Aidan toyed with the beer in front of him. He knew he should be packing and getting ready to go home. He had his answer, but he sat at the bar, unable to force himself to leave. He heard people whispering all around him. It didn’t matter. He’d fucked everything up, again.

Leo had tried to talk to him. He’d growled enough that Leo had finally given up. The last thing Aidan wanted was a coaching session.

What exactly had he thought would happen? Had he thought they would be okay with him walking back into their lives? And he hadn’t exactly walked. He’d ordered and spanked his way back in. He’d deceived his way back in. But, damn it, it had seemed like the only way to do it. If he didn’t know deep in his heart that he was the best thing in the world for them, he would sacrifice and walk away. He’d been half afraid he’d look them back up and find they were married and happy without him.

He wasn’t going to give up. Deception hadn’t worked. He didn’t like to think of it that way. He liked to think of it as easing back in. Well, easing back in had blown up in his face. He needed a new plan because this was the most important thing in his life. He wasn’t about to give up now.

His cell phone vibrated. He pulled it out, half hoping it was Lexi calling to scream at him. He’d listen to her. He would let her rage at him because he wanted to hear her voice. He would have let Lucas beat on him just to feel his hands again. Aidan groaned as he saw the number. His brother.

“What?”

There was a momentary pause. “Well, ain’t that typical. You leave me with all the work and then act like I’m the one in trouble.”

And it was exactly like his brother to try to turn everything around. “Look, Bo, I’ve already talked to Dwight. He said you were busy causing trouble.”

“What? Motherfucker. He ain’t even here, Aidan. He left the ranch early this afternoon.”

That wasn’t what Dwight had said. Bo wasn’t exactly known for his honesty. “Where did he go?”

His brother huffed over the phone. “I don’t know. It’s not like he tells me anything. He’s a fucking asshole.”

Bo pretty much thought everyone was a fucking asshole. Aidan felt unaccountably tired. “Was there something you wanted, Bo?”

“There are a lot of things I want, but I’m not getting them, am I? I called because I thought you should know something, but now I think you deserve everything you have coming your way. Go to hell.”

The connection was cut with a brutal click. Aidan let the phone fall from his hands, not caring when it fell to the floor. It didn’t matter. If it rang again, it would be one more person who wanted to tell him what a failure he was.

Aidan closed his eyes and shut out the world. Music, sad and sweet, flowed through his brain. Just because he couldn’t play anymore didn’t mean he didn’t write in his head. He heard a single guitar, plucking gently, the sound as lonely as he felt.

He could see the song in his head, but none of it mattered since the people he’d wanted to play for were gone.

“How about some water, Bill? I think I can handle this particular confrontation without liquor.”

He opened his eyes, turning because he knew the sound of that voice, deep and always with a hint of sarcasm, like the owner never took the world too seriously. It was deceptive, that voice, because he happened to know that Lucas Cameron took everything he loved with an almost worshipful reverence. Lucas Cameron knew how to love.

But he had the distinct feeling he might find out Lucas Cameron didn’t love him anymore.

He took a long drink. Lucas might not need liquid courage, but he sure as hell did.

“Why?” Lucas asked the question without inflection, as though the actual answer was meaningless to him.

Lucas didn’t look at him. He kept his expression bland as he faced forward, but Aidan couldn’t help but stare. Lucas was lovely to him now. He’d fought the attraction before because it had seemed the final nail in the coffin of some perfect, vanilla life he had planned. Now he let himself stare. Lucas was a testament to masculine beauty. His pitch black hair fell over his forehead, tumbling almost over his eyes. In the past, Lucas had kept it shorter, but Lexi had always begged him to let it grow out. It looked damn good on him. Aidan wanted to reach out, but he had some explaining to do first.

“Why am I here?”

Lucas sighed softly. “We can start there.”

It was time to tell him the truth. “I came back because I love you and Lexi. I came back because I need you so fucking much.”

“And you decided this when?” There it was, that sarcastic edge. Lucas was good at putting on fronts.

He needed to get past the mask. Honesty was his only weapon. “The day I nearly lost my legs.”

Lucas turned, and his eyes flared with shock. Aidan was almost certain he saw concern there. “What happened?”

“I don’t know,” Aidan said quietly. “It’s all a jumble. I was with my squad. We were on a security detail. We started taking some heavy fire. I know this from the report that was filed by a friend of mine. We were the only ones who survived. I woke up in a field hospital, and they told me I wouldn’t walk again. And I realized as I was lying in that bed that it wasn’t the worst day of my life.”

Those emerald eyes of Lucas’s shimmered slightly with unshed tears. “Don’t you fucking say it.”

“The worst day of my life was the day I walked out on you and Lexi.”

Lucas slammed off the stool. “Fuck you, Aidan.”

He watched as Lucas stormed off. He was patient. If Lucas wanted to fume for a while, that was perfectly acceptable because at least he felt something. He’d seen it in Lucas’s eyes. He’d been moved, and it wasn’t all anger. Julian and Leo had spent hours and hours the last several months teaching him how to read body language. Lucas’s entire body was bunched up. He was one huge ball of emotion. He could see it plainly. Anger was at the forefront, but there was more there.

Lucas made it to the door that led back to the hotel section of The Club before turning on his heels and stalking back.

“You think you can waltz back in here and give me some sob story, and I’ll fall down on my knees and be grateful you’re back?”

“No.” He was going to let Lucas get it all out. He knew he deserved it. “I know I have a lot to make up for.”

“You can’t make up for it,” Lucas shot back. “You can’t. You left us. You’re the one who turned away. You joined the Army? What is wrong with you? I respect anyone who wants to serve this country, but you’re not a soldier, Aidan. You’re a fucking musician.”

He held his hand up. “Not anymore.”

Lucas swallowed whatever he was about to say. He reached out and grabbed Aidan’s hand. It was his left hand. It was missing two fingers, but only his middle finger and thumb still had any real agility. He’d joked with the doctors that at least he could hitch a ride and flip someone off, but he would never play guitar again. The muscles in his hand still worked, but they were far too stiff to play with any accuracy or real rhythm.

“Was it worth it? Did it make you forget what happened?” Lucas asked.

Aidan forced himself to smile. Arguing with Lucas would get him nowhere. “No. Like I said, I woke up in that bed, and all I wanted was the two of you. I called.”

Lucas’s face went white. “I know. You think I’m not feeling that right now? You called, and I hung up on you.”

He finally did what he’d wanted to do for years. He cupped Lucas’s face and let himself feel that skin against his hand. “I deserved it. I would have hung up on me, too.”

Lucas pulled away, but not after his eyes had closed slightly as though he reveled in the contact. He took a step back, those emerald eyes hooding as he looked down. Aidan had put a shirt on, but he knew Lucas was remembering the scars on his body.

“I should have…it doesn’t matter now. I need to understand why you’re here and what you want. I need to know why you didn’t simply talk to me. That whole deception out there in the dungeon doesn’t help your case.”

Aidan eased back onto his barstool. “I think it does. I know the lifestyle you’ve always wanted. You want a ménage, and you want a Dom.”

A bitter huff came out of Lucas’s mouth. “Yes, I believe I mentioned that before. That conversation didn’t go well.”

“I know. I was an ass. I didn’t really get it. I was surprised at how much I enjoyed our night together. God, the word enjoy cheapens it. I loved it. It was the closest I’ve ever felt to anyone, but it was counter to everything I’d been taught. I understand more now. I get it.”

“Just like that?” Lucas held his hands out, obviously waiting for a much better explanation.

“Fuck, no,” he replied. “Not just like that. I had to go through a lot to get here, but I did it, and I’m standing and walking because I love you and Lexi. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be here at this club every day until you listen to me. I’ll let everything else go, the ranch, my brother, my friends, none of it matters if I can’t prove to you and Lexi that I’m the man for you.”

“It’s going to take something more than you lying to me.”

Aidan sat forward, unwilling to take on that sin. “I didn’t lie. I followed every rule and code of conduct this club has. I trained and was approved by both the Dom in residence and the owner. I’ve spent countless hours training.”

“I bet you did. That must have been fun.”

That lurid huff in Lucas’s voice got his back up. “No, sub, it wasn’t fun. You will respect me while we’re in this club. Or have you forgotten the contract you signed?”

Lucas leaned in slightly. “I signed that contract under false pretenses. I would never have signed a contract with you, Aidan.”

That hurt but he had to keep going. “Nevertheless, you signed it, and you owe me the respect you would give any Dom. As for having fun, I suspect you’re accusing me of cheating on you and Lexi. I haven’t put my dick in anyone the entire time we’ve been apart. Can you say the same?”

Lucas’s eyes came up. “Are you kidding me?”

“I have been utterly faithful, even when I was walking away.”

“I don’t understand you.” Lucas scrubbed a hand through his hair, his frustration easy to read.

“You will. Please give me a chance.”

Lucas’s cell phone trilled. He pulled it out. “Lexi.” He turned away, leaving Aidan feeling left out. When he finally turned back there was a stricken look on his face. “Lexi was supposed to go up to our suite.”

Aidan knew exactly what was coming. Lexi had always been a hellcat. She’d never taken anything lying down. “She left, I take it?”

Lucas nodded. “She went home, but someone broke in. She says it’s bad.”

He hopped off the barstool. This he could handle. “Then we should go get her and bring her back to where she’s supposed to be.”

Lucas sighed. “It’s not that easy with Lexi.”

Aidan felt his blood start to pump again. Lucas was the one he had to play slow and easy. Lexi was a different type altogether. They had always been fiery. Lexi liked to yell and fight, and submit as sweet as a kitten when he’d finally won the battle. “That’s what I like about it, Lucas. And she will do what I say in the end. I promise you.”

He could have sworn Lucas breathed a sigh of relief as they started for the parking garage.

 

* * * *

 

Lexi kicked at her sofa. It was in utter ruins. It was the perfectly awful end to a perfectly awful day. And now her damn head was pounding. Fuck. She shouldn’t have called Lucas, but it had been instinctive. Something bad had happened, and she pulled Lucas in.

That might have been a mistake because this time he was going to kill her. She went into the bathroom and quickly brushed her teeth. Maybe he wouldn’t notice. She’d only had three shots of tequila. She’d been so pissed off at her stepfather and Aidan and Julian. Even Leo had been in on it. She’d meant to go up to the suite, but she hadn’t been able to force herself inside. Aidan was obviously staying in The Club, and he probably had the damn key to the place. He seemed to have taken over everything else. The last thing she’d wanted was another confrontation with him. She’d gotten dressed and walked out of The Club. Her anger had been brewing, simmering right below the surface. Her stepfather’s accusations had really pissed her off. She’d decided to show him. She was an adult, not some kid. If she wanted a drink, she could have one. She’d stopped at a bar across the street from The Club before hopping on the Blue Line and heading home.

Then she’d walked up to her apartment only to find someone had kicked the door in and trashed the place. They’d taken a knife to her couch and smashed her TV. The mirror in the entryway was broken and her plants were all over the floor. She hadn’t thought at all. She’d immediately called Lucas. Maybe she should have called the cops and left Lucas out of it.

Her hands were shaking. All of Jack’s words were coming back to her now. Was she self-destructive? She looked in the bathroom mirror, the one that was still in one piece. There were dark smudges under her eyes. She hadn’t even bothered to clean herself up. When had she let everything go? When had she stopped caring? Lexi quickly washed her face, trying to forget. She knew the day it had happened. It was burned in her brain, but knowing didn’t seem to stop her.

Maybe she did need rehab.

“What the hell? Lexi?” Lucas’s voice rang out and there was the fine-tinged edge of panic in his tone.

“I’m fine,” she called out.

She took a towel to her face. The bathroom door swung open. Lucas wasn’t a great believer in privacy these days. When had she gone from being a partner to being a burden?

“What are you doing here? Where are the cops? What the hell happened?” Lucas spat the questions out like a rapid-fire pistol, his hands cupping her shoulders. He looked her over as if discerning whether or not she was physically fine.

She let her eyes slide away from his, hoping he didn’t see too much. “I came home and found it like this.”

“And you decided to hang out? What if they had still been here?”

She heard another voice coming from her living room. This one was deep and authoritative. “Yes, I need you to send the police to the address I gave you. My girlfriend’s apartment has been broken into.”

“I’m not your girlfriend!” she shouted at Aidan. What was he doing here? She’d left The Club to get away from him and now he was standing in her apartment?

Lucas stood in her way, shaking his head. “That’s not helpful.”

“Maybe, but it’s true.” The fact that Aidan was here in her apartment made her restless. He’d never been in this apartment. He wasn’t a ghost here, and now she would be able to see him here.

Suddenly Aidan was standing in the doorway, his big, muscular body taking up all the space. He seemed even bigger as he stared down at her, a stern frown on his face. She could believe the man in front of her had been a soldier.

“Would you have preferred I announced to the 911 operator that my submissive’s apartment had been robbed? I chose to forgo an explanation of D/s relationships in favor of something she would understand.”

He said it in an even voice that set her teeth on edge. He was calm and collected, cool and attractive, while she looked ghastly from crying and drinking—over him.

“I am not your sub. I’m Lucas’s sub.”

Aidan stood there, an immovable object. “And Lucas belongs to me, according to our contract. He signed over rights to top you. Or are you going to give up your membership to The Club and force Lucas to find someplace new, someplace less safe? Perhaps you can convince him to give up BDSM all together, and he can live a half-life. Is that your choice, Alexis?”

“That was rough,” Lucas muttered under his breath.

Aidan turned slightly toward Lucas. “Yes, I believe I mentioned this would get rough. She won’t have it any other way.”

She pushed away from Lucas. It sounded like the two of them had been discussing her. She damn straight didn’t like that. It felt like betrayal. “What are the two of you talking about?”

“It means that Lucas and I are of the same mind. It’s far past time you got yourself together.” Aidan held up a small white piece of paper. Her blood went cold as she realized what it was. “You overpaid, angel. A shot of Patron at The Club only costs twelve dollars. And this is far inferior. Though it looks like you bought in bulk.”

Lucas turned her back around, and his face had flushed, his brows coming together in a V. “You promised me.”

She shook her head. She ignored the way her heart had clenched when Aidan called her angel. That had been his pet name for her. “No, I didn’t. I promised Jack, but it’s not a big deal. I’m fine. Jack is overreacting.”

“Jack is scared for you, and so am I.” Lucas dropped his hands, and his jaw tightened as he turned from her. “I’ll pack a bag for her.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” she said as Lucas brushed by Aidan. He didn’t stop, but Aidan slid into his place, his broad shoulders forming a wall she couldn’t get around.

“Are you going to make this easy on me?”

“Not on your life, asshole. You get out of my apartment, and maybe I won’t tell the cops that I think you did this.” She felt overwhelmed. He took up all the space in her tiny bathroom.

If he took her threat seriously, it didn’t show. His face never changed from the stony expression that seemed to be his norm now. “You’re welcome to try. Let me give you the lowdown on how this is going to go. You’re going to be given one of two choices. As always, it’s up to you. You can come back to the ranch with me and spend the next few weeks drying out and dealing with your issues, or Jack is prepared to have you committed to a rehab facility.”

She had to force herself to breathe. “He can’t do that.”

“Oh, I assure you that with your stepfather’s money and Julian’s influence, we can get just about anything done. If you make the wrong choice there is a very nice rehab center in Malibu. I’ve got Mr. Taggart on speed dial and he’ll be more than happy to collect a bonus check for carrying you onto that plane and ensuring you make it there. You’ll be on a plane tonight, and you won’t see the light of day for twenty-eight days. Lucas will be miserable. Your mother will be heartbroken. Are you willing to be the cause of that?”

She was willing to be the cause of his broken nose, but she doubted that he would take that well. Frustration welled. She took a step back, but stumbled, her balance fleeing in an instant. Before she could hit the tiled floor, Aidan scooped her up in his arms.

He stared down at her. “Damn it. This is serious. You can’t go on like this. How many did you have?”

“Shouldn’t you know? You snooped through my purse.” She didn’t like the way the room was slightly off-kilter, or the way his arms held her so securely. She felt delicate against him. He was so much bigger than he had been. Aidan had been gorgeous before, and the scars had taken some of his beauty, but whatever he had been through had left a solid alpha male in the place of a lovely boy. This new Aidan could prove as dangerous as the last.

“I read the amount. With the tab as big as it was, I figured it was more than one. Now, I want to know how many.”

“Three,” she admitted.

“This ends, Lexi. One way or another, this can’t go on.”

“That’s not for you to say.” But the words sounded stupid coming out of her mouth. She knew she was on the edge of something really bad. She was hurting the people she loved. She was acting irrationally, but it didn’t matter. She couldn’t tell him he was right. “You can go to hell, Aidan.”

“Already been there, angel. I have the T-shirt to prove it.” There was a smile on his face, the dimple she’d always loved on display. How had she missed it? His hands tightened on her as though he didn’t want to even contemplate letting her go.

“Lucas won’t let you do this.” Lucas had his own money and his own connections. They were nothing like Jack and Julian’s, but he would fight for her. The thought crossed her mind that maybe he shouldn’t. Maybe he would be fighting for her by laying down his arms. Maybe he should force her into a situation where she had to face her problems. She didn’t seem capable of doing it on her own. She hadn’t even really wanted the tequila. She’d simply wanted to shoot everyone the finger.

Aidan’s mouth turned down. “Don’t do this to him. I’m begging you, Lex. Don’t make him choose. It will kill him.”

It would. Lucas had already made hard choices for her. He’d kept her secret even though she knew it had cost him. Ever since that terrible day in the hospital after her accident, Lucas had been lying to everyone around him. And she’d seen this man who was her best friend, her soul mate, die a little every day because Lucas wouldn’t let her down. She, on the other hand, had been dragging Lucas down ever since that day. She was on the ledge, and all Lucas could do was jump with her. What if Aidan could pull them both back?

And yet she couldn’t lie down.

“Fuck you.”

He started to walk out of the bathroom with her nestled in his arms. “Oh, angel, I assure you, that will happen.”

Her pulse jumped at the thought, and it wasn’t all about anger. “Let me down.”

Her feet thudded to the floor. Aidan didn’t let go until she was balanced. She settled on the carpet, hating the fact that she was cold without the heat of his body against her.

“We’ll stop by The Club before we leave.” Aidan looked down at his watch. “It’s only nine-thirty. We can be in Deer Run by one.”

“I’m not going anywhere with you,” she said, stubbornness settling over her like a warm blanket.

His eyes narrowed to strips of deep brown. “I’ll be on the plane to California with you, and I’ll be waiting when you get out. I know I walked out on you once, but I won’t do that again. I’m here, and I’m going to be here as long as you need me.”

Fine words and ones she’d once prayed she’d hear. But she couldn’t trust him. Not again. “I don’t need you.”

His arms crossed over his ridiculously muscular chest. She couldn’t help but remember how defined that chest had been. “You need me. Lucas needs me. And god knows I need the two of you. This is the way it’s going to be, angel. I’m the Dom, you and Lucas are the subs. We’re going to my ranch, and we’re spending the month there.”

She laughed out loud. “Not going to happen. I have a job, you idiot.”

He was obviously unmoved. “Take a sabbatical. This is too important. Everyone who gives a damn about you has signed off on this plan. Do you really want to let them down?”

“I’m not going to do something simply because you say I should.” How dare he? She found herself getting in his space, puffing herself up. She wished she hadn’t worn flats because she was way too short to do what she wanted to do, which was to spit in his eye. He wanted to put her in a corner? He would find out that she fought her way out. “And don’t you try to guilt me into anything, you motherfucker.”

“No, I can proudly proclaim I never did that,” Aidan said with an oddly soft smile. “Now, I have fucked a guy. It was amazing, and I wouldn’t take it back for the world. He’s the love of my life, along with an incredibly obnoxious raven-haired beauty. They’re my whole fucking world.”

He wasn’t winning her back with praise. “Good for whoever. I don’t care. I’m not leaving Dallas. Call whoever you want. I’m staying here. You can have fun in Deer Run, and if Lucas wants to go with you, good for him.”

The thought of Lucas leaving her tore her heart out. She would be alone. For the last two years, Lucas had been her heart. What the hell would she do if he gave up on her?

“So stubborn. It won’t come to that. I love you enough to piss you off, Lexi. I’m back. I’m sorry I left, but I won’t leave again. I’m in control. You can relax because I won’t let you fall, angel. I’m here for you and Lucas. I’m strong enough for all of us. Lucas can do what he does best. He can make our lives easy. You can be the creative, crazy, talented woman you are because I’ll take care of the big stuff and Lucas will take care of the little stuff. You’re free, Lexi. You’re surrounded by the men who love you.”

But she wasn’t surrounded by all of her men. One of her men wasn’t here, and he never would be. The day of the accident swept across her brain like a wasp itching to sting. She wouldn’t think about it. Damn it, she would not think about him. Tears filled her eyes, and she had to get out of here. She couldn’t stand here with Aidan. She couldn’t stand here when Aidan didn’t even know what they had lost. She pushed past him and ran for the door.

She flung it open as she heard Lucas call her name. It was followed by Aidan barking at her. She didn’t care. It only mattered that she got the hell out of there before she flung herself at Aidan and confessed every secret she had. He didn’t deserve to know what had happened. He’d left, and she’d been alone with only Lucas to count on. Lucas had been there during the worst time of her life. Lucas had been the only person in the world she’d told what had happened to her. Lucas had kept her secret even though he thought she should have told her mother. Her heart picked up double-time at the thought of her mother finding out the secret she’d held so close to her heart. She didn’t want her mother finding out how weak she’d been.

She started toward the parking lot, stumbling as she reached into her pocket for the keys to her car. She had no right to drive, but it didn’t matter. If she went out in a blaze of glory then maybe she could see…

She stopped, a chill going through her. Had she really thought that? Had she really thought about dying?

Then it didn’t matter because a crack split the air, and she fell back as the blood began to flow.