Sloane eyed Rick over the grill in the park three days later. “You don’t know what you’re doing, do you?”

They were across the street from their building, letting Kate romp around with River, while Rick was trying to con her into believing he knew how to use the park’s charcoal grill.

“You light the charcoal on fire and let them burn. It’s not that hard,” he scoffed. “I know what I’m doing.”

“Uh-huh.” She had a sneaking suspicion this was the first time he had grilled a damn thing. But she wasn’t going to push the issue. She was just happy he had invited her.

They weren’t exactly being secretive. Winnie was joining them in a few minutes as soon as she finished up at the salon, and her boyfriend Todd was en route as well. They looked like friends who all shared the same address getting together on a beautiful summer day.

Nothing unusual about that.

Except that her feelings for Rick were complicated.

Seriously complicated.

He was gorgeous, no doubt about it. She felt the sizzle between them every time she glanced over at him. He made her body hum, and he always gazed at her with total intensity. When he winked at her, she wanted to tear his clothes off and climb on him. He was wearing a form-fitting green Packers T-shirt and shorts and he looked comfortable. He wasn’t trying to be sexy, but there was no hiding those biceps and that broad chest. She wanted to grip his beard and kiss him, hard.

But their hookups were a secret and she was starting to hate that.

She didn’t even know if he was still talking to other women, or meeting up with them.

The thought irritated her. It was his right to do that, but she still hated the idea.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” he asked, tearing open the charcoal bag and pouring the briquettes into the basin of the grill.

“Like what?”

“Like you want to both kiss me and slap me.” His tone was mild-mannered, as it usually was.

He wasn’t right though. Yes, she wanted to kiss him. But the only person she wanted to slap was herself. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“What, you don’t like to kiss me?” he asked, shooting her a grin as he squirted lighter fluid onto the grill. “Here we go again. Destroying my ego all over again.”

Sloane glanced over to make sure River was out of earshot. She was tossing a stick for Kate, who was enthusiastically bounding after it. Both the dog and the girl seemed to be benefiting from the new friendship. It thrilled Sloane.

River was too far away for her to overhear so Sloane turned back to Rick. “You want the truth?”

His eyebrows shot up. “I don’t know, do I? That sounds ominous.”

“Last chance,” she told him, taking a step closer to him around the grill. She was wearing a pair of tiny denim shorts and a cute top that showed off her breasts to fabulous advantage, if she did say so herself.

“Truth,” he said. “Hit me with it.”

She got as close to him as she could without it looking too inappropriate to any passerby or Winnie, if she popped up. “I did like that kiss in high school. I got wet from that kiss. I was grinding myself against your cock and I liked it.”

His nostrils flared. “I knew it. I fucking knew it.”

“I guess the question we need to ask ourselves is why? Why was that kiss so hot?” She knew the answer already. It was because they had chemistry, a connection.

It had been there from the beginning, before she had even understood it, or been willing to accept it.

But her question hung out there between them, impulsively asked.

He stared at her for a heartbeat.

“Am I supposed to know the answer?” Rick asked, reaching to her like he wanted to pull her to him, before he realized they were in public.

“Maybe someday,” she said, a little disappointed. She wasn’t sure what she had expected him to say. But yeah, she was disappointed. She wanted more than he had ever offered her or even hinted at. Hell, she’d already gotten more than they’d originally planned on. They’d been having stealth sex whenever they could, including another quickie the night before when River was with Rachel for a girls’ back to school shopping trip.

She stepped away from the grill and went to spread out their tablecloth and clamp the edges so the wind didn’t blow it away.

Rick lit the briquettes on fire and put the rack on top of it.

He came over and helped her pull out potato chips and a salad she had made earlier and put in a plastic container. “Sloane.”

“Yeah?”

He looked into her eyes. “I know what I want the answer to be. But I’m afraid if I say it I’ll fuck everything up. You just got divorced and I have River and there’s Sullivan to think about…”

Her stomach dropped. She bit her lip and opened her eyes wide because she suddenly felt like she might cry. He was giving her a “let’s keep it casual” speech and she didn’t want to hear it. “Got it.” She turned and blinding walked toward River and Kate, needing to pet her dog so she didn’t say anything else and make it worse.

As is, they could just keep the status quo. That was clearly what he wanted and while Sloane knew with all her heart she wanted more, she realized she needed to accept it for now. If she pushed he would pull away entirely and she knew from his sister he had plenty of women in the wings waiting to take her place in his bed. Or on his motorcycle.

“What’s up, girls?” she asked River.

Rick had mentioned he and River were locked in a battle over her shampooing her hair and it was clear he was losing. Her hair was matted down and looked greasy and frizzy simultaneously. Sloane remembered all too well what it was like to be a girl growing up without a mom. Her own father had tried, but he knew nothing about fashion and ponytails. Sullivan had kept the house full of testosterone-laden boys and Liam had been more comfortable with that than with her tears over wanting to wear makeup at twelve years old. Maybe River needed a female friend.

“Nothing,” River said, sitting down on the ground. “Come here, Kate.”

The dog obediently went to her, tail wagging, and was rewarded with a head rub.

“Do you wish you had a dog?” she asked River, dropping down beside her on the grass.

“Yeah. Rick says no because we live in an apartment. I wish we lived in a house, but not like my dad’s house. Like your dad’s house.”

That made Sloane’s heart hurt for River. “That was a good house to grow up, that is very true. I think Rick is too busy to have a house though. He has the auto body shop and you to worry about, not fixing leaky toilets or cutting the grass.”

“I know.” River looked over at her. “Do you ever wish your mom didn’t leave?”

Sloane wasn’t sure how River knew that, but it was a small town and it wasn’t a secret. “Sure, sometimes. But I don’t really remember her, so I don’t miss her. I just wished when I was your age and a teenager that I had a woman to talk to. My dad was great but there’s just girl stuff sometimes.”

River nodded. “I feel the same way. Rick tries, but he doesn’t understand I’m growing up. And Rachel tries too, but honestly, she’s more immature than I am.”

Sloane smiled at River, amused by her response. “Well, I’m around if you ever need someone to talk to. I won’t tell your brother what we talk about, I promise.”

“Thanks. And you can talk to me, too, you know. About Rick. And how you feel.” River’s look was expectant.

Sloane was speechless. She seriously had no idea what to say. But then his words came right back to her. He didn’t want to ruin anything. He didn’t want anything more. She had to respect that. Keep things simple. Straight-forward. Sex.

“I like Rick. We’re friends, that’s all.” Why did it suck so hard to say that?

Because part of her had thought that if she wanted more, so would he. After all, he was the one who’d always had a crush on her. But that had nothing to do with his life as an adult and he liked the ladies. She was a friend with benefits. Nothing more, nothing less.

One benefit of being an O’Toole? She knew how to keep her emotions under wrap.

When Rick came over with Winnie and Todd, she had herself completely pulled back together. It was her first time meeting Todd and she stood up to introduce herself. “Hi, I’m Sloane, Winnie’s new shampoo girl.”

Not Rick’s friend. Or Sullivan’s sister. Or Tom’s ex-wife.

She was Sloane, with a life of her own.

---

Rick watched River run ahead of him at the Fish Festival, wishing like he always did, that she had more friends. It was worrisome. It didn’t seem to bother her a whole lot but it just seemed to him that at some point she had to be lonely. Girls her age had sleepovers and put makeup on each other and watched the Disney channel together. At least she’d agreed to go to camp for the next year, and now she had Kate to play with. A dog couldn’t speak, but she could still be a friend.

He sipped a beer and lazily walked beside Axl, who was actually on duty as a cop.

“I can see you worrying,” Axl said. “She’s a good kid, Ryder. You’re doing a fantastic job.”

He shrugged. “I do all right. But I do worry. I can’t help it. And then I just get pissed at my dad. He bought her an iPhone without talking to me and now I have her watching YouTube videos in bed at midnight when she should be sleeping. And then to just totally embarrass me, he hit on Sloane.”

Axl snorted. “You have to give him credit. The guy has balls.”

“No, he has a dick and that’s all he thinks with.”

“Oh, and you’re different how?” Axl gave him a side look. “You’re kind of a player.”

That ticked him off. “Hey, that’s not fair.” It wasn’t. “I don’t drag women into my shithole house and knock them up. I’m not like him at all.” He resented the comparison.

“I didn’t mean that. I meant you’re so busy keeping women at a distance you’re going to end up like him—alone.”

“What are you, my fucking counselor?” Now Rick was flat-out angry because it hit a nerve. Sloane had hinted at something being between them at the park the other night and he’d pulled away. He’d given her the line he always gave women, about not wanting to ruin what they had by taking it further.

Her admission that she’d liked the kiss back in high school had been hot as hell, and deeply satisfying, but then he hadn’t truly understood what she was asking of him. Then he’d tried to talk to her about it and she’d shut him down.

“River will grow up, go to college, and then what?” Axl held his hands up.

He had his damn cop sunglasses on with his uniform and Rick couldn’t see his eyes. “I don’t know.” He hadn’t given a lot of thought to it. He was just doing his thing. Living day to day.

Until Sloane had rolled back into town.

Now he had thoughts tumbling around his head he didn’t know what to do with, and he’d tried to keep it casual and she had gone along with that.

He realized Sloane was standing next to River at a funnel cake stand. She had Finn on her hip. The festival was in downtown Beaver Band, and the lake was a beautiful backdrop for the sea of white tents and the carnival rides. Sloane was laughing, tossing her hair back, and adjusting Finn. He hadn’t seen her since the park, but he had been texting her. Some flirty, some sexy, some normal friendship type conversation. She had responded, sounded normal. But she hadn’t initiated any in-person meetings.

It had only been three days and he missed her. How insane was that?

He didn’t know what he wanted.

But he did know he wanted Sloane.

And he was scared to fuck it up. He didn’t want to be his father. He didn’t want to be that guy who runs through women, or worse, the guy who gets left behind.

“What am I supposed to do?” he asked Axl. “I think I might want something.”

Axl peeled his sunglasses off and gave him a grin. “Something? Or Sloane?”

“What do you know about Sloane?” Rick asked, wanting to hear Axl’s opinion.

“I know that you look at her like my father looks at my mother’s lasagna.”

Rick laughed. “Is that a euphemism?”

“Fuck no. I’m talking about my parents. I meant dinner.”

That was how he felt about Sloane. He wanted to eat her. But was that just lust or more?

River ran over to him. “I’m going on the Ferris wheel with Sloane after I get a funnel cake.”

He eyed his sister. “Here’s a thought. Ferris wheel first, then funnel cake. I don’t need you puking up fried dough.”

That thought ripped him straight back down to reality. Sloane said she wanted a family, but did she want this kind of family? A guy who came with a kid as a package deal?

“Good call,” River said, holding her hand out. She was rocking on her feet and looking super excited. “I need money.”

He gave her a twenty and turned to Axl. “I’m an ATM. This is why I can’t get married. I’ll go under financially if I add a wife to the mix.”

It was a joke. But he was testing the waters, he knew it. He wanted Axl to give him permission to not be a bachelor. Which was stupid. He was a grown-ass man.

Sloane came over to him. “River wants to ride the Ferris wheel. Let me just wait for Lilly. She’s in the restroom but she can take Finn.”

“Where’s Sullivan?” Axl asked.

“Beer tent.” Her face showed her opinion on him drinking at noon.

“I see her coming,” Rick said. “Here, give me Finn.”

She handed him the baby and gave him a small smile. Maybe it was just his perception, but she seemed more remote now. Closed off a little.

Keeping it casual.

Fuck. He hated that.

He gave Finn a little bounce and told him, “Man, I hope you have your act together way before you’re our age. We’re a mess.”

“Speak for yourself,” Axl said. “I’m living the dream over here. I’ve totally got my crap together.”

That was doubtful but Rick wasn’t about to argue with him because he was watching Sloane get on the Ferris wheel with River. She spotted him and waved, a smile spreading across her face as she got settled in the seat.

A memory came rushing back to Rick.

It was the summer after Sloane’s senior year. Eight months after the kiss. He had grown almost three inches and had started working out. Flirting with girls. Enjoying his rising social status.

Then he’d come to the Fish Festival with the guys and he’d seen Sloane on the Ferris wheel with her boyfriend and everything he’d gained in the last eight months seemed like nothing compared to what he’d lost.

He knew he would never have Sloane and that had crushed him like nothing else.

The Ferris wheel started moving and her long dark hair blew back.

God, she was beautiful.

He knew the answer to the question then, with total clarity.

It was love.

It hit him in the chest like a wrecking ball. Boom.

He was a complete and total idiot.

She’d been trying to tell him they could have a future together. That they both wanted the same damn thing. A normal family life with a partner you loved, and she’d been hinting that maybe, they should explore that option together.

He ran his hand through his beard, agitated. Holy crap, he had seriously blown it.

“Are you okay?” Axl asked him.

“No. No, I’m not. I’m a complete idiot.”

“I could have told you that,” Axl said, giving him a hard time.

“I need you to take Finn.”

“Where the hell is Lilly? Or better yet, Finn’s father?” Axl asked. “I’m on duty. I shouldn’t be babysitting.”

Rick was watching the wheel turn around and around, knowing he had to be there when she got off of it. “Give me a break, seriously. Just take him.”

Without waiting for an answer, he strode over to the Ferris wheel right as River and Sloane were disembarking.

“Hey, Sloane, want to ride with me?”

She shot him an amused look. “Um, I just got off the Ferris wheel. Oh, and hello to you too.”

What had happened to all his years of easy flirtation and cheesy pick-up lines? He seemed to have forgotten all of it under the weight of the realization that he always had, and always would, love Sloane. “I have a ticket,” he said.

She eyed him like he was losing it. “Okay, I’ll ride it with you and River.”

“River is staying with Axl.”

“What?” River protested. “Why can’t I go another time?”

“Because it’s my turn.” He had to do this before he changed his mind. The carnival sounds retreated and all he could focus on was Sloane.

“Ooooh,” River said. “I get it.” She made a heart with her fingers in front of her stomach where Sloane couldn’t see it.

That made him laugh. He gave her another twenty bucks out of his wallet. “Go buy your funnel cake.”

“You already gave me twenty dollars.”

“You’re not supposed to care.”

River ran off.

Sloane’s eyes had widened, her plump kissable lips parting slowly. “What is going on here?”

“I just want to ride the Ferris wheel. Do you know where Lilly is?”

“She’s still in the restroom. There must be a line. But she can take Finn as soon as she comes back.”

“I see her coming,” Axl said. “Here, give me Finn and get on the damn ride before Rick pops a vein.”

Axl knew what was up. Rick could see it on his face. His friend was grinning for all he was worth. Rick wasn’t going to argue with him.

“Perfect.” Rick took Finn and handed the baby off to Axl. Then he took Sloane’s hand and basically dragged her to the entrance to the Ferris wheel.

“Are you okay?” she asked. “And do you think we should be holding hands? Anyone might see us.”

Rick stopped walking and turned back to her. Sloane collided with him.

“Oomph. Sorry. Why did you stop walking?”

“Someone might see this too and I don’t care.” Rick cupped her cheeks, bent down and gave her a kiss he felt in the depths of his damn soul.

She shivered when he pulled back. Her eyelashes fluttered and she glanced around nervously. “I’m really confused.”

He wasn’t. “I know why.”

“What?” She looked at him blankly.

“I know why that kiss was so good in high school.”

Sloane sucked in a small breath. “Oh, really? Why is that?” She pushed her hair out of her face and eyed him.

“Just ride the Ferris wheel with me and I’ll tell you.”

“Sure.” She glanced back. “Lilly has Finn and River. That’s good.”

“That is good.” He trusted Axl completely but he was on duty. River was old enough to just stand beside the Ferris wheel and wait for him, but they were responsible for Finn since Sullivan was off being an idiot.

A few seconds later Rick was ushering Sloane onto the ride.

They were belted in and almost immediately they rose, not to load another swing but to rise all the way up into the warm summer air. They could see all of downtown and sailboats and fishing boats dotting all over the lake.

But truthfully, all he could see was Sloane.

“So what’s your answer?” she asked, as she pushed her hair back off her face. She wasn’t smiling.

He took her hand and laced his fingers through hers. Here went nothing.

“When I was fifteen the guys and I came to the Fish Festival at night and we ran into you here with your boyfriend.”

She stared at him, looking a little puzzled. “I don’t really remember that. But I came to the festival every year. What does that have to do with anything?”

“You don’t remember it because it was no big deal. It was like any other day. But I stood down there and I watched you riding the Ferris wheel with what’s-his-name and you were making out with him. And I told myself that I was a fucking idiot because I’d had that one shot. That one kiss in the dark bathroom and it was amazing. It was… everything. And I just let you go. I let you walk away and go on with your life and that night, I watched you with that guy, knowing you were leaving for college. And I swore to myself if I was ever lucky enough to have a chance with you, I would never let you go.”

Sloane made a sound in the back of her throat. Her expression softened, her eyes growing glassy. “What does that mean?”

“It means that I don’t want to be a secret. It means I’m an idiot for not picking up on what you were asking in the park. But I was afraid, you know? Afraid you like Rick the stripper and not Little Dickie. Afraid that somehow I’ll become my dad, and I won’t be worthy of you.”

She turned as much as the car would allow her to and reached out and touched his face, running her hands through his beard. “I like you. The man inside. I liked you then and I like you even more now. I appreciate the muscles, but they don’t make the man. Remember that. I watch you with River and it’s amazing.”

“And I see you with Finn and Kate and your family and those dogs at the kennel and I think you’re amazing.”

She smiled. “You still haven’t answered the question. Why was that kiss so hot?”

“Because we’re perfect for each other. Always have been.”

Her eyes widened and suddenly there were tears there. He ran his fingers through her hair, drew his thumb under her eyes to ease the tears away. “I don’t want to be just a guy who gets you off. I mean, I want to do that too.” Fuck. He was botching this. “I want more. I want you. And me.”

Her hair hit him in the forehead as they came around and were on the downswing. He held her hair down on either side of her face and he threw it all out there, just like the night he’d climbed in the bathroom window. She was worth the risk.

“Sloane, I love you.”