Fabian Blanco
I’m so comfortable with Adam I didn’t even realize it’s getting to be Christmastime now. Besides our rare arguments, this trip really has been a pleasure – as long as I ignore the fact that I’m falling in love with a guy who is on a job application tour to become a Baptist pastor. But all at once, the South unleashed its garland and trees and glitter and Kelly Clarkson songs, and now we are not only on a church tour, it feels like we’re on a Christmas decoration tour, too. Every town is cuter than the last, and soon I start to understand why he wants to live a lifestyle like this – things are just slower, easier. He’s always nervous I’m too bored when he’s in his church visits, but I keep telling him I don’t give a damn where I am or what I’m doing as long as I get to see him at night. Hopefully he will believe me one of these days.
One morning I’m cleaning up the room while he shops at the grocery store across the street in some little town called Gethsemane, North Carolina. Someone knocks, and I assume Adam left the key and needs to be let in – so I swing open the door and see a short, squat woman squinting up at me.
“Um, hello?”
She looks around. “Hi there, uh, I was looking for Adam Venus’ room, he interviewed at First Baptist last night and left his watch...”
Despite myself, I smile. I always smile when I think about him. “Oh, yeah, it’s not water resistant, he leaves it at half the sinks he washes up in, sorry.”
“Yeah, well, I came to return the watch to Adam. But, uh, you’re not Adam…”
I look over at the table right beside the door. His church papers are in a messy pile right there, so it’s not like I can effectively lie. “Yeah. I’m not Adam. I’m his…I’m traveling with him. I go to his…school. I’m his…friend.”
“You are?”
I glance away for a second. “Um. Yeah. In a way.”
Her eyes narrow. On her key ring is a symbol for Focus on the Family, one of the Christian groups that has campaigned vehemently against gay marriage, and has very close bonds with the Baptist community.
“Listen, lady, why is this important? Can’t I just give him the watch?”
Oddly, she smiles. It seems almost…warm. “My, my, my.”
“Yes?”
“Mr. Venus was very charming during our meeting, but he never mentioned anything about you. Two men, traveling together. You know, down here, I have to say…that’s a bit brave.”
I don’t know what to say, so I just stare at her. It is the most uncomfortable silence I have ever experienced. Bitch.
Finally she sets a paper bag on the table, and I hear the clink of the watch. “Here you go, now. Make sure he doesn’t leave it anywhere else. And give my best to the dear old faculty down at your school – I always have just loved dealing with them.”
She gives me an icier, angrier smile, and then waddles away.
Ten minutes later, Adam is back. I didn’t want to mention the visit, so I slipped the watch back into his bag – he’s so oblivious, he’ll never notice it was gone, anyway.
“What’d you do this morning?” he asks, kissing my head. “You okay?”
“Yeah, I’m…fine.”
But I’m not. I didn’t trust the look in that lady’s eyes, the glint in her smile, the cheer in her voice. I know, without a doubt, that whatever that was, it is going to become something.
I ask Adam to drive that day, and I settle into the seat (with my phone angled away from him) and start looking into the rules and the past of the Southern Baptist Convention, the ruling body of both Adam’s school and the churches interviewing him. If I’m going to be on this trip at all, for my own safety I’m going to need to know what we’re dealing with. What I’m dealing with.
According to the Human Rights Campaign, the Southern Baptist Convention is the largest Protestant denomination in America, with over sixteen million members. And it also has the single-worst history regarding LGBT people. In 1996, the SBC declared that “even a desire to engage in a homosexual relationship is always sinful, impure, degrading, shameful, unnatural, indecent and perverted.” The SBC website states that “we affirm God's plan for marriage and sexual intimacy – one man, and one woman, for life. Homosexuality is not a ‘valid alternative lifestyle.’ The Bible condemns it as sin. It is not, however, unforgivable sin. The same redemption available to all sinners is available to homosexuals. They, too, may become new creations in Christ.”
Speaking of that last part – the SBC pushes conversion therapy in the form of “preaching” and “witnessing” to gay people. (So, basically, they’re cool with gays, if gays just disown everything about themselves, go to conversion therapy, and become totally different people. Go figure.) The SBC even bans congregations from blessing same-sex unions, or ordaining gay and lesbian clergy.
And the last thing explains exactly what I saw in that woman’s eyes: they don’t allow gay clergy. If anyone finds out about what Adam is, his life as he knows it will be over.
So what in the fucking world do I do now that I’m already on this trip with him, and we’ve already been spotted – twice? I cannot go through my life feeling like a criminal for who I am. Not again…
I do know my first step, though. As soon as we pull off for gas and Adam disappears into the station, I call my supervisor and put in my two weeks’ notice – and since we’re already on break, I will never have to step foot there again. I never would’ve taken the job in the first place if I knew all this – I will not condone these views, and it’s as simple as that. I’ll look somewhere else, start over like I always did, ever since DADT blew up my life. Then I put away my phone and smile, rid of that place forever.
But there’s a complication – I can’t tell Adam that I quit yet. If he knows, then I’ll have to explain the whole story from the beginning, including the fact that I lied about knowing we were being watched.
So now I’m being surveilled by my old employer while Fabian goes on as if I still work there, and as if nothing at all is amiss…
Ugh. And I thought that simply having sex with a gay Christian would be complicated.