5
Jen was so shell-shocked that she didn’t know whether to be furious or heartbroken, so she settled on numb.
Behind her, he cursed again. “Jen, wait.”
Ahead, the coffee shop’s door opened, and a group of laughing women walked in, clogging the doorway and momentarily blocking Jen’s escape.
“Dammit,” she whispered, feeling trapped. She didn’t want to hear what he had to say. His silence had been talk enough. She already knew all she needed to know. With her escape thwarted, she instead turned left and hurried to the ladies’ room, ducking inside before he could catch up. He wouldn’t follow her in, and it would at least give her a moment to calm down before she was forced to emerge. Or maybe there would be a window she could climb out. It would be less humiliating than facing him.
Inside, she was overwhelmingly relieved that the three-stall bathroom was empty. Why was she so upset anyway? So she’d developed a crush on her sponsor. They weren’t a couple. They never had been. Their relationship was mutually beneficial. Nothing more. It shouldn’t matter to her that he didn’t want her to meet his daughter. Truth be told, if Jen had a daughter, she might not want recovering addicts meeting her, either. Still, it had been his idea in the first place. Regardless, it was her own fault for thinking of him as something other than her sponsor. Because that’s all he was, and they made more of them every day.
Then why did the thought of losing him make her feel so terrible?
She stared at her wind-blown blonde hair and angry green eyes in the mirror. She looked like an old woman. Like a woman who needed a drink, and that terrified her. She straightened. She was not that person anymore. She was strong, dammit, and she had come too far to turn back now just because Ashley Danvers had hurt her heart. The urge to self-medicate clawed its way up her throat, and she swallowed it down, holding on instead to her quavering determination to survive.
Just then, the ladies’ room door burst open, and she turned, freezing. Ash stood in the doorway, looking like a man about to do something reckless. The sight mesmerized her. For the first time since they’d re-met, his control was gone.
“Dammit, Jen,” he growled. “Would you let me talk?”
For a moment, she was too stunned to speak. Never in a million years had she expected Mr. Uptight to storm into a women’s restroom after her. “What are you doing in here?”
He let the door close behind him and walked over to her as if he wasn’t at all bothered by his surroundings. “Why do you always jump to insane conclusions without letting people explain?”
“No need to explain,” she said, growing angry all over again. “Your eyes did all the talking.”
“Then they must have lied,” he growled. “Because this has nothing to do with me not wanting you to meet Sara.”
A strange mix of hope and frustration fluttered inside Jen. “So they lied,” she said, heading for the exit. “You still don’t want to be my sponsor. That’s all I need to know.”
He grabbed her wrist as she passed, forcing her to halt. “Stop running from me.”
“Why?” she demanded, jerking her arm free. “Isn’t that what you’re doing? Running from me?”
He cursed. “You make everything difficult.” Turning away from her, he raked his fingers through his hair. “I can’t be your sponsor anymore because I’m falling in love with you.”
She opened her mouth to fire a retort but then realized what he’d said. The floor dropped out from under her, and she stared at him. “What?”
With his back still turned, he put his hands on his hips. “You drive me crazy,” he said, shaking his head. “You’re foul-mouthed. Messy. And you fight me at every turn.”
She didn’t know what to say. Was he confessing his love for her and insulting her at the same time?
He turned around, and there was a glint in his eye that she recognized. It was a savage glint. The same one she’d seen seven years ago. It made her heart pound. There he is. The wild man was awake, and he was looking at her.
“But you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen,” he said as if it frustrated him. “I love how obnoxious you are and that you insist on leaving a tip even though this place doesn’t have waitstaff. And you make me laugh so damn hard. Nobody can do that. Just you.”
She stared at him, feeling like a quail before a coyote. A coyote that wanted to eat her. And, though it was probably the worst idea in the world, she wanted to be eaten. “I thought . . .”
“You never think,” he said. “You act. Something else I love about you even though it drives me insane.”
“What are you saying?” she asked. Or, better yet, what was she thinking? Falling in love wasn’t part of her plan. In fact, it was the opposite. Her focus should be on staying clean alone. Emphasis on alone. Not diving headfirst into an ill-advised relationship. Yet, as he stood there, unleashed and consumed by her, she wanted nothing more than to throw all her hard-earned caution to the wind and embrace her inner cavewoman.
“I’m saying I want to be inside you,” he said, his gaze dark and penetrating. “Do you understand what that means?”
Oh yeah, she understood. “It means you can’t be my sponsor anymore?”
He kissed her, and suddenly she couldn’t remember why she was so angry at him. His mouth was firm and demanding, and she yielded willingly, grabbing his hard biceps and holding on for dear life.
“I’ve wanted to do that since the first day you sat down across from me,” he breathed.
“Me, too,” she said, realizing just how true it was. She’d been so focused on keeping things strictly business and by the book that she’d buried her attraction to him. But it was out now, and it was screaming loud enough to deafen her.
He growled his approval and reached around her to lock the door.
“You can’t do that,” she said, breathless.
“I just did,” he said, kissing her quiet.
She moaned and then gasped as he pushed her against the wall. It was so wrong, but exhilaration rushed through her like wildfire, and she couldn’t have stopped if she’d wanted to. And, though it was the most exciting moment of her life, it wasn’t the same raging recklessness she’d felt seven years ago. This time, she was in control of herself. She was sober as a judge, and she wanted him. This time, she knew the consequences, and it was somehow even more erotic because of that.
“You’re not running from me this time,” he said, kissing his way down her jaw to her throat, where he nipped hard enough to make her gasp.
She shoved her fingers into his hair, turning her head to give him better access. “I can’t promise I won’t steal your wallet, though.”
He laughed. It sounded feral and dangerous, and he punished her mouth with a kiss that stole her mind. “You’re my drug now,” he said. “Just you.”
She kissed him back, meeting his desperation with her own. “I don’t think there’s a twelve-step program for that.”
“I sure as hell hope not,” he growled and fumbled for the button of her cutoffs.
She reached for his zipper, too, her hands shaking. Letting out a breathless laugh, she asked, “How is it possible that this is happening in a bathroom again?”
“Full circle, baby,” he said, jerking down her shorts.
A thrill shot through her, and she hurriedly stepped out of her cutoffs and started on her panties. He paused to watch her, his eyes on fire. “You’re a hurricane,” he said, shoving his jeans down his thighs.
Her heart skipped a beat, and she collided with him again. “More like a train wreck.”
He kissed her while tearing open a condom and putting it on. Then he picked her up by the thighs, bracing his palm against the wall behind her. “A natural disaster.”
She didn’t have time to reply because he entered her in one deep thrust. They both groaned, their fingertips digging into each other’s skin.
“Oh, God,” she breathed, clamping her thighs around him. How could something be so wrong and yet feel so right?
Ash moved inside her, his breath coming out in harsh gasps. “You make me lose my mind, Jen.”
Though forming words was difficult, she managed, “And here I thought you were a stick in the mud.”
He scolded her by nipping her bottom lip, and she moaned, reveling in the punishment. “Oh, I am,” he said. “Just not around you.”
Realizing that he’d been holding back his desire for her all this time gave her a bigger high than drugs ever had. “I think you mean in me.”
He laughed, and it echoed around the small room. “That mouth.”
She grinned, but it quickly gave way to a moan as he slid his hand under her shirt. “It’ll never work,” she said.
“It will,” he said, and he sounded so confident that, even through the haze of lust, her heart soared. Could he be right? Could two recovering addicts find happiness together? Could she, of all people, discover true love? With someone who understood her darkest desires? Could she really have it all? Sobriety, a fulfilling job, her best friend by her side once again, and a healthy relationship with a good man? For the first time, she felt as though it might be within her reach. Maybe it wouldn’t work out, but maybe it would. Either way, she was drunk on Ashley Danvers, and he was one wagon she didn’t mind falling off.