Chapter Ten

 

 

KARL couldn’t feel his feet, his entire body was a bruise, and he was trapped in a cave. He hadn’t felt so good in years.

He tightened his arms around Dan and allowed himself to rest his forehead on Dan’s shoulder and close his eyes. He couldn’t fully surrender, not like he wanted to, but he relaxed and soaked in Dan’s warmth and relived the satisfaction of seeing Dan’s obvious worry, obvious relief, and obvious want for him.

The worry and relief had shaken him to his core too, but he refused to regret his response to Dan’s kiss. He hoped he’d get the chance to pursue it further, in much more accommodating circumstances, but at present they didn’t have the luxury to linger.

“Okay.” He sounded whiskey-rough and well used.

Dan trembled and burrowed closer. Karl swallowed down the rough catches and licked his lips.

“Okay, let’s get,” he tried again. He made himself let go of Dan and moved with brisk purpose to stand, stamp the beestings from his legs, right his clothes, unclip from the damn line that still tied him to Dan, and get his gear in order.

Dan scowled up at him, but Karl shook his head.

“Come on.” He turned away because looking made him want to kneel back down and kiss Dan’s pout into breathlessness. Instead Karl retrieved Dan’s lantern and held it out until Dan took it. He got his own out, snapped it on, and then left Dan sitting there.

“Move it, Farnsworth.” His voice was sharp, and he didn’t apologize.

He crawled through the passes Dan had dug in the rocks because his unerring sense of direction told him that way led to out—or the closest to out they could get. He listened for Dan to follow and breathed a low sigh when Dan did, but he didn’t slow down or wait.

At the farthest point, he pressed his ear to a seam in the rocks. He could make out the sound of waves and he could feel on his cheek the low whistles of wind that penetrated the rocks. He tested the stability of a stack of rocks and lifted the one that gave way easiest. Two more followed, and he thought he saw daylight.

“Get over here and help me.”

Dan glared mutinously for a moment, and then his expression went blank, and he joined Karl.

Karl hated it—it tore through him—but they had a duty to do more than moon at each other.

They cleared enough to make a peephole and get fresh air. Dan started to move a bigger stone, and the whole assembly trembled, so he immediately stilled. They hardly breathed. After an agonizing minute, nothing happened, so Karl dropped his pack, grabbed a rescue flare, and popped the caps. He lit it, pushed it outside, and jammed it between two rocks. The colored smoke billowed and clouded toward the cave entrance but then the wind found it and sucked it outside, up and up.

He had no clue where his radio ended up—probably crushed in the landslide that nearly did him in—and Dan’s wasn’t squawking, so he figured both were lost. But the team would be looking for them and would see the smoke. It was just a matter of time.

Next Karl set to making them as comfortable as possible in the interim. He surveyed the cave for a place to rest and picked the curved inner wall away from any teetering rocks but close to the vent. He unloaded his pack and tugged Dan’s free. Dan didn’t protest or acknowledge him, but Karl didn’t stop. With their combined gear, he made a sandwich of thin wool blankets and a thermal wrap, used their bags as pillows, and laid out water and food.

He unzipped his jacket and tossed it on the blanket sandwich. Then he reached for Dan’s, but Dan batted his hands and skittered away with an angry look.

Karl made a frustrated noise but Dan evaded him again, and he planted his feet.

“Give me your jacket.” His fingertips tingled, and his body ached from barely touching Dan, but they weren’t fully settled or safe yet, and he couldn’t give in. “We’re both sweating and overheating in these, and you’ll get a chill.”

Dan grumbled and took off his jacket. He balled it and let it drop to the ground.

“Shit, just. Augh.” Karl snatched it up and threw it behind him to land on the pallet. “Your top two layers too—as many layers gone as it takes for you to feel cold. But keep your long johns and boots on.”

“Oh, yes sir,” Dan snarked.

Karl ground his teeth and stripped as he’d told Dan to do. He turned away again so he couldn’t watch the innately sinuous, graceful movements he’d memorized from sharing a room. He got down to a T-shirt over his thermal-and-silk long underwear top and bottom and shivered while he draped their shed clothing over various rocks. Then he positioned their lanterns to cross and make the widest spread of light as possible. Finally he straightened and looked at Dan, who was wearing only a tank top, skintight thermal leggings, and a murderous glare that probably masked his hurt and confusion.

He lowered to sit on the blanket sandwich and waited while Dan stood in place and pointedly avoided looking at him.

“Well, come here.” He was doing terribly at this, and he knew it, but he was cold and cranky, and everything hurt except for the idea of getting his hands all over Dan again.

Dan moved to look out the vent and crossed his arms.

Karl shivered, and the damp cool started in on Dan. Karl could tell he was trying not to shiver while he worked really hard to not pay him any attention.

“Dammit.” Karl shot to his feet and grabbed Dan’s arm. “C’mere.” He sounded gruff and annoyed.

Dan tried to shake him loose, so he clamped down harder, couldn’t quite get Dan spun around, and then huffed in frustration.

“This is stupid. Just come here.”

“Stupid, eh? Stupid. How nice. This is stupid.” Dan blinked rapidly, and his color darkened to an angry red, but he didn’t budge.

Karl huffed and moved faster than Dan could evade him. He took hold of Dan’s face and chased down a kiss. As soon as their lips met, Dan relaxed and made a low, keening sound that did something to Karl he couldn’t quite explain. He gathered Dan in his arms and deepened their kiss.

Karl guided them back to the blankets and sank down. He pulled Dan with him and fought not to lose contact. They wound up tangled up in each other, half reclined on their packs, and Karl tugged their jackets over them as their mouths gave chase and they tasted whatever was within reach as they settled in. He turned to tell Dan something, but he forgot what as soon as he looked into Dan’s sleepy gaze and cheeks pinked from pleasure instead of anger. Karl kissed Dan again, a third time, more.

“Hey, kid,” Karl whispered against Dan’s cheek when he eventually moved away to breathe. “Shit, I’m sorry.”

Dan shook his head to forgive it, but Karl sat back to explain.

“No, listen. I am sorry that’s the best I had in me at the moment. I didn’t mean anything by it, but we couldn’t stay back there, getting colder and with everyone searching and worried about us.” He laughed at himself. “But if I didn’t get with it—and away from you—I wouldn’t have been able to resist and get us safe and away at all.”

“I understand. Man, do I.” Dan shook his head. “You did the right thing. It’s cool. I knew what you were doing and kept telling myself you were right, but it didn’t feel that way. And then I got stubborn about it.”

“You? Stubborn?” Karl dropped his arm around Dan’s shoulders and liked how Dan relaxed against him. He liked how well they fit together—a lot. “All that before—that was more than I ever expected. I won’t lie and say I’ve never thought about it, but I never let myself want it.”

“I never let myself think about it.” Dan squeezed Karl’s hand. “Which didn’t work in the slightest, but I still gave it my all.”

“Yeah. Some of that too.” He snagged a water bottle, drank half, and passed it to Dan. “Have the rest. And then eat one of those protein bars.”

“Yes, sir.”

Dan didn’t snark that answer. His tone and the pleased gleam in his eye made Karl shift, tug at the crotch of his long johns, and grumble at Dan’s smirk.

“I figure we’re gonna be in here a while.” He held a finger up when Dan looked at him expectantly. “I wish. But first, no, because we’re waiting to be rescued. And you know, and I know, we should talk about why we’re most likely in here instead.”

“Right again.” Dan closed his eyes and kissed Karl with a tender press of lips that spoke of grounding comfort and reassurance. Then he sighed and sat up. He got two protein bars, opened both, and slowly ate one. Karl could tell he was gathering his thoughts, and he didn’t blame him.

They sipped from a second bottle of water, and Dan eased away so they faced each other, but he kept hold of Karl’s hand.

“Axe.” He smiled in that forced, heartbreaking way, and shook his head. “I think he’s alive, and even though I don’t want to admit it, I have to think he’s responsible for what’s happened or is at least involved. Grady knowing him and some files I got from a friend were the last nails in that coffin.”

“The guy you talked to at my place?” Karl could facepalm at the question, but he wanted the answer.

Dan didn’t seem to mind. “Yup—that’s Ridge. We were in basic together, clicked at first sight, have been friends ever since. He’s some tech genius on top of being an almost better swimmer than me, so I kind of hate him at the same time.” He blushed. “I was a real introverted dork in school, and as you know, couldn’t really risk being social. He was the first guy I notice-noticed.”

Karl tried to be big about that, but a low growl escaped anyway.

“I only ever noticed, and not for long. I don’t think he ever knew, and we weren’t compatible, so you don’t have anything to worry about.”

“I wasn’t worried.”

“Sure.” Dan patted Karl’s chest. “Anyway, my good friend and tech genius Ridge did some poking around in Axe’s business for me. On- and off-the-record stuff.” He exhaled, and his lips twisted bitterly. “I think we were both right that Axe wasn’t into meth to use it, but I’m pretty sure he got into it and then maybe over his head for the money.”

“Nasty business.”

Dan fiddled with the hem of Karl’s shirt, and Karl’s heart crimped.

“As I said before, he owed lot of people a lot of money—that gambling debt that led to a spiral of bad loans, and he soon got more than underwater with it. He was drowning. I’m thinking he started gambling for fun—like he told Ratchet—to blow off steam. But then it went too far, and he needed some kind of escape route, and drugs are quick money.”

“I had no idea about any of it. Shit.” Karl captured Dan’s nervous fingers and kissed Dan’s forehead. “What makes you think he’s alive?”

“The address his stuff got sent to is one of those cheap, maybe-legal mailbox centers. Ridge found out Axe’s death benefit went there too—my mom was the beneficiary.”

Karl worked that over in his mind. “Okay. That makes sense. Grim sense, but it tracks. But if he escaped to California, why would he risk coming back here and getting discovered? That was a lot of meth, but as Ratchet said, it’s not exactly making a mint these days. Then again, relying on forged benefits is equally risky.”

“Axe always pushed things. He was always the one to get back in the water and catch one last wave when the rest of us knew it was too dark, too choppy, too anything. It made him good at a whole lot, but it was a weakness.” Dan paused and blinked at Karl. “Here I’d been thinking him falling into gambling made no sense, but wow, I just said why it really, really does. If he was into selling, he’d come back to grab the drugs, I’m sure of it, regardless of any risks. And even presumed dead and if his debts were cleared, he probably needed it to escape somewhere, then keep the cycle going.”

“Did Grady act like he knew Axe might be alive?”

“No. Grady acted like a stupid braggart. I trust that everything he didn’t say was because he has no idea.”

Karl laughed humorlessly. “Fair.” Something dug into his back, and he resituated and pulled Dan against him. “Okay. So what do we have so far? Axe’s cabin, probably a meth lab, but useless beyond that.”

“Right. And the key Axe sent me that unlocked the boat. He sent it right after he got here, with a note about how excited he was to get out on the water and live off the land, so I’m guessing he bought the boat and the cabin property at the same time.” Dan pushed his hand under Karl’s shirt and sighed. “That letter was the last I really heard from him. He wanted me to visit and see the place. He kept his thoughts inside growing up, and I came to understand why. He was responsible for a lot, and I was too young to get it, but that never changed. We drifted apart, and it didn’t matter to me so much. I didn’t think about not hearing from him, and after a while, it felt like there wasn’t much for either of us to say. But he was a good big brother when I needed him, and I guess I just failed to pay that back completely.”

“Hey, no.” Karl shushed Dan and kissed his temple. “This isn’t your fault. You couldn’t have magically gotten all this info from him and then magically ridden up here to the rescue. Even if you visited, he wouldn’t have let on. And if you found out, you couldn’t have saved him. If anyone knows there are some rescues we gotta accept are a loss, it’s us.”

“True.” Dan rubbed his face against Karl’s shirt and sniffed. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be. Move onto the other shoulder if you need.”

“I never told anyone all of this.” Dan looked up and traced Karl’s eyebrows and then rested his finger on Karl’s lips. “Not even Ridge. I can talk up a storm, but it’s usually designed to give away absolutely nothing, because that distracted people from paying careful attention to me. But this feels easy—telling you, I mean. And you always listened and seemed to know when I was trying to hide.”

Karl felt like he’d been given a gift, one bigger and better than their frantic reunion in the back cave.

“I’m glad.” He kissed Dan, but his exhale was shaky. “God, what a mess for you to confront and wade through. I’m so sorry.”

“At least I’m not alone.”

Karl tightened his arms and wanted to vow that Dan would never be alone again, but he wasn’t sure the cave was the place for that.

“What was the red thing you found?”

“Oh, right.” Karl had nearly forgotten why they were in the damn cave. “A hunk of dry suit.”

Dan tensed and sat up. “The medical evac we did, my first mission here? When I was onboard, the captain gave me a radio beacon they dredged up. It hadn’t been in the drink that long. I could tell. I didn’t know what to do with it, so I just buried it in my footlocker and decided I’d figure it out eventually. But I knew the moment I saw it that it was Axe’s.”

Karl frowned, and Dan held up a hand to quiet his questions.

“That was the last part of the mystery for me—was Axe really dead or had he survived when you guys had to leave him at that wreck. The beacon made me think foul play, and someone had slowly been getting rid of him ever since.”

Karl grimaced, but it was a realistic consideration.

“But there’s just too many coincidences that hinge on that theory, and it started to fall apart pretty much immediately.” Dan licked his lips and started to fiddle with Karl’s shirt again and roll a small fold between his finger and thumb. “I jumped off our pier and swam to the boat to see if it was possible. It wasn’t quite the same conditions, but it was a similar distance. If I could do it, Axe could for sure.”

“That’s why you had the chart, and why you asked Ratchet about the manifest of the Fairweather.”

“What chart?”

“You forgot it in the chopper after the evac, and no wonder, since you were carrying that beacon around.” Karl shrugged. “I found it tucked into a side pocket, and it started my gears turning about you. I more or less goaded you into following me to Axe’s boat.”

“Yeah. I worked that much out. I’m sure I seemed like I was acting funny. I kinda was.”

“I didn’t suspect you of anything for long. Part of me outright just couldn’t.” Karl smiled ruefully. “But nothing you did added up to anything devious. I still wanted to know what you were up to, though. I never quite believed Axe was lost at sea, and not because I hated having that on my conscience.” He flattened his hand on Dan’s. “Explain to me swimming to the boat.”

“Right. So, like you noticed, I had the Fairweather’s route figured out and where they were in relation to Axe at the wreckage site. Add in the beacon and a few other small things, and I started to wonder if Axe took advantage of an opportunity. I don’t think he went on that rescue that day planning to fake his own death. Kinda like the murder theory, there’s just too many things that would have to line up perfectly for that to be a plan—but once he was out there? And knew you were leaving him for a window of time and the Fairweather went by? Well….”

Dan shook his head and left the rest for Karl to fill in. He did.

“So he swam to it and hitched a ride back into the cove. Like you guys used to do as kids. That gave him an out from the debts, the likely trouble breathing down his neck about it, and whatever tangle the drugs added to it.”

“That’s about it. As I see it.”

“Sounds plausible.” Karl wracked his brain for anything they might have missed, but he came up empty, and that scared him. “Grady’s going out of town tomorrow.”

“What?”

“That’s what Ratchet said—that he heard Grady was headed out of town. What do you want to bet those drugs are going with him and the short-sale money for them is in Axe’s pocket somehow?”

Dan’s expression clouded, and he sighed raggedly.

Karl rubbed his hands up Dan’s arms. “He never liked it here, and we never got along, but he always did his job. He never left anyone hanging—not me, not the rest of the station, not a victim. Okay?”

“What about the winch blowing out?”

Karl went cold at Dan’s question. He hadn’t planned to bring that up.

“Was it sabotage? Just tell me.”

“Yaz took a fine-toothed comb to it, but he…. It could have been. The exact right things were messed with in the exact right ways to cause what happened.”

“Yeah. I wondered.” Dan rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Hell of a thing if Axe sabotaged that for whatever reason, and it wound up the only reason I stumbled upon Grady.”

“There’s no reason for Axe to have done it, though. It didn’t accomplish anything.”

He remembered the glint of light from the trees after he collected Dan from Grizzly Ben in town. He sighed. It could still be nothing, but it felt like something.

“If he felt backed into a corner—which I’m sure he does at this point—he did it to cause confusion. At the least. He had to know his cabin didn’t fall down by itself, and he had to suspect someone was on his boat that day we escaped to your place. Yaz asked around about his boat, and it’s not like asking around is a one-way street.” Dan closed his eyes. “You don’t have to make this better or pretend he hasn’t gone way too far. I already know. I knew all along, I just didn’t want to admit it until now. He lured us in with a hunk of dry suit that would probably fit to the hunk of dry suit that was attached to the radio beacon. Then the disabled chopper? Kinda speaks for itself.”

“Fuck,” Karl breathed out. “Put it that way… and just… fuck.”

“Yeah.” Dan swallowed, and his eyes rimmed with tears.

He let Karl hold him close and rock them as Karl muttered apologies and low, soothing noises. They sat quietly for a long time as they processed everything they’d compared and discussed. It was a lot to take in. Karl had trouble fathoming how Axe got into that kind of trouble and got in so deep, but he’d seen it happen more than once.

“What did you get out of the Jeep?”

“Hmm?” Dan squinted in thought. “Oh, that. The trail map—but something tells me it’s not also an under-the-trails cave map.”

“Yeah, probably not.” Karl smoothed down Dan’s mussed hair. “Good thing you thought to get us tied into a line before I went any farther.”

Dan laughed. “Safety first.”

“Are you sure you aren’t hurt?”

“Nothing that won’t heal. You?”

Dan’s double meaning sliced neatly through Karl, and he pressed their foreheads together.

“I’m fine. And damn lucky.”

He hoped Dan got his double meaning too.

Dan cupped his hands around Karl’s throat. “You’re cold.”

“It’s okay. Not all of us put out heat like a fucking furnace.”

“Too bad my California blood’s so thin it doesn’t do me any good.”

“It’s doing me plenty.”

Dan kissed him, and Karl deepened the kiss.

“So what do we do now?”

Karl cocked an ear. He heard shouting nearby. Their guys were almost to them.

“We get rescued, and then we see about the rest.”

“I can do that.” Dan stood and started to dress and pack his gear. He didn’t look at Karl again, but instead barked, “Well, get a move on, Radin.”

Karl decided right then he wouldn’t let Dan confront Axe or be the one to call in his own brother. He’d figure out a way around that and spare Dan the added pain, even if it meant he had to kill Axe to do it. That son of a bitch deserved it for hurting Dan and breaking his hero-worshiping heart.

 

 

DAN watched the cliff fall away as the helicopter angled back to the station. It was strange to ride in there on the sling Jenkins manned as Trask controlled the rescue—strange to be the one wrapped in a blanket with Heber asking him questions and strange to see the cratered cliff where he and Karl almost died because of his brother.

He didn’t know yet how to feel about Axe falling down a rabbit hole so deep and twisted that drugs and a smokescreen of sabotage seemed viable options. The hardest part was that he wasn’t really surprised. In the years after Axe left and Dan found his own way, he’d seen more than one glimpse of how different they were becoming—how, after the impossibly tight connection they had growing up as each other’s only support and company, they didn’t have anything in common once the cocoon split open.

Maybe he never knew Axe. Dan was young enough not to know better if Axe got into things when they were kids. Or maybe he’d known all along and just didn’t want to admit it.

“Hey, kid,” Karl whispered and slipped an arm around him.

As a term of affection, “Hey kid” was pretty crap, but coming from Karl, it sounded like everything. Dan let Karl read his confusion and hurt. He gave a wan but genuine smile, and Karl accepted it with a nod.

He leaned against Karl and closed his eyes to the water rocking under them and the violent clouds breaking open over the north cove. All through the rescue, Karl stayed close, and Dan was glad. It was also strange to almost die in a place and know you’d always regard it as sacred because of what else happened there.

When they landed he ran for the station. Staying to help would only put him in the team’s way on a normal day, and he could hardly think straight. Karl had a hand on the small of his back and left it there, and the rain caught them right before they slipped inside.

Gent stood in the lobby, and with Curtis and Jameson, swarmed them into medical. He answered all the questions and submitted to all the tests, held an ice pack to the knot at his hairline that he hadn’t felt until just then, and kept an eye on Karl, who was seated on the exam bed opposite his.

“Neither of you concussed, which, hello miracle. But you’re each going to have a nasty headache here soon.” Gent doled out several pills.

Karl swallowed his dry, and Dan was grateful for the sports drink Gent offered.

“I have medicated soap I want you to shower with.” Gent gave them a pump bottle filled with thick liquid the color of rust. “It’s going to sting in all the little cuts you have, but that’s better than infection. Otherwise, ice packs and rest, and I want another look at you tomorrow.”

Thunder cracked hard enough to rattle the station.

“Whew. You guys were just in time,” Trask said from the door.

“I’d say you guys were. Thanks.” Karl held out a hand, and Trask came over. They gave each other a half hug.

“Just doing our job. And we had an advantage. We were already there when things went fubar.” Trask’s smile faded, and he cuffed Karl. “We weren’t sure there for a hairy too long after seeing the collapse. Really glad we pulled you out in one piece and not a bag. Man. After watching that? I’d have taken unconscious and rushed to the hospital, but this? This is good.”

“Real good.” Karl’s jaw tightened, and Dan could read all the suppressed emotion he held in check.

Dan offered his hand next. “Huge thanks. We mean it.”

Trask glanced at Karl and quirked a smile at him. “I know.”

The others poked their faces in to check on them, and they waved. The boat crew looked in, a few at a time, including King.

“Radin. Thank God you have such a hard head.” Curtis stopped in front of Karl and had a good look at him. “Didn’t take too bad of a knock, did you?”

“I should live.” Karl’s eyebrows pushed together in a pensive frown. “What happened out there?”

“We were hoping you two could tell us. Jameson has worked to track down that so-called Jim fellow, but so far no joy. And we never did find any kids. I’m honestly relieved about that but pissed about the rest. One minute Ogden is keeping us informed of your progress on the cliff, and the next, all hell breaks loose.” Curtis swiveled and checked Dan over. “Farnsworth, how are you?”

“Oh, gonna make it, sir.” Dan tried to stand, but Curtis stayed him.

“Take it easy. I don’t need a full debrief out of either of you yet. This is more important, especially if you’re going to make a lick of sense when we do get to it. First thing tomorrow. But in the meantime, since I have to go over both crews’ version of events and deal with local officials who are wondering why some of our dear state crumbled into the ocean on our watch, I’m ordering you both to sit tight and let Heber finish. Then you’re done for the day. Hear me, Radin?”

Karl grunted.

Curtis squeezed Dan’s shoulder and then Karl’s. He wasn’t long-winded or demonstrative, but his long pause and tight nod at each of them spoke volumes. Then he turned on his heel and marched out.

Gent stepped in. “All right. You’re good for the moment. Shower, hydrate, rest. And don’t think I won’t hunt you down if you avoid me in the morning.” He helped them both up and moved them along. “Now get out before you fall asleep on me.”

Dan yawned through their thank-yous and they all shuffled into the lobby. Lang and Scobey stood in their path and Bennett, Marcum, and Yaz were just to the side.

“Where’s my gear?” Dan asked no one in particular.

“It’s taken care of. Don’t worry.” Scobey gave him a quick hug and made room for Lang to follow. “You two look awful.”

“Sweet-talker,” Karl said, but he accepted her hug.

Dan didn’t know what else to say and neither did anyone else, and Scobey moved them along.

Yaz walked them to their room. “Need anything?”

“Sleep. Coffee. Probably best in that order.” Karl threw a towel at Dan, and Dan fumbled it. “Thanks, man.”

“I got you. Let me know if something comes up.”

Dan smiled at Yaz and didn’t think about it when Karl tucked him under an arm and guided him to the showers. He showered standing alongside Karl and hated that he was too beat-up and exhausted to appreciate the steamy heat and the muzzy comfort that enveloped him as Karl soaped him all over. He wasn’t fully aware of much after that.

He dried, knotted the towel at his waist, and got into the first thing he pulled from his dresser. The fleece pj’s were soft and amazing, and he didn’t bother with a shirt. Then he crawled into his bunk and shifted until his back hit the wall—because Karl climbed up after him.

Another strange thing that suddenly felt like how it was meant to be all along. He’d come to Alaska thinking he’d entered enemy territory, but instead he discovered how vital and good it was to be accepted as part of the station. Everyone had worked so hard to rescue him, and wanted to be sure he and Karl were really in one piece.

Karl got his blankets in order and tucked them in together.

“You okay? Get some sleep.”

Dan nodded and rubbed his cheek on Karl’s shoulder. His insides were bunched up like he needed to cry, and his muscles were on fire from the day’s abuse and exhaustion. Karl tightened his arms around him, and he exhaled and tried not to think about anything but Karl’s warmth and scent and safety. But morning—and all the truths they’d arrived at in the cave—would come harsh and soon enough.