I sat at a table on the sidewalk in front of Blueberry Hill eating my lunch. The elaborate neon sign above my head boasted an upcoming Chuck Berry show. I had the Hickory Burger with big wedge French fries smothered in ketchup. Totally delicious.

A warm breeze blew over my pale, bare legs as I scribbled into my journal. It helped to get my feelings out on paper to help deal with them. I wasn’t very good at suppressing my emotions.

I took a big bite of juicy burger and a drop of mustard almost fell on my white cotton tank top. I leaned over the plate just in time to avoid a near wardrobe disaster.

My cell phone buzzed on the table with a strange phone number I’d never seen before. I put down my burger and wiped my hands, examining the phone. I pressed the receive button and said hello.

“Jane Elder?

“Yes?” I said, wiping the side of my lip.

“This is Nathanial Ellis. From Bear Creek Ranch.”

I nearly fell out of my chair with excitement. He was the absolute last person I had expected to call me. I’d just sent the email the day before.

“I’m calling about your application. I was impressed with your credentials. You know I have a seven-year-old daughter. My late wife used to home school her before she passed away a year ago.”

“Sorry.”

“It has been difficult to find someone to teach her and look after her regularly.  A girl comes up from the village a few times a week, but I’m afraid my daughter, Morgan, is getting behind. She spends most of her time underfoot. I’m extremely busy with my business affairs, and cannot fulfill her mother’s role. I need someone who cannot  only teach her, but who can look after her as well.”

“I’m comfortable with that.”

“Morgan is highly intelligent, but the death of her mother and loss of regular schooling has been difficult for her. Have you been a tutor before?”

“During my graduate internships, I worked extensively with children in both educational and therapeutic environments.”

“What made you answer my advertisement? Surely, you have opportunities in St. Louis.”

“I’m looking for something different,” I said, not wanting to talk about the scarcity of job prospects.

“You are the best applicant I’ve had. I would like to offer you the position. You will be on a trial basis for two weeks, salaried of course, after that, you will gain permanent employment. I will send you a ticket for two weeks from today so you can get your affairs in order. Is this agreeable to you?”

“That sounds fantastic!”

 

* * *

 

As soon as I got off the phone with Mr. Ellis, I practically ran up the block to my work and hurried inside. Megan stood at the cash register like always. She was probably forty and had been working in cafes since she was younger than I was. I brushed past some people in line and put my hands on the counter waiting for her to look at me.

She glanced over. I beamed at her— red-faced and panting.

“What is it Jane?” she said, sounding annoyed.

“I have to put in my two weeks notice.” The words burst out of my mouth.

“What’s going on? Did you find a job?” she said, taking a customer’s order. A little crease appeared between her brows. She was the kind of person who liked order and hated change. I knew I was upsetting her, but it couldn’t be helped.

“I did. And get this, it’s in Montana! On a ranch. Can you believe it?”

“What? Doing what?”

“Private tutoring. It’s such a good opportunity.”

“Hmm, sounds strange. Well, can’t say I’m not disappointed. You’re one of the best baristas we’ve had in a long time. But good luck. I’ll see you tomorrow right?”

“Of course. I’ll be here.”

The line of customers smiled at me as if I’d just won the lotto. I felt like I’d just won the lotto. My energy must have been contagious because it seemed like everyone I saw smiled at me. I grabbed a bus at Delmar and Kingsland and rode it home. I jumped off the bus and practically skipped down the sidewalk to my house. I hadn’t been in such a good mood since I’d been accepted to Washington during my senior year of high school. 

When I got to the front walk, my mood sank. Collin sat on the porch with his skateboard in his hands, looking sorry and pitiful. I rolled my eyes and stomped up the stairs. I refused to argue with him about the break up. I refused to let him ruin my good mood.

I brushed past him without a word and slammed the front door. I set my purse on the coffee table and turned back to lock the door, but it was too late. He was already inside.

“Get the hell out of here!”

“Not until you listen to me, Jane.”

“Fuck you. I don’t have to listen to your shit. I’m not your girlfriend anymore.”

He rushed to me, put his hands on my shoulders, and leaned down to kiss my lips. His body felt so good next to mine; I let his kiss connect before I could protest. He pulled my voluptuous body into his wiry muscled frame. I felt him get excited, and I almost gave in.

“No!” I shouted, pushing away.

“Jane, please. I’m sorry.”

“I don’t care Collin,” I said, plopping on the couch and crossing my arms tight under my breasts. My short-shorts rose up my thigh, and I could see him staring down at my bare flesh. I crossed my legs and glared at him. He swooped in next to me.

“I know you used your gift to find out about the affair. That’s why I didn’t try to deny it.”

I hated it when he brought up my “gift,” as he liked to call it. I’d made the mistake of telling him about it one night when he’d encouraged me to try pot. I was so high I spilled my life story.

After father left my mother for some woman from work, when I was twelve, I started having dreams that would often come true. Once, I had a dream about a girl I knew getting in a car accident. The next day at school, they told us she was dead. I also dreamed of small things, like a pop quiz in algebra. Sometimes, I was visited by my dead grandparents who talked to me as if it was no big deal they were dead. After studying child development for six years in college, I came to believe it had something to do with the trauma of my parent’s divorce.

“You always told me you didn’t believe it. That I was ‘over-imaginative,’” I said making air quotes.

“I believe you now.” He rubbed his hand down my bare shoulder, grazing my breast with the back of his knuckles. It shot little bolts of sensation through my breasts and down my thighs. I grimaced and crossed my arms tighter.

“Too little, too late.”

“Jane. I’ve been an idiot. You are the best girl any guy could ever have.” He ran his hand up my thigh, and I slapped it away. The sound of smacking filled the room. None of my housemates were home. If they’d heard the shouting or smacking, they would have come running to ogle at the drama.

“Nice of you to notice. It doesn’t matter anyway because I’m leaving. I got a job in Montana.”

“Montana. What the fuck?”

“Yep. I leave in two weeks.”

He pulled my chin to him with both his hands and shoved his tongue in my mouth. I let him kiss me. After I’d smacked him and told him I was leaving, I wasn’t as angry anymore. He seemed ravenous, as if he needed to kiss me to prevent starving to death. He pulled me up on the couch and slipped between my legs, his tongue darting against mine. His hands gripped and squeezed my plump breasts. He kissed down my body, pushed up my shirt, and ran his hand inside my bra. The cool flesh of his hands made my nipples harden.

My body responded to the thrust of his firm shaft between my legs. Moisture ran into my panties, and my breathing deepened. He peeled back my bra cup and put his mouth to my breast, sucking and biting at my full, pink nipple. I ran my hand up his tight muscled arms and tilted my hips to meet his thrusts. I was absolutely ready to let him fuck me. Why not? The front door opened, and I slumped into the couch, pulling my shirt back on.

“No way!” Kimmy shouted from the front door. She lunged forward and smacked the back of Collin’s head.

Collin recoiled from Kimmy’s blow and stood up, buttoning the pants button I couldn’t remember unbuttoning.

“Don’t try to take advantage of Jane in her weakened state. You need serious reform before I let you near her again.”

Collin grabbed his skateboard, glanced down at me, shame covering his face, and ran out the door. I pulled myself up and brushed my hair away from my face. 

“Thanks Kimmy. I would have so regretted that.”

“No problem.”

“He’s just so cute,” I whined, falling back into the couch.

“You weren’t going to take him back were you?”

“No. Just fuck him a little bit,” I said making an inch between my index finger and thumb.

Kimmy made a disapproving noise, rolled her eyes, and sat down next to me. I sat up again, and my excitement over the job interview came back.

“I got a job! In Montana. Can you believe it?”

“When did that happen?”

“Today. I leave in two weeks.”

“Oh. So that’s why you were going to give it up to douchebag, cheating-scum Collin.”

“Kind of,” I said, smiling wide.

 

The week before I left, I decided to go shopping for outdoorsy stuff since I had nothing suitable for life on a ranch in Montana. My wardrobe consisted of breathable dresses, flip-flops, short-shorts, and tank tops— common wear for the scorching, humid St. Louis summers. To get through the St. Louis winters, I wore a wool pea coat from Urban Outfitters, soft sweaters, jeans, and trendy tennis shoes. I doubted any of that would cut it on the ranch.

Kimmy and I drove over to the REI in Brentwood Plaza, next to the Whole Foods, to buy ranch clothes. I didn’t know what ranchers wore, but I imagined it included a lot of flannel and boots. 

We walked through the front door of REI to be met with concrete floors and bicycles. I was instantly lost. My closest association with outdoor activities was that time my housemate Mark drunkenly dared me to spend a night in a tent in the backyard. I made it half the night until the mosquitoes drove me inside.

A guy with a muscle strained blue T-shirt and a nametag that said Nick approached Kimmy and me. I smiled under his dark-brown eyes, and batted my eyelashes.

“Can I help you find anything,” he said clasping his hands together.

“I’m going to live on a ranch in Montana,” I said, nearly giggling.

“I see. So you’ll need clothes, shoes, that kind of thing?”

“Yeah,” I felt like an idiot.

“I’m going to go look at bikes,” said Kimmy, walking away. Kimmy was thin and cute in the way sexy guys, like Nick, wanted. She didn’t have to try to get their attention. She was usually beating them off with a stick, so she didn’t understand why I got so nervous and geeky around super hot guys like this one.

Nick took me upstairs to look at the selection of women’s clothing. Then he excused himself, telling me the staff up there would help me. I was relieved because I didn’t want him seeing me picking up size 16 clothes. Everything looked really outdoorsy. That was for sure. I picked up some cargo pants, thermals, and a couple of flannel shirts, and went to the dressing room.

I tried on a few outfits and looked at myself in the mirror. I was a bookish girl who spent her time indoors. I didn’t recognize the hiker chick staring back at me. I turned around in the mirror and inspected my ass in the cargo pants. At least, they made it look good.

After I’d picked out some outdoorsy clothes, I went to the shoe department asking for boots. The shoe guy gave me some options of lightweight hiking boots, after I explained I wouldn’t actually be doing ranch work on the ranch. I picked a cute pair and tried them on. They matched the rest of the outdoorsy look so it all pretty much worked together. I figured I could blend it into the rest of my wardrobe somehow.

Kimmy came back upstairs holding a water bottle and walked with me down to the checkout.  When the total lit up on the screen, I was astonished. Three hundred dollars for camping clothes. Who would have thought? I gave the cashier my credit card and just kept repeating, “twenty thousand a year and no rent,” in my head.

Kimmy purchased her water bottle, and we walked over to Whole Foods for lunch. I got some chicken shish kabobs from the deli and a gourmet cream soda. Kimmy got sushi and cold green tea. We sat at the tables near the front windows and pulled out our lunch.

“Have you given any thought to what you might do if the trial doesn’t work out?”

“It will work out,” I said. I didn’t want to think about it not working. I’d had a two-hour  argument with my mother the night before about how stupid it was for me to go at all.

“I’m all for acting on impulse, but I don’t want you to think you have to give up your room until you know for sure the job will pan out.”

“It will be fine. You guys need the rent, and I can’t afford to pay on the first. It isn’t fair to you guys to have to make up my share.”

“We’ve talked about it, and me and the guys are a little worried about you.”

“Why? Because big, dumb Jane can’t take care of herself?”

“God, no! Why would you even say that? I wish you wouldn’t talk about yourself like that. You’ve just been so… sheltered. This is a big step for you. None of us have ever seen you make such an impulsive decision before. We just want to make sure you’re safe.”

I sighed. She did have a point. Doing things like running off to Montana wasn’t in my usual behavioral framework. It was just time for me to get out of town. After Collin cheated, again, and months of searching for a job, I’d had it. I needed change. I needed to move, to get out there and live for once.

“I understand,” I said, sliding a piece of chicken off the skewer. “But really, I’ll be fine. If things don’t work out, I can always go crash at my mom’s, or find a new place, or go live on a beach in California. OK? Don’t worry about me so much.”

Kimmy drew one side of her lip back into her cheek. “Whatever you say. I just wanted you to know the offer was open. We have your back. After living together for four years, you aren’t some stranger who just owes us rent. If anything happens, don’t be afraid to come back.”

 

The week was a blur of work and packing. Mr. Ellis sent the plane ticket, just as he said. I’d have to leave behind most of my belongings, which I packed up and put in a cheap storage unit.

I had absolute faith that things would work out. I couldn’t have asked for a better opportunity. It meant freedom to me. Freedom to see the world and experience new things.

Collin tried to contact me a few times. I knew he had feelings for me. We had been together for two years on and off. However, I was beginning to believe he just saw me as a reliable lay. The more objective I got about it, the easier it was for me to see it clearly.

On my last day in the house, I slept on the couch. Kimmy drove me to the airport in the early fall heat and made me promise to come right back if anything freaky happened. After she helped me pull my boxes onto a baggage cart, I hugged her tight and said good-bye. I would miss her more than anything else in St. Louis. (Except maybe the fudge from Union Station.)

Kimmy waved from her car as she pulled out of the parking spot in front of the departures gate at St. Louis International Airport. I waved back and watched her drive out of sight. I stood with my hand on the baggage cart, feeling nervous for the first time. I was really doing it!