When it comes down to it, all you have is strength and hope. Hope that you can get through the tough times to find your way to the good, and the strength to keep it together until you get there. I was holding onto both as I followed Shadow down to Gus’s office. After seeing both Shadow and Gunner come back with actual gunshot wounds, I knew I couldn’t stand by and let my father continue on his path of destruction. I had to try to find a way to convince him to let go of his plans to destroy the brothers of Satan’s Fury and move on to his next target. If he refused, I’d use all the strength I could muster and use what Marcus had taught me to find a way to kill him myself. I simply couldn’t let him cause the brothers anymore harm. It wasn’t going to be an easy task. He’d set his mind on winning, and I knew he wouldn’t walk away without feeling like he’d come out ahead. I hoped that by going home to him and being the daughter he always desired me to be, it would be enough to satisfy his lust for victory, but more than that, I hoped I’d have the strength to see it through. Leaving Shadow and the life I’d created for myself would be the hardest thing I’d ever done, but one way or another, I had to stop my father before it was too late.

As soon as we walked into Gus’s office, he looked over to Shadow and asked, “How’s the arm?”

“Good. Not much to it.”

“Sorry, but I don’t agree,” I argued. Even if they’d both survived the attack, Shadow and Gunner had been shot, and I couldn’t take the chance that it would happen again. “This has to stop. I need to talk to my father and end this thing once and for all.”

“Not sure that’s a good idea.”

“You have to know that I’m the only one who is going to be able to get through to him.”

His eyes narrowed as he replied, “I don’t disagree, but after what transpired today, I think we need to give it some time.”

“Don’t you see … It’s only going to get worse from here? You have to let me do this before anyone else gets hurt,” I pleaded.

“And just how do you plan to do that?” Gus pushed.

“I’ll tell him the truth.” I glanced over at Shadow as I said, “I’ll tell him that I’m involved with one of the men of Satan’s Fury, and that I will come home if he promises to end this feud between you.”

“You’re not going back there, Alex,” Shadow growled.

“No, she’s not,” Gus agreed. “But, if she can get him here, then we’d get our chance to get close to him.”

I tried to keep my voice from trembling as I said, “I can tell him that I want to meet with him face to face to discuss my offer. If I can get him to agree, then you can take it from there.”

I could see the tension in Shadow’s shoulders begin to ease as he pondered the idea. After several moments, he finally said, “If we do this … if she goes to meet this asshole, I want every brother there to ensure her safety. There’s no way in hell he’s taking her anywhere, and if he lays a hand on her, he’s dead.”

“Agreed.” Gus turned his attention to me as he said, “Make the call and keep it brief. You don’t want to give him any reason to doubt your motives.”

“Understood.” As I pulled my phone out of my back pocket, I looked over at Shadow. I could see that he was apprehensive, so I placed my hand on his as I assured him, “He won’t hurt me.”

“I’m sure your mother thought the same thing.”

His words stung with truth, making me even more nervous as I dialed my father’s number. I hadn’t called that number in over eight years, and as it began to ring, my chest started to tighten with fear. I knew I had to make Gus and Shadow believe that I was just using myself as bait, that I really wasn’t planning to leave with my father, so I had to watch my words. Everything I cared about was counting on that one phone call, and if I didn’t pull it off, I could lose it all. My heart skipped with horror when my father answered, “Yeah?”

“It’s me. Alejandra.”

There was a long pause before he replied, “Alejandra? Is that really you?”

“Yes, dad. It’s me.” I paused for a moment, then said, “I need to see you.”

“Is that so?” he asked with suspicion. “Then, why haven’t you come home? If you were here, you could see me any time you wanted.”

“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.”

“What’s there to talk about?” he clipped. “Your place is here with me where I can take care of you and keep you safe.”

“Safe? You mean, like you kept my mother safe?” I snapped. As soon as the words slipped from my mouth, I knew I’d screwed up, but I just couldn’t help myself.

“What are you talking about?”

Trying my best to get the conversation back on track, I answered, “I have something I’d like to discuss with you. It’s important. It’s something I need to say in person. Will you come talk to me?”

“There’s nothing to discuss, Alejandra.”

“That’s where you’re wrong. We have a lot to discuss.”

“Like what?”

“I know you want me to come home and you’re willing to do whatever it takes to get me there, but have you thought about how things are going to be once you have me back.”

“It will be like it used to be. We will be a family again.”

“You know I don’t want that, so how are you planning to keep me from leaving? Are you going to watch me every second? Lock me away … keep guards on me every minute of every day just so you can make sure I stay put? Is that the way you want things to be, or would you rather me come willingly and be the trophy daughter you’ve always wanted me to be?” I gave him a moment to consider the thought before I continued. “I’ll be the daughter you want, but it will come at a cost.”

“And what is that?”

“Meet me. Talk to me face and face, and I will explain everything.”

There was a long, agonizing pause before he finally answered, “Fine. I’ll be at your apartment tomorrow morning at nine.”

Nine was just a few hours away. I was worried that Gus and the others wouldn’t have time to prepare, but I felt I had no other choice but to agree. “Okay. I’ll be there.”

“Come alone, Alejandra. There’s no reason for things to get messy.”

“I will. You have my word,” I lied.

“Good. I will see you soon.”

As soon as he hung up, I turned to Gus and said, “He’ll be at my apartment at nine.”

Gus nodded. “We’ll be ready.”

I let out a deep breath as I looked over to Shadow and said, “I need some fresh air.”

“I’ll go with you.”

“That’s okay. I won’t be long,” I told him as I started out the door. I rushed down the hall and out the front door, and I was practically running as I headed towards the back of the lot. Once I’d stopped, I placed my hands on the fence, clinging to it as I thought back over my conversation with my father. Tears started to stream down my face as I remembered the sound of his voice, and the hatred it stirred inside of me as he spoke. I detested everything about him, and the mere thought of having to face him again made my stomach turn. Nausea crept over me, and before I realized what was happening, I felt the bile burning at the back of my throat as I hunched over. I tried to fight it, but I couldn’t stop myself from getting sick. I was still bent over when I felt a hand run across my back.

As he reached for my hair, pulling it away from my face, Shadow asked, “You okay?”

I wiped my mouth, and after several deep breaths, I stood upright and nodded. “Yeah. I’m better now.”

When I turned to face him, he said, “You don’t have to do this.”

“I know I don’t, but I need to do this. Please don’t try and stop me.”

Without responding, he reached for my hand and led me back into the clubhouse. When we got back to his room, I went into the bathroom and brushed my teeth. Once I was done, I went back into his bedroom and found Shadow waiting for me on the edge of the bed. I sat down next to him, and neither us spoke for several minutes. Finally, he said, “You asked me about the nightmares.”

Surprised that he’d brought them up voluntarily, I turned to him and said, “Yes … what about them?”

“I’ve had them since I was just a kid,” he admitted.

“Do you know why you have them?”

He nodded. “They’re my mind’s way of making sure I don’t forget.”

“Forget what?” I pushed.

“Occasionally, I’ll have a dream about my time in Afghanistan, but mostly, they’re about the years I spent in foster care.”

“Did something happen while you were there?”

“Yeah, you could say that.” He paused for a moment, then ran his hand through his thick hair. “Janice and Cal weren’t exactly the loving, doting type. They were both alcoholics who liked to use the kids as punching bags, especially me. Cal was also a fucking pervert who got off on raping the oldest girl in the house, Michele. She was only ten years old when it started.”

“Oh, my God. That’s awful.” A part of me had always known that he had a tragic past, but I never dreamed it would be so terribly horrific. My heart ached for him as I told him, “I can’t imagine going through that, especially after losing your parents the way you did. It must’ve been so hard for you.”

“Yeah, but it was worse for her.” I could hear the agony in his voice as he said, “I tried to make it stop, but everything I did just made it worse. No one believed me until the night he killed her.”

“He killed her?” I gasped.

He lowered his head and sighed. “It was an accident. I’d gone in to her room to stop Cal from raping her for the hundredth time. I was fifteen at the time and thought I was strong enough to take him on. I was wrong. Michele tried to help, but when she did, he pushed her, causing her to fall backwards. She hit her head and never woke up.”

“Oh, Shadow. That must’ve been terrible for you to witness as a child.”

“It was the most difficult thing I’ve ever faced.”

He’d finally let me in, and for the first time, I understood the darkness that dwelled deep inside him. I wished there was a way to erase his pain, but it had become a part of him, making him the man he was today. Hoping to learn more about his past, I asked, “What happened to your foster father?”

“One of the neighbors heard the argument, and for the first time in four years, they actually called the police. Both parents were arrested, and all the children were removed from the home. Cal was sent to prison and Janice was put on probation.”

“They both deserved much worse than that.”

“Cal got his in the end.” He looked over to me as he said, “I looked him up a few months after I’d patched in the club and found out he’d been murdered by one of his fellow inmates. While I never asked, I’m pretty sure that Gus had something to do with that.”

“Do you feel like you missed out on getting your revenge for what he’d done to you and Michele?”

“There are days when I think it’s one of the reasons why I’ve had such a hard time letting it go, but in the end, it doesn’t matter. He got what was coming to him.”

“Then, why do you think you’re still having these nightmares?”

“She died because of me.”

“What?”

“If I hadn’t gone in that room … if I’d just come up with another way, then she’d still be alive.”

“You did everything you could, Shadow. You were just a kid. There was no way you could stop him.”

“I could’ve made her run away with me. I could’ve put a bullet in his head. I could’ve …”

“No. You have to stop doing this to yourself.” I got off the bed and knelt down in front of him. I looked up at him as I placed my hands on his face. “You aren’t the one to blame.”

“Maybe not, but I’ll never be able to forgive myself for what happened.” I shrugged. “It’s one of the reasons I became the club’s enforcer. I wasn’t able to protect her the way I should, so now I’m doing whatever I can to protect my brothers. I guess you could say it’s my way of finding some sense of redemption.”

“What exactly does an enforcer do?”

“Let’s just say that I use any means necessary to ensure my family’s safety.” An intense look crossed his face as he said, “I wish I would’ve done the same for Michele.”

While I was curious to know more about his position in the club, I knew the nightmares he was having were more important, so I asked, “Do you think she would forgive you for what happened?”

“I don’t know.” I gave him a moment to consider my question, and eventually, he mumbled, “Yeah. I guess she would. She was never one to hold on to things, but I’m not her.”

“So, you think I’m to blame for all the things my father has done … that I should’ve found a way to stop him … that it’s my fault that you were shot today?”

“Our situations are completely different, Alex.”

“I don’t agree. I think they are very much the same.” I leaned towards him and briefly kissed him on the lips. “I think you and I are very much the same.”

Before he could respond, Riggs knocked on the door and said, “It’s time.”

“I’ll be right out.” He helped me to my feet as he stood up and started for the door. “I’ll be back in a couple of hours.”

“Where are you going?”

“We’re going to check things out at your apartment. We want to make sure we’re prepared for your father, but T-Bone will be around if you need anything.”

“Oh. Okay,” I replied, unable to hide my worry. Before he turned to leave, I said, “Please be careful.”

“You know I will.” As he opened the door, he turned to me and said, “Just hang tight and I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

After he was gone, I crawled into bed and tried to settle my racing heart. Even though I was exhausted, I couldn’t begin to sleep. I was only a few hours away from seeing my father again, and I was finding it difficult to keep it together, especially after everything Shadow had shared with me. He’d finally opened up to me, making my decision to leave with my father even more difficult. I knew the brothers were trying to find a way to trap him, kill him even, but I knew he’d never let that happen. He was too smart to let someone undermine him, not even his own daughter. I had no choice. I had to go with him. It was the only way I could protect Shadow and the others. I’d have to give up my life to save his, and I’d do it without a moment’s hesitation. I loved him with all my heart, and there was nothing I wouldn’t do to protect him.

After spending several hours trying to prepare myself for what was to come, I finally decided to get up and get dressed. I pulled myself out of bed, and I was about to head into the bathroom when I heard my cellphone ringing. Thinking it might be Shadow, I rushed over and grabbed it off the desk. When I looked down at the screen, I was surprised to see that it was Jason calling. It was way too early in the morning for him to be calling, so I quickly answered. “Do you have any idea what time it is?”

“I need you to come over to my place.” His voice was filled with panic as he said, “I need you to come now.”

“Why? What’s going on?”

“There’s a man here. He says he’s your father, and …”

Before he could finish his sentence, a moment of static came through the line. Seconds later, I heard, “Hello, Alejandra.”

My blood ran cold at the sound of my father’s voice. I was stunned, confused, and found it nearly impossible to form a complete thought. I had no idea how my father found Jason, but the fact was, he had. “What’s going on? Why are you with Jason?”

“I’m surprised at you, Alejandra. I thought my own flesh and blood would be smarter than this.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You really think you could pull a fast one over on me?” he hissed. “You think you can get yourself wrapped up in that fucking biker club, and I wouldn’t find out about it?”

“But how did you know?”

“You were seen last night, my precious daughter … outside by the fence.”

My heart sank as I remembered the nauseous feeling I’d felt after speaking with him on the phone. I’d hoped that the fresh air might help the queasy feeling, and I’d run outside. My chest tightened when I thought back to Shadow coming out to check on me, and I was appalled by the fact that we were being watched. “What does any of this have to do with Jason?”

“You have half an hour. If you aren’t here by then, I put a bullet in his head.”

“And if I do?”

“Then, I let him go … and if you come willing and alone, I’ll end my strike against Satan’s Fury.”

“Do I have your word on that?”

“You do.”

“Then, I’ll come, but please don’t hurt Jason,” I pleaded. “He has nothing to do with any of this.”

“Your time is running out, Alejandra.”

“I’m on my way.”