Shared by the Firefighters: An MFM Firefighter Novella by Eddie Cleveland (30)

“What? How old was your mom when she had you? How old was your grandmother?” Ryan tries to figure out the math that haunted our family.

“I don’t remember my mother,” I answer matter-of-factly. I distanced myself from the pain of her abandonment a long time ago.

“I’m sorry.” Ryan touches my arm gently. “When did she die?”

I stiffen at the question. I could tell him she passed away when I was two. I mean, she might as well have. But I don’t want to lie to him. There’s something about Ryan, about the way his intense blue eyes search mine that makes my secrets bubble up from where I drowned them and spill from my tongue.

“She didn’t die. Well, she might be dead now. I’m not sure. The truth is, I don’t know what she did with her life. She was seventeen when she had me and eighteen when she left. When I first learned that she ran out on me, I thought it was because she was so young. But my grandmother had her when she was seventeen too. And the weird thing is, my great-grandmother had her when she was seventeen. So Nana was only thirty-four when I was born.”

“Wow.” Ryan doesn’t say it like he’s judging me. Not like he thinks less of me or my family. Just like he’s absorbing the facts and trying to understand my life.

“Yeah, so it felt like a big deal when I turned eighteen and still wasn’t pregnant.” I look down into my dwindling cup of coffee. “Like I’d broken a curse or something. I thought I was actually doing the right thing when I moved away. I was heading out on my own and thought I’d be the first woman in my family to do something with her life besides have children when they were still kids. Kind of ironic that I just ended up in the same situation, isn’t it?” I bark out a dry laugh.

“You’re pregnant?” Ryan’s eyes grow wide and search my belly for evidence of a baby.

“No, no! Not that part. I just mean that I ended up trapped in the same kind of life. In a dead end job trying to end things with an abusive piece of shit man.”

Ryan’s jaw clamps down and his shoulders tense up. “That’s not a real man. A real man doesn’t need to hurt women to prove himself.” Rage pulses in the air around him.

“You’re right. I’m glad I finally found one.” I drape my fingers over his balled up hand and he relaxes a little.

Ryan breathes in deep, like he’s trying to get himself under control and his eyes squeeze shut for a second. Then the tension passes, his muscles ease up, and he stares straight into my eyes. “Does Wolfe know where your grandmother lives?”

I shake my head, but I can’t help how my chin quivers at just the thought. It wouldn’t be beneath him to hurt her to get back at me. I know that. He’s done worse to people who “owed him.”

“No, he knows I grew up in Portland and that Nana raised me, but I never told him an address or anything. I mean, he knows our last name is Miller, but there are a million of them in the city. He doesn’t even know my real first name.” I realize just how little Wolfe knew about me. And how little he cared to know. In just over twenty-four hours, Ryan is already taking the time to learn more about me than Wolfe ever tried to in over six months.

“I figured Red was a nickname, you know, because of this.” He glides his palm over my hair and I close my eyes, enjoying how he can be so strong and powerful one second and so soft and sweet the next. “What’s your real name?”

“Patricia.” It sounds weird to say it out loud. Ever since I was a kid people have been calling me Red. Patricia sounds like one of those extra names some kids get to honor a dead relative. The kind that go on the birth certificate, but that no one ever calls them.

“Yeah, I like Red more.” Ryan furrows his brows and tosses the last of his coffee back.

“Me too.”

“All right then, if you’re ready to get moving, I’m gonna pack up here and dig the bike out of the barn so we can hit the road.” Ryan stands up and stretches his empty coffee glass toward the ceiling.

“Sounds good,” I agree.

Inside, though, I wish Ryan and I could find a little hideaway like this to make our own. A place we could both disappear to, where Wolfe couldn’t find us and where the outside world doesn’t matter. I know we need to go. I know my wishes are silly. Still, I find myself dreaming of a universe where Ryan and I aren’t bound by a destination or timeline. A fantasy where the only time that matters is the time we take to explore each other in a million ways and learn everything there is to know about our lives. Reluctantly, I force myself to abandon that dream and face reality. My nana never had time to read me fairy tales when I was a kid and there’s no use in starting to believe in them now. It’s time to get back on the road, time to keep heading west and leave my childish wishes behind.

On the back of Ryan’s bike the world smells new and fresh as we whip past it. I love that scent in the air after a downpour. The rain seems to wash away more than just the dust and grime. It managed to rinse away the millions of things that try to break the world’s back. It’s as if everything is possible again after a storm like that. Even the trees that only yesterday looked like the snarled hands of monsters seem to have reshaped. Like the water reshaped them from something ancient and scary to something new and full of promise. Their stretched limbs now appear more like the splayed legs of virgins, giving hope to the young men on their wedding bed.

That storm must have been huge. We’ve been driving for hours and it looks like the entire state was washed clean. Every mile of road we’ve traveled has been covered with puddles. Every wisp of wind that’s whirled past us has carried the scent of promise.

“Hungry?” Ryan jars me from my thoughts. He points to the sign for an off-road diner not far.

“I could eat,” I agree, nodding. I’m sure he can’t make out my words, so I emphatically shake my head like I’m trying to bounce off his helmet.

Ryan returns his focus to the road and I hug his waist, resting against his back as he expertly weaves off the highway and down the well-worn road toward the restaurant. He pulls up to a building that’s showing its age, but is still modern and new compared to where I was working. Flipping the kick out with his foot, he kills the motor and helps me off the back like a gentleman. He takes the helmet back and tucks it under his arm. He even opens the diner door for me.

Heat spreads over my cheeks, probably making them match my hair as I drop my head shyly. I can’t help it. I’m just not used to someone like Ryan. In my life I went from fumbling boys who could barely spit out a sentence to gruff men who chose to keep quiet unless they were angry. Ryan is so different. He’s the perfect blend of spicy and sweet. I love that he can fuck me harder than I’ve ever felt before and then opens doors for me. That he can protect me from my biggest fears and then try to learn about my life.

We quickly find a seat in a booth and pluck a couple of menus free from the holder on the side of the table. There are a few families in here and some other couples who’ve stopped in for lunch. It’s nice to get lost in the buzz of their voices as we scan our food options.

“I’m starving.” Ryan points to his page. “I think I’m gonna grab one of the hungry man specials.”

I take a look at the page and the little photos that helpfully give you an idea of what you’re ordering. “Me too,” I agree, placing my menu on his.

“No way,” he muses. His blue eyes search my body. “Where do you think you’re gonna pack all that food away? There’s no chance you can eat all that.”

“Wanna bet?” I hold out my hand and my cheeks blaze even brighter when I remember how our last bet went.

“What’s the wager?” His eyes twinkle.

I can see he has a prize in mind… me.

“If I win, we have to find a bar or club where we can dance tonight. I want to see what kind of moves you’re hiding.” I lean back and smile.

“Oh, I’ll show you all my moves. Don’t worry about that.” He grins. “And what if you lose?”

“I don’t know. What are you thinking?”

His eyes glint like rays of sunshine in a summer sky. “If you lose, you also have to dance. But not in some club. Just for me. I want a full-on striptease.” He sits up straight, clearly way too proud of himself.

He thinks I’m gonna back down. Like that’s going to be enough to make me doubt myself.

“If I were you, I’d get your dancing shoes polished up, ’cause you’ve got a deal.” I hold out my hand and he shakes it.

“Well, when I win, I don’t want you wearing any shoes at all. Not a stitch of anything by the time you’re done.”

He’s so cocky.

When the waitress comes over we both order the same hungry man special with a large Coke each and she writes it down and leaves us.

Just as she leaves, I notice a man who was looking our way turns around in his seat quickly. Like he doesn’t want to meet my eyes. My heart leaps into my throat as my body quivers. That’s his jacket. That’s Wolfe. How did he find me?

“What’s wrong?” Ryan follows my gaze and frowns.

“That’s him. It’s Wolfe.” I try to shrink under the table. To fold over and disappear, even though I know he already spotted me. Is he waiting for us to leave here? Is he going to follow us out and put a bullet in our heads? I have no way of knowing.

“It’s not him.” Ryan squints and looks at me like he’s trying to reassure me. It’s not working.

“That’s his jacket. I know it’s him. What are we gonna do?” My mouth is dry, but the waitress hasn’t brought our drinks yet. I feel like my tongue is coated in sand.

“Are you sure?”

“I am.”

“All right, enough of this shit.” Ryan pops up from his seat and strides across the floor with purpose. Even though he’s halfway across the restaurant, I can hear him clear as day. “Okay, buddy, I think it’s about time—”

He stops dead in his tracks. He’s frozen solid. The man turns and I can finally see his face. And it’s clearly not Wolfe. The stranger looks up at Ryan, confused.

“About time for what?”

“Uh, it’s, I think it’s about time I paid it forward today.” Ryan’s tone changes completely. All the edge has been smoothed from his voice. “Someone paid for our breakfast this morning, so I want to pay for your lunch,” he stumbles but tries to think on his feet.

“What?” The guy doesn’t appear angry, just like he truly doesn’t understand.

“Yep, um, here’s a couple twenties.” Ryan digs out his wallet and slaps the bills on the table before walking back to me.

“Thanks?” the man calls out like he’s asking a question.

Ryan responds by lifting his hand in the air and sliding back into our booth.

“Fuck. I’m sorry, Ryan. I really thought it was him.”

“I know, Red. I know. It’s okay. Listen, I think it’s clear you need to relax. After lunch we’re going to find a nice hotel to stay at tonight. I think you need somewhere you can take a bath and just chill for the night.”

“Sure,” I mumble at my hands, embarrassed. I was sure it was Wolfe. Sure of it. I glance over at the man across the room and see, yet again, just how wrong I was. “Sounds good,” I agree.

Even though it’s early, the sun is already starting to slice across the autumn sky. I hate how dark it gets in early winter. The short days filled with dreary weather are enough to put anyone on edge. Normally I’d stay south this time of year. That way I wouldn’t be worrying about when the clouds will change from dropping rain to snow. I suppose after I get Red to Portland, that’s where I’ll head.

The thought gnaws at my gut, but I push it away. There’s not much I can do about it. As much as I love having her in my life, as much as she makes every day exciting, and even as much as I love how she’s helped me escape my own demons while we’ve been fighting off hers, nothing changes that she’s only in my life temporarily. There’s nothing I can do to stop her from going away. She never told me this was anything more than a destination road trip. It’s what I promised her. And I need to keep that promise.

Even if it aches inside to think of my life without her.

I focus on the exits, knowing that mine is coming up soon. I told Red I’d take her to a nice place and let her chill for a night. I pull off the freeway, driving into the city and toward our hotel for the evening. I scoped out my map on my phone at our last pit stop, and purposely picked the nicest hotel I could find close to the freeway.

Pulling into the parking lot, I feel like I did a pretty good job as the fancy entrance of the Ritz-Carlton welcomes us. Cutting the engine, I smile at Red, but she doesn’t return it. She’s already holding my helmet in her hands, looking up at the hotel like I just drove her to the front door of a castle. Her pink lips are parted with surprise and her green eyes have doubled in size.

“This place is too expensive,” she whispers her protest.

I slide off my seat and hold out my hand to her for balance. “You just let me worry about that. It won’t cost you a dime,” I reassure her.

“Oh, I can’t. I don’t deserve this. I can’t repay you.” She starts trying to shut me down, but I won’t hear of it.

Holding up my hand, I hush her stream of worries. “Don’t tell me you don’t deserve something nice, Red. You deserve a hell of a lot more than a night in a fancy-fucking-pants hotel. Let me spoil you tonight.”

She clamps her lips shut and keeps the rest of her concerns inside. I wish I had more time with her. That I could spend days and weeks and months showing her how much better she really does deserve. Not just with nice hotel rooms or expensive things. Those things have their place, but it shouldn’t be to prove someone’s worth. I’d show her by making her breakfasts and washing her back when she took a bath. I’d show her with the way I’d worship her skin with my tongue and how I’d let her talk for hours, listening intently to every word. I get the feeling that these are little things she’s never had. Just tiny fragments of kindness that would build her up. Just little moments I’d happily share with her forever.

And since forever isn’t an option, I’ll take the short time we have left together.

“C’mon.” I grab her delicate hand and lead her to the front doors. At first she walks slowly, like she’s in a haze, but her pace picks up and we strut across the front lobby together like we own the place.

“Welcome to the Ritz-Carlton, sir. Do you have a reservation?” A hoity-toity looking woman with a pinched expression stares over her glasses at me.

“Sure do. It’s under Rogers.” I slip my credit card from my wallet and slide it across the counter. She doesn’t look any more impressed with me, but at least she directs her judgmental eyes to her computer screen as she pulls up my details.

“Ahhh, yes. I see you made this a few hours ago.”

I wouldn’t think that’s a bad thing, but the way she says it makes me wonder.

“That’s the one.” I ignore her snobby attitude. I’m not going to let some customer service agent with a chip on her shoulder start this stay on the wrong foot.

The woman sniffs and types my information onto the screen. I look around the foyer while she makes up our key cards and soak in the luxurious space. With the high gilded ceilings and the Roman style columns, they certainly know how to make a first impression.

“Here you go, sir. Your room is on the fifth floor and our elevators are across the lobby to the right.” She vaguely nods in the direction.

“Sounds good.” I snatch up the keys and my credit card and start to walk Red over. “Oh, just one more thing,” I turn and yell across the space to the receptionist.

“Sir?”

“There’s an all-you-can eat breakfast buffet here, right? The website I booked through, Traveling on Parole, mentioned that.”

The woman pales and her lips turn down. “No, we don’t have anything like that available.” Her snark seems to have been replaced by some other emotion. I just can’t place it.

“No worries, we’ll get by. Won’t we?” I glance over at Red and she bites her smile, giving me a look that tells me to quit fucking around. “As long as you got a bathtub to mix moonshine in, I’m sure we’ll be fine,” I call out over my shoulder and head to the elevator.

I guess the front desk clerk figured out I was messing with her because I can hear her indignant sigh all the way across the lobby. That’s what she gets for being so stuck-up. I click the button to summon the elevator and look over down the hall at the open double doors leading into the hotel ballroom. Inside there’s a crew setting up tables and decorating the dance floor for some kind of function. I squint my eyes and read the sign outside the door. “Velvet and Eric’s Reception.”

“Do you see that?” I nudge Red and she looks where I jerk my chin. “Didn’t you win that bet at lunch?” I remind her about how she scarfed down the hungry man special. Even I had trouble finishing it all, but she ate every last bite on her plate and looked like she could’ve asked for seconds. I’m not sure where she packs that food away, but I was damned impressed.

“What are you suggesting?” Red tilts her head at me, but I can see the sparkle of recognition in her eyes. She’s sharing the same thought I am.

“Sounds like the perfect place to do some dancing, don’t you think?”

“There’s no way we’ll get in. We don’t have any clothes for it.”

I didn’t think of that.

We gather inside the elevator and get out at the fifth floor, quickly finding our room. I ditch my bags on the floor and whistle low as we take in the vast space. With a king-sized bed and an open concept living room, there’s more than enough room here to relax. Not to mention all the places to fuck Red. In the bed, the shower, the couch, the edge of the desk. My cock twitches to life at the thought.

“So, were you serious about taking me dancing?” Red drags me from my epic sex fantasy.

“You wanna crash the reception?”

“I was thinking we could hit up a bar or something. I mean, unless…”

“Unless what?”

“I mean, the sign said it starts at seven. It’s only five now. We could probably hit up a mall and get some clothes. It might be fun.” She giggles at the idea.

“I imagine if the reception is here, it’s gonna be fancy. I’ll have to find a suit.” I pluck my phone from my jacket and start searching for local stores.

Red plops down on the huge bed and lifts the bedside phone to her ear. “Yes, I’d like to know where I can go to buy a nice dress. Mmhmm. Okay, thank you.” She hangs up, grinning.

I found a store downtown and pull up the driving directions.

“She told me there’s a boutique uptown I can go to.” Her eyes sparkle and her cheeks flush with excitement. I haven’t seen this side of her before. It’s nice to see her unburdened by the asshole I left hogtied in her apartment.

“Okay, well, my place is downtown, so it’ll be faster to split up. How about we get you a cab so I can use my helmet? We’ll meet back here as soon as we can. Here.” I slide a few hundreds from my wallet and roll them up as Red walks over to me and I place them in her hand. “Get something nice. Let’s have some fun with this.”

“Oh, I couldn’t spend this! No, this whole thing is too crazy. Besides, we probably shouldn’t split up, right?”

That worry I’d only just seen leave her eyes is back. I hate it. I hate seeing her weighed down with constant fear. I won’t let it take her back. Not tonight.

Tonight she’s mine.

“Red, don’t do that. No one knows we’re here. There’s just no way. Here, gimme your phone.” I hold out my hand expectantly and she hands it over.

I quickly find an app from the store and download it on her iPhone, then download the same one to mine. Within a couple minutes I have them synced up with our locations being shared between them.

“There, now if you need to know where I am, or if I need to come get you, I can just find you on my phone. But we won’t need it. Just take the money, grab a cab, and get a nice dress. Let me have this night with you, please?” I finally ask nice. “It means a lot to me.”

“What if we go through all this trouble and can’t even get in?” She tries to feebly argue, but the fight just isn’t in her.

“Then we go somewhere fancy and have a night out.”

She pauses, biting her lip. Her eyes flicker down to my outstretched hand and she seems to come to terms with it. Grabbing the money, she pushes it down in her pocket and when she meets my eyes, I can see that excitement has returned.

“Okay, let’s do it.”

My shopping bags crinkle loudly as I dangle them from my forearm and dig our hotel door key out of my pocket. It’s kind of crazy how much stuff I got for just a single night out. I’m guessing Ryan thought it would be as simple as buying a dress, but every girl knows it’s more than that.

The door opens to an empty room. I peer around, listening for the shower or some noise to tell me Ryan made it here before me. Nothing. I’ve got the place to myself. I hope he’s okay. It seems weird he’d take longer than me to get some clothes. Dropping my bags on the end of the bed, I pull my phone out and check the app he loaded onto my phone. The blinking circle tells me he’s heading back this way. He’ll be here soon.

Well, I can use this time to get ready. It’ll take me longer than him anyway. I pluck my purchases up and bring them into the bathroom, spreading everything out on the counter in front of the massive mirror as I start the shower. It doesn’t take me long to shed my weathered clothes and step inside. Closing my eyes, I let the heat of the shower envelop me.

All my worries are carried away on little lazy clouds of steam as I grab one of the complimentary soaps and pull it out of the little box, sliding it over my body. Any tension that was left in my muscles washes away with the suds down the drain. Squeezing out a tiny shampoo bottle into my hand, I try to imagine what Ryan will look like when he’s all cleaned up. Will he shave the scruff on his jaw? I try to picture his dark hair neatly combed, but it just makes me laugh. Someone like him wasn’t meant to be contained by the thread shackles of a suit. He was born to live and die in his leather jacket and perfect fitting jeans that are snug in all the right places.

Grabbing the conditioner, I finish up with my hair before rinsing it out and turning off the water. I want to make sure I leave some for Ryan. Although, I’m guessing in a fancy hotel like this, you can expect hot water for hours. Not like in my cheap, rundown apartment over the bar.

Wolfe snarling up at me from the floor of that place strikes me like lightning. A jolt of fear travels through me and I freeze to the spot as my breathing becomes quick little puffs. Suddenly, through the film hazed mirror, I see myself. I see the panic that man can send me into covering my face like the ugly scar that covers his. My body is hunched over, cowering at only the thought of a guy. I look weak and pathetic. For the first time, I can truly see what being with Wolfe reduced me to. I can see myself as he saw me. Defeated. Scared. Broken.

I pull a deep breath into my lungs and watch myself grow in the mirror as I force my shoulders back and stand tall. I won’t let him do this to me. I’m not that person I just saw reflected back at me. I’m strong, smart, and brave. I refuse to let some violent degenerate change who I am.

“I fucking refuse,” I murmur to myself in the mirror.

“What’s that?” I hear Ryan’s voice muffled by the bathroom door and notice how my eyes sparkle and my body opens up. Wolfe can destroy who I am and bring me down to the worst version of myself, but Ryan is the exact opposite. Just a couple words from him build me up and fiery strength burns in my veins.

“Nothing, just getting ready. I won’t be too long,” I answer, smiling like a silly teen with her first crush.

“Take your time. There’s no rush.”

I hear him flick on the television and I begin getting dressed. It’s funny. I spent just as much on what I’m going to wear under my outfit as I did on the actual dress. I pull the tags off a see-through lace bra and matching, naughty panties. The soft green looks flattering against my hair. I sit on the edge of the tub and slide some thigh-high stockings on before securing them with the long garter strips that hang down my upper thighs.

Standing up, I’m happy with my appearance. And I’m pretty sure Ryan’s gonna love this little surprise later. I softly run my fingers down over the crotchless underwear and imagine his face when he realizes my sexy secret.

I slip on my lavender dress and use the hairdryer mounted to the wall. It takes a bit to dry it enough that it doesn’t look like I did when we got caught in that rain storm yesterday. I brush it out and clip it up with a sweet pin of a dragonfly I found in a cheap costume jewelry shop. Then it’s just a coat of mascara and some lip gloss and I’m all set.

I take a deep breath and open the bathroom door, finally ready to reveal myself to Ryan. He turns toward me and his mouth drops open as his eyes lick every inch of me.

“Wow.”

“Good wow? Or?”

“Holy shit, you look amazing. I have half a mind to throw you down on that bed and fuck you right now.” He starts walking toward me, but I hold up my hand.

“Let’s save that for after the party.” I laugh as an almost pained look flashes over his face. I’ve never met a man who’s made me feel as beautiful and irresistible as Ryan. The way he wants me, it’s as undeniable as his blue eyes or his boyish smile. It’s like his desire for me is a part of him and nothing I can do or say would ever change it because it’s just in his DNA.

“Fair enough,” he finally answers. “I’ll only be a minute. I’m gonna get cleaned up. I still won’t look good enough to be escorting you around tonight, but at least I won’t look like some kind of hobo on your arm.

“You’re a hell of a handsome hobo,” I tease.

“Thanks.”

He grabs his bag and disappears inside the bathroom and I plop down on the edge of the bed as I hear the familiar sound of the shower starting back up. Being in a hotel suite like this, getting ready for a date, it makes me think of what it would be like if Ryan and I had a real future together. One where he wasn’t just going to drop me off at my nana’s and take off for the open road.

Would he ever stay? Would he ever think of settling down and giving this, giving us, a shot? Would it even be fair to ask him to? When I asked Ryan to take me on this trip, I told him I wouldn’t put him out. And he seems pretty set on his freedom. It hurts to think a man I already feel so much for, a man who makes my reflection shine and my skin glow with excitement will soon be a memory.

I hear the water shut off with a squeak and I wipe my fingertips under my eyelashes, flicking away the mist building up inside. Well, if Ryan is destined to be a memory, I better make it the best one I can. And that means no crying and feeling sorry for myself. Tonight will be about cutting loose and giving the future me, the me without Ryan, something worth remembering.

“I still can’t believe this worked,” I whisper in Ryan’s ear as he sways me to the slow song the band is playing.

“I think it was smart to wait until the dinner was over and the drinking started. We would’ve stuck out like sore thumbs if we tried to belly up to one of the tables.”

“Yeah, they make seating maps and everything for the dinner party. There’s no way we would’ve pulled that off,” I agree.

The band brings their song to an end and Ryan dips me dramatically over his arm. Maybe it’s the champagne I’ve been drinking all night, or maybe it’s just the atmosphere of love that only a wedding can bring out in people, but my head is swimming in a warm glow.

“Want a refill?” Ryan nods toward the surprisingly short line at the open bar.

I giggle in agreement.

I can’t help it. I feel like when I was a kid and managed to pull off a day of hooky. I tried it a couple times and always got caught. But one time, I managed to erase the robo-call reporting me absent from my nana’s answering machine. Just that one time, I was also smart enough to spend part of my day of freedom practicing her handwriting and carefully scrawling myself an excuse to present to my teacher the next day. I remember the exhilaration that shot through me when I realized I’d pulled it off. That same feeling making me as giddy as the bubbles of champagne bursting on the surface of my drink that Ryan just handed me.

“To the happy couple.” Ryan holds up his glass and we clink the crystal together. “And, you know, whoever got married today too.” He takes a sip and I swallow a mouthful of the golden drink.

Couple.

We do make a happy couple. It’s just a word I’d never give us, since our time together is so short. Suddenly the question that’s been swirling inside me all night can’t be contained any longer. It’s probably the drinks, but I don’t care. I need to know.

“Ryan, do you think you’d ever get married?” I try to ask it so casually, but the way he lifts his eyebrow at me and glances toward me from the corner of his eyes tells me I failed.

“Married?” He repeats the word like I’ve just started speaking to him in a foreign tongue. “I haven’t really thought about it.”

“Well, think about it now.” I push him. Why am I doing this? So much for subtle.

“I guess if it was the right circumstances and the right woman, then, yes, I probably would. Why? You feeling inspired? Should we go run down to city hall tomorrow and make this official?” His dry chuckle tells me he thinks the way the suggestion makes my heart race is ridiculous.

I deflate as the realization hits me that he doesn’t see any future with us. I’m not the right girl or the right circumstances to make him consider settling down.

“Me? Get married? I don’t think so,” I scoff theatrically, hoping I’m doing a convincing job. I don’t want him to think I’m trying to cling onto him or make this something he doesn’t want. “I think it’ll be a long, long time before I try my hand at a real relationship again.”

“Oh.” For a second, he almost seems disappointed. Wait, is there a chance? Could I have been wrong?

“Excuse me, sorry to interrupt you two.” Ryan and I turn to face a tall man who’s been sitting at the head table all night. I’m guessing this broad-shouldered beast is the best man. It’s incredible how much larger he looks now that he’s towering over us.

“Yes,” Ryan answers flippantly, but my gut twists up in knots as I realize the jig is up. I can see some other guys standing off to the side watching us, murmuring to each other as they eye us up.

“I’m Eric’s brother.” Yep, that’d be the best man all right. “And I don’t believe I’ve met either of you before. Do you mind telling me who invited you to the wedding?”

“Wedding?” Ryan’s voice is almost mocking as he plays dumb.

I grab his hand and let my palm sweat against his weirdly cool dry one.

“Uh, yeah. You know, this big party here. The one where you’re helping yourself to all the alcohol?” The man’s olive face begins to turn pink as a wave of crimson climbs his neck. “That would be a wedding reception, and as far as I can see, you’re not on the guest list.”

“Oh shit, is this a wedding reception?” Ryan looks over at me like he just realized this fact. “So, this isn’t the class of ninety-eight reunion? Damn, how’d I mess that up?”

“Seriously, bud, get the fuck outta here before I lose my temper.” The best man grits his teeth, clearly not impressed with Ryan’s little song and dance.

“How about you ask nice, man? Stop being such a dick.” Ryan narrows his eyes and squares off his jaw.

Wait. What the fuck?

“Let’s just go.” I try to pull Ryan away, but the two men are in some kind of staring match showdown. Like those games we played as kids where the first person who blinks loses.

“Sure, bro, how about this? Please get the fuck outta here before I knock you out and drag your ass out.”

“See, was that so hard?” Ryan claps the man’s shoulder and the red officially travels the rest of the way up his face.

“Don’t fucking touch me,” he snarls and swings, but Ryan ducks and pulls me toward the door.

“Time to go, I guess.” Ryan smirks. “Thanks for having us,” he calls out loudly as we race out of the ballroom. “Mazel Tov and all that shit. Have a great life.” He guides me out the door, but angry best man isn’t too far behind us. He’s not interested in us leaving now. He’s got another goal and that’s to pound the stupid smile off Ryan’s face.

“Ryan, he’s following us!”

“Run!” He yanks me down the hotel hallway and out the double doors that lead to the stairs. Quickly, he shoves both of the outside metal doors open that lead into the night before tugging me up the stairs to the next floor and then stopping cold. He puts his finger over his lips to shush me and we listen as the angry best man rushes outside. The big doors slam shut behind him, leaving him searching for a smartass and a redhead party crasher in the cool autumn night.

“That was close.” Ryan laughs and we start walking up the rest of the stairs to the fifth floor.

As we climb the flights, I wonder what made him decide to ramp that whole thing up. Why didn’t he just apologize and leave gracefully? We make it to the fourth floor when Ryan stops dead on the landing.

“What’s wrong?” I glance at him.

“Nothing, I just thought we should take a little break. You know, catch our breaths.” He tugs me into him so tight his throbbing cock grows against me.

“I don’t think what you have in mind is going to calm us down.” I shake my head.

“Oh, I don’t know.” His hand slides up under my dress, brushing my thighs gently. “I always feel completely relaxed after. Don’t you?” he murmurs and before I can answer his lips crush mine in a kiss that makes the stairwell around us disappear and passion boil my blood.

His hand keeps trailing up until his fingers graze my panties and I remember my naughty secret. I know we might get caught. We should walk up the last flight of stairs and do this in our hotel room, but something about Ryan brings out my wild streak. Something about him makes consequences small and normal moments into adventures.

Before I can stop myself I’m grinding against him, repeating only one word, “Yes.”

“Yes, oh, yes.” Red’s words echo off the empty stairwell, bouncing off all the hard surfaces as my hands slide over the soft surface of her skin.

My lips kiss her frantically, like each one is what I need to live for another moment. I glide my hands under her dress and over her ample ass, feeling her heat spread as I grind her against my erection. My fingers spread wide, slipping down to her center. I expect to touch the damp cloth covering her mound, but am met with her delicious juices slick on my finger.

My eyes widen and my cock throbs painfully against my zipper as the realization hits me that she’s exposed. She bought these panties on purpose. She’s got a dirty side and I’m about to help her explore it. Flipping her around, I press her tits into the wall and knee her legs open wide. My hand practically rips my zipper right off these new pants, but I don’t give a fuck. There’s nothing that matters to me right now but her. The need to fuck her has overtaken every sense. She’s all I can see. The telltale scent of her desire is all I can smell. Her soft neck is all I can taste.

“This is what you wanted, isn’t it?” I growl in her ear. Reaching down, I pull my cock free from my underwear and flip up the bottom of her dress. I press it down against the crack of her ass and grind into her hard.

“Yes.” Her voice is hoarse with need.

“Say it again.” I reach around her and hold her chin in my hand, turning her head to the side. “Tell me how bad you want this,” I demand.

“It’s all I’ve been thinking about for hours,” I can tell her words are no lie. Truth drips off her tongue like the nectar glistening from her pussy.

“I’m gonna fuck you so hard you won’t remember your name, babe. You won’t even remember how to form words when I’m done with you,” I promise her and eagerly tug my wallet free from my back pocket.

The condom I pluck from inside only takes a moment to roll on, but it’s like one of those longest seconds that people talk about experiencing when they’re about to die.

Red must be feeling it too, the painful instant that passes like a century of aching need, because she begins mewling and pressing her ass back against me, tempting me to fuck more than just her tight pussy.

“Please.” It’s only one word, but it speaks volumes. Her voice is strained and high-pitched, like a junkie begging for their next fix.

I can’t contain myself when she pleads with me like that. My body moves with a primal instinct as I guide my cock to her warm, wet entrance and thrust into her like I’m literally trying to fuck her through the wall. My hand slides up the back of her neck and my fingers tangle up into her swept up hair, ruining her hairstyle. I don’t fucking care. If people see her when I’m done with her, I want them to know I fucked her. I want them to take a single glance and know I made her mine.

With my free hand, I drag my fingers over her pouty lips and she opens her mouth for me. I stuff my finger in over her lips and she sucks on it the same way she sucked me off in the shower the other day. Just the sensation brings me closer to my orgasm as I close my eyes and breathe her into my lungs. I’ve never met a woman who’s made me so crazy before. I’ve never felt this intense need to claim anyone, to tell the world that she’s mine, and mine alone.

“Oh, fuck!” Her words ring around us as her pussy squeezes down on my cock, milking me for cum I won’t give her, begging me for my seed.

I hold her tight under my control and stretch her walls with my thick cock. She’s like a glove around me, like she was made for me. Not just her pussy. Don’t get me wrong, it’s so perfect and tight, but that’s not all. It’s everything about her. Her fucking pussy, tits, and ass, but also the way she makes me laugh, like I’m the only fucking guy on the planet when she smiles at me.

I can’t take it. I’ve gotta fucking cum. I bury my cock inside her as it spurts into the condom in long, endless streams. I collapse against her, pinning her to the wall as my cock twitches out every last drop of seed inside me. It’s a damned shame I couldn’t fill her pussy with it. What I wouldn’t give to feel her tense around me as I explode inside her. To watch her face as my warm cum splashes against her walls with the promise of a baby being planted in her womb.

“Fuck,” I repeat her word as I steady the condom on my cock and carefully pull out. I slide it off and tie the end, hiding it in my pocket until I can toss it in the trashcan in our room.

“Feeling relaxed?” Red’s eyes twinkle as she smoothes her dress back down over her curves and faces me.

“I dunno, I might need another try in about twenty minutes.” I kiss the tip of her nose and she smiles.

“Well then, we’d better get back to our room.”

I wake on the edge of a massive, empty bed to the sound of the shower running. My throat is so dry I could drink a tub full of water. Just another night on the road. The blur of drunken nights is impossible to make sense of after over a year of late night ragers that turned to blurry early morning escapes back to the freedom of the freeway.

Except last night wasn’t just another meaningless escape from the crushing memories of my past. Last night was one I know I’ll remember for years to come for one reason only. Last night was with Red.

I try to push the idea away, but it won’t drift off quietly. It buzzes around me, refusing to be ignored. But there’s nothing I can do. I remember how she scoffed at the idea of being in a relationship again. Nothing could be further from what she wants. Red is giving me a taste of my own medicine. She only wants to get lost in the moments as they pass, never intending to drag them out into anything more than they are right now.

When she asked me last night if I’d ever get married, I’d honestly never even considered it until she said the words. Then it flashed in front of my eyes like a movie on fast forward. I could see her and me standing at the altar. I could see our wedding night, sure, but then so much more. Late nights and then early mornings with the kids. That’s right. Two of those cute little fuckers flashed in front of my eyes. The idea should have disturbed me. It should have given me a jolt of panic or at least sped up my heartbeat. But instead it calmed me. For only a moment, less than that, I felt a clarity I’ve never experienced before.

So, of course, I had to ruin it with a smartass remark.

That’s kind of my thing. Lucky for me, that “thing” didn’t land us in a heap of hot water last night. I had a pretty good read on the lumbering, drunken best man, though. I’ve met a million of him in my life and they’re all the same. Alone and watching their world get smaller as all of their close buddies get married off. Angry that they can’t find that same love for themselves and starting to wake up each morning wondering if it’s because there’s something deeply wrong with them. Wondering if they’re beyond broken.

I know because I’ve felt it. I’ve thought it. I’ve lived it. And now, after carefully pushing it all away for over a year, it’s back. Except this time, I don’t feel like I’ll never win. Now I know I have everything to lose.

I roll over and grab the leather-bound book with the hotel information in it and the room service menu shoved in the back. I need to get out of my head. A big breakfast is the perfect way to distract me from all this lovey-dovey shit and drown my sorrows in… “Maple syrup.”

I tap the page and pick up the phone receiver next to the bed.

“Hello?”

“Yes, I’d like to order two of your pancake breakfasts, please. And could I get that with an extra side of bacon and two orange juices as well as a couple coffees?” I remember how Red easily scarfed down yesterday’s lunch. I know she isn’t the kind of girl who wants a grapefruit to start her day.

“Certainly, sir, and this is being charged to room five-oh-six?”

“Sounds right.” I don’t bother checking. They can see it on the phone.

“Very good, that will be up shortly,” the man answers.

“Great.”

I hang up the phone and almost decide to jump out of bed and make the most of the time we have before the food shows up by surprising Red in the shower. I suppose after last night, I should probably let her have a bit of space. After keeping her up for fuck session after endless fuck session, she can probably use fifteen minutes to herself without my steel cock trying to penetrate her.

As if she can hear my thoughts, the bathroom door swings open and Red walks back into the room wearing her old clothes and a smile. “Good morning,” she purrs.

“Good morning to you.” I yank some clothes onto my body.

“Aww, getting dressed so soon?” She pouts.

God, this girl is insatiable! I never thought I could meet my match, but Red is it in every way. Not just her sex drive either, the way I never know what she’s going to say next. The way she makes me bust a gut without even trying to be funny.

“Yeah, I ordered us some breakfast. It’ll be here soon,” I answer, zipping up my fly.

“That was sweet of you.”

Not as sweet as licking maple syrup off your body. I don’t utter the words. Still, the image clings to my brain like Saran wrap. This woman makes me crazy. For the second time today, I feel a pang of loss as I remember there’s a big timer counting down over our heads now. And there’s nothing I can do to stop it.

A knock at the door interrupts my spinning thoughts and brings everything back into sharp focus. I need to suck it up and do what I promised. I never told Red I’d try to complicate her life. Just that I’d get her to her grandmother’s house safely. And that’s what I’m going to do. I head to the bedroom door, welcoming the distraction and the moment of clarity to get my head on straight. It might not be fun. In fact, it feels like a million tiny shards of glass shredding up my heart, but I need to do the right thing.

As soon as we eat these pancakes.

There goes another one. The distance is shorter this time. My heart twists in my chest as we pass yet another sign announcing that Portland is lurking only minutes away. This is almost it. I wanted a fresh start, a new beginning. So, why does it feel like the end?

I sniff and cling onto Ryan, like I can somehow hold him tight enough that he’ll never go. He pulls off the freeway and follows the exit that winds up into the city and I try to think of the possibilities waiting for me here.

Remember what Shirley said? I’m still young enough that I can do anything. Maybe even the dream I’ve kept locked up inside for years now. The crazy idea, that if you told me a few days ago I could actually pursue, I’d laugh in your face.

The motorcycle rumbles loudly over the other cars closing in around us. Like that rambunctious kid in the library who no amount of shushing will quiet down. In the city, no one gives us a second look. Here we disappear into the crowd. Just another couple out for a ride. It eases the whispers of fear that have been sneaking up on me, breathing uncertainty into my plans.

It was a good idea to come here. My nana will be thrilled to have me back again. It’ll be the perfect place to start over. A place where Wolfe will have an impossible time trying to find me. I’ll finally be… home. It’s funny how when I was younger that word didn’t carry any weight with me. Now, I fully understand just how important it is to have that safe place to fall.

Why doesn’t Ryan want that?

As the familiar city unfolds around me, I don’t feel anything I expected in this moment. I pictured excitement spilling out of me, like those Christmas mornings when Santa was still magic and I couldn’t wait to see what he’d left me under the tree. Instead, it’s more like the time I got caught shoplifting a candy bar and I spent almost an hour in the store’s security office waiting for my grandmother to come collect me. That same dread twists down my lips and tears at my insides now.

I tap Ryan’s right shoulder three times, our code for pulling over at the next place he can manage. I’ve been using this a lot today. Between all the pit stops and how long I dragged out eating my lunch, he probably thinks I’m sick. Although, if my frequent requests have bothered him, he hasn’t shown it. And he didn’t try to rush me at lunch either. I’ve been secretly trying to kill enough time that we’d need to spend another night together. I know it wouldn’t change much, but when you’re counting your time in hours, an extra night feels like the world.

Ryan pulls in at a huge gas station. The type that caters to truckers with their greasy spoon restaurants and shower facilities. When he brings the bike to a stop, he pulls off his helmet and I tug the one he bought for me in the last city free from my head.

“Need a break?” He searches my face for answers to questions he hasn’t asked.

“I guess so.” I don’t try to move away from him, needing the heat of his body pressed into mine.

“You looking forward to getting to your nana’s?” Ryan’s voice is as flatlined as my heart right now. Like he just doesn’t have any life behind his words.

“Yeah, sure. It’ll be nice to be home, I guess.” I shrug. Inside I have that light bulb going off moment. Like, if I were a cartoon, Ryan would see it suddenly turn bright over my head right now. “Hey, have you ever spent any time in Portland?” I ask hopefully. Maybe I can drag this out for more than just an extra night. I might be able to play tour guide and show Ryan all the coolest spots around the city. Maybe he could start picturing himself here, fitting in amongst the hipsters and hippies. Maybe…

“Nah, I’ve never been.”

My heart grows about two sizes as a smile tugs up my lips for the first time all day.

“If I ever head back this way, maybe you can show me around someday.” He gives a weak smile.

The air deflates inside me, leaving me as limp and lifeless as a popped balloon. Clearly he’s not interested in sticking around once he’s fulfilled his end of the promise. Still, I’m not entirely ready to throw in the towel. Not yet.

“Well, maybe I can show you one thing before you take me to my nana’s. There’s a park. I think it’s about twenty minutes from here, and it’s my absolute favorite place to go in Portland. Do you wanna check it out?” I hold my breath and search his face for a clue.

“A park?” His eyebrows knit together.

“Yeah, like a protected park. Not like the kind with swings or whatever,” I explain.

Ryan looks out at the horizon and then back at me. “It means it’ll be dark when I get you to your grandmother’s, but if you don’t mind, I’m game.” For the first time his voice has depth to it again. Instead of the monotone he’s been speaking in all day.

“Nope, I don’t mind at all. She’ll still be up. Like I said, she’s only sixty. It’s not like she calls it a night at seven or anything.” I can’t hide the excitement buzzing through me. Just the promise of another hour with Ryan is enough to rush the blood in my ears and make my cheeks burn.

“Sounds good.” He looks at me expectantly and I’m not sure what he wants.

“What’s up?”

“Didn’t you want to stop to, you know, use the bathroom?” He tilts his head.

Of course I’m not going to tell him I just wanted to stop to have more time with him. “Uh, yeah, right. Okay, wait for me.” I hop off the back of the bike and head toward the store.

With each sway of my hips, I build the distance between us. I thought I heard him say something, but I can’t be sure. Is my mind just playing tricks on me? Is my heart just hearing what it wants to? Because I’m almost certain the breeze carried a single word from his lips to my ear.

“Always.”

The sun dips in the sky just above the horizon as we pull into the parking lot. There isn’t much daylight left, but Red really wanted to share this place with me. She said it meant a lot to her. I’m not sure why, but if it stretches this day out further, I’m game.

“C’mon.” Red slides off the bike without my help and abandons her new helmet on the seat. With each impatient step toward the entrance of the park her feet crunch against the gravel and her ass swings like a hypnotist’s watch back and forth, drawing me under her spell.

I pull off my helmet, leaving it with Red’s, and follow her quick stride. Lucky for me she’s a short woman. If she were any taller, I’d probably have to run to catch up with her.

“Follow me.” She grabs my hand and expertly navigates her way in past the huge, green trees.

They tower over us dwarfs us like mighty gods that once ruled the Earth, but have since been forgotten. “Here we go.” She begins to slow down as we approach ruins sitting precariously on the edge of the path. The old gray stones of what was once a house has a curved set of stairs up the side. It’s like the entryway to another world. Like some kind of place you’d normally need to access through a magic door in the back of a wardrobe, or maybe the kind of place hobbits once lived.

“Wow.” I come to a standstill, completely struck by the way the deep green forest has swallowed this structure, making it part of the ecosystem. It looks as natural as any tree or stream, as if, somehow, Mother Nature once built herself a little place to live. Before people came along and ruined it, as we always do. I squint at the graffiti tags along the side, proof that people aren’t happy unless they’ve branded their ugly mark on everything.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Red looks up at me and I’m startled to see the intense green of this park reflecting in her eyes. With her hair the color of a wildfire and her skin same pale hue as the harvest moon, I can see that she fits in here. She looks like she could have been born in these woods and once lived in this very house.

“You’re beautiful.” My words catch in my throat and I cough to clear out the emotion threatening to crack me.

She leads me up the stairs to a man-made path leading deeper into the woods. I can’t stop staring, trying to soak it all in because I know that later, when it’s time for me to leave, this will all feel like glimpses of a dream.

“Why is this place so important to you?” I squeeze her hand and she stops dead in her tracks.

“Why?” Her feet dig the toe of her shoe into the dirt. “A couple reasons, I guess.” She finally meets my eyes and I can see the pain inside her shining through.

“You don’t have to explain.”

“No, it’s okay. I don’t mind talking about it.” She nods at the cobblestone ruins. “I told you how when I was little my mom took off on me.” Her eyes quickly flicker over my face, searching for recognition.

“Yes.”

“Yeah, well, when I was young I never knew the reason why. My nana didn’t want me growing up thinking I wasn’t important enough to stick around for. I’m guessing that wouldn’t do a whole lot for my self-esteem.” She forces a dry laugh, but there’s no humor in her words. Only pain.

Red stares at the stones like she’s trying to see inside them. Like she somehow buried her secrets in one of them and she’s finally come back to collect. “We used to come here for walks, my nana and me. Not all the time. Maybe a few times a year. It was a special outing for us, just her and me. And when I’d see this house front, I used to pretend I’d been swept away to an alternate universe. One where my mother was back from her space adventure or her spy training, because of course it could only be something that important that would drag her away from me, and she was just waiting on the other side here for me. I would race up those stairs so fast, my heart practically beating out of my chest and…” Her voice cracks and tears line her eyes.

I pull her into my chest and run my hand over her hair.

“And, of course she was never there. But I’d tell myself I just missed her. That the next time we came, she’d be waiting for me. That there’s no way she could just disappear from my life without a trace and never see me, or even care if I was alive. There was no way.” Her voice trembles as the fat tears slide over her cheeks.

In my mind, I can see the little girl with the blazing hair. I can see her face so full of hope, crumple as she came to realize the truth. That her mother would never be waiting for her. That she never cared.

“Shhh.” I hold Red tight and her sobbing slowly turns to sniffles. She wipes her eyes on the back of her hands and pulls away from me. I can hear her pull deep breaths into her lungs, trying to get herself under control.

“Yeah, so then I grew up. When I became a teenager, I found out the real story about my mom. I learned about her addictions and how she gave me to my nana so she could keep chasing her highs. I mean, really, she did me a favor. But, at the time, I had a hard time seeing it that way. I always told myself when I grew up I’d go to school, get a degree, and try to help women like her. Help them before they got to the point they were tossing their kids away like trash. Help them fight those demons and those drugs so no more kids would have to know how hard it is growing up wondering what made you so fucking unlovable.” Her voice breaks and I walk up behind her, pulling her into my arms.

“You’re not unlovable.” I try to soothe her. I want to take away these scars, but I know all I can do is listen. Listen and show her how much I care.

“Easy for you to say.” She chokes on her laugh.

“No, I’m not just saying that, Red. I know you’re not unlovable. Listen to me.” I twist her around to face me. I look deep into her eyes and refuse to blink. “You know how I know that?”

“How?” she whispers.

“Because I love you.”

“How can you say that?” Anger flashes through me and I break free from Ryan’s grasp. “How can you?” I storm down the path, my emotions scrambling up inside me.

I try to walk away from him, but he’s on my heels. I just go faster, even though the sun is beginning to set and the path is a blur through my tears.

“Hey, stop,” Ryan calls out.

I keep going, walking over old tree roots and a rickety boardwalk without tripping. I still remember every step of this path, even these many years later.

“I said stop.” He grabs my arm and holds me still.

“What?” I try to glare at him. I try to meet his solemn stare, but I have to look away. Intensity radiates from his blue eyes. It’s too much for me to face.

“Don’t run away from me, Red. We don’t have to run away from this,” he pleads. I can see he’s genuine. He wears the truth on his sleeve. Still, something inside me can’t fully believe it. Something broke me in my childhood and made me believe I was never worthy of true love.

“Why are you just saying this now? What if I never even brought you here? Were you going to drive out of my life and never tell me how you feel?”

“Yes.”

The simplicity of his answer shocks me.

“Why?”

“Because I never expected to feel this way about anyone. Love wasn’t something that’s happened for me. Not ever. When I realized I was falling for you, I told myself it couldn’t be real. It was too fast. Too unexpected. But I know now I was wrong. I do love you, Red. I know that might not be what you want to hear, and if you still want me to drop you at your grandmother’s house and never look back, then that’s what I’ll do. But damn it, I love you, and I couldn’t leave forever without letting you know.”

I push my mane back, running my fingers through my hair. “I don’t want you to leave.” I finally make my own confession. “I’ve been trying to figure out how I could get you to stay and give us a chance all day.”

“Why?” Flames flicker behind his eyes as he makes me realize the answer.

“Because… I love you too.” My eyebrows reach skyward as I face him. Even now, there’s still a small part of me expecting this to fall through. Will I ever feel worthy of his love? Will he stick around long enough for me to find out?

“Come here.” Ryan pulls me into him with a jerk and loses his balance.

The slippery fallen leaves and brown pine needles catch us off guard, sending us tumbling down the gentle slope at the side of the path and I land on top of Ryan. He’s completely splayed out, like he’s about to make a snow angel in the wrong season. I laugh. He laughs too and for a moment the only sound in the entire park is our happiness. It echoes off the trees and floats up into the dimming sky.

“I love you,” I say the words again, more confidently this time.

Ryan wraps his arms over my back, pulling me flat on him. “I love you too,” he murmurs. His lips softly blanket mine like the first drifting snowflakes of winter that coat your eyelashes as you stare up at the sky.

Our tongues find each other, slowly dancing like we did last night on the ballroom floor. Swaying to a secret tune. Ryan slides his hand up my shirt, not with the desperate, reckless need he showed me last night. No. This time he’s deliberate and delicate. His hand cups my breast and I slide my legs open so I’ve got him straddled. His cock presses into me, making me moan into his mouth.

“Here?” I break our kiss and self-consciously look around.

“There’s no one around. We have the whole place to ourselves.” He sits up until I’m sitting on his lap, my legs spread out over him and my breasts heaving in his face.

Ryan lifts my shirt and kisses wet warmth through the lace of my bra, leaving my nipples taut and a steady desire building up inside me.

“I need you, Ryan.” I reach down between us and pluck open his jeans button, fumbling with his zipper.

He manages to pull his pants and underwear down enough to put on a condom while I tug my jeans and panties off one leg. They dangle off my other leg and my pussy is completely exposed to his face.

Ryan leans into me, digging his fingers into my ass, and licks my pussy as I stand before him. His tongue delves in past my lips and slides a long lick from my center to my clit. It’s like he’s savoring me, enjoying my taste on his lips. I kneel back over his legs, hovering my slick mound over his ready cock, and slowly lower myself onto him. We both grunt quietly as his cock fills me entirely and I slowly begin to ride him like the slowest cowgirl being bucked by an underwater bronco. Each time I slide back down his thick shaft I breathe in sharply at how completely he stretches me out.

I slide my hands over his shoulders and pick up speed as I bounce on his lap. Every time I come down, he bottoms out inside me, and shivers of bliss travel through my entire body.

My pussy clenches down around him and my orgasm unexpectedly ripples through my core, traveling outward and building up like a wave rolling into the shore.

Ryan’s large hands circle my waist and he holds me under his control as he lifts me up and brings me down harder on his cock. His breathing grows jagged and he thrusts into me deep, freezing as his cock is buried as far as possible inside. I watch his face contort and his eyes squeeze to slivers as his cum fills the barrier between us. When the last spurts fill the condom, I stand up and begin to put my clothes back on properly while he gets himself sorted out. I glance around the darkening forest, checking to see if anyone managed to spy on us, but it’s still just us out here.

“What do you say? Time to go see Grandma?” Ryan slides up behind me and kisses my neck.

“Will you stay with me? Will you stay in Portland and give this a shot?” I finally directly ask the question that’s been at the tip of my tongue all day.

“Yes, Red. I absolutely will.”

It took stopping a couple times and staring at my GPS before I got it completely straight, but I’ve finally managed to navigate down the winding roads of suburbia to her grandmother’s place. I pull up into the subdivision and slowly drive by the houses, searching for number sixty-three.

Normally when you pull up onto streets like these, you’re faced with sprawling, boxy houses that stretch from one corner of the lawn to the next, leaving barely a sliver to put a walkway down on. However, these ones must have been built a long time before the whole “more is more” trend took over. Even though it’s still the neatly mapped out land, carefully plotted to give each space a cookie cutter spot, the houses are all quite different. They’re smaller, like how houses used to look after the Second World War. Back when it was more about the family living inside and less about the vastness of your space.

I spot the house I’ve been searching for and Red excitedly confirms that it’s the right one by tapping my shoulder three times. She’s been using this signal all day, but I can tell this time she’s really eager to get off the back of this bike and go see her nana.

I wonder how long it’s been since she’s been in Portland. She told me she left when she was eighteen. Did she ever look back? I think about how long it’s been since I’ve bothered stepping foot back in Seattle. With the long, lonely nights I used to spend there, staring at my empty walls and watching visions of the horrors of war color my walls brighter than a painting ever could, I’m not sure what it would take to make me want to return.

Pulling up the driveway, I park behind a small Toyota. I’m still struck by the fact this pavement isn’t teetering on the edge of the neighbors’ house. There are ample front lawns separating the houses, many decorated with beautiful old oak trees and flower beds.

I haven’t even killed the engine and Red jumps off the back of the seat, abandoning the helmet I bought her, and runs toward the front door. It’s easy to see she’s excited. It makes me happy to see her spirits so high. Everything is clicking into place for us. Like this was somehow meant to be.

I turn off my Harley and pull my saddle bags off, making my way to where Red stands impatiently on the front step. Hell, I’m surprised she didn’t just abandon me out here, leaving me to fend for myself. I smile at the thought and join her, but my smile slides away as I see the worry etched into her brow.

“What’s wrong?”

“She’s not answering the door,” she seems concerned.

I shrug. “It’s still early. Maybe Nana got herself a boyfriend while you were gone. Maybe she loves herself a Thursday night bingo now.” I smirk.

Red doesn’t brighten, though. Instead, she spins around and frowns out at the neighborhood. “No,” she answers slowly, “her car is here.” Suddenly her body tenses up tighter than a guitar string as her eyes stop searching the street.

“What is it?”

“Ryan, that’s his, fuck!” Her breathing becomes frantic little pants as she weakly points to the black car slinking in the shadows, parked on the side of the road.

“That’s what? Red, what’s going on?”

“That’s Wolfe’s car,” she hisses.

I follow her shaky finger and squint. I don’t see anyone parked inside.

“Fuck.”

Without thinking, I zip open my bags and pull my sig sauer out. From another bag, I pull my loaded magazine and give it a quick check before loading it in with a snap.

“You need to get out of here, Red. Go to a neighbor’s house and fucking call the police,” I order her, but she rifles under the potted plants lining the side of the stoop.

Before I have a chance to register what she’s doing, she plucks a spare key from under a terracotta planter and shoves it in the lock, swinging the door open.

“Red! Don’t go in there!”

She’s gone. Without so much as a look over her shoulder or a second thought she barrels inside, stupidly running toward what could be her death.

I snap back the slide and take a deep breath, trying to enter the house under control. I know it’s been a few years since I left the military, but I don’t feel rusty at all as I rely on my old training to keep me calm and help me search the rooms cautiously before entering them.

That is, until I hear her scream.

Red’s shriek is like a driving nail through my heart. All of my training and rational thoughts immediately drain from me as I race toward the sound. Twisting around the corner with my gun drawn up, I come face to face with the man I should have killed when I had the chance.

Wolfe.

“Let me go.” Red tries to twist out of his stronghold, but she’s no match for his strength or his gun.

Across the room, Red’s grandmother is gagged and tied to a dining room chair. Anger boils my blood when I spot the red stain that’s been smacked into her cheek. This fucker attacked her? I raise my gun, aiming directly at Wolfe’s forehead.

“Let her go.”

“Fuck you,” he sneers.

“How did you find me?” Red’s frantic eyes settle on her grandmother and tears spill onto her cheeks. “Nana!”

“Shut up.” Wolfe punches her with the hand wrapped around his pistol, jabbing her in the side.

Fury rages through me as Red chokes for breath.

“You thought you were smarter than me? This is what I fucking do, bitch. I find people who owe me, and you owe me big. You should’ve killed me when you could, or at least been smart enough to go through your apartment.” Wolfe keeps her pinned to him like a human shield, his gun at her temple. “Isn’t it just so sweet that your little grandmother sends you Christmas cards every year with her address on them?” His voice goes mockingly high.

“I’ll fucking shoot you.” I ignore the grandmother’s muffled protest in the corner.

“Go ahead and try.” Wolfe unblinkingly meets my eyes. “I’ll fucking blow her brains out.” He cocks his gun and digs it harder into the side of Red’s head, making her wince. Her eyes plead with me as I search my brain for my next move.

“I’ll tell you what.” I try to negotiate, or at least buy time until I come up with something better. “Let Red and her grandmother go. Take me instead. That’s a good trade, isn’t it?”

Wolfe shakes his head, laughing. “Are you fucking kidding me? Do you think you’re some kind of hero in a movie right now? I don’t give a shit about you. I came here for one thing, and I’ve got it.” He grinds into Red and my stomach lurches.

“Fuck you, man. You might try to get out of here, but I’ll empty this clip in you.” I shake my gun in my hands.

Red’s nana gets louder in the corner, but I can’t understand her. “Ryan, behind you!” Red cries.

I wheel around in time to see a thin man dressed in black just as he brings the butt of his gun down hard on my temple. My hands drop and my gun skitters under the couch as I fall to my knees and then the floor comes up to greet me. The world is a blur of noises and colors. I’m aware of the commotion around me but can’t move. My vision creeps smaller, the blackness around the edges pushing in further with every blink.

And then, it’s dark.

It’s hot in the trunk. Even though it’s cool outside, my panic is making me sweat. I squirm sideways, trying to figure out where I’m supposed to kick to knock out the tail light. I know that’s a thing. At least I think I do. It’s hard to maneuver in here with my hands zap strapped behind me. I kick the back of the trunk, but my foot just thuds against the metal with a clunk.

I fucking missed.

The duct tape over my mouth makes it impossible to scream. It’s hard enough to breathe in here as it is. I need to focus. I need to knock out that light and stick my foot through. Then someone will see me and call the cops.

Like I should have.

Why didn’t I listen to Ryan? None of this would’ve happened if I just calmed down and dialed 911. I kick the trunk again, but it does nothing but hurt my foot.

My phone!

Do I still have it? I roll onto my side and the familiar shape pushes into me from inside my jacket. Is there any way I can slide my hands down under my feet? If I can get them in front of me I can rip this tape off my mouth and call.

I wriggle and try to use the limited space to contort myself like a pretzel as the strap digs into my wrist painfully. It pinches my flesh, scratching my skin as I writhe desperately, moving any way possible in an attempt to free myself.

The driving slows and Wolfe pulls off the main road. I can hear gravel crunching under the tires and cold fear sits like a block of ice in my belly. Wherever he’s trying to take me, we’re here. This is where he’s going to kill me.

Eventually.

I know he’ll make me beg for death long before he ever ends it. Terror makes my movements jerky and wild. I thrash like a fish on a line, desperately trying to fall back from my captor’s hands and swim free. My body is coated with sweat and snot is running down from my nose as tears streak my vision. I twist and try to kick as Wolfe lifts me out of the back, tossing me over his shoulder casually and walking me into a dingy motel block that’s seen its fair share of death.

Whether from murder, suicide, or junkies growing stiff while needles stand tall in their arms, the motel staff here have probably seen it all. They won’t even flinch when they find me.

No. I won’t let myself think like this! I’m not dead. Not yet anyway. I can’t give up.

Trying to scream, my voice is muffled by the tape and by the traffic. Anyone sleeping or watching a show on television would never be able to hear me. I kick my toes into Wolfe’s chest as hard as possible and try to roll off his shoulder, but he laughs at my pathetic attempts, easily holding me tight.

The lean, lanky man who snuck up on Ryan like a coward and left him unconscious and bleeding on my grandmother’s floor is right behind us. Wolfe opens the door and then turns toward the man I’ve never seen before.

“Where the fuck are you going?”

“I, uh, was coming inside with you. I wanted to see you work.” His dead eyes glint at me.

“You ain’t watching shit. Go sit in the fucking car like I told ya. You keep a lookout for the cops or anything weird,” Wolfe demands.

The man’s eyes cloud with disappointment, but he knows better than to argue. He just mutters, “Fine.” He walks sullenly back to the car like he was told.

Wolfe carries me inside, plopping me down on the bed. He takes a peek out the window, peering past the dingy curtains before turning back to me with a satisfied smile.

“Didn’t I tell you I’d find you?” He leers at me and I try to fold over onto myself in an attempt to keep his eyes off me. “I bet you thought you were pretty fucking clever with that shit at the apartment, huh?” He slowly stalks toward me like a cat about to pounce a mouse.

“Please.” I try to say the word, but it comes out wrong.

I heave, crying so hard I might throw up. At first I try to push the sensation away, but knowing what Wolfe is likely to do to me, maybe I should try harder. If he takes this tape off my mouth, I’ll vomit all over him. But if he keeps it on, and this is what I’m hoping for, maybe I’ll choke to death. It’s not ideal, but it’s a hell of a better way to go than whatever the fuck he has planned.

“Look at me, you cunt.” He lunges at me and I try to burrow into the mattress to get away. Of course there’s no getting away. There’s no escape from him. Why did I ever try? I was so fucking stupid to think I could have more. That I could start over. That I had any business chasing stupid dreams and… love.

The thought brings fat tears to my eyes. They slide down my cheeks as Wolfe yanks me up to a sitting position by my hair. He stares into me and I see there’s nothing but pure hatred and evil in his eyes. How did I spend so much time ignoring the facts? Why didn’t I leave him sooner?

Would it have made any difference?

“Remember how you thought it was real cute to put your dirty fucking sock in my mouth? Wasn’t that a nice touch? You must have thought you were a real badass, huh? Fucking disrespecting me like that? Don’t worry, I’m gonna return the fucking favor as soon as I’m done using up every hole on your body, babe.”

I cry harder. I already knew he’d rape me. But somehow, hearing him say it out loud, it makes it all so real. I can’t believe this is happening.

“Except I’m not gonna use a dirty sock, Red. For you, I got a nice and filthy, oily rag to shove in your face. I’m gonna tape it in there and set it on fire,” he snarls. He pinches my cheeks hard between his finger and thumb. “I’m gonna enjoy watching this pretty fucking face melt off your skull.”

All I can do is cry louder, but my sobs do nothing. Wolfe pushes me down on the bed. My arms are painfully wrenched underneath me as he rips open my jeans. I close my eyes, turning my head to the side, and try to leave my body. I try to distance myself from what he’s about to do. I silently beg God to make this stop.

Bang! Bang!

Wolfe jumps up straight and my eyes dart over to the motel door. It isn’t knocking that we hear on the other side. It’s too heavy and hard to be that. But the thuds only grow louder as Wolfe springs from the bed and races over to the window.

Crack!

The distinctive fire of a gun goes off and someone starts screaming. Oh Lord, did the police find us? Please tell me I’m safe. Please tell me this nightmare is over.

“Fuck,” Wolfe growls and turns toward the door just as it bursts open off its rusty hinges and pieces of it explode into the room like a mini bomb went off.

Ryan rushes inside just as Wolfe grabs his pistol. The two of them stand off, face-to-face, guns pointed at each other’s heads. I can see the skinny man lying on the ground outside in a pool of his own blood. Is he dead?

I don’t care if he is. There’s only one thing I care about and it’s the man who just broke down a door to save me. And right now, there’s still a very good chance he’s going to die.

I make a classic rookie mistake, but I can’t help it. I can’t stop my eyes from sliding over to the bed to see if she’s okay. Wolfe fires his weapon and the burning heat of a bullet slices into my right shoulder, dropping my arm to my side like an animal carcass hanging in a butcher shop.

“Mmm!” Red’s eyes are wide as she tries to scream. She shuffles to the edge of the bed, but I shake my head at her and she stops.

Luckily I didn’t drop my sig sauer. I lunge at Wolfe, trying to make it harder for him to pick me off like a kid with a BB gun and a string of tin cans. I rush him, head down, and catch him off guard as I thud into his gut and we both tumble over.

The searing pain in my shoulder really kicks in as blood spills out of me and drips off my leather jacket.

“Fuck you.” Wolfe’s lips pull back, exposing his yellowing teeth to me as he rolls me over and pins me to the floor.

Red doesn’t stop this time. She jumps off the bed and runs toward Wolfe. But he easily swats her away and she thumps to the floor like a sack of potatoes. Rage burns inside me stronger than the pain of the bullet hole and I manage to slice a punch across Wolfe’s face with my good hand.

He’s completely unfazed, even as his lip splits open and drips red. He leans over me. “That the best you got?” He spits his blood across my face in a spray.

I manage to lift my hips enough to roll him back. He’s not under me, but at least I’m not under him either. The gun still dangles from my right hand. The hand I can’t lift now that he’s shot my shoulder. We both look down at it and I reach for it with my left hand when Wolfe kicks it free from my grip and it slides away from me.

Fuck!

Panicked, I jump on him, using what’s left of my adrenaline to scramble for his gun and Wolfe rolls away, keeping it hidden beneath him. I know as soon as he moves, as soon as he gets to his feet or even rolls over, that’s it. He’s got his gun. Mine is across the floor. I use all of my bodyweight and try to keep him pinned to the floor, but he’s strong and he’s not shot. He’s going to win.

“Mmm!” Red gives another muffled cry and kicks my gun back to my side.

I quickly snatch it up, struggling to point it at Wolfe. He thrashes like a giant being held down by only string, bouncing me off him as he claws at the floor for his own weapon. He has it. I can tell by the way his body stiffens confidently, like a man who knows he’s won.

The room is shades of blue and red, but the strange hues make no sense in my mind. I secure my pistol in my left hand and hold it at the base of Wolfe’s neck, my finger on the trigger. I’m ready to put a bullet into the place where his spine meets the back of his head.

“Drop your weapons! Everybody put your hands where I can see them!” The order is barked out behind me. I don’t need to turn to know it’s one of our boys in blue.

Relief washes over me as I drop my gun and slump off of Wolfe. I lift my left hand high, and my right as much as my bleeding injury will allow. Peering over my shoulder I see two cops in the room with us and a couple more outside, all of them with guns drawn.

It’s over.

Emotion washes through me, leaving me limp but free. Like laundry being hung out on a line.

Wolfe scrambles to his knees, but I can see the metal gleam in his hands.

“Gun!” It’s all the warning I can give before Wolfe turns around and fires off two rounds toward the officers. Both slugs end up in the wall and I scramble under the desk as they open fire on him. Blood explodes from his chest in little bursts as bullets rain into him. He convulses as he falls backward onto the floor and a river of red spurts through his clothes and runs into the carpet.

“On your feet,” one of the officers yells and I readily comply. Over his shoulder I can see another cop peel the tape free from Red’s lips. I know how this looks. Like I was part of whatever sick plan he had for her. But I know it will all get sorted out. I know it’s over now and Red is safe.

“Ryan.” She sobs and runs over to me before they even have a chance to release her from her ties.

I look at the officers and slowly raise my good hand, holding her tight against me. “It’s okay, Red. You’re safe now. It’s all over now.” The red and blue lights outside streak her tear-stained face as she looks up at me, somehow making her green eyes even brighter.

“I love you,” she whispers hoarsely.

How could I not kiss her? My lips meet hers in a soft, sweet kiss until the police tell us to split it up. But I know there are a lifetime of kisses where that one came from. And I can’t wait to give her each and every one.

“Nana, are you sure you’re okay? Take a deep breath and just relax.” Red’s eyebrows pinch together as she leans over her grandmother with concern.

Her nana does what Red suggested, slowly exhaling a lungful of air like a yoga instructor finding her Zen. Then, she squares her shoulders, lifts her arms up parallel to the floor and snaps her eyelids open. She’s laser focused. Then, without even flinching, she empties all six of the rounds in her Ruger LCP into the pink target of a faceless man downrange. He might be faceless on paper, but I know exactly what he looks like in her mind.

“Boom!” Nana, or Madge, as she’s insisted I call her, holds up her hands like a magician who just dropped a smoke bomb and is about to walk off in the puffy haze.

It’s impossible not to laugh at her spunk. When Red first told me about her grandmother, even though she warned me she was still young, I couldn’t help but picture an aging woman. Someone who likes baking cookies and playing games of bridge as long as they wrapped up before her dinner at four o’clock on the nose.

I couldn’t have been more wrong. In the three months she’s been letting Red and me stay at her house, I’ve learned that this woman has more life in her and more attitude than women half her age.

“That was freaking awesome.” Red smiles proudly. She watches as the target slides toward us, showing just how far Madge has come since we started coming here. The first time we showed up at the indoor shooting range, she wasn’t shy about handling a gun, but it wasn’t going to do a lick of good in her hand when she couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn. Now she’s grouped the shots so tight, part of the paper target is just a gaping hole where Wolfe’s heart would be.

If he had a heart to begin with.

“Well, it’s not hard to learn when you’ve got this guy teaching ya.” She claps my shoulder enthusiastically. “Not everyone gets to learn from a former Navy SEAL.” Her pale green eyes twinkle.

Eye color isn’t the only trail Red and her grandmother share. Their wild hair and small statures also seem to be genetic. And, not that I ever look at Madge this way, but it’s nice to see that when Red hits her sixties she’ll still be a smokin’ hot fox.

“It’s the least I could do,” I answer honestly. “Especially after all the meals you’ve made us.” I pat the five pounds I’m sure I’ve put on in my belly. I remember Red told me her grandmother never cooked anything that didn’t come frozen. Well, times have changed. Since she retired, she started taking cooking classes down at the local grocery store. It’s part of a “healthy living” program they put on, which also just happens to feature recipes that help them off-load more of their food to seniors. It’s kind of a win-win. The participants start eating more nutritious foods and they sell more product.

Now Madge is whipping up lasagnas from scratch and pork roast with all the trimmings that make my mouth water at the thought. They might not always be the healthiest meals, but I’ll be damned if they aren’t tasty.

“I think our time is up.” I look at the huge clock on the back wall. The ladies nod and we head out, returning our ear defenders and signing the paperwork off before we head outside into the rain.

Oh, Portland in the winter. With its seemingly endless downpour and gray-streaked sky. People like to say “you can’t shovel the rain,” like the bleary, oppressive clouds opening over their heads is a blessing. I always want to tell them in the south you can’t shovel the sunshine either, but it feels a lot better.

Still, a bit of rain isn’t enough to make me want to run. Not when Red is here. Portland is her home, and it’s starting to feel like mine too. I’ll just have to invest in a good quality raincoat. No biggie.

We all shake ourselves off like dogs and get into Madge’s car. She makes me drive most days. She’s a bit old-fashioned that way. I don’t mind a bit. It’s nice to whip around on my bike, but not when the roads are so sloppy and five minutes on my Harley means being soaked to the bone.

“Hey, are you guys hungry?” I look over at Madge in the passenger seat and then give Red a wink in the backseat.

“I am,” Red answers.

“Oh, let’s get you home then. I’ve got those leftovers in the fridge you can warm up,” her nana offers.

“Nah, how about we treat you? Let’s go out for lunch instead.” I give her a smile and can see her hesitation melt away. I know she’s on a fixed income now that she’s retired and she doesn’t splurge on nice meals often. “Our treat.”

“Well, why didn’t you say so? If it’s your treat, let’s go to Red Lobster.” She laughs.

“I’ll do you one better.” I smirk and navigate our way through Portland’s busy streets to The Seafood Company.

“Oh no, I was just kidding about the lobster,” Madge begins to protest as we pull into the parking lot. “This place is too pricey.” She waves her hands.

“Nope, not another word,” I shush her. “We wanted to take you somewhere nice.”

Madge shrugs off her hesitation and follows us inside where a concierge greets us at the front door.

“Reservation for Rogers, please,” I announce and we’re seated right away.

It takes more convincing than it should, but we finally get Madge to order a lobster dish. Although, she still wouldn’t go for the full deal, opting for a risotto with huge chunks of lobster instead. Really, it’s probably better that way. Now she doesn’t have to wear a big bib or fight to try to free the meat from the shell. Instead, she can concentrate on the conversation. Which is important, because we brought her here to tell her something.

Red and her grandmother talk about Wolfe, a topic we often end up back to ever since the night he died.

“Have either of you heard anything from Detective Verilon?” Madge lowers her voice a bit.

“No,” I answer firmly. “And we won’t for a while, unfortunately. You know how the justice system is. It takes a bit,” I try to reassure her.

“Besides, Nana, you don’t have anything to worry about, right?” Red chimes in helpfully. “They already told us this was an open and shut self-defence. They didn’t sound like they were going to try to pin the death of Wolfe’s stupid sidekick on Ryan.” She gently touches her grandmother’s hand.

“Well, that’s good news. And it’s also good to know if anyone else decides to break into my house I can plead self-defence and get away with it.”

“What do you mean, Nana?”

“Well, if some stupid thug showed up at my door again, Bessie and I would end him. And I’m not interested in dying in jail,” she says it so matter-of-factly I laugh.

Bessie is her affectionate nickname for her gun. Whenever she says it, I can’t help but chuckle. It sounds so quaint. Like Thelma and Louise. Bessie and Madge. Well, then again, we all know how Thelma and Louise ended. Those ladies weren’t fucking around either.

“I’m glad you feel safe again.” Red looks really relieved.

All of our attention turns to the waiter, who approaches us with our heaping plates of delicious looking food. For a moment, the only noises at the table are each of us digging in. Now, I love Madge’s cooking, but I’d be lying if I said this didn’t beat it. The fresh scallops explode with flavor on my tongue. It seems like everyone at the table is experiencing the same thing as we all enjoy our meals.

“So, what’s going on?” Madge looks pointedly at Red, finally breaking the silence.

Red kinda squirms in her chair and looks over at me, then back at her grandmother. “What do you mean?”

“Well, I know you didn’t bring me here for no reason, so spill it. What’s going on with you two?” Now her suspicious stare meets my eyes too.

“No, you’re right. We did want to share something with you,” I start.

“You’re knocked up!” Madge turns to her grandchild and clasps her hands with joy streaked across her face.

“Nana! No, I’m not pregnant.” Red shakes her head. “Let us take it one step at a time, will ya?” she teases. “Ryan and I found an apartment about ten minutes from your place. We decided to move in together in a place of our own.”

“Oh, is that all?” The disappointment at the lack of pregnancy is evident on Madge’s face. However, she sees that her comment stings Red and she immediately backpedals. “I mean, that’s lovely, dear. I can’t wait to see your new place. I was wondering when you two would move on.”

“Are you okay with us going?” Red asks nervously. In our late night talks, the one thing that’s come up time and again is her concern that Madge won’t be comfortable without us in the house. Ever since Wolfe stormed in and showed her how vulnerable she can be, it’s been a huge focus of our time and energy to make her feel safe again.

“Okay with it? Of course I am! Now I can have my boyfriend spend nights at my place again. It’s been a pain to always go to his place,” she answers so casually.

I laugh at how Red’s jaw just dropped open like a cartoon character.

“What, you think you’re the only one who gets to have a sexy boyfriend? Mine might not be a SEAL, and his hip ain’t great, but he’s still sexy to me.”

“Well then, I guess that’s settled.” I try to hold my laughter in. Shock is still dancing on Red’s face, freezing her features as she processes all this.

“I guess it is,” she finally answers.

“Sounds that way to me.” Madge grins. “So, when will you two be out?”

I run the water in the kitchen, dipping my fingers under it until they feel cool and then fill up my bottle. Looking around the apartment, I’m exhausted just thinking about all the work we still need to do.

When Ryan and I signed the lease, we thought we’d struggle to have much more than some bedroom furniture to fill the place. After abandoning my apartment in Montana, I had to start from scratch on accumulating even the essentials like a coffee maker and cutlery.

We’ve been hitting up yard sales and flea markets most weekends along with every thrift shop in the city to build up a collection of nice dishes and pots. The bookshelf that’s stuffed in the corner of the living room right now was a particularly good find. It’s solid wood and just wafts with the smell of old books. As soon as I saw it, I knew I had to have it. It was a pain to get to Nana’s place, but so worth it.

Anyway, we had no idea when we told my grandmother we’d be getting this apartment last month that she’d get inspired to put her house on the market and go live with Walter, the boyfriend I didn’t even know she was hiding.

He’s a nice enough man, and it’s clear he makes her happy. It’s just so unusual to see her tittering and swooning over a guy. My whole life, Nana never had any guys around. It was her and me and, for about fourteen years, a sweet cat named Nibbles. It was always just us girls. Or, at least I thought it was. Now that I know how skilled she is at keeping that part of her life separate, I wonder if there were other boyfriends.

Anyway, I’m happy for her. The house sold so quick, she didn’t have much time to even think about what she was going to do with all her furniture. She sold some of it, but anything we needed to furnish the new place was ours. She gave it to us, no charge, as a housewarming present. Sure, the sofa is a bit dated and the recliner has some wear on it, but it’s better than nothing. I also kinda find it comforting to be surrounded by stuff I grew up with.

“Last box!” Ryan stomps off his shoes on the towel I laid at the door and walks inside. Of course we got rain today, so we’ve been battling to not track mud everywhere as we find places for all our boxes.

“My hero.” I flutter my eyelashes at him dramatically and he laughs. “Want some water?” I hold up my bottle, but he shakes his head.

“Naw, the only drink I want is the beer I’ve been cooling.” He closes the apartment door and kicks off his boots as I grab him a cold one from the fridge.

“Here ya go.” I dangle the bottle in the air and he wraps his broad palm around it.

He cracks the cap open and takes a long swig, soaking in the landscape of misplaced furniture and boxes stuffed with the promise of another long day tomorrow when we unpack all our things and find proper places for them.

“There’s still so much to do.” I sigh, exhaustion swirling around me.

“I bet you’re glad I packed this tote now, huh?” Ryan looks proud of himself as he pats the top of the blue rubbermaid container holding all our essentials.

I try to imagine searching for shampoo and towels or sheets for the bed in this mess and realize what a good idea it really was. “You’re always thinking.” I smile at him. “What are you, some kind of super scout?” I tease him.

“Something like that.” His blue eyes twinkle and he steps into me, pulling me in close.

I can smell the beer on his breath and find myself wondering how it would taste on his lips.

I’m going to find out.

I lean into him and he captures my mouth in his kiss. I can taste more than just the beer on his tongue. I can taste the urgency of his need. It lights a spark inside me and the exhaustion that I was just fighting off slips away. Flames of passion stir up inside me as Ryan puts his beer on the counter and his hands roam free down my back and cup my ample ass. I moan in his mouth, and loudly at that. For the first time in months, I don’t need to stifle my desire. I don’t have to keep it down or worry about every little squeak and whisper. Now that we’re in our own place, we can stop having sex like a couple of teenagers, stripping down as soon as my grandmother pulls out of the driveway. We finally have our own space, our privacy, and nothing but time.

“We need to put the bed together,” I murmur, my lips still pressed against his.

“To hell with the bed.” Ryan locks me down with his hungry stare. “This is our apartment and we can fuck wherever the hell we want. And this counter looks like a great place to start.” He lifts me to the edge and my round ass flattens against the granite.

“I like the way you think,” I answer with a sigh while Ryan kisses a trail down my neck. His hands explore my body like he’s never touched me before. As if each and every inch is new and exciting to him.

“I’ve had enough of all our quiet, soft sex,” Ryan growls, his eyes narrowing on me as I swallow hard. “I’m gonna fuck you so hard the walls will be reverberating with your screams.” His voice is deep and serious.

I slide my legs open, pulling him into me, and he slips his hands under my shirt and pulls it off me quickly. As soon as it’s on the floor, he cups my breasts in his hands, licking a curve over the top of each. He reaches around my back and flicks off the snaps holding it together and I let the lace fall down my arms. Ryan’s needy mouth circles my nipple. His tongue thrashes over it and then he sucks it in over his lips, pulling it into his mouth.

“Mmm.” I toss back my head, letting my long hair tickle the curve of my waist while Ryan greedily cups the other breast, licking and sucking on it until I’m squirming in my own juices. Each flick of his tongue sends a tiny shockwave through me, traveling down from my nipple straight to my clit. My sensitive nub aches for release and I breathe Ryan’s name to the ceiling, pushing his head down from my tits, guiding him to where I really need his mouth.

“God, you’re so fucking sexy, Red.” He manages to speak between kisses. Heat blazes over my skin as his lips reach the edge of my jeans. I might burst inside from desire if he doesn’t take them off right now. I can’t take another second of buildup.

“Oh, babe, I need you so bad.” My voice is hoarse and heavy in my throat. It’s like my body is just a bundle of raw nerves right now, all exposed and dancing with life. Every single cell in my body is crying out for release.

“Good, ’cause when I lick all your juices up and leave you quaking, I want to hear my name on your lips,” he demands and bites down hard on the denim above my button hole. He tugs it open with his teeth and unzips the fly in one swift motion. I lift my ass eagerly as he peels my jeans and panties down my legs and slides down to his knees to worship me like a goddess.

With my underwear and pants circling my ankles, Ryan digs his fingers into my thick thighs and pushes me open so I’m spread wide for him. He loves getting a full view of my pussy and always takes a second to admire what he’s about to taste. It drives me fucking crazy. I mewl with a need so strong it almost hurts and snake my fingers through his dark hair, moving his head forward boldly.

Ryan just chuckles. He likes it. “Tell me what you need, Red.” He loves torturing me this way.

“I need to feel you. Please, Ryan.” My voice almost wheezes like a junkie.

“Need to feel me what?” He drags out the moment.

“Your tongue. Please, Ryan, make me cum on your tongue,” I beg.

“I will, and then I’m gonna make you cum again on my cock,” he promises.

Just when I don’t think I can take another second of this, he licks me slowly from my center to my clit. I shudder with bliss as I roll my eyes back in my head and get lost in the sensation growing between my legs. Ryan zeroes in on my nub, teasing it the same way he was teasing my nipples, sucking on it, licking it, flickering his tongue over it. I rock my hips toward his face, a pulsing sensation growing inside me. I can’t stop the panting and guttural sounds that are escaping my lips. For once, I don’t care. All I care about is the pleasure his tongue is giving me.

I twist my fingers in Ryan’s hair, tugging him into me hard as he flattens his tongue and rolls it over my clit. He slides one, then two fingers inside me and my pussy clenches down on them so hard he gasps with surprise. His pinky finger presses up between my ass cheeks, using just enough pressure against my asshole to drive me over the edge. I’m completely overcome. The pulsing sensation explodes inside me and I cry out shamelessly, cumming hard against Ryan’s tongue.

I’m not sure if I was screaming his name, or just screaming, but he looks damned satisfied with himself when he leans back. He did what he set out to do. I’m a quivering mess against the cool counter, barely able to form thoughts, let alone words.

“That...was...so...incredible…” I manage to pant.

“Wait till you feel every inch of this stuffed up inside that tight little pussy.” He quickly sheds his shirt and pulls his pants and underwear down to expose his thick and ready cock. “Get that sweet ass over here.” He flips me over and his broad hand comes down on my tender ass with a thwack!

“Ahh!” Little tingles run straight to my clit and I press my bare tits down against the counter, standing as high as I can on my tiptoes so I can lift my ass up for him.

Ryan’s hands circle under my hips and he holds me up. My feet dangle above the ground, but I don’t care. The only thing I care about is him fucking me. Now that I’m on the pill, we don’t have to waste a bunch of time with condoms. Ryan presses the tip of his cock to my entrance and I bite my lip with anticipation. He fucks me hard, pushing every inch inside as my pussy makes room for him. I’m lost in the feeling. The heat of his cock is almost enough to make me cry out again.

Holding me steady, he slams his hips into my ass as he bottoms out inside me. It’s intense as he thrusts into me with rough, hard strokes. All I can do is moan as he fills me again and again. He reaches up and wraps his hand in my wild hair, tugging it back until my back arches and he holds me under his control.

His legs twitch first, then his cock moves inside me as he buries it as deep as possible. His cum spurts into me and it makes something inside me feel the wild desires of animal instincts we often fight. His cum splashing against my walls sends me over the edge into another powerful orgasm. It shreds through me, making me cry out like a feral woman howling at the moon.

Ryan lets go of my hair and collapses on top of me, his body blanketing mine. His heart thuds out of control in his chest and he breathes quickly in my ear. “Like I said, who needs a bed?” He sounds smug.

He’s right.

He pulls back and a bit of his seed spills down my thigh. I slip from the counter onto my feet and feel dizzy for a second as I get my senses back.

“That was the best housewarming gift you could have given me.” I smile and he pulls me tight into his chest. I love the warmth his arms radiate as he wraps them around me.

“You better get rested up.” He kisses my forehead.

“Oh, why’s that?” I smirk.

“’Cause there are a whole lot more housewarming gifts coming your way.” He grins. “And not a single one will need the bed.” He leans in and kisses me hard.

“I love you,” I whisper.

“I love you so much, Red. Now, let’s get cleaned up. I’ve got big plans for you.” He gives my ass a swift smack and I yowl, pretending it hurt more than it really did. Kicking off my pants, I leave the clothes in a pile and head through the maze of boxes in our apartment, our place, to the shower.

In so many ways, this is the end of a lot of things. The end of my time in Montana. The end of my constant fear of Wolfe. The end of my nana’s house. But when I look at Ryan and think of what our future holds, all I can see are new beginnings and beautiful possibilities.