‘Wait,’ I shouted, pursuing him down the hallway.
He stopped. ‘I wondered how long it would take you to come after me.’
‘I … It’s not like …’
‘Relax, Kellen,’ he said, and reached a finger up to tap at the scars around his eye. ‘I’ve been through it, remember? I know what it’s like. I know how bad it pulls at you, in the dark, in your dreams.’
‘Can you get rid of it? Mine, I mean.’
He held my gaze a while before saying, ‘No, I’m sorry.’
‘What? What do you mean? The person who put it on me isn’t alive! So why can’t you—’
‘It’s all in the marks, kid. Yours are too perfect, too smooth. Somebody banded you in shadow, didn’t they?’
I nodded. ‘My grandmother.’
‘Well, I don’t know what she was thinking, but the procedure I discovered won’t work on you. Not unless …’ He trailed off.
‘What? Unless what?’
‘I don’t know. Let me think.’
I waited, my heart pounding in my chest, praying to my ancestors that he might be able to help me, to take away this damned curse and free me of it. I could go back – back to my home, back to Nephenia, back to my family. I might even be able to study magic again.
Dexan looked at me. ‘Man, I know that look. You and me are a lot alike, I think.’ Again he hesitated. ‘I’ve got an idea, Kellen, but I need to do some research and try a few experiments.’ He reached down and grabbed me by the collar. ‘But listen up, kid: if I can do this, it’s going to be hard, and it’s going to be expensive, maybe more than you want to pay.’
He sounded like the price might include more than just money. It’s not uncommon among my people to demand payment in the form of months of service or assistance with spells that put the participant at great risk. But the thought of getting rid of the shadowblack, of being able to return home … ‘Just tell me what it takes,’ I said. ‘What do you want?’
‘I’ll need to think on that too. Give me a couple of days.’ He let go of me and proceeded down the hallway.
‘Wait!’ I called out. ‘How will I find you?’
He didn’t bother to stop. ‘I’ll find you, when I’m good and ready. Trust me, kid, the messes you leave behind? You’re not hard to find.’
I was going to go back into the room and see how I could help – really – but before I could, Ferius came out. She strode up to me like she was going to walk right through me. She stopped a foot away and she looked more disgusted than I’d ever seen her. She looked me up and down as if I was some kind of dirty stain she’d found on a new shirt. ‘Is this who you are?’
‘I was going to—’
‘No, I really want to know, Kellen of the House of Ke – is this who you are?’
She almost never addressed me in the formal way of my people. ‘Look, I wasn’t—’
‘Answer me!’
‘Yes! All right? Yes, this is who I am. I’m a sixteen-year-old kid with nothing to my name but a bounty on my head and a curse that’s going to turn me into a monster one day. So, yes, Ferius, who I am is somebody who needs to find a way to survive in the world before I can go around helping other people.’
‘What about Seneira? A few nights ago you were all up in arms about how we needed to help her. Now you’re ready to abandon these people just so you can chase after the snake-oil salesman who feeds you a line about having a cure for the shadowblack?’
‘I …’ There was a bad taste in my mouth. I guess it was guilt. ‘Seneira’s got family,’ I said. ‘Look at this place! She’s got a father with money and influence to protect her. What do I have? People are trying to kill me, Ferius! And you won’t even teach me the Argosi fighting ways so I can—’
She threw her hands up. ‘I keep telling you, kid, there ain’t no Argosi ways, not the kind you’re looking for. It’s a path – a path you find for yourself, not some set of tricks or spells you learn so you can feel strong by beating other people up.’
‘Well, maybe I should find somebody who can teach me how to beat other people up,’ I said, realising I was close to tears. ‘Because I don’t know what good it does me to have you spitting pointless nonsense at me all the time and then expecting me to help total strangers!’
‘You mean like I helped you?’
My anger got the better of me then. ‘Don’t pretend you gave a damn about me, Ferius. You came to my city because the clan prince had died, and you wanted to … what’s it called again? Follow “the way of the wind”? Hoping to find some “discordance” so you could paint another stupid card and show it to your Argosi friends?’
She stared at me for a long time, all kinds of expressions passing over her features so fast I couldn’t make sense of them, but they seemed to come back to anger, the worst anger I’d ever seen on her. I could see her fists clenching.
‘Are you going to hit me, Ferius?’
She closed her eyes for a moment. ‘No, Kellen,’ she replied, and then walked past me down the hall. ‘I don’t hit children.’
Beren found me waiting outside Tyne’s room. I didn’t really have any business being there, given what I’d done, but the truth was, I also had no other place to go. Reichis came with him, sauntering along behind. ‘Seneira’s staying with her brother for a while longer. Tyne woke for a few minutes.’ Beren was almost beaming, despite the tears in his eyes. He pointed down to Reichis. ‘Your squirrel cat leaped up in the air and glided down, doing all kinds of acrobatics and playing with him.’ He hesitated for a moment, then asked, ‘Does he …? Is he intelligent? I’ve heard that the Jan’Tep familiars sometimes—’
‘He’s not my familiar, but like I told you before, he understands what you’re saying.’
Beren knelt down to face Reichis. ‘Bless you, master squirrel cat, bless your kindness.’
‘Sweet mouse meat!’ Reichis groaned to me. ‘Tell the skinbag to cut it out. Nothing’s worse than watching grown creatures blubber.’
‘What did he say?’ Beren asked.
‘He says it was his pleasure, and he’ll be happy to come back and play with Tyne again if you’d like.’
‘Oh, you arsehole,’ Reichis growled. He leaped up and spread his glider flaps, covering my face like a furry bag, smothering me. ‘Apologise before I choke you to death.’
‘That’s so sweet,’ Beren said. ‘He’s hugging you.’
I prised Reichis off of me. ‘Yeah, he’s a delight.’
Beren looked uncomfortable about what he had to say next. ‘After you left Tyne’s room, your … mentor –’
‘She’s not my mentor.’
‘Forgive me. Your friend Ferius offered to help me find the person responsible for my children’s illness. She said you might be willing to help as well, though there might be a price.’
Great. Ferius had really hung me out to dry. Although I suppose since Dexan had made it clear he was going to want to be paid for helping me, she’d probably saved me from looking like an even bigger jerk when I asked for money later. Feeling about as rotten about myself as I’d ever thought possible, I said, ‘I’ll help. I’ll do whatever I can. I promise.’
The relief on Beren’s face made me feel even worse. ‘Thank you. Thank you so much.’ He led me down the hall towards the exit. ‘Come stay at our home. We can put all of you up for as long as you want.’
‘Thank you,’ I said.
He patted me on the shoulder and sighed. ‘Only one thing has kept me going during this terrible ordeal: the kindness of strangers like you.’
That made me feel worst of all.