I decided some time with my wolf was just what I needed to calm the pain raging within me. I shifted forms and went for a run. I needed to take some time to think about all that had happened. There were some definite positives, but I couldn’t decide how I felt about the negatives. The thought of losing Davis so I could get my dad back hurt deeply.
I wished there had been a way to speak with my father before any of us made any rash decisions, but I knew it was pointless. Davis could ultimately do whatever he wanted as interim alpha, but I would certainly do my best to stop him if it was best for the pack.
When I finally arrived back to the pack house, it was quiet. I quickly snuck up to my dad’s room, not ready to speak with anyone other than him yet. Logically, I knew he couldn’t talk back, but I needed to vent, and he was the only one around I knew without a doubt wouldn’t try to change my mind.
I imagined all the guys were taking Davis’s side. I really needed another girl to join our group. Maybe I could count on Caleb to not screw things up with Jamie if he decided to pursue something serious with her and she would be around more to have my back against all their testosterone.
I walked into my dad’s room and promptly shut the door behind me. I leaned back against the wood surface and let out a deep sigh. I took stock of my dad’s large form laying on the oversized bed. He still appeared as if he was sleeping, just like the day Declan spelled him. His cheeks were warm and pink, hair raven-colored and streaked through with silver. I settled in next to him on the bed, grasping his much larger hand with both of mine.
“Hey, Dad,” I whispered. “I miss you beyond words. I feel like everything that could go wrong since you’ve been gone has. Now I finally have a way to get you back, but we lose Davis in the process. I need you to tell me what to do. I need you to wake up, wrap me in your arms, and tell me everything is going to be okay just like you did when I was a kid. I’m not ready for this alpha stuff. I know if you were here, you’d know exactly what to do.”
I closed my eyes as I brought my knees up and leaned my head down, thinking about what my dad might do in this situation. He was methodical and always considered the ripple effect of any decision before he acted. I seemed to be his opposite, always reacting before thinking things through. I let my emotions rule my decisions a majority of the time, but now that I was the alpha-in-training, I’d have to learn how to have some patience. Ha! The thought of me having the patience to run the pack like my dad had was comical.
I went back to thinking about what my dad would do if he was here and I knew exactly what he’d say. I just hadn’t wanted to accept the truth. The truth hurt.
“You’d let Davis decide for himself, wouldn’t you? But what if he has a chance to get better? What if Zarai was wrong? How can we let him choose this? It kills me to think he’s lived his whole life serving the pack and now he wants to give the ultimate sacrifice for us. It doesn’t seem fair.”
A hand settled on my shoulder and I jumped, turning abruptly. I had been sitting on the bed with my back to the door and hadn’t heard anyone come in, but Augie stood there with more emotions in his crystal blue eyes than I wanted to address.
“You’re right, Taya. It’s not fair, but it is Davis’s choice. He’s lived for over eight decades, and he’s okay with this. He knew his days were numbered as soon as he woke up after the hospital. I know it’s going to be hard, but you have to find a way to be okay with it. I know that’s easier said than done, but if you fight him on this and win, you won’t like the ramifications of your decision.”
I nodded, understanding exactly what he meant by ramifications. The day would come when Davis’s wolf went rogue if he lived without truly being able to embrace his wolf side. We’d have to stand by and watch as the man we’d loved for years slipped away before finally killing him anyway, just like he had said earlier. Rogue wolves were dangerous to themselves and those around them. They didn’t care about repercussions and that got innocent people killed.
“That doesn’t mean I have to like it.” I pouted as I leaned against Augie, soaking up all the strength he was offering.
“No, it doesn’t, but it does mean you have to support him. You’re like the daughter he never had. He’s watched over you from afar for the last eighteen years. You should have seen the look of devastation on his face when you stormed out. He hated hurting you.”
Shit. Now I felt like an asshole.
“Do you know where he is?” I asked.
Augie nodded. “He’s back in his bed. He was having phantom leg pains, so Alex gave him a sedative.”
We were so lucky to have a pack doctor on hand anytime we needed him. Lately, it seemed as though we’d needed him a lot more than usual, but he’d been there without question every time.
“Phantom leg pains?” What in the world was that?
“Alex did some research on it and it happens when someone loses a limb or functionality of one. Their brain still thinks that body part is working and tells a person it’s there and available for use, but it’s not. The sensations originate between the spinal cord and brain. Alex said there’s no way to make them stop unless we keep him basically comatose, which Davis wouldn’t agree to. He’d have to deal with this on a regular basis, potentially for years if he were to live for that long.”
My heart sank for Davis. The psychological healing he’d have to deal with while also trying to keep his wolf tame sounded like it would be unbearable. I couldn’t fight him on his decision. He deserved to make his own choices and I didn’t need to add salt to the wound by being selfish. That wasn’t fair or right of me.
“When he wakes up, I’ll apologize to him. Thanks for coming to find me, Augie.”
“I’ll always be here for you.” He leaned in, gently placing a kiss to my head. “Now, you should probably go find Liam. His wolf seems to have an issue with the way you deal with things when you’re upset.” Augie laughed. “I’m used to you running out and needing time to process, but your new overprotective boyfriend is not. I barely kept him from running after you once you disappeared out the door.”
Boyfriend? The word sounded so weird after my wolf had called him mate so many times. Boyfriend seemed so insignificant in comparison, but I wasn’t ready to call him mate out loud, so it would do for the time being.
My wolf made her wants known as I scooted off the bed, giving Augie a proper hug. “Thank you, again.”
“You’re welcome.”
It truly made everything easier that he wasn’t jealous of my time with Liam and fully supported whatever was happening. I had worried that my interest in Liam would hurt Augie, but his happiness for me emanated from him, and his actions spoke louder than words. They always had with us.
He followed me out of the room and we went back downstairs. I checked in on Davis just in case he was already awake, but he was still sleeping from whatever Alex had given him. Augie promised to let me know when he woke, so I could speak with Davis and ease his mind about how I felt.
Zarai was in the living room with a bag next to her. She nodded to Augie. “Thank you for the items. The book is irreplaceable. Our coven leader had been so sure she grabbed it, but when we didn’t find it after the coven was settled, we assumed it to be lost.”
I glanced between the two of them, confused.
“I gave Zarai the items you found while you were out on your run. She needs to get back to her coven, and I figured you wanted her to have them.”
“Got it. Yes, I’m glad you did. I meant to give them to her before she left anyway.” I turned toward Zarai as she stood. “You’re leaving already?”
Doubts ran through my mind. What if she didn’t come back? What if her coven leader denied us the help with Jaye and my father? Panic was suddenly all-consuming. I was not used to the feeling, nor did I like it.
“Calm, child. I will be back. I’ve already sent word back to my coven. You have nothing to fear.”
If only that were true, I would be able to breathe a little easier.
“When should we expect you back?” Augie asked.
“I’ll be back with several others the day of the full moon. Please make sure you’re ready. You won’t get a second chance at this.”
I nodded, understanding the stakes. I would not screw up the opportunity to get my father back. “We’ll be ready and have housing provided for you and your coven members. We appreciate this more than we can possibly express. I know we won’t ever be able to repay you.”
Zarai held up the bag which held the book and other items. “You already have, I promise.”
My curiosity piqued at that statement, making me wonder what the book was to them, but I wasn’t going to pry. I had too many other things on my mind, and she appeared eager to leave.
“Do you need a ride somewhere?” I asked.
She smirked at me. “No, I’ll be fine.”
“Okay,” I said, stretching the word. If I wasn’t so worried about pissing her off and losing the coven’s help, I’d be asking a million more questions. It nearly killed me to hold my tongue.
Before turning for the door, Zarai smiled at us. “Blessed be.” Then disappeared through the front door.
“That was interesting,” Augie mused.
“That it was. I’m going to go find Liam. Don’t forget to let me know when Davis wakes. I’ve got my phone, so send me a text.”
“You got it.”
I felt like a chicken shit, because as I walked away, I secretly hoped it would take a while for Davis to wake. I wasn’t ready for the emotional hurricane that would ensue with the conversation we needed to have. It was inevitable, though, so I was going to need to woman up and deal with it or risk missing out on the last moments with him. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I did.