Phoenix is leaned against the far wall, scrolling through her phone. I swallow. I want to go talk to her, but the thing is, I refuse to be that guy. There was something there, something I have never felt for anyone else. It was natural and fucking perfect, but I’m not chasing her. If she can walk away that easily, it’s best shit never went further than it did.

One of the TV crew comes rushing through the room with his clip board. “You guys are on in five minutes,” he says. “Where are the rest of your band?”

“Probably getting their cocks sucked, if I had to guess,” Jag says.

The man closes his eyes and inhales before pointing to a screen above the door to the live studio. “The light up there will flash green when you need to go on stage.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Jag says, waving him off.

Rush nearly runs into him when he comes strutting up, zipping his fly and grinning. “Nothing like an orgasm to get your shit flowing.”

“Where’s Pax?” I ask.

“Getting a blowjob,” Rush says, thumbing toward the dressing areas. “Some intern was a big fan or some shit. I told her she didn’t have to settle for the drummer, but she said she heard they were less likely to harbor the clap.” Laughing, he sinks onto the couch beside Jag.

People from the TV station hustle and bustle around us, clipping mics on our shirts, dusting powder over our faces. Pax comes into the room, his pants still undone and hair in disarray. One of the women from the station immediately runs over to him, zips him up, untucks the other side of his shirt and runs a comb through his hair.

The green light above the door flashes and we all stand and walk toward the doorway.

“…so excited to have these guys here today,” Meredith says as we step out, “Pandemic Sorrow and a new artist, the singer from Blood Queen who is being featured on their upcoming single.”

The audience goes nuts cheering and clapping. We strut across the stage like we own the damn world. Jag plops down on the white couch without as much as a “Hi”. Rush grabs Meredith’s hand and kisses over her knuckles. Pax waves to the audience before taking a seat. And that leaves two seats on the other sofa. One for me. One for Phoenix.

She sits down, and I fall right next to her, my thigh brushing hers. “Could you not…” she whispers, snatching her leg away from me. There are a few snickers from the audience. I scowl at her and scoot over half an inch.

The host glances nervously at us. I just smile, silently cussing at Phoenix in my head.

“So…” Meredith says, “first I’m a huge fan.” We all say thanks– except Phoenix. “Why don’t you guys tell us a little about the collaboration. How did it come about?”

And… crickets. We all stare at each other like a deer in headlights. “Um…” I clear my throat. “It uh…” Rush has his eyes locked on some blonde in the crowd. Pax is just staring off into space. And Jag… fuck, he’s smirking. Shit, I have to say something quick: “Our uh, record label thought that–”

“You want the truth, Meredith?” Jag asks. “Our label forced us to do it. Just glad it’s over.”

Phoenix exhales loudly next to me. I glance over at Meredith and she’s trying to force a smile.

“Charity, I guess.” Jag glances at Phoenix and winks. “Right, princess? I mean, it’s not like your step dad owns the label or anything.” He rolls his eyes. “Unbelievable.”

“Okay…” Meredith says.

Phoenix leans over me and points in Jag’s face. “You’re such a dick,” she says, literally hissing the words.

Rush laughs.

“She’s uh,” I say, sweat pricking over my forehead. “She’s a really talented singer and I think Blood Queen is going to really–”

“Ah, don’t listen to him,” Jag says. “He fucked her, so his opinion doesn’t count.” His eyes are wild, pupils swollen. He’s high and there is no stopping this train. There are a few laughs, some cheers from the crowd.

“Uh, um…” Meredith shifts uncomfortably in here seat. “We, uh, we’re on live TV, Jag, and um…”

“Oh, right. Virgin ears.” He glances at the camera and smiles. “My apologies.”

“You were saying Stone?” she tries to divert the attention away from my brother.

“She’s a great singer.”

“Dick gargler,” Rush coughs.

There’s a low growl that bubbles from Phoenix’s chest.

“Um, Phoenix,” Meredith asks, her voice shaking. “How did you like working with…” she pauses and breathes ‘oh shit’ under her breath… “How did you like working with these guys?”

Phoenix grins. “Well, seeing as how I somehow escaped working with them without contracting a venereal disease or being drugged and gang banged, I’d say the work was better than I expected.”

Meredith face palms. “I don’t know what to do,” she says as she glances at the cameraman.

“God,” Jag groans and stands up, “You’d need to have a vagina worthy of our cocks to catch a disease from us. I wouldn’t touch your pussy with Rush’s dick! I tried to talk my brother out of shoving his man-meat in your angry cunt, but–”

“Shut the fuck up, Jag!” I shout as I grab his arm and yank him down. He snatches his arm away. To be honest, I want to knock his teeth down his throat, but I can’t do that on live TV. Rush is laughing so hard he farts. The crowd’s laughing and Meredith is walking off stage although the cameramen are still recording. I just shrug at the camera.

“How many cocks did you have to suck to get on our record?” Jag asks. “Or was that all thanks to Daddy Warbucks?”

“I’ll tell you how many,” Phoenix says, shooting out of her chair and charging at Jag. “One less than you did.”

“Oh, burn, baby…” Rush says.

The entire room is alive with this immature buzz, feeding off the dipshits arguing on live TV. One girl in the audience stands up and screams at Rush before she yanks her shirt up showing her tits. “Oh, god, I love being famous,” Rush says. He jumps off the stage, runs up to her, and palms her tit before he flicks his tongue over it. The room goes berserk. All these women start rushing toward him, grabbing him. Security tries to get them off. Jag and Phoenix are yelling at the top of their lungs. And Pax is just scrolling through his phone.

“Alright!” I shout before grabbing Jag by the elbow and attempting to drag him off.

“You’re both assholes!” Phoenix shouts.

“Would you just shut the fuck up already!” I say, turning around just in time to get a palm over the side of my face.

Phoenix’s eyes go wide before she spins around and storms off the stage. There’s a moment where I’m not sure what the hell just happened. But then an angry heat flies all over my face, and I find myself running through the backstage area after her. She glances over her shoulder and picks up her pace, heading straight out into the hall. I shouldn’t be following her, but damn it, I’m pissed. She just fucked that entire interview up and it’s our reputations that will take a hit. I mean, sure Jag started it, but fuck…

She throws open the door to a stairwell and disappears inside, and I follow, running after her down the stairs. She’s at the bottom and there’s no way out.

“What is your deal?” I say. “Huh?”

“I don’t want to talk to you about this, Stone”

“You just lost your shit.”

“Yeah, because your brother’s a dick,” she says.

“I’m the one you fucking slapped.”

“I’m sorry, I just… it’s too much. This,” she waves her arms around, “the band, the guys, you…”

There’s a moment of silence. “I’m sorry.” I sigh, rubbing my hand down my face. “I didn’t know. It was coincidence and I…”

A small grimace works over her face. “The hardest thing to deal with is that I lost respect for you, Stone.”

Shit. That jabs me. “Phoenix… come on, give me a break. I didn’t know you.”

“It’s not just that, it’s…it’s…I mean, it just rams home the fact that this,” she motions between us, “we can never have what I want. What either of us want.” She hangs her chin to her chest, and I want to grab her and kiss her, hold her, tell her she’s wrong.

“You know that’s not true,” I whisper.

“Stone, you may be famous. You may be the guitarist for the biggest rock band there is, but I grew up in this. I have seen what it does to a relationship. I have seen how people use and abuse each other, and even when people have the best intentions, they just turn to shit somehow. Life on the road, the fame, the fans, the money, the arrogance…” she shakes her head. “I just want normal.”

I study her. Normal. She wants normal? “Then why are you doing the same shit?” I ask. “Why are you going into music, into an industry you know will completely destroy you?”

“I don’t know what else to do.” I hear her voice catch. “It doesn’t matter where I go or what I do. I’m connected to fame at every turn.”

I reach up and stroke my finger across her cheek. “If you want normal, then leave, Phoenix. Just leave.” She looks at me, her eyes tearing up. “Just leave it.” I take her chin in my hand and gently lay my lips over hers, but she doesn’t kiss me back. I said I wouldn’t chase her, but here I am. Chasing her because I’d be a fool not to. I pull back. Her nostrils flare. I can tell she’s fighting a break down. “Give me another chance,” I whisper, closing the space between us again. “Please.”

Her gaze falls to the floor and she drags in a heavy breath. “I want to remember you like this, Stone.” She shakes her head. “We’re destined to go down in flames, and I don’t want to hate you. Right now, I don’t hate you.”

Damn. There’s so much truth to that. And it fucking hurts. This job– it takes everything from you and then some, and there’s no way to realize it until you’ve been sucked under by it. “Stone,” she says. “We could date, we could try to make it work, but there’s the yearlong tours, long nights in the studio. The interviews, the never-ending rumors. It all takes a toll.

Could we try to make it work? Yes, but the risk that lies in that–I don’t ever want to hate you.” A few tears slip down her cheek and I wipe them away. Some people, you can’t afford to lose, and she’s one of those people. I’d rather keep her in my life, even if it’s not in the role I want, than let her go completely. So, I’ll just let her go a little.

Sighing, I cup her cheek in my hand. “I would have loved you. I really would have.” And I kiss her gently on the lips before pulling away and turning around.

My heart is pounding in my chest, my throat growing tight. Some things you can’t fight in life. And at this very moment I realize the two things I’ve chased in life have one thing in common, they both destroy you.