Trent thrashed on the couch, wailing out with a haunting, mournful cry that spiked my fight-or-flight response to cave woman versus grizzly bear levels. I sprung up and wrung my hands over him, unsure what to do. I could guess what his nightmare was about.

I’d never heard any noise from a person that heartrending, a cry both of pain and of sorrow. It started from somewhere deep inside him and came out like a grieving, but insistent lament. I hated to say that it reminded me of a dog howling at the moon, only it was so horribly human. Not otherworldly at all.

The noise terrified me, but I had to act. I kept trying to reach him, rub his arm, soothe him, do something, but as he’d turned into a wily octopus with arms that went everywhere, I couldn’t touch him for fear of getting hit.

“Trent. Trent! Wake up, it’s just a nightmare. It’s okay,” I said, as I hopped back and forth next to him. The movie played behind me on the flat screen. I snapped it off with the remote.

He continued flopping about on the couch like a freshly caught fish. I held back, tentative, trying to reach him and get on in there to calm him, but not wanting to be in the way of his arms flailing like the Whomping Willow. My eyes darted around the room, searching for something to help him. I didn’t have anything except me.

“Trent!”

With a vein popping on his forehead, he sat up with open eyes, then fell back onto the couch. He’d get hurt if I didn’t wake him up.

“Trent! It’s me. Dani,” I said more forcefully, and with a jump, I ducked under his thwacking arms and swaddled myself around his waist tightly, almost tackling him to the couch cushion on his back. Instantly, he squeezed me tight like a boa constrictor, breathing elevated as if we’d just run around Parque García Lorca. I straddled him, holding him as firmly as I could, wishing I could hug the hurt out of him.

He shook in my arms. Holding me so tight he might leave a mark—and I didn’t care—this beautiful man sobbed in my arms.

“You’re safe. It’s okay. Shhhh, it’s okay,” I repeated over and over again.

He clung to me while lying on his back on the couch, with his nose in my neck. I tried to comfort him with my entire body.

“Right here, right now, you’re alive. You’re with me.” And I couldn’t help but enjoy his body, the muscles, and the soft fabric of his shirt and velvet of his skin. The muffled thump of his elevated heartbeat in his chest.

The street noises wafted up to my studio apartment. Groups of people walking by and talking. The clink of glasses. Laughter. An engine. A luxurious breeze caressed my bare arms and back where my maxi dress had no fabric.

Life went on outside my doors. I didn’t know what to do inside though, except hold him.

Over and over again, I said against his torso, “Shh, shh. It’s okay. You’re safe. Nothing is happening to you. I’m here. It’s Dani. It’s okay. You’re safe now. You’re here in Spain, not in the army any more. Breathe with me. Do it.”

He shuddered in my arms.

“I don’t know what movie is playing in the theater of your mind,” I kept going. “War is not required viewing for anyone. You saw stuff no one should have to see. It would scare anyone.”

Blood. People dying. People torn apart by IEDs.

My brother dying, torn apart by an IED.

“I’m sorry, Dani,” he whispered in my ear, his lips brushing it. “I’m sorry I have these attacks. Fucking hate this,” he muttered. “Hate these nightmares. All I see is him, his legs blown off. He reacted too fast. He saved me. I didn’t save him.”

My poor brother. My poor, poor brother.

I was wrong to hold a grudge against Trent Milner.

“I’m so sorry I was ever angry at you,” I said, my eyes welling up. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I hope you forgive me for lashing out at you.”

Shaking his head, he sat up. With a disbelieving look on his face, he pushed away from me. “Me? Forgive you? Why? There’s nothing to forgive.”

“But I was such a bitch.”

“Anyone would have acted that way.” His dark blue eyes exuded sincerity. “There’s nothing you did that’s wrong. But if you need reassurance, I forgive you.”

“Thank you,” I whispered, rearranging myself so I was sitting next to him on the couch. He put his arm around my shoulders. “And I don’t know if you needed it or not, but you have mine, too. My forgiveness. I forgive you. My brother’s death was not your fault.”

A light shone in his eyes that wasn’t there before. “Thank you,” he said, almost in awe. As if I had lifted a burden off of him he hadn’t known he was bearing.

“You couldn’t have saved him,” I assured him, and I meant it.

“I could have—”

“No. You couldn’t.” I reached over and took his hand.

With a nod, he gathered me in his arms. He brushed his fingers up and down my bare back.

“You have PTSD, don’t you?” I asked, knowing the answer, but wanting to talk about it.

“Probably. Too early to tell, but…”

“Have you tried yoga?”

“No, but I saw there’s a studio right by my hostel. I saw someone reading a magazine on the train coming here. A tabloid. And there was a Spanish celebrity who did yoga.”

“It’s all over the place. I think it’d be good for you. Get you out of your head and into your body.”

“I’ll give anything a shot.” His wan smile broke my heart.

“Do you take meds?”

“No. They gave me Xanax, but I didn’t like how it made me feel. I’m not gonna take it again.”

“Have you seen a therapist?”

“I have a card and a contact, but I’ve never called her.”

“We can set that up on Skype. I’ll help, if you like. The late afternoon here is morning there.”

“Okay.” He stared at the open window. “It’s getting to the point I can’t function. I need to do something. Any little thing triggers me. Mopeds. Sunglasses. Helicopters are the worst.”

“I’m so sorry. I had no idea.”

“Yeah. I just keep reliving it over and over again. I don’t want to, but it’s like I’m there. Like I’m being bombed again.”

“Honey,” I whispered.

“The crazy part is, I escaped a roadside bomb without any injuries. Why am I freaked out? I feel so guilty.”

I shook my head. “No. Your injuries are the hardest, deepest wounds to heal, because they’re invisible. You’re the bravest person I’ve ever met.”

“I don’t feel brave.”

“The bravest ones never do. They just act.”

Tired, bloodshot eyes met mine.

This sweet, watchful man who always made sure I was safe. The man who made me feel like I was home when I was with him. Especially since I didn’t have a home anymore.

Anything.

I’d do anything to make him feel better.

“I vow to help you heal.”

The corner of his mouth edged up in a half-smile. “Don’t know that you can do that, but I’ll let you try.”

“Oh, I can be healing.” I got up and got us washcloths from the bathroom to wash our faces. Then I knelt at his feet and untied his boots one after another, throwing them on the floor along with his socks.

“Come to bed,” I said. “There’s more room.”

He looked at me warily.

“What?” I asked.

“Dani. We talked about this.”

I picked at the couch. “Okay, so can I say something?”

“Sure.”

“I’ve been doing some thinking.”

“Okay.”

“First, you don’t have to do anything. You can just let me hold you.”

He nodded.

“Second, you have to know that you make my pulse run at gallop speed every time I see you.”

He closed his eyes as if I were feeding him something that made him whole. Then he opened them and gazed at me with a passion I felt between my legs. “Same.”

“And third? You matter to me.”

His eyes widened, and he didn’t say anything.

“You, Trent Milner, matter to me. I am goddamn attracted to you, and I have been for years. Four years ago in the pizza parlor, I knew I was gonna miss you. I wanted you then, and I want you even more now. As soon as I bumped into you in the hallway at school and saw your amazing smile light up my life again, I knew you were the one.”

“You’re letting me in,” he whispered.

I took a deep breath and made the decision. Certainly, I wasn’t keeping him out. And this scared the fuck out of me. But I couldn’t nod more vigorously if I tried.

“Yes.”

In a nanosecond, he picked me up under my knees and neck and set me down gently on my bed, unbuckled his belt, slid off his jeans, and climbed behind me, spooning me. I sighed in his arms. Then, I turned over and kissed him, open-eyed, open-mouthed.

He groaned. “I have dreamed about this for so long, you have no idea. I need a minute.”

“I’ve got a pretty good idea. Just hold me.”

I turned back and let him hold me for a very long time, his lips at the back of my neck.

No sirens tonight, only the calm breeze and the murmur of a summer’s night.

His boner pressed me in the back, though. But I’d give him his time.

After a while, he lifted his head, turned me over, and kissed me. An exploratory kiss. One that said he was being gentle, and wanted comfort. One that said he needed to be held. He needed to be touched.

I’d give him all that.

I tugged at his shirt from the back. “This needs to come off.” Tugging it, he lifted it over his head, letting me see his sculpted chest.

His heartbeat pounded so hard I could hear it.

“What’s wrong?” I asked. “You seem like you’re gonna burst.”

“Now that I’m here, I want it to be good, but I don’t know that I have it in me.”

“Then make it be good the second time,” I said cheekily.

He stared at me.

“This isn’t your only chance with me. You’re not my fuck boy. You’re my Trent. Right now, though, I think you need this. I need this.”

He once again burrowed his face into my neck and ran his teeth along my shoulder. I shivered. It felt so good. “I want you desperately,” he said.

“Then take me desperately. I’m yours.”

He shook his head. “You need to know something,” he muttered.

“What?” I asked, reaching up to kiss him.

“I’ve never done this before.”

I scooted upright and gazed down at him, lying on his side in my bed. “What?”

His cheeks reddened, and he shrugged.

“No way.”

He blushed even more. “The chances weren’t right in high school or the army. And since none of the girls were you…I mean, I figured I never had a chance with you, so I should try to find someone else.”

“Oh my God,” I whispered.

“Doesn’t mean I’ve never touched a girl before or gotten close. I always pulled back, though. I guess because…Because it wasn’t right. They weren’t Danika Anderson.”

I reached down to my hem and with a pull, took my dress off over my head. All I wore was a teeny tiny blue thong. Keeping my eyes locked on his, I slipped my panties down my legs.

He gazed at my naked body. The diminutive tattoos of butterflies and flowers on my arms. The daisies on my sides. The markings I’d gotten from my travels.

“Dani,” he sighed. “You’re a goddess, sweetheart.”

“I want you, Trent,” I whispered.

A bit of his hair flopped into his eye as he sat up to look at me, his underwear bulging, then moved to hover over me. His shoulders, so defined, twitched.

He shifted down between my legs and kissed his way up my torso.

I stirred in delight under him. Finally, I got to feel his skin against mine. That golden skin of his was as soft to touch as I’d imagined. The smooth warmth, the solid, yet lean body. I got to watch the show of his muscles dancing over me. His abs going in and out. The way his jaw ticked as he kissed me.

“You okay with this?” he asked, his fingers lingering by my neck.

“Oh, yes,” I gasped.

And his hands went down my body.

He licked my nipple, making it hard and taut. Then the other one, and back and forth. I loved it.

His hand went between my legs, gently rubbing back and forth, back and forth, the delicious friction making me wet. His erection pressed against my leg. What had he been hiding in his pants? It seemed huge.

“Get this off,” I said, the back of my legs pressing against his boxer briefs, so low they showed off the dip in his hip.

“I have to wait,” he said, “Or you won’t be treated right.”

“No, Trent. This is my time to take care of you.”

As I tried to push them down, he nestled on top of me with his soft boxer briefs, holding me so tightly and kissing me, I didn’t want to be anywhere else. I wanted him to kiss me forever. I wanted to give him comfort and for him to take what he needed. “This time is for you, sweetie.”

He shook his head. “No. This time is for us.”

Leaning over the bed, he grabbed his pants and fished out his wallet. “Kinda funny. I’ve been carrying around a condom so long, just so I’d be prepared. But I gave up hope, so it’s expired. It was just like a talisman.”

“I’m on the pill. We’ve got a backup.”

Then he leaned down and licked his way up my thigh and made it to where I was so wet for him. Teasing me with his tongue, inserting one long finger inside, and sucking on my clit.

“How do you know how to do this?” I gasped.

“Long time in the army,” he said his deep voice vibrating on my skin. “Lots of books to read. Magazines. YouTube.”

“Holy shit.”

So excited, I couldn’t stand it. I know I was wet, flushed, loving the attention. His tongue nudged, edged my tender core, making it feel so good.

And I forgot everything. All our past. All our arguments. All the stuff I’d been carrying with me. All I knew was that Trent made me feel fully in the now. There was nothing else.

He continued lavishing attention on me, devoting his tongue, his whole self. I writhed on the sheet, held down by his ministrations. His fingers found a place inside me that if I were standing would have brought me to my knees. As it was, it made me know nothing else. I focused. If I allowed noises to come out of my mouth, he was right—I’d start wailing because it felt so amazing.

With his tongue, he gave. With his breath on my pussy, he dedicated himself to me. He licked and sucked, like no one had ever done before.

Because it was worship.

While he was fearless, bold, he touched me with reverence, in tune with everything I was giving out. If I whimpered in bliss, he stayed there and did it again. And again. And again until I almost cried out in joy and rapture, transported to a place where I felt secure and venerated.

And whole.

I could feel it coming. My orgasm. “You’re gonna make me come,” I said. “It feels amazing. I am…I am…I love this.”

My body began to shake, focusing on nothing except the massive pleasure he gave. The attention. I began to clench and release, clench and release, building upon building for the—

Release.

The sweet elation of coming, when my mind was wiped of thought and my body was taken over.

I trembled as he kept going, making sure that I had wrenched out every bit of pleasure.

Wow.

“No one has ever done that like that,” I whispered.

“That’s because no one knows you like I do. I’ll do that every chance I can get.”

Ohmigod.

Boneless from my orgasm, and my mind hazy, I still knew he needed to feel me. To connect with me in the deepest way possible.

“It’s time.”

His eyes blazed with need. I helped him shove down his underwear and reached over, feeling his magnificent cock. As I stroked him up and down while he knelt on the bed, he ripped open the condom, then gazed down at me, a yearning in his eyes that I wanted to satisfy. I kissed him, tasting my own tang but something more. His glorious self.

Working the condom on, he paused.

“You’re okay with this?”

“More than.”

I kissed him again while we knelt together, holding onto each other. Our tongues battled while his cock pushed into my belly.

Then we separated. I lay back and spread my legs. I offered myself to him.

“I. Am. Yours,” I whispered urgently. “Yours.”

He grimaced as if in agony, but I knew it was pleasure, and positioned his cock at my entrance, his other arm to my side.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this.” His head shook as if he was dreaming.

“I can’t wait.”

He pressed in a little bit, prodding me open. Oh fuck, yes. This would be good.

A strained whimper came out of him.

“You okay?” I asked.

He nodded, unable to speak.

“Keep going, then.”

Pressing more, he entered me a few more inches. Stretching me wide.

Ohmigod, awesome. So awesome.

“More. More, more, more.”

“You sure?”

I bobbed my head vigorously. He thrust all the way in, his hard cock filling me up so much that I gasped and arched my back.

“Are you okay?” he asked, his eyes worried.

“Trent. Yes. Oh, fuck yes, I’m okay. You’re just bigger than I expected.”

He held my hand with one of his, glanced down to where we were joined, then up at my eyes. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

Oh, this sweet man. “It’s not hurt. Trust me. It’s euphoria.” And I held his other hand. “It’s okay to move. It feels so good.”

He pulled out, then thrust back in. Out. And in again. As I was so slick, so ready, so wet, he glided in and out. His eyes went from where we were joined to my eyes, then back down and up again.

I lifted my hips to meet him, and he lowered his upper body to mine. Skin to skin, lips to lips, eyes to eyes, Trent Milner made love to me in Spain. I felt every single part of it. Every single thrust. Uptick. Move. My chest touching his. My nipples grazing his. My feet wrapped around his. I wanted to cry from happiness.

That lock of hair fell into his eyes, and he kept going.

“I’ve dreamed of this for so long,” he murmured, “but it’s better than my dream. You’re here. You’re so beautiful. This feels so—”

I lolled back. “Yeah. Keep going. Enjoy this moment. We’re connected, you and me.”

His lips met my shoulder, and he kissed his way up my neck. Then he licked his way to my nipples, circling one and the other, all the while going in and out. In and out. Filling me, making me whole, then empty. Then joyously filling me again.

I could tell that he was holding back. That he wanted to go faster, but his discipline kept him in check. That he was trying to prolong the moment.

But this was his time.

“I want to see you lose control,” I said, my eyes locked on him.

He moaned. “I can’t. I don’t want to hurt—”

“You won’t. Do it. Get it all out.”

With a tight nod, he started thrusting faster. Then faster and faster, pistoning into me, banging me with this delicious hardness so much that my eyes rolled into my head.

I grabbed his ass, encouraging him to push into me, to keep going. “I need this. You need this.”

And my soldier let go of his restraints. Frenzied, he pounded into me, so impossibly hard, so impossibly strong, and still tender at the same time. Like he was so aware of me, he could never hurt me, but he was letting himself get what he needed.

Thank God.

When he came, he closed his eyes, tilted his head back, and paused for one second. A vein bulged in his forehead. Then he plunged into me one last time, pumping his release into me, coming like all of the tension exploded into nothingness. Into the Universe. Dissolving.

He delved into my neck with a delicious moan. “Dani.”