Chapter Thirty-Two

‘Babe?’

Carter’s voice pulls me back. ‘Hmm?’

‘Will you marry me?’

This was always the plan. There’s no pretending otherwise. This was always what I wanted, what I’ve spent days wishing for. This is everything I dreamed about when I saw my phone without messages or calls – and before then, even. This was what was supposed to happen back in Chicago, before the wedding, before…

Before Jack.

But Jack is gone now. I swear I can almost see his silhouette in the doorway, the broadness of his shoulders leaving a gap where he used to be. The room feels barer without him, the opulence of the hotel diminished.

But he’s gone. And even if he hadn’t…

‘Still kind of waiting on an answer, babe,’ Carter says. ‘You know. In front of all these people.’ He pauses, and I can see the strained showman smile on his face; he’d counted on the audience, but he hadn’t planned for this. ‘Don’t leave me hanging.’

Even if he hadn’t gone, even if Jack had decided to stay, what could I do?

Maybe Jack just made the decision for me.

Yes, I tell myself. That’s it. Jack probably didn’t want to get in the way of things, that’s all. Or maybe he wasn’t interested at all. A man like him… he probably gets hundreds of drunk tourists throwing themselves at him on a monthly basis. Thousands, even. And who can blame them? But I’m not special to him. No how, no way. I can’t be.

I can’t be.

So why did he look so hurt?

I shake the thought away. Jack is gone. Carter is here. That’s all that matters now.

‘Of course,’ I say, because what else can I say? ‘Of course I forgive you.’ The words come easily enough, but I have to force the smile.

‘Great,’ he says as he rises to his feet and wraps his arms around me. ‘Oh, that’s just so… great. I was so worried you were going to say no. I mean, can you imagine?’ He lets out a short little bark of laughter, as if to suggest how ridiculous the whole idea seems to him. ‘Crisis averted, guys!’ he says, turning to the onlookers, his own personal audience. ‘She said yes!’

The lobby offers a smattering of well-meaning applause, before the men and women of the Hotel Belle View try and work their way to the complimentary breakfast bar before the good waffles are all gone.

Well, that’s that, I think. It’s official. Everything I ever wanted. Everything I’ve been praying for all week. It’s here. I got it. I won.

So why do I feel like my stomach is made of lead? Why so I suddenly have this overwhelming desire to run, fast and far? To skitter across the marble floor of the Hotel Belle View, jump down the steps two at a time, dive into a waiting taxi and head off in the opposite direction to everything I’ve ever known.

That can’t be a good sign, right?

It’s just nerves, I tell myself. Or shock. Something like that. One of the two.

Everything is spinning. I’m sure things will coalesce back into some sort of normality soon, but for the moment it’s like the world has decided to take a ride on a Tilt-a-Whirl: my brain is going in circles, a thousand miles an hour, round and round and round – where she stops, nobody knows. Step right up and try your luck. What’s the worst that could happen?

What’s the worst that could happen? Well, how long have you got?

I barely notice as Lauren walks up to me and grabs me firmly by the arm, pulling me upwards as she leans in to my ear.

‘Bathroom,’ she says. ‘Now.’