I look as shitty as I slept. Fucking great way to meet with DeMarco. His first impression of me will be that I’m a fucking bum.

The few times I actually drifted off last night were filled with dreams of her knocking. Begging me to let her in. Not just my bedroom. But in my heart. Which is too fucked up to make room for her. Too cruel a fate to sacrifice her to the devil.

I unlock the door, another reminder of my path straight to hell. Sparkles of light shimmer against the silver knob. A circle of black and white diamonds sliding around the handle. Fuck me. No words needed for her to wound me as much as I’ve wounded her. Proof that she’s over me too. Good.

Message received, angel.

In the kitchen, the collateral damage is worse than I suspected. She’s just as broken. Dark circles rim her dull eyes. Ruby splotches canvas her ivory skin. Loose hair hiding half her face. Never lifts her head while she helps Eli spread peanut butter on his toast.

Even he seems impacted, not uttering a word. Just furtive glances between me and her. Like he used to do with Harper and Dad. Like he fucking knows. God damn it.

I fucking force a cheerful expression. “Hey little man. Once you finish eating I’ll drive you to school.”

Her pitiful gaze finally meets mine. The same suspicion scrunches his face too. He hates change, especially when it impacts his time with her. “But Molly usually takes me.”

“Well, she has something she has to take care of while we’re gone so I’m taking you today.”

“Oh, okay.”

He looks to her for reassurance, and of course, she gives him a solid smile. No doubt or hesitation. She’s a fucking amazing actress to be able to make him feel like everything is all right. When both of us are fucking dying inside.

The racket from the blender mixing my protein shake is the only noise to break the silence. Each of muted from the uncertainty engulfing us.

After a few more bites and a long drink of milk, he hops down and races to the door. “Got to get my backpack!”

She stands up too. Obviously unwilling to spend a second more with me than she has to. Too bad we’re going to be alone together for the next twenty-four hours. “I’m having dinner with an important business associate and his wife tonight in California. I need a date. You’re going with me.”

Disbelief or disgust – not sure which, probably both ‒ lifts her chin. A furious gaze bores into me like daggers. "No."

I step closer and jerk Eli’s plate out of her hand. Hulking over her to make sure my message is crystal clear. “You. Are. Going.”

Fury swirls with fear in her expression, but she powers on. Fucking making me want her more. “I’m a nanny. I take care of Eli. That’s what you hired me for, remember?”

She taps the side of her head, implying my idiocy she’s stuck tolerating. Ignoring my dick hardening from her smarting me off, I smooth down my jacket. Calm as if dealing with any other insubordinate employee. Although they would be dead for talking to me like that. But I’m nice enough to let her insolence slide. "There's a clause in your contract that reads, Other duties as required. This trip is one of those duties."

We stand off. Neither arguing or backing down. But I will win. I always fucking win.

"Fine." A rage I've never heard before burns in her voice. "But you can hire a prostitute for your other night duties. I'm not your hooker."

She has no fucking idea how much that angers and turns me on at the same time. But, I’m a mean ass bastard who lashes back when I’m hurt. “You’re fucking kidding yourself baby if you think I’d ever have to pay for sex.”

I expect a slap. But instead, she sucks in her bottom trembling lip and spins back to the counter. Busying herself with tying the bread wrapper. Her fingers shaking so much she drops the twist tie twice before she manages to get it fastened. Fuck.

“Be ready to go when I get back. Bring something nice to wear for dinner.” Maybe I can be a little bit nice. “We might go the beach too before we come home tomorrow so bring a suit.”

“I need to tell Eli goodbye.”

My gut fucking drops even more from the sob in her whisper.

“Make it quick.”

God I’m a cruel bastard. I just can’t seem to stop being a total asshole. This is what I want, so why the fuck am I hurting her more than necessary. Proof of why I’m fucking insane. Because deep down, I want her to fight back. Fight for me. For us.

With a curt nod, she brushes past me and runs out, following my little brother’s path. With no other choice, I head to Eli’s room too, where she and my little brother cling to each other.

"I'm going to miss you. I wish you didn't have to go." Eli's small hand rubs her blotchy face, wiping away the watery trails. "Why are you crying?"

On account of his big brother is nothing but a fucking bastard. Putting her through hell she doesn't deserve. And now him too.

"Because I'm going to miss you so much. But I'll be back tomorrow and we'll eat dinner together, okay?"

“Taco Tuesday?”

Her head bobs and she smooths down his hair. Comforting both of them. Yet, failing to tame down his wayward locks lifting on his crown. “Yes, Taco Tuesday.”

"Will you bring me a present?"

She laughs through her tears. "Of course."

That appeases him, and he runs to his play table. Grabbing a barn and a handful of tiny horses that he's suddenly become obsessed with. The burgeoning happiness in her expression fades when she catches sight of me watching them.

"Bye, Eli. I love you."

"I love you too."

Yeah, it’s only me she despises.

* * *

"Come on, Molly. It's time to go."

I shove open her bedroom door. My god damn fucking house. I don't have to fucking knock. But it's empty. Just like my bastard heart.

Fuck. Why the fuck am I always looking for this girl. When she should always be right beside me. In front of me. I can’t stifle a groan. Fucking under me.

She sits still as a statue on the front steps. Elegant and dainty with her straight spine and slender legs tucked to the side. Covered to the knees with billowy lavender fabric. The same black bag from the night she moved in rests at her feet. Funny how long ago that seems. How quickly all the hope from that night has evaporated.

As soon as the SUV stops, she hops up and opens the passenger side door. Tossing in her suitcase and climbing in. Fuck me. Sending a clear message we are very much employer and employee from now on.

"Hi Kurt!"

He gets enthusiasm while I get nothing but contempt. Which I need to fuck out of her. If she'd let me touch her again. I drop my ass in the backseat. Grateful for the time to work in silence. I don’t have any fucking patience for her childish games. Or Kurt’s fucking snicker under his breath.

For thirty-five agonizing, long ass minutes, they chat quietly in the front seat. The movie she’s going to take Eli to. The blueberry pie she hopes to make before the season is over. Maybe finding a place here for Eli to take riding lessons if he really enjoys the horses when we visit her family.

All the things she used to talk about with me. Sharing everything on her mind and in her heart while she nestled against my back. Her arms wrapped tight around my chest. Damn, I fucking miss her already.

The pilots stand on the tarmac, waiting for us as we pull up. Prompt and ready as always. Of course, she doesn’t wait for the chauffeur to open her door. And sure as hell not me either.

"Good morning, Mr. Ellison, Miss Bennett. It should be a good flight. We might experience a bit of turbulence immediately after take-off but, it shouldn't last long. We'll have a brief fuel stop in Kansas, and can expect to arrive in Los Angeles around 4:30 local time."

"Thank you Brian."

The man nods and gestures for us to board. She jerks away from my hand on her lower back. Fine. I don't give a fuck. She can get herself inside. I'll just enjoy watching her sweet ass while she stomps up the steps.

I blink when I climb into the cabin, adjusting to the dim light. She sits in the last row, her gaze glued to her hands in her lap. Damn it. I drop down into the first seat, ignoring the brief look of surprise on Justin's face from us sitting apart. His expression quickly falls to neutral when his eyes meet mine, and he glances at Brian, following him into the cockpit.

Yeah, even they know how fucking stupid I am. I should beat both their asses for their impudence. But it's really me who deserves to have my ass kicked. I'm fucking up with this amazing woman for no other reason than I'm a motherfucking bastard.

Once we reach altitude, I unbuckle my seat belt and stride to the small bar. Grabbing her some water. I don’t have time for her to get fucking dehydrated. We've got a long day ahead of us.

She never looks up as I approach her. “Thought you might need this.”

“No thank you.”

So it’s going to be like that. No problem. Suit yourself. I drop the bottle into the closest cup holder on the table nestled between the double facing rows. Silence bores into my back, stinging more than a bullet as I return to my chair. I’m happy ignoring her too. Fucking thrilled actually. No rambling. Or timidity. Or huge smile that lights up her gorgeous face every time I caress her soft cheek. Or her gentle hand touching me with her sweet affection.

Fuck me. I glance back at her. She rubs her hands up and down her bare arms. I don’t know what the fuck she was thinking wearing a sleeveless dress like that. Doesn’t she know how fucking cold it is when you fly. Then it hits me like a two by four. No, because I’m a dumb ass, and she’s never been on a plane before. Like a pussy I trudge back to her. “There’s a blanket in the drawer under your seat.”

“I’m fine.”

God damn it. I roll my neck to keep from saying something shitty. This girl is going to fucking kill me. I squat down and yank the handle open. Forcing her to twist her crossed legs, giving me a peek at more of her smooth thigh. I unfold the gray cover and drape the fabric across her. Still unwilling to meet my eyes but at least she doesn’t kick me in the balls when I stand up.

“Thank you Luciano.”

The hollowness in her tone almost undoes me. I can’t fucking stand her hating me. Even though I fucking deserve worse. “I hope you don’t plan on acting like this the entire trip.”

“Well, I hope you don’t plan on acting like a huge jerk for the rest of your life.”

Jerk. Sweet hell, this woman is so naïve. That’s the saddest fucking insult I’ve ever heard. I can’t but help laugh.

“Please…” Until her quivering voice catches. “…Just leave me alone.”

She turns away, laying the side of her head against the leather. So I don’t see her cry.

I would fucking kill any other man who treated her this way. I’m a fucking bastard who doesn’t deserve any less. Fuck. I drop down to the table between the benches. “I've tried. God, I've fucking tried. But I just can’t seem to let you go.”

“You’re…”

Too innocent to say the curse words she should. So, I do it instead. “A stupid fucking bastard.”

She remains silent yet doesn’t flinch when I curl my fingers over hers. “And just like you. I’ve never done this before.”

Disgust darkens her face even more, and she shakes her head. Long hair rustling against the head rest from her ferocity. Done with my stupid ass, she jerks her hand from underneath mine. Angles her body away from me even more to look out the window. I guess clouds of nothingness are better than my ugly face. “I don’t mean sex. I mean love.”

The blanket billows from her shudder like I’ve touched her. Not her skin but her heart. Maybe piercing a tiny bit through the wall she built protecting herself from me. Damn, why does this have to be so fucking hard? “I’ve never loved anyone or wanted anyone to love me.”

Her defense softens just a bit more. Yet she doesn’t turn around. Probably still thinks my words are lame bullshit just like they sound to my own ears. Although the sentiment is truer than I ever thought possible. Or thought I could admit. “I want that now. With you. But I don’t know how.”

For the first time ever, in my whole fucking fucked up life, I don’t know what to do. What else to say. To make her believe me. To bring her back to me. So I wait. Helpless. Pathetic. Miserable.

A small sigh escapes her mouth. “You’re just so confusing. I never know who I’m going to have to deal with. Sometimes it’s this Luciano. The one who’s gentle and generous to me and such a good dad to Eli.”

No one has ever thought I was good. Slaying me that she believes I am. Even more shocking that she thinks I’m suitable father for my little brother.

“Or sometimes it’s sexy Luciano.” Pink flushes her cheeks and her voice drops. “Who makes me feel sexy and beautiful and wanted more than any man ever has before.”

God, I fucking love that I make her feel that way. Exactly how it should be. Only me.

“But then there’s cruel, vindictive Luciano…” A sob bubbles out and her eyes squeeze shut. Unwilling to face me. “…which scares me so much that someone I love hurts me more than I think I can recover from.”

God fucking damn. She loves me. Fucking amazing after the hell I’ve put her through, that I haven’t managed to completely destroy her feelings for me. I can barely hear her broken voice but the anguish rings through clearly.

“The pain Hunter caused me is nothing compared to what you do to me.” She jerks around, more despondent than I’ve ever seen her, gripping my coat sleeves with tiny fists. Huge eyes flickering with fear while she shakes me. “If you don’t want me, then please leave me alone. I’m begging you. I can’t take it anymore. I don’t know if this is just some sick game you’re playing with me or what. But you’ve got to stop hurting‒.”

Fucking motherfucker. She thinks I'm worse than fucking Hunter. I've got to fucking fix this. I yank her to me. Holding her stiff body while she sobs. From the torture I’ve put her through. From the agony I’ve inflicted on her delicate heart. Which fucking ends now. I caress her head, whispering into her silky hair. “It’s not a game.”

“I just want to take care of Eli. I love him, and I can’t lose him.”

She trembles in my embrace. Her body so small and fragile smashed against my pounding chest. “You won’t. I promise. I’m sorry, I just…”

What? Can’t get my shit together? Don’t like to admit my weakness? Find it impossible to believe that she wants me as much as I want her?

“Please don’t fire me. I’ll do anything you want. Just don’t make me leave Eli.”

Her sobs ratchet up to hysteria. I’ve pushed her too fucking far, and I’ve got to bring her back. She has to know I will never use him or sex as a weapon.

My hands fly to her cheeks, cupping the heated skin, and I force her to look at me. “I swear to God I will never fucking make you do anything to stay with Eli. Do you understand?”

All she can do is nod from crying so hard.

“You don’t owe me a damn thing, and regardless of what happens between me and you, you don’t ever have to worry about me keeping Eli from you.”

A tortured whimper blows between our lips. So close I can almost fucking taste the strawberry from her gloss. “Really?”

“Yes.”

I don’t blink. Or stutter. Or soften. She has to believe I fucking mean it. I may be a fucking bastard, but this is a vow I’ll keep to my death.

Slender shoulders droop with relief and her forehead tips to mine. But I’m not fucking finished. I have so much more I need to say. So much I need to ask.

With one obstacle out of the way, I must tackle the next. Yet, this challenge won’t be as easy. I’ve got nothing to offer her to make her believe me. To trust in my commitment. Except for my absolute sincerity. “I’ve fucked up so fucking bad.” Fucking killing my ego to be at the mercy of someone else. But I should have fucking admitted it to myself a long time ago. This woman holds my balls in a vise and always will. “Even though I don’t deserve it, I’m asking you to give me another chance. I want to prove to you that I won’t hurt you anymore. That I can make you happy.”

“I want to, but I’m scared.”

White noise envelopes us. The air thick and empty here in this fucking multi-million dollar jet. With the pilots hidden inside their cockpit, it feels like we’re alone in a timeless space. So far away from everyone else. Like the world below could have disappeared. Floating in the freedom of ambiguity. That I’m not a mob king. Or a ruthless businessman. Or a heartless killer.

Just a man. With the woman he loves more than himself. “I know. I am too.”

My admission elicits a soft laugh. A half-lifted cheek from an idea that seems so absurd. Her gaze sweeps over my huge body, wide shoulders, thick neck. I happen to be a big guy, but physical strength is all I have over her. She somehow controls everything else.

“What do you have to be afraid of?”

Her long hair is baby smooth against my skin as I loop a strand around my finger. “You.”

“Me?”

A beautiful blush creeps over her face. Lust igniting between us again from her whisper. I slide next to her on the bench and wrap my hands around her tiny waist. Effortlessly twisting her to straddle me. Knees digging into the leather on each side of me as my cock comes to life underneath her sweet ass.

The bottom of her dress bunches around the tops of her toned thighs that I can’t fucking wait to have wrapped around me. Stifling a moan from the heart-covered red fabric peeking out that covers her gorgeous pink pussy. Never has anything felt more right than her in my arms, body tucked into mine. A genuine smile enhancing her delicate beauty.

She forgives me.

“I won’t fuck this up any more.” I tug her closer, needing more. “You’ll never have to deal with asshole Luciano again.”

Her left eyebrow lifts. Not buying my bullshit at all. “Well, not very much.”

Laughter shakes her body while she presses her lips to mine. Slender arms wrap around my neck, and my hands caress her torso. All of the anguish evaporates from my taut muscles from the feel of her cool skin under my fingertips. Fucking sexy as hell in this backless dress. Which she needs to fucking cover with a jacket or something.

The humor fades away as her tiny kisses grow more urgent. Welcoming my tongue thrusting in her mouth. Her nipples pebbling through the thin purple fabric and brushing against my shirt. Hips tensing, squeezing me harder in painful pleasure.

I could take her so fucking easily. Indulge my traitorous cock urging me to slip off her panties and plunge inside. Listen to the greedy voice in my head demanding to own her. Now.

But, I can’t. Not like this.

Breaking away, I cup her face and smile to eliminate the uncertainty clouding her expression. “Tonight, I’m going to make love to you the way you deserve.”

Fuck me when her tongue darts out to lick her lips, and she swallows hard. A small nod confirms her agreement. Testing my resolve. Making me question my will power and my god damn fucking sanity for waiting.

“Okay.”

Just one word to make my pussy ass heart gloriously happy. My dick's pretty stoked too. "Okay."

Now her face shines with joy too when I slide her bracelet out of my jacket pocket and wrap the strand of diamonds around her delicate wrist. Back where the jewelry belongs and will forever remain.

"Thank you."

Satin skin shivers under my lips when I kiss the back of her hand. Wait until she hears what else I've got to tell her. Then I'll definitely earn more than an innocent peck on the cheek. “I have another surprise for you.”

Her head tilts in question. Relaxed and untroubled. Simply exquisite in her curiosity. “What?”

“How would you like to meet Shae Armstrong?”

She lights up like the sun. Eyes as wide as her mouth. “The singer? Are you kidding?”

“Nope. She’ll be at our dinner tonight. She’s married to Nick DeMarco, my business partner.”

“Oh wow! I love her music. I can’t believe I’m going to her house.” An ecstatic squeal erupts from her throat. “Thank you! I’m so excited!”

She engulfs me in a huge hug. Her head tucking under my neck. Peace filling me from her excitement. I've finally done something that makes her completely happy. No strings attached or underlying deceit. Just like I will continue to do from now on. “Me too. It’s going to be a great night.”