CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Thia
“I still can’t believe she’s gone,” Bear said, removing the black button-down shirt he’d worn for the funeral and tossing it onto the bed. I picked it up and folded the collar in a way that would keep its shape, the same way my mother used to do with my father’s church shirts.
I followed Bear out to the living room and sat on the couch as I watched him sift through the kitchen cabinets on the far wall, searching until he found what he wanted. He unscrewed the cap on the bottle of whiskey and took a swig from the bottle.
“I know you’re hurting, but you heard her. Grace made it very clear that you and King were the most important people in her life.” I stood up and walked over to him, wrapping my arms around him from behind and resting my cheek on his back as he leaned against the counter. “She loved you. She wanted the best for you. You’re hurting and that’s normal, but when it hurts the worst remember all the good she brought into your life.”
“Is that what you do?” Bear asked, clearing his throat as if the words were stuck there.
“What do you mean?”
“With your parents. Do you remember the good when it all gets to be too much?”
“I don’t remember much good. A few movie nights with my mom. A dad who was the best dad in the world, until he let her bullshit take him down with her. A brother who was amazing and who I loved very much, but was only in my life for a very short period of time, so I don’t remember all that much about him. They’re all gone and yes it hurts to remember, but the good isn’t easy to come by when it’s in a big cloud of bad,” I said, wrapping my arms around my mid section and rocking back on my heels. “But I know it wasn’t like that with you and Grace. I know there was a lot of good.”
“It was all good,” Bear confirmed. “Even when she was mad at us. Even when she was disappointed with us. It was still good because she actually fucking cared when no one else did. My old man wanted a soldier, not a son. Grace wanted sons, so it didn’t matter what we did or how bad we were or what decisions we made. She loved us. First person in my life who ever said that to me, who I actually believed.” His eyes met mine. “Until you.”
“Tell me more about her,” I said. We walked over to the couch and he pulled me onto his lap, resting his head on my shoulder. He took another swig and passed the bottle to me.
“She bought me condoms once,” Bear said with a chuckle.
“What?” I asked, trying to keep the whiskey from flying out of my nose. I was relieved to see the small smile that appeared on his face. The sound of his brief laugh warming my insides just as much, if not more than the whiskey.
He pulled me back in close and continued, “I went over to her place one day. She was always asking us to help her out with the garden and the trash and fixing light bulbs and shit, and honestly, I didn’t mind. I felt like I mattered when she told me to cut my nails or showed me the proper way to place a napkin on my lap when I ate, or rolled her eyes when I belched at the table.” His smile reached his eyes as he recalled that day. “On this one day, I went into her kitchen and there was an industrial-sized box of condoms on the table. Grace was sitting there with one of those green label makers in her hand, turning the dial and humming to herself. When she was done, she peeled off the label and slapped it on the box and handed it over to me.”
“What did it say?”
Bear laughed. “It was my name in big bold letters and under it she’d written BECAUSE MAMA GRACE CAN WAIT FOR GRANDKIDS A WHILE LONGER.”
It was my turn to laugh.
“She told me that she wasn’t a spring chicken, but that she was a pistol back in her day and that she knew what went on out there in ‘that club of yours,’” Bear said, attempting to mimic Grace’s voice and failing miserably. I passed the bottle back to him.
“She sounds amazing,” I said, trying not to engage the tear threatening to spill from the corner of my eye.
“She was amazing,” Bear said softly, staring at the dead TV screen across the room.
“Too bad you lied to her about the condom thing,” I said, feeling his smile against my hair.
“I never lied to Grace about that. Or about anything. I always wrapped up, every single time.” I couldn’t help but roll my eyes and pull back to look at Bear’s face, who I’d have sworn would be laughing hysterically at his lie, but instead, he was sitting there straight faced. “I mean it, Ti. Never forgot a single time until you, and honestly, it wasn’t about forgetting. I needed to be as close as possible to you. I needed you to feel every single inch of what I was giving you,” he said, his voice dropping a couple octaves, making my skin come alive with awareness. “Still need to.”
“We should probably talk about what would happen if—” I started, but Bear cut me off.
“Ain’t nothing to talk about. Shit sucks right now because things are so uncertain with the Bastards, but Ti you gotta know that you carrying my kid ain’t gonna make me run. I’m a grown man. It’s not like I don’t know what can happen. What will happen if we keep going like this.” He tipped my chin up to him. “I want to keep going like this. I like the idea of you all fat with my kid.”
I playfully pushed on his chest. “She threatened me,” I announced, trying to change the subject and trying to get the hammering of my heart under control. The smirk on his face told me that he saw right through me, but he humored me anyway.
“What?” he asked, not sounding the least bit surprised.
I pushed my hair behind my ear. “Yeah, it was the first time I met her actually. We weren’t even an us then.”
“She threatened Ray too, back in the day. It’s a good thing. It means she liked you,” Bear said. He closed his eyes and sighed.
“Grace said if I hurt you she’d come after me,” I told him, “The way she said it, it still scares me.” The hair on the back of my neck stood on end.
“Yeah, but babe we just came back from her funeral,” Bear reminded me. “No reason to be scared now.”
I shook my head. “No, you heard her in the hospital. There was something in the way she said it that made me think that even death couldn’t stop her from making good on her threat.”
“I think you might be right on that one,” Bear said, planting a kiss on my jaw.
“I think so too,” I said. The lamp on the end table flickered.
“Promise me you’re not going anywhere. It sucks that Grace is gone, but I can handle it, or I will be able to handle it, because I knew it would happen someday. But if something happened to you…” Bear paused. “I don’t know if I could…no, I know that I couldn’t.”
“You won’t have to. I’m not going anywhere,” I reassured him.
I made a promise and I’ll keep it. I will take care of him, I silently vowed to Grace.
I snuggled in closer to Bear who kissed me again, this time on my temple. I’d meant it. I’d take care of him with everything I had…or I’d die trying.