“No, this can’t be happening. I had a plan. None of this is going how we planned!” I sob.

Another wave of the worst pain I’ve ever felt attacks my body and I can’t do anything but let it shudder through me. I can’t see. I can’t hear. It’s like every sense I have has completely shut down except for my nerves. The intensity of the contraction makes me forget to breathe. My lungs burn in protest and I finally gasp for breath.

“I’ve gotta push.” I look up at Travis. He grabs my hand and tries to look calm, but I know him better than that. I see the fear dancing in his blue eyes. And it scares me. But what scares me more is that Holden is also flustered. He’s trying not to show it, but there’s no hiding his worry.

Holden tells the 9-1-1 operator our address and barks orders at Travis to get a bunch of stuff.

“Are we having the babies here?” Travis’s eyes are wide.

“We don’t have a choice. It’s not like she can hold them in.” Holden frowns at him.

Travis nods and heads off to retrieve the things Holden needs.

“I can’t do this. Not like this. Are my babies gonna be okay? It’s too early.” Panic grips my heart and then another nauseating wave of pain seizes my body. “Ohhh!”

I think Travis is back in the room, but I’m not sure. I’m locked in a terrible world where every muscle feels like it’s twisting up inside me.

“Okay, you need to bear down,” Holden directs me. “It’s time to push, babe.”

“Ahhhh!” I do my best to push despite the stabbing sensation radiating through me.

“Good, that was really good. Oh my God, I’m so proud of you,” Travis cheers me on and holds my hand again.

“Yep, a few more like that and our first baby will be out.”

“Really?” I lean forward to look down when it hits again. I stay in the position, my shoulders lifted off the bed as I go with my body’s overwhelming need to push. I couldn’t fight it if I tried. It’s like an animal instinct has overtaken me and all I can do is obey my body’s commands.

I think I might be screaming. I can’t tell, though. It’s like someone hits the mute button on the remote every time a contraction hits. My eyes are squeezed so tight I see stars. I push until my muscles relax and my body forces me to breathe.

“Wahhh!”

I hear it. It sounds like a dream. None of this feels real. It’s all happening so fast. Nothing is going the way I expected. Is it a dream?

“We’ve got a boy, Audrey,” Holden yells excitedly.

“He’s so beautiful.” Travis helps him with whatever he’s doing.

“Let me hold him.” I hold out my arms, but then the unbearable pain is back.

It’s attacking my body as the room loses sound again and I push. I’m a prisoner of the contraction, doing anything I can to make it stop. I push with everything I have and when my ears decide to work again, I think I can hear two babies crying. Of course, I’m also sobbing, so we’re all just one big mess of emotions.

“It’s a girl.” Travis smiles up at me. He brings the babies up to my breast and I cry hot tears all over their dark hair.

“I can’t believe it. Are they going to be okay? Oh my gosh, they’re so beautiful,” I sob.

Whee-ew! Whee-ew! Whee-ew!

The siren gets louder and louder as the ambulance pulls up to the front of the house.

Everything is a blur. I can’t keep track of what’s happening around me. All I know is I’m being loaded on a stretcher with my newborns. The paramedics manage to get me down the stairs and into the back of the ambulance, but I don’t notice any of it. I can’t stop staring down at my babies. They’re so perfect. So absolutely amazing. As the back doors of the ambulance close and the sirens overhead blare, Holden and Travis follow us down the dirt driveway in the truck.

Maybe none of this happened according to plan, but so what? I never thought I’d fall in love with two men either, and now look at us. With my two newborns and my two guys, I’m living a dream I never thought possible. I move up on the stretcher and nestle my babies against my breasts, letting them latch on.

Who cares about plans anyway? Nothing good ever happens from an itinerary. The best moments, the ones that make life worth living are the ones that happen off-script. Unplanned. The raw, real moments are the ones we take with us when we leave this earth. At least, that’s what I hope. It’s my wish for my mother that she took those moments, rare as they were, with her. It’s my sincerest hope that those are the moments I get to keep as well.

“I love you,” I whisper to my babies and bask in the glow of the adoration I feel for them. Somehow, I know they’ll be okay. All of this will. Somehow, I know in my heart I’ve just found my happy ever after.