Chapter 9

It took me a long time to go to sleep the night before. I don’t know what had come over me, but I looked at Stan and my chest would tighten. I rolled over to see Stan’s spot empty. I hoisted myself up on one elbow and casually looked around the small tent. Stan’s shoes were gone. I got up and pulled my jeans on, as well as my jacket, all while trying to put my boots on. I finally got out of the tent and stood in awe at the scene before me.

Stan was standing right at the end of the ridge, the morning sun just rising in front of him. A light mist covered the ground, swirling around his ankles as the pink and red of Sedona kissed the morning sky. My breath caught in my throat as his hair gently moved with the breeze. I’d never seen anything so beautiful in my life. I walked over to him and stood at his side.

“Look at it,” he whispered. “Have you ever seen anything so beautiful?”

“I haven’t,” I answered, staring right at him.

Stan turned to me with a smile. “Thank you for this.”

“I think you need to go to the Grand Canyon as well.”

“Is it like this?”

“It’s better.”

“I should go then.” He nodded.

His eyes were so full of life just then, I couldn’t help but reach out and touch his pink cheeks. Stan’s eyes closed as I cupped his face and I wanted to kiss him just then.

“Good morning,” Axel interrupted us.

I let out a huff of frustration and glared at Axel. He merely grinned and threw some wood into the fire pit.

“Gorgeous, isn’t it?” he said, walking up next to Stan. “The first time I saw it, I couldn’t believe how gorgeous the view was.”

“I’m going to get the coffee going,” Stan announced, leaving me and Axel together.

I stared a hole through him and he winked. “Did I interrupt?”

“You know you did.” I crossed my arms.

“What were you going to do? Kiss him? I don’t think you would have. You’re not quite sure how you feel about Stan and I think you should let him be.”

“Excuse me?” I pushed into his space, which is really hard to do with Axel. “What I do with Stan is none of your business.”

“Look, Nash seems to like him and he’s gay, so maybe he would be good for Stan.”

“I like you, Axel, so please don’t get on my bad side.” I gritted through my teeth.

“Now, that’s better!” Axel clapped me on my back. “That’s what I like to see.”

“What?”

“Oh, he Axel’d you.” Gareth chuckled, walking up on us. “Good job, babe.” Gareth got on his tiptoes and kissed his husband.

“Did I hear right?” Jinx came to stand next to Gareth. “Did Rebel just go all territorial?”

“Why don’t you go put a cock in your ear and fuck what you heard?” I glared at him.

“Oooh!” Jinx cracked up. “That was good!”

“Fuck all of you.” I snorted and took off for the nearest tree. I noticed Stan with Achilles and he looked a little wary — Stan that is. Achilles smiled and patted him on his back, walking him back to the fire. I was starting to get pissed off. Half the time the guys were razzing me about Stan and now Axel was giving me shit? Okay, so I wasn’t Nash, I wasn’t seven feet tall with biceps the size of a tree trunk, but I wasn’t a waif. I worked out all the time, and I wasn’t short, either. Okay, so I wasn’t six foot like Ransom, but I could hold my own. Besides, Stan was maybe five-eight?

Why was I letting this bother me so much? I watched Stan with Gareth, Jayden, and Harley and I had to smile. Harley had an arm wrapped around Stan’s shoulders and he was blushing. I finished my business and headed back to the tree trunk. I sat down and Stan sat down next to me, handing me a cup of coffee. I took it from him and sipped slowly.

“This is really good.” I glanced over at him and grinned. “Thank you.”

“Sure.” He nodded.

“So what’s the plan today?” Achilles sat across from us.

“A hike?” Axel glanced at the group.

“The last time you went on a hike with my brother, you almost lost him.” Ransom arched his brows at Axel.

“Almost,” Gareth piped up.

“We’ll take the trail. It’s safe enough,” I said.

“Okay, pack up some snacks and let’s head down.” Achilles rose from his seat and pulled Harley into his arms. “You up for this?”

“Will you carry me?” Harley gave a sly grin.

“If you get tired.”

“Awww.” Ransom and Gareth said in unison.

“Yeah, I’m not carrying you.” Sal snorted, slapping Ransom’s ass.

“Um, hello?” I pointed to my cup. “I haven’t finished this and you all know how I am without at least one cup of coffee in me.”

I laughed as they all sat down immediately and waited.

“That’s what I thought.”

A little while later, we all took the trail toward the bottom of the canyon. I stayed a bit behind with Jinx and we talked as we walked. Jayden was up ahead with Stan and Gareth. The three of them were laughing about something and Stan’s laugh carried on the wind.

“He seems happy,” Jinx remarked.

“Who? Jayden?”

“Jayden’s always happy,” Jinx snorted. “I’m talking about Stan. How was your first night in the tent together?”

“Nothing happened.”

“But you wanted something to happen?” Jinx took my hand and stopped me. He searched my eyes and a grin formed on his lips. “You did.”

“Look, I don’t know what it is about him, ya know? We went out to lunch and I told him the whole story about my mom and dad and everything else.” Jinx looked shocked and I nodded. “I know, I don’t talk about that stuff to anyone but you guys, so imagine my surprise when I blurted all that out to him. He’s just really easy to talk to and I find myself staring at him more and more. You know how I am. I don’t want to get involved. It’s easier to do the one night thing and never see them again. I never get dumped and they never leave because I leave first.”

Jinx squeezed my hand and became serious. “Stan likes you, we can all see it, Rebel. The fact that he knows about your past and what you call ‘baggage’ doesn’t seem to faze him. Plus, he loves Auggie and is always there when you need him. What are you waiting for?”

I fidgeted and looked out across the valley. “I’m scared,” I admitted quietly.

“We all are, Rebel. There are no guarantees in love, but to live without it? Well, that’s not really living if you ask me.”

I grinned and pulled on Jinx’s hand, resuming our walk. “When did you get so sappy?”

“Fuck off.”

The campfire was roaring, as were we all, listening to Sal talking about taping his newest TV sitcom. A lot of Grandpa’s one-liners were in the script and the actors were finding it hard to utter them without laughing. Ransom was sitting next to him, watching him in awe. You could truly see the love they had for each other.

“So, Sal, how are you feeling?” I asked.

“I’m really good! Ransom makes sure I take my meds every day and I’m attending a support group now. It really does help.”

“Well, when Ransom told us, I knew nothing would stop him from making you his.” I smiled genuinely.

“I’m so glad he did tell you.” Sal took Ransom’s hand.

“You are?” I asked in surprise.

“It’s like coming out, you don’t just do it once — you have to do it over and over again. HIV is the same way. You have to constantly repeat yourself and it’s annoying. Besides, you’re Ransom’s family and I trust you guys.”

“You came out to the world, hon.” Ransom kissed Sal’s cheek. “You didn’t have to.”

“No, I didn’t, but I wanted to. I wanted every kid out there to know you can live with HIV — even AIDS. They needed to know it’s not a death sentence and that there is help for them. Being a movie star doesn’t make me untouchable and I’ve seen what keeping secrets does to other Hollywood A-listers.”

We talked until way into the wee hours of the morning. Stan looked as though he was ready to pass out and the temperature had dipped. We all headed to our tents and I crawled into my sleeping bag, listening to Stan’s teeth chattering in his own.

“Hey, come over here,” I said, quietly. “Let’s zip them together.”

Stan did as I suggested and I zipped our sleeping bags together. Stan got in on his side and I rolled to my side, pulling his back into my chest.

“What are you d-doing?” he chattered.

“Keeping you warm. There’s a reason I don’t shave my chest.” I chuckled lightly.

“You’re l-like a f-furnace.”

“Shh, go to sleep.”

Stan’s body relaxed after a few minutes and his breathing regulated. Just holding him in my arms was doing something to me. I inhaled the scent of his hair and almost sighed. It was campfire and pine rolled into one hell of an intoxicating scent. I kept my lower body in check as I closed my own eyes and fell out.

In the morning, we were packing up the site, cleaning up after ourselves and making sure the fire was completely out. I found Stan over by the edge of the ridge, staring out into the valley below.

“Hey.” I nudged him.

“Is it sad that I don’t want to leave? It just feels like we’re in this whole other world up here, where nothing bad can touch us.”

“I feel that way every time I come up here,” I admitted.

“Back to real life I guess.” Stan sighed audibly.

“We can come back any time,” I assured him.

“We?” Stan turned to face me. His eyes searched mine and my cheeks heated at his intense gaze.

“Yeah. We.”

A smile formed on his lips and I reached for his hand. Ransom chose that moment to interrupt us, and Stan walked back toward my car as I stood staring at Ransom.

“What?” He feigned innocence. “Just think, when you finally do get together how great it will be with no one interrupting you.”

I smacked his arm.

I met Stan at my car and we said goodbye to everyone. Stan was in a hushed conversation with Axel and Achilles, and I found myself getting annoyed. I felt as if I was being kept out of something and I hated that. Once we were back on the road, Stan turned in the seat.

“So, um, how would you and Grandpa like to come over tomorrow? I can make something?”

“I think Grandpa would love that. He’s really taking a shining to you, you know.” I glanced over at him.

Stan mumbled under his breath and I leaned over a bit. “What was that?”

“Nothing. So what would you guys like?”

“What can you make?”

“Just about anything, I guess.” He shrugged.

“That good, huh?”

“Well, I can follow a recipe.”

“How about we make it a surprise?”

“Sounds good.”

By the time I got Stan back home, it was almost six at night. I drove to the nursing home and found Grandpa embroiled in a game of Cards Against Humanity. I sat behind him and my eyes widened at what he’d put together.

“Grandpa!” I gasped.

“What? I’m gonna win!”

I observed his stack of cards, which meant he was, indeed, winning by a landslide. I allowed him to put his last cards down, which he won again and I helped him out to the car.

“So? How was camping?” he asked.

“Interesting.”

“Yeah? Did you give Stan your beefy cannelloni?”

“No, Grandpa.” I snorted. I glanced over at him to see his eyes narrowed at me. “Oh, what is it now?” I said in frustration.

“Boy, the only things we regret in this life are the risks we didn’t take! Just admit you like the boy!”

“I don’t know what I’m feeling, okay? There were times this weekend that I wanted to hold him and kiss him, but you know —”

“Lord, son! Look, I know you have abandonment issues because of your mom and dad. You never felt worthy of love, but your grandmother and I loved you as our own. You are worthy of love, the best kind, the soul-wrenching kind, the can’t-eat-can’t-sleep kind of love.”

“That sounds painful,” I joked. I got a slap to my head. “Okay! Okay!”

“You need each other. There’s a void needs to be filled there and I think his heart is going to fit just right with you. You’ll be beating as two, not one, and then you’ll know, Rebel.” He eyed me with tears in his eyes. “Then you’ll really know,” he whispered.

I stopped the car and put it in park and then I just held him. I knew he was talking about my grandmother. After she’d passed, he never really was the same.

“When they hurt, you do too. You’ll feel it right here.” He patted my chest. “When you see them, your heart beats a bit faster and you can’t catch your breath. Everything stops around you and all you see is them. Understand?”

“I understand.” I hugged him tightly. “Let’s get you home. We’re going to Stan’s tomorrow.”

“Good. I love that boy.”

“I know you do, Grandpa.” I squeezed his hand. “I know.”