CHAPTER TEN

BRYAN

“How did you not know this?” Tania asked him as he looked through a file she had handed him a couple of minutes ago. A file that had given him a headache.

“I… I don’t know.” He tossed the file onto the table and sipped his coffee.

They were at a small coffee shop close to work. His eyes were pinned to the file, still not able to believe the information it held. He wondered if he had ever known Vaughn McGuire at all.

The guy was a walking disaster.

He watched Tania’s hand cover his and looked up at her. He could see the concern in her light brown eyes. “I have an open room in my apartment,” she offered. The unexpectedly sweet gesture made his lips twitch.

“You offering me a place to stay, Monroe?” he asked, and she rolled her eyes, taking her hand away from his.

“As long as you keep your hands to yourself, unlike you have with your latest roommate, sure, why not?” she pointed out like she couldn’t care less, but he knew better. He knew she didn’t like people in her space.

“That’s sweet, Tania, but—”

“I thought that’s what you were going to say,” she cut him off, looking at him with concern.

She brought out another file from her navy-blue backpack, and he felt something ugly twist in his gut when she slid it in front of him. “That’s why you can’t get mad when you look at this,” she warned. He silently stared at the manila folder.

“What is it?” he asked. He had an idea, but he hoped that she hadn’t just handed him a Pandora’s box.

“Everything I could find on Valerie Duncan,” she told him without emotion or feeling. He closed his eyes, while she kept talking. ”It isn’t a lot. And for what it’s worth, I really liked her. She’s someone I could see myself hanging out with, and you know that’s not usually the case with the women you and Ty bring around.”

“Ta—” he opened his eyes to catch her shake her head.

“You two looked good together.”

“Jesus.” He ran his hands through his hair. “Who knew you were such a girl?” He exhaled dramatically, trying to avoid the temptation she had just laid out in front of him, and she flipped him the bird.

“Let me know what you wanna do or if you need anything.” She stood up. “Just…”

“What?” He looked up at her, his fingertips tapping the table.

“Just try and remember that someone’s past doesn’t define them. People do things for different reasons. Life can be kinder to one over another, and we both know that.”

“Shit, Monroe, you sound like you’re going to tell me my girl was a stripper or something,” he huffed, looking away, ignoring how good it felt to call her his girl, not missing how Tania’s eyes met his with seriousness behind her brown orbs. His stomach flopped.

“I like her. Just keep in mind we all lead different lives, Wright. We don’t all come from a honky dory family that actually likes each other, like you do.” She patted him on the shoulder and walked away. His eyes were on her, but it wasn’t his colleague he was looking at. His mind was going crazy with assumptions of what his little goddess could have gotten herself into when she was younger.

Looking down at the two files, he opened Vaughn’s again and sighed. Vaughn had left school one class short of graduating. He returned to LA, back to the trailer park he’d grown up in.

A couple of months later, he was picked up by LAPD for possession. Charge after charge throughout the years was dropped. And when they weren’t, he was given some kind of light sentence and was back out on the streets within a month. From the charges and documentation, it was obvious he had a drug and gambling problem. He also had a connection to Leonard Veracruz, a loan shark who liked to host his own casino nights in West Hollywood.

A little over two years ago, Vaughn entered rehab, and from what Tania had found, he’d cleaned up his act. When he got out, he bought the fixer upper on the beach and had been living quietly. Working at the corporate offices of a delivery company. That was until about three weeks ago, when he bought a one-way ticket to New Mexico.

His fingers skimmed the other, smaller, file on the table. Tapping it with the tips of his fingers.

Do I want to know?

He did.

The problem was that he wanted to hear it from her.

VALERIE

I’d hardly slept.

And whatever shut-eye I did get was nothing but flashbacks to the past, and not good ones. Not that my past had very many good memories to remember.

When I’d woken up the last time, I decided I was done trying to rest. I’d immediately looked online to see if there were any open shifts, so that I could just dive into work and avoid the fact that Victor had been sitting in the living room waiting for me.

What did you do, Vaughn? I thought to myself.

Unfortunately, picking up a shift was a bust. Walking to my bookshelf, I let myself touch the spines of the books that meant almost as much to me as the classic car in the garage. I let my mind go where I didn’t let it go in my dreams.

A picture perfect day with Bryan. One that was so damn good, I hadn’t been ready for it to end. Especially not because freaking Victor ruined it.

Victor McGuire had once been my friend. Or at least that was what I let myself believe. Growing up close to both Vaughn and Victor amidst our backgrounds and our parents’ negligence, we had all bonded. The three of us wanted to get out of that dead end, hopeless corner of life we’d been born into. But where Vaughn and I looked to education to feed the hunger for something better, Victor wanted it to be easy. He had been hungry for change and an easier life, but he’d also been lazy, manipulative, and in the end, two-faced about how he would make that happen.

He’d played me in one of the worst ways you could play someone, and I’d fallen for it. I’d trusted him. Having grown up where no one could give a fuck and those who did were helpless to get you out of the situation you were in, I was more than a prime target. An easy one for someone who was four years older, charming, and selfish.

Then again, hindsight was always twenty-twenty.

Walking out to the kitchen knowing I was alone, I started a pot of coffee. As I stared at the stark white countertops, my mind flitted away to the past.

To how it all started.

The sights and smells.

The way my cheap shoes pinched and blistered so bad they made my feet bleed. My memories carried me back so far into the past I didn’t hear the door open. I didn’t hear him walk into the kitchen.

“Val?” His deep voice snapped me back to the present, and I turned to see Bryan standing next to me, too good-looking for his own well-being.

“Hey.” I cleared my voice, trying to push away the memories.

“You okay?” He stepped closer, almost cautiously, my back pressed against the counter.

“Yeah.” I fake smiled and pointed to the machine. “Just waiting for coffee.” He politely nodded, his eyes on me, as I looked him up and down.

Good golly, Miss Molly, he looked good in a blue plaid short-sleeved button up that brought out his eyes; and the dark grey cargo shorts only showed off his muscular legs.

The sight of him made me want to go and wrap myself up in his warmth. You need to stop being a slut, Val! I reminded myself. That’s when I saw two files in his hand. “What’s that?” I asked. His eyes didn’t meet mine.

“Work shit,” he mumbled, stepping away to the fridge, grabbing a cold water bottle. “I should…” The guilty tone in his voice made me realize what it was. I wasn’t stupid, and if I was honest, I was surprised it had taken him this long to do it.

“It’s not work, is it?” I prodded.

“Blondie…”

“Well, you’re brighter than you first seemed. Guess that’s a good thing for your department,” I snidely commented, grabbing a mug from the cabinet. “What did you find out?” I asked.

My heart picked up speed, while I tried to act like I couldn’t care less. Usually, I didn’t. I never cared what anyone thought about me and my past. But there was something about Bryan knowing the truth that made my stomach turn. Would he pity me? Be disgusted?

“Val…”

“Let me guess. the reason you aren’t looking me in the eye is because of whatever those papers say about me. Yeah?” I asked, dripping with attitude.

“Babe…”

“I went to juvie,” I told him, raising my arms in the air. “Ooo,” I shook, feigning shock. “It’s not a big, hidden secret. In fact, believe it or not, it’s what helped me pay for the college education that helped me graduate from a good school, so I could be the nurse I am today. I’ve never hidden it. Not even on my resume.”

“Valerie.” He took a step toward me, but I shook my head as anger flooded me.

“You could have asked,” I hissed, heat hitting my face.

“Really?” He scowled, his own face brightening in color, making me stand straighter at seeing his face angry for the first time since we had met. “A fucking stranger, who made you pale as a ghost, was sitting in our living room in the middle of the night! After he left, I tried to talk to you, but you pushed me away. You didn’t want anything to do with me.” He had me there, but I was still going to argue.

“Who cares? You have a question, you ask.” I fought back, anger and disappointment swirling inside of me, making a mess of everything.

“Fine. Why did you go to juvie?” He asked as if he didn’t know, and I rolled me eyes. Did he think I was going to lie to him?

“For possession and intent to distribute narcotics.” I saw his eye twitch.

He looked me dead in the eye. “Why did you do it?”

“Because I was stupid,” I shared and could see he was surprised by my answer. “But I also needed the money. To me, it was only a means to an end.”

“To you?” Fire burned behind his eyes. I nodded.

“Yeah.”

“Who had other plans?” His jaw clenched, the scruff there only giving it further definition.

“Victor,” I told him straight out and laughed at my own naïveté at the time. I shook my head. “You want to know about me?”

“Yes.”

“You sure? Because it’s sure as hell not pretty,” I warned angrily.

“I do.” Fine. He wanted to act like he didn’t already know, I’d play along.

“My dad killed my uncle when I was fifteen.” Even after so many years, the words still left a sharp pain mid-sentence, but I kept going, “Daddy Dearest went away to the big house, and I lost the one person who actually gave a shit about me.”

“Fuck, Val…” He stepped closer, his voice softer and his eyes filled with compassion, but I didn’t want any of it.

Putting my hands out so he’d stay put, I kept on with the stupid charade he wanted. “Dad was high as a kite when he did it. They got into it about me going to live with my Uncle Ron. He was tired of having to drop me off in that hell hole, saw that shit was only getting worse and wanted to protect me! But Dad didn’t like that, so he shot him. Point blank in the chest. Right. In. Front. Of. Me.” My voice cracked, the pain so damn raw it felt like just yesterday.

“Jesus.”

“When he went to prison, my mom no longer had the couple bucks Daddy could bring home from whatever job he could scrounge up, so she started to turn tricks, or hell, for all I know, turn more tricks, all to get her fix.”

“Blondie…”

“No!” I bit back. “You wanted to know, so I’ll tell you. So you know exactly who you are living with. Vaughn was in college. What you don’t know about him is that he’s brilliant! Scary smart. Victor is older by a year than Vaughn and was there when everything fell apart. Losing …” I had to bite my lip to stop the tears from falling. “He suggested I should get my GED instead of dealing with two more years of school. Finish early so I could get the hell out of where I lived. When I did, he gave me a couch to sleep on. His apartment was in a shitty-ass part of the city, but it wasn’t on wheels with druggies and God only knew what else walking in and out of the place. So I slept on his couch. Enrolled in a couple of community classes.”

“Baby…”

“Working a part-time, minimum wage job at a fucking ice cream shop, Bryan. I didn’t have money. Looking back now, god, I was so damn innocent and naïve despite the way I’d grown up. I didn’t—”

“Blondie, come here.”

“No,” I snapped. My body trembled and I knew if I gave in to his touch, I would fall apart. And I wasn’t the type.

Valerie Duncan didn’t fall apart. Not once. Not when my uncle and the only person who gave a shred about me died in front of me, and not now. If I ever did, I was terrified I would never be able to put the pieces back together. So I did what I was good at. I kept everyone at bay, and I was going to do everything I could to push Bryan away.

“Victor pushed for me to help him. ‘Deliver this bag here, Val.’ ‘Take this package there.’ I was so stupid. So fucking thankful when he would pass me a twenty here or a fifty there for helping him,” I shared, remembering how naïve I had been.

“Val—“

“I’d just turned seventeen when he asked if I could maybe help out one of his friends. He needed a waitress. I thought ‘Wow, better pay! How nice of Vic to watch out for me!’ What I didn’t know was that it was at a seedy strip club. But even after I found out, I kept working there. Delivering an envelope here or a backpack to a friend. Completely fucking clueless.”

“Baby—“

“I worked myself ragged! All to save up as much as I could. Taking the bus back and forth to school to the couple of classes I could get, because the idea of a car felt like an impossibility. But see, I didn’t know, I swear as stupid as it sounds, I had no idea what I was doing. I didn’t know he was going to try to talk me into more. He thought the apple didn’t fall far from the tree…”

“Fuck it,” he snapped, marching his beautiful, broad body toward me. I had nowhere to go, so my back dug deeper into the counter.

His body came right to my front, so close I could smell him. He smelled like the delicious manly body wash he used, that I’d scoped out in the bathroom, and the sun. I fought every cell inside of me from sighing or doing something stupid like putting my face in the crook of his neck and breathing him in deeply.

Without a word, he picked me up, his hands on my ass lifting me up, and my legs instinctively wrapped around his waist, my hands on his shoulders, our faces a mere two or three inches apart. “Put me down!” I ordered unconvincingly.

“No.” His serious face was right in front of mine.

“Yes!” I childishly pouted, not scrambling to get down. If anything, I held tighter to the muscles below his shirt.

“No,” he repeated, his blue-grey eyes more grey than blue for the first time. I wasn’t going to think about how beautiful they were. Bryan smoothly sat us down onto the couch, settling us in as if we’d done it a million times before.

Another thing I am not going to think about.

With my ass on his lap, his hands moved slowly north to my waist, gliding and stopping at my hips a little too long. Making my body react further to his touch.

“I got off the bus and was walking to work. I got stopped by cops. I had no idea what I had in the bag, Bryan,” I whispered and felt so tired I leaned forward, resting my forehead on his. “I served six months, and while I was there, Vaughn found out and left school,” I shared. The squeeze he gave my hips made me keep sharing, “He was so close to finishing. Graduating. Finally having that chance to get out of where we grew up.” Shaking my head, I looked away. “He lost that chance because of me.”

“What happened?” he asked, one of his hands leaving my hips to caress my face, and I dared look at him.

“Victor was there when I got out and without an apology told me he wanted me to start turning tricks so he could impress Lenny,” I whispered.

“Lenny Veracruz?” he growled, and I nodded, pulling away.

“He was, umm…”—I cleared my throat, feeling my face turn hot—“was recruiting. He liked the look of me. He said I was young and blond, I looked like a good girl with a dirty mouth. An easy money maker.”

“What did you do?”

“I told them to go to hell,” I whispered with a grin. “And I wouldn’t budge.”

“Of course you wouldn’t.”

“I was, umm… I was a virgin. I hadn’t even kissed a guy then.” I didn’t know why I felt the need for him to know that, but I did. It was an inner battle of trying to push him away and holding on with everything I had, though holding on seemed to be winning.

”Vaughn was waiting at Victor’s place when we got there and took me away from them. Set us up with an apartment. He found a job at some factory, worked a line putting remote controls together. I still had the little money I’d saved up, and I pitched in. We were a team,” I told him, remembering those couple of months of breathing easy.

Easier than I had in a very long time. No men trying to paw at me. No pinchy shoes, or druggies leering at me like a piece of candy.

“He got hurt. Some boxes fell on him in the middle of loading a delivery, hurt his back. Started popping pain pills like freaking tic-tacs. That led to using of, umm, other things.”

“He got arrested,” he prompted, and I nodded.

“Had to bail him out. I knew this girl from school who I had kept in touch with. We had a class together, and she told me about a place her sister, Vikki, was working. I met her boss, and her boss took a chance on me.”

“Where?”

“Why are you asking me, handsome? You already know this.” I couldn’t mask the defeat in my voice, and he looked at me.

“I only read about Vaughn.”

“What?” I asked, my voice so soft I barley heard it in my own ears.

“I think you know I like you, Blondie.” His hand stroked the hair at my temple gently, tenderly, and my body shivered, my eyes glassy with emotion. I had feelings way too strong for a man I had only met a couple of weeks ago.

“Bry—“

“I want to get to know you. I want you to tell me about things. That was a Pandora’s box I couldn’t open.”

“But Vaughn was okay?” I asked, not angry or hurt, simply curious.

“Absolutely,” he answered immediately. “The guy who was here last night was not good news. No one sitting in the dark, waiting for a woman, uninvited, could be. I could tell the moment we walked in that you didn’t like the asshole. I know the grown men you’ve been around have been shit, but you gotta know I’m not that kind of man.”

“Bry—“

“I protect what’s mine.”

“I’m not yours,” I whispered, my heart beating in my ears.

“You are.” The steady confidence in his voice when he said those two words told me he wasn’t messing around. My skin broke out in goose bumps, but my heart warmed over at the possibility.

“I—“

“Even if we didn’t have the electric current rushing between us, which we most definitely do, I live here.”

“That doesn’t mean—“

“Val. I do what I do for a living. I take care of what’s mine. No way would I let the person I live with flail in the wind.” My heart pitter pattered at the confident steadiness in his voice. Not only was he confident, but I believed everything he was saying. I didn’t know him, but I knew he would have been protective of anyone in his circle. Swallowing hard, I leaned in, closing any space between us. My arms wrapped around his shoulders, and he held on to me. God, this was perfect. How can it be this perfect?

Turning my face into the crook of his neck, letting his scent and warmth fill my senses, I tried to calm myself for what I knew I had to share next. He was a good guy from a good family, and I was so far from that.

“Baby?” He could feel my hesitation, so I kept talking in a hushed whisper into his ear, tears prickling behind my closed eyes.

“I needed the money to keep us afloat, so I went to work at Shine.” His body tensed completely, and my shut eyes tightened.

Being in law enforcement, especially in an affluent area like Pasadena, I knew he would have at least heard of the exclusive members-only club that the movers and shakers of the west coast frequented. By the way he tightly held his body, I knew I was right.

Belle Garibaldi, Shine’s proprietor, was the Madame of the west coast. A woman who ran a club with pretty surroundings and even prettier people inside. People who stripped, escorted, and then some. A woman who I had no idea how she got away doing the things she did without being arrested for half the things that went on at Shine. But she did.

Belle Garibaldi held more power in her pinky than anyone I had ever met.

She was also a woman who had given me a chance, and because of her, I’d been able to transfer from a small community college to a state university and keep a roof over my head, clothes on my back, and food in my belly. She never pressured her girls to do anything they didn’t want.

“I’m sure,” he mumbled, his body still held tight, and I realized I had spoken my last thought out loud.

“She didn’t, Bryan. The girls who work for her, they go to her, if they, umm, wanna move up.”

“Babe, you shouldn’t tell me—“

“She gave me a stage, and I danced once. Topless, not nude.” I was still whispering in his ear. His head came down to my shoulder, and I heard him growl. “Bryan…” I started to shift in his lap, but his hands moved to my hips to keep me still. Then I felt him. He was hard. “Bryan,” I spoke softly.

“I’m a man, baby.”

“I know that.”

“As much as I hate that you did that at the age you were—”

“I was eighteen when—”

“You talking about that, I can’t help imagining it.” His voice rasped against my neck. Wetness hit between my thighs. “But this isn’t the time for that. Fuck,” he rumbled, holding his body still, and I opened my eyes, breathing in and out, trying to cool off the way he’d just ignited my body.

And burst out into a fit of giggles.

“This isn’t funny,” he muttered, and I laughed harder, moving away from the safety of his neck.

“Thank you,” I told him once my laughter died down. I held his face with both my hands, and he looked more than surprised at me.

“For?”

“For letting me tell you. I’ve never told anyone all of this. Not like this.”

“You’re safe with me.”

“I know,” I responded immediately, part of me hating how vulnerable that left me. The other part didn’t care, because I knew he could handle it. Handle me.

“I danced once and couldn’t do it ever again. She saw that and for some reason cut me some slack and gave me a job in the kitchen.”

“What?” The surprise in his voice was evident. I smiled at him. “I washed dishes for her, handsome. That’s all I did. Three months later, I saw this scholarship for women who were turning their lives around, and since I had gone to juvie, I qualified. I applied and got it. I worked hard and studied harder. Got my degree and went to work at Cedar’s.”

“How’d you get in there? Right outta school, that must have been tough.”

“Belle helped me,” I confided, and his jaw twitched. My fingers traced his lower lip. “Not in a bad way. She got my resume into the hands of the right people. My grades and test scores and internship more than spoke for themselves. I got myself in there. She just helped get my stuff looked at.” He nodded.

“Thank you,” he said, and now it was my turn to be confused.

“For?”

“For sharing. For trusting me enough to tell me.”

“I thought you already knew most of it.”

“I could tell.” He grinned. “I like you, Val,” he repeated, and I smiled.

“I like you, too.”

“But…” And there it was, the proverbial other shoe dropping.

“I get it.” I fake smiled at him, catching him off guard when I stood up and straightened my top, running my hands through my hair.

“You don’t,” he pressed.

“I do. Bryan, a guy like you, a girl like me…You can do better and we both know it.” I tried to smile, but it was fake and I knew it.

“Don’t do that,” he warned, his face becoming serious.

“What? It’s true and it’s okay.”

“It’s not. It’s just…” I wasn’t going to stand there and wait for him to give me a lame excuse. Life had taught me that when things shine, they sure as hell weren’t meant for me. And Bryan was brilliant.

“I need coffee and I gotta get ready. I have a heavy work week, so….” I lied, turning around, but he moved faster. The front of his body pressed close to my back, his hand on my belly, his lips at my ear.

“I’m divorced.” He told me something I already knew. “I’m divorced for a reason, babe.”

“You grew apart—“

“She was in love with someone else,” he quickly said, and I turned to look at him; confusion marked my mind and face. He was a great guy. One of the best. What kind of stupid bitch couldn’t see what they had with him?

“She’s an idiot,” I told him, and his lips twitched.

“Na. She was smart. I’m…”

“You are you, handsome. She had…” I’d broken enough of my rules for a day, showing enough weaknesses in my armor, so I rolled my eyes playfully. “A pretty piece of man candy on her hands.” I shrugged and could see that he saw through me, so he laughed and shook his head,

“Man candy?”

“You know, a sweet piece to look at.”

“Ouch.” With his hand on his chest, he feigned having been shot.

“I’m sure you’re much more than a pretty face.” I raised an eyebrow, cocking my hip forward, pressed against a delicious length behind his cargo shorts.

“Val.”

“I think we’ve had enough confessions for today. Don’t you?” I sighed.

“What about us?”

“There is no us.”

“There is,” he confidently spoke out loud, and I knew he was right. I just didn’t know what that meant.

So when he suggested coffee, I agreed and followed him into the kitchen, where we prepped our drinks and stood close but not close enough to touch. It was oddly familiar and comfortable despite the heavy emotional moments before.

“Wanna go to Home Depot later?” he asked me before taking a sip out of his mug.

“God, you are more than a pretty face. Keep talking, Detective.” I dramatically batted my lashes, fanning my face, and he laughed as his face turned a slight shade of pink.

“Smartass,” he muttered.

“Better than a dumbass,” I remarked, and to that, his arm went around my shoulder.