Chapter
NINE
Now I’m trapped.
His words reverberated back to her as she sat in her windowless cubicle, compiling and stapling reports. That wasn’t how she wanted to make him feel. It sounded as if Gavin had been trapped for most of his life—both by his father and his lack of choice in a career and his duties. Then by wartime experiences too dreadful to name, and now by his own mind and inflexibility.
No, she didn’t want to trap Gavin Knight. She wanted to be the one to set him free. Being free meant being happy.
And while Mia didn’t feel exactly free in her boring job, she had enough friends and fun times to offset the tedium and total lack of workplace socialization. The two sallow-faced insurance agents were always holed away in their own offices, so her main work relationships were with the copier and the filing cabinet.
But it wasn’t as if she planned to keep the job—or be “petulant” about it—forever. She just had to figure out what to do next.
She stuck a file folder in the cabinet and turned to the blank sheet of paper on the desk.
Five things she was good at. The order had stuck in the back of her mind all morning.
She glanced at the clock. Quarter to twelve. She was half-tempted to ignore the command and not send him anything. Part of her just wanted to know what he’d do if she disobeyed. The other bigger part of her wanted to find out why he’d dreamed up this little exercise in the first place.
What was she good at that didn’t have anything to do with French literature or academics? She couldn’t cook. She couldn’t sing or play a musical instrument. She could dance, but only in the context of a club. Math wasn’t her strong suit.
She was good at fashion, makeup, and flirting, but Gavin knew that already. And she wasn’t supposed to include stuff like that anyway.
She picked up the pen and wrote:
I’m good at decorating.
That was true. Her apartment was a little haven of charm, and although she didn’t know if she could style a room to be modern and contemporary, that wasn’t the point. Everyone had their own style and taste, and hers happened to be French Country with a crapload of girliness thrown into the mix.
She added: I’m a good friend.
Was that a skill? Maybe not. She crossed it off the list.
I’m good at organizing stuff.
That was because she’d collated and filed so many damned reports.
I’m good with people.
Probably that was why she was so unhappy here at Ye Olde Insurance Agency. No one to talk to. At least when she helped Polly at Wild Child, she could chat with customers and be social. People seemed to like her, too. Surely that was a good quality.
Three down. Two to go.
She tapped her pen on the desk. The fact that she had to think so hard about this was rather demoralizing.
I’m good at photography and making scrapbooks.
Also true. She’d created a scrapbook for her granny’s seventy-fifth birthday, and she’d done several for her friends commemorating their high-school or college years. One of her wedding gifts to Polly and Luke would be a full scrapbook of their wedding, complete with photos and mementos.
She brought up Gavin’s number on her phone and typed out the first four skills in a text, numbering them one to four. Then, because it was the truth, she again added I’m a good friend. For number six, she typed:
I’m good at making the bad stuff disappear.
She hit the send button and put her phone away. Her stomach knotted. She wanted to see him again. Badly. She really wanted to have sex with him again—because that had been more mind-blowing than anything she’d ever experienced—but she also just wanted him.
She wanted to curl up on his lap and feel his arms lock around her. She wanted him to bring her ice cream and call her a pretty girl. She wanted to feel his strong body beside hers as she fell asleep. She wanted to wear his shirts and smell him on her skin. She wanted him to trust her with his secrets.
She didn’t really want him looking right into her and forcing her faults to the surface, but if that was part of having him, then so be it. If anyone could handle her faults, he could.
He could handle anything. She’d known that about him the minute she saw him. His strength was just one of the things that had drawn her to him. He could fold her right into himself, like an eagle wrapping strong wings around her. But she had never considered that if he did that, she might not want to come out again. She might just want to lose herself in him.
She checked her phone repeatedly for the next couple of hours, but no response to her text came. Then one of the insurance agents got mad at her for misfiling a report, which made her feel worse.
“It doesn’t take a genius to figure this out,” he snapped at her. “Or maybe it does.”
Mia barely suppressed the urge to make a face at him when he stalked back to his office. Her day went further downhill when her favorite silk scarf caught the sharp edge of a metal cabinet and ripped.
She could hardly wait to see Gavin again, wanting nothing more than to nestle into his lap and forget about all the lousy stuff. Unfortunately she had to wait until nine.
After work, she made her usual stop at Wild Child in the hopes of improving her mood. Only a few customers sat at the tables, and Polly and her sister Hannah were huddled at the counter, looking at a website displaying a vast mountain range.
“Hey, Mia.” Polly straightened to give her a smile. “Caramel-chocolate mochaccino?”
“No, thanks.” Mia half expected her friend to notice something was different about her. She certainly felt different.
“Polly and I are thinking of taking a trip to Kenya next year.” Hannah gestured to the website. “Evan might even be able to go, if his doctor okays the trip. I was telling her about a safari I took once when I was there. Definitely a place you need to visit at least once.”
Mia glanced at the website. Polly had come such a long way in the past year, not only with Luke but having reconciled with her estranged sister. Polly and Hannah had gotten quite close since Hannah had returned to Indigo Bay last summer.
Yet another change Mia had been struggling to accept.
“I stopped by to see if you wanted to come with me to happy hour at Asante,” she said to Polly. “We haven’t been in ages. Two for one martinis, and they’re trying out some new small plates.”
“Oh, I can’t.” Polly’s forehead creased. “Luke’s picking me up for a dinner thing. Maybe another night?”
“Sure.” Mia glanced at Hannah, whom she liked but still resented a little for all the years she hadn’t been there for Polly and their mother. “Do you want to go?”
“I can’t either, sorry. I need to finish a blog post tonight. But thanks for asking.”
“Sure.” Mia hitched her bag over her shoulder and stepped back toward the door. “Well, I guess I’ll head out then. I have my final dress fitting on Friday. Anything else you need me to do?”
“Heavens, no,” Polly said. “You’ve done so much already. I can’t thank you enough.”
“You don’t have to.”
“You’re coming to the barbeque on Saturday, right?” Polly asked. “Luke’s house, around five. Don’t bring anything except yourself.”
“I’ll be there.”
Mia headed outside, texting two other friends to see if they were available. Both Anna and Susan responded that they’d meet her at the bar, which made Mia feel better. At least she didn’t have to go home and sit around alone waiting for Gavin.
She took advantage of the warm evening to walk to the bar on First Street. Neither of her friends had arrived yet, so she staked out a table and ordered a lemon drop martini.
“Hi, Mia,” said a male voice. “Need some company?”
She glanced up. Danny approached her, a pint of beer in his hand and a grin on his face.
“Sure.” She indicated the empty seat opposite her. “The girls on are their way. Nicer place than Rave, huh?”
“Yeah, I’m celebrating because I got an interview with a sales company up in Santa Cruz.” Danny pulled out the chair and sat down. “It’s entry level, but has a lot of room for advancement.”
“That’s great. Congratulations.”
“Not a done deal yet.” He shrugged and took a swallow of beer. “What about you? Still planning the wedding?”
“Yes, but I have nothing on the radar after it’s over,” Mia admitted. In fact, the only thing she was looking forward to after the wedding was working at Wild Child when Polly and Luke were on their honeymoon. At least her bakery shifts would break up the mundanity of her days.
“I need to start sending my resume out again,” she told Danny. “I’ve been so busy with the wedding I haven’t even kept an eye on potential jobs.”
“What field are you looking at?”
“Academia, I guess.” Though Mia didn’t love the idea of being closed up in a library or helping a professor with research, at least she maybe she could find something that spoke to her strengths.
But was academia her strength? She loved the beauty of French literature and the language, and she’d been a dedicated student, but she hadn’t envisioned having a scholarly career. Quite the contrary. Driven by the desire for a cultured life surrounded by both loveliness and excitement, she’d seen herself living in Paris, perhaps consulting with museum curators or working in foreign services.
But after Granny died, Mia had been so mired in grief that returning to Indigo Bay after graduation had been all she could manage. She’d told herself she’d get a temp job while she took the time to settle Granny’s estate and mourn her loss. Once she felt strong enough again, she’d get started with her career.
Two years later, she was still stuck here and hadn’t “started” anything, much less a career. Maybe she still didn’t feel strong enough to make a change. Or maybe it was just that the more time passed, the harder it was to get out of the tedium of her life and routine.
Granny’s edicts about “do what you love” and “find beauty in everything” were becoming distant echoes in Mia’s mind. And her path was leading her straight to a future that alarmingly mirrored the unhappy, wearisome lives her parents had lived.
Then again, it wasn’t as if having a steady job and good friends was any great hardship. Especially when compared to Gavin’s life.
Her heart squeezed tight, like a fist.
“Hello? Earth to Mia.” Danny waved his hand in front of her face.
“Oh, sorry.” Mia blinked and shook her head. “Just thinking of something else.”
Danny’s mouth twisted wryly. “Good to know I’m such fabulous company.”
“I’m sorry. The wedding has just taken over my life these days.”
“Hey, you need a date for the main event?” Danny’s ears turned pink. “I mean, not a real date, just like a plus one or whatever it’s called. Not that I don’t want to go on a real date with you because who wouldn’t? But no pressure. Just offering if you need someone to go along to the wedding and dance the maid-of-honor dance with you or whatever… okay, I’ll shut up now.”
Mia smiled, unable to help being charmed by his bumbling. “Thanks, but I’m going solo. I just want to be there for Polly and make sure everything runs smoothly. It’s nothing personal.”
“Yeah, sure.” He downed the last of his beer, his ears still pink. “Maybe we could go out to dinner instead sometime?”
Two days ago, she would have said yes. At the very least she would have agreed to meet him for drinks again. Now…
“Thank you,” she said. “But actually… wedding aside, I’m seeing someone.”
“Oh.” His face fell. “I should’ve figured, huh?”
“Sorry we’re late!”
Mia looked up in relief as Susan and Anna sailed toward the table, their gazes going from Mia to Danny.
“Look at you, girl, already with the company,” Anna remarked.
“Danny was just leaving,” Mia said in an effort to avoid further awkwardness.
He gave them all a sheepish grin and stood, giving Mia a little tip of his head. “If you change your mind…”
He saluted her with his beer and returned to the bar.
“Hottie!” Susan sat down, slinging her purse over the back of the chair. “Did you give him your number?”
Mia shook her head. Her friends ordered drinks, chattered about their day, complained about their bosses, discussed weekend plans. Normally Mia would have been right in the middle of the socializing, but all she could think about was the clock inching toward nine o’clock.
Finally with apologies, she left the bar and walked back to her car. Darkness had fallen and most of the shops had closed. Pedestrians continued to stroll along Ocean Avenue, going in and out of restaurants and cafés. Mia turned off the main street toward the lot where she’d parked her car. Full during the workday, now only three other vehicles sat in the lot.
She took her keys from her purse and quickened her pace.
“Hey, Mia!”
Alarm shot through her as the male voice echoed through the parking lot. She turned. Danny was jogging toward her, his hand up. Though relieved it was only him, instinct had Mia moving more rapidly toward her car.
“You forgot your cell phone,” he called.
Her hand went automatically to her bag. She didn’t remember taking her phone out at the bar.
“I overheard your friends, and I told them I’d bring it out to you.” Danny came to a stop a short distance away. “Sorry, didn’t mean to freak you out.”
Mia’s unease deepened. Though she and Danny were acquaintances, she didn’t know him that well. Certainly not well enough to feel comfortable alone with him in a deserted parking lot. She slipped her hand into her purse. Her fingers touched her cell phone.
What the…?
Her heart jolted into her throat. She fumbled to find the right key to insert into the car door.
“Why’d you leave so soon?” he asked.
“I need to go.”
“Look, I’m sorry if I came on too strong back there.” He moved toward her, his hands still up like he was surrendering. “It’s just that I’ve seen you around so much, and I’ve been working up the courage to ask you out. But I don’t have your number, and there’s no guarantee I’ll see you again. So even if you break up with your boyfriend, I wouldn’t have a chance if I can’t contact you. And I really want a chance.”
“Danny, there’s no chance,” Mia snapped. “Stay away from me.”
His expression darkened, his skin pallid and yellowish in the glow of the overhead lights.
Mia pushed the key into the lock, relieved when it turned. She quickly got into the car, slamming and locking the door behind her. Danny was right outside the door now, still saying something. As if she’d listen.
Hands shaking, Mia started the engine and sped out of the parking lot. Her skin prickled with apprehension. She could still feel him watching her.