the paneled wood with his shoulder. The frame creaked in protest, but the lock held fast.
The doctor spoke in a rush, his volume rising with every word. “He was unconscious in his bedchamber when I began the stitching. Then he woke . . . became enraged . . . asked after Lady Regmont. I told him to lower his voice, to calm himself. I explained his wife was resting after losing the babe. He went mad . . . ran from the room . . . I tried to follow, but—”
Michael rammed into the door again. The doorjamb cracked, but did not give way. Alistair joined him. Together they kicked the portal in unison, and it flew open with a thunderous crack. They rushed inside, followed by the doctor. Jess was swift on their heels, but Alistair pivoted agilely and caught her by the waist, carrying her back out to the gallery.
“Don’t go in there,” he ordered.
“Hester!” she shouted, struggling to look over his shoulder.
He clutched her trembling body close and held tight. “It was Regmont.”
As the possibilities sank in, Jess felt all the warmth leave her limbs. “Dear God. Hester.”
Hester curled against Jessica’s side and held on tightly. Cocooned in the counterpane of Jess’s bed in the guest room, she was still so cold.
Jess’s hand stroked over her head while whispering soft words of comfort. It seemed almost as if they were children again and Jess was providing the sense of safety and love Hester had only ever felt with her.
She ached everywhere. A bone-deep ache that stripped all the strength from her limbs. Her child was gone. Her husband as well. And she couldn’t feel anything but dead inside. It amazed her to sense her breath blowing past her lips. She would have thought such signs of life were beyond her.
“It was Edward at the last,” she whispered.
Her sister fell silent.
“He came into my room as the man I’d come to hate and fear. Wild eyed and brandishing that pistol. I felt such relief to see him. I thought, ‘Finally, the pain and sorrow will end.’ I thought he would be merciful and free me from it.”
Jess’s arms tightened around her. “You mustn’t think of it anymore.”
Hester tried to swallow, but her mouth and throat were too dry. “I begged him. ‘Please. Take my life. The babe is gone from me . . . Please. Let me go.’ And then it was Edward standing there. I could see it in his eyes. They were so bleak. He saw what he’d done when he wasn’t himself.”
“Hester. Shh . . . You need your r-rest.”
The telltale break in her Jess’s voice echoed through her. “But he didn’t spare me this agony. To the end he was selfish and thought only of himself. And yet I miss him. The man he used to be. The man I married. You do remember him, don’t you, Jess?” Her head tilted back to look up at her sister’s face. “You do recall the way he was long ago?”
Jess nodded, her eyes and nose red from tears.
“What does it mean?” Hester asked, lowering her chin. “That I am happy he’s gone, yet I am so sad . . . equally?”
A long stretch of silence ensued, then, “I suppose, perhaps, you miss the promise of what could have been, while at the same time you are grateful that what it was instead is over.”
“Perhaps.” Hester burrowed closer, seeking more of her sister’s warmth. “What do I d-do now? How do I g-go on?”
“One day at a time. You rise, you eat, you bathe, and you talk to the few people you can tolerate while feeling so wretched. Over time, it hurts a little less. Then a little less. And so on.” Jess ran her fingers through Hester’s unbound hair. “Until one morning, you will awake and realize the pain is only a memory. It will always be with you, but it will eventually lack the power to cripple you.”
Tears burned Hester’s eyes, then wet the bodice of Jess’s gown. Jess had climbed into bed with Hester fully dressed, offering the connection Hester needed before she even comprehended that she needed it.
“I suppose I should be happy,” Hester whispered, “that I am no longer increasing with my dead husband’s child, but I can’t be happy about it. It hurts too much.”
A sob broke the hush in the room, a raw sound of pain too fresh to manage. It clawed through Hester’s numbness and ripped into her vitals, tearing her apart. “I wanted that baby, Jess. I wanted my baby . . .”
Jess began to rock her back and forth, words spilling out in a frantic attempt to soothe. “There will be others. Someday, you will have the happiness you deserve. Someday, you will have it all, and everything that transpired to get you to that place of contentment will make sense to you.”
“Don’t say such things!” She couldn’t even contemplate another pregnancy. It seemed like such a betrayal of the child she’d lost. As if babes were replaceable. Interchangeable.
“No matter what happens, I will be with you.” Jess’s lips pressed to her forehead. “We will make it through together. I love you.”
Hester closed her eyes, certain Jess was the only one who could say such a thing. Even the Lord Himself had abandoned her.
Alistair entered his home, weary to his soul. Jessica’s pain was his own, and his heart was heavy with the sadness and horror that presently shadowed her life.
He handed his hat and gloves to the waiting butler.
“Her Grace awaits you in your study, my lord,” Clemmons announced.
Glancing at the long case clock, Alistair noted the lateness of the hour. It was nearly one in the morning. “How long has she been waiting?”
“Nearly four hours now, my lord.”
Clearly the news she carried was not good. Steeling himself for the worst, Alistair went to the study and found his mother reading on the settee. Her feet were tucked up beside her, and her lap was covered with a thin blanket. A fire roared in the hearth. A candelabrum on the table at her shoulder illuminated the pages in front of her and gilded her dark beauty.
She looked up. “Alistair.”
“Mother.” He rounded his desk and shrugged out of his coat. “What’s wrong?”
Her gaze raked over him. “Perhaps I should ask the same of you.”
“The day has been endless, and the evening even longer.” He sank into his chair with a tired exhalation. “What do you require of me?”
“Must I always want something from you?”
He stared at her, noting the hints of strain around her eyes and mouth, signs he’d most recently cataloged on Lady Regmont—the signs of a woman in a troubled marriage. Signs he would never see on Jessica’s face because he would die before he caused her such sorrow.
When he didn’t answer, Louisa pushed the blanket aside and swung her legs over the edge of the settee. She clasped her hands in her lap and rolled her shoulders back. “I likely deserve your wariness and suspicion. I was so focused on what I was feeling that I did not pay enough attention to what you were feeling. I am so tremendously sorry for that. I’ve wronged you for many years.”
Alistair’s heartbeat sped up, confusion warring with disbelief. As a boy, he’d wanted to hear such words from her more than he had wanted anything else.
“I came to tell you,” she went on, “I wish you happy. It does my heart good to see you well loved and admired. I did see it. I also felt it. She esteems the ground you walk upon.”
“As I do for her.” He rubbed the spot over his chest that ached for Jessica. “And her regard will never alter or diminish. She knows the worst there is to know about me, yet she loves me in spite of my mistakes. No . . . I would say perhaps she loves me because of them; because of how they’ve shaped me.”
“It’s a wondrous gift to be loved unconditionally. It is my failing that I didn’t do the same, my son.” She stood. “I want you to know that I will support you and your choice to the last. I’ll hold her in my heart as you do.”
His fingertips stroked over the smooth lacquered top of his desk. By God, he was exhausted. He wanted Jess beside him, close to his heart. He needed to hold her and comfort her and find his own peace with her. “It means a great deal that you came to me, Mother. That you waited for my return. That you give me your blessing. Thank you.”
Louisa nodded. “I love you, Alistair. I will endeavor to show you how much, and pray that one day there will no longer be any reticence or mistrust between us.”
“I should like that.”
His mother rounded the desk. She bent and pressed her lips to his cheek.
He caught her wrist before she straightened, holding her close to gauge her reaction. Had she truly come, repentant and guileless, with warm sentiment? Or had she already been given the news he was about to share with her, freeing her to give her blessing with mitigated risk?
“You will be a grandmother,” he said quietly.
She froze and her breath caught, then her eyes widened and filled with startled joy. “Alistair—”
So, she hadn’t known. The warmth of her acceptance and blessing spread through him. “Not mine. As you likely surmised, Jessica is barren. But Emmaline . . . Albert saw to his duty after all. Perhaps not a boy I could name as my heir, but regardless of gender, you will at least have the joy of a grandchild.”
A tremulous smile banished the melancholy reflected in Louisa’s blue eyes—irises that were so like his.
Alistair smiled back.