Damn. That was almost one horrendous clusterfuck.

I twist the deadbolt on the door, wishing I had done it before River walked in and ruined the moment I was having with Claudia. “I can’t believe he opened my front door and walked into my place without ringing the doorbell or at least calling out to let me know he was here.”

“You lived together for five years. I guess he thinks he doesn’t have to do those kinds of things.”

“That was Chattanooga. This isn’t.” My life is different now. No more drinking halfway through the night and showing up buzzed for class. No more sneaking out of bed at five in the morning to go home because the girl next to you might wake and ask if you plan on calling her later. No more wondering what I want out of life.

“Do you miss living with them?”

The three of us stayed drunk and hungover for the better part of the last few years. “No doubt about it. We had some great times but partying every night gets old. I’m ready for the next chapter in my life.”

“Does the next chapter of your life include me?” She toys with the necklace hanging around her neck. One of her nervous tics. Is she really worried I plan to cut her out of my life?

“Has there ever been a chapter that didn’t include you?”

“I’ve barely seen you the last eight months, so yeah, it feels like I’m missing from the last chapter.”

“We may not have seen each other but you weren’t out of my life. You’ll never be out of my life. And as far as the last chapter goes, you can’t possibly imagine how much you were a part of it.”

“I want to know, Duke. Tell me.”

My heart begs my mouth to set the words free. But my head knows that once they’re said, there’ll be no taking them back. And there’ll be no telling Claudia to pretend she never heard them.

We’ve admitted to sharing a special bond. There’s no harm in that. No wrong. We recognize and accept that our hearts and souls will forever be entwined. But taking it further, admitting how much I physically want her, is something entirely different.

This is a pivotal moment in our relationship. Nothing will ever be the same if I say those words.

“Stop being so afraid.”

“You saw River’s reaction. We barely had physical contact and he totally flipped out. Owen… River… your parents. Shit, Claud. All of them will kill me if I touch you.”

She comes to me and places her palms on my chest. “And I might go crazy if you don’t.”

I press my forehead to hers. “I want to. God, I want to so much it hurts.”

She laces her fingers through the back of my hair. “Then do.”

I pull her closer so our chests are pressed together. My lips hover over hers and I hesitate so I can savor sharing the breath before our first kiss. “My little dove.”

She smiles and nods. “Yes. I’m your little dove. Your girl. Yours, period.”

I cup my hand around her soft cheek and rub my thumb back and forth over her lips. “Sometimes my thoughts are consumed by what it would be like to kiss you. To touch you anywhere I want. To have you beneath me.”

She licks her lips and swallows hard. “I think about it too. All the time.”

My hands embrace the sides of her face as our mouths meet. Closed lips upon closed lips. The start of our kiss is slow and sweet, but not for long. It’s increasingly seductive—just like my little dove is.

Every motion our mouths share brings me closer to tasting her for the first time. And then it happens. Her wet, velvety tongue touches mine and all self-control ends. The slow and sweet exchange of closed-mouth pecks instantly transforms into heated grappling between our mouths.

I advance, pushing her backward until she’s pressed firmly against the wall with nowhere to go. My hands leave her face and glide down her sides until they find the bottom of her shorts. My fingers creep up the openings and find the outer edge of her panties.

“Ohh… Duuuke.” The words leaving her lips are soft and delicate. They’re barely more than a breathy whisper but hearing my special nickname said with such desire ignites the explosion of lust I’ve been suppressing.

My hands grasp the backs of her thighs. I lift and her legs come up and wrap around my waist as she’s done so many times before, but never like this. Never with her back shoved against the wall. Never with my mouth devouring her neck. Never with my dick dry-humping her pussy through our clothes.

I knew I was going to want her, but I never dreamed it would be this desperately. “Fuuuck… you are so sexy.”

One of her arms is wrapped around my shoulders, the other reaching so her hand can grasp the back of my head. She squeezes tightly, pulling me close. Her once-soft whispers are now breathy moans against my ear. “Take me to your bed.”

I stop and savor the feel of her body pressed against mine for a moment before lowering her feet to the floor. I press my forehead to hers and simply covet sharing the same space before saying those dreaded words. “I wish I could.”

“You can, Duke. I’m ready. I want this.” She cradles the sides of my face and leans in to pick up with our kiss.

“I can’t.” I grasp her wrists and hold her at a distance. I kiss the inside of her palm to lessen the sting of what I’m about to say. “Going this far with you was wrong.”

Claudia shakes her head. “Nothing about this is wrong. We belong together. I know it. You know it. And pretty soon our friends and family are going to know it too.”

No. No. No. “That can’t happen.”

“It can happen. And it’s going to happen.”

“You’re right. It is but not before you turn eighteen.”

“No, Duke. That’s two months away. I can’t be apart from you again.”

“We don’t have to be apart. We just can’t be sexually active until you reach the age of consent. I could get into some serious trouble. Not just a slap on the wrist.”

“We’ll be careful. No one will know.”

It would be irresponsible to take that kind of chance. “We can’t allow ourselves to get caught up in this kind of situation again. Doesn’t matter how strong-willed I am. I’m a man and being between your legs makes me weak as fuck.”

“You like being between my legs, huh?”

The temptation is unbelievable. My dick gets hard and it literally gains the power to override all rational thoughts in my mind. “Oh, I more than like being between your legs.”

“I more than like it, too.”

I release her wrists and take her hands in mine. “Eight weeks isn’t that long.”

The corner of her mouth pulls downward. Not quite a frown but definitely not the beautiful smile I love seeing. “Eight weeks feels like an eternity, but I guess we can try.”

“There’s no room to try. This is a serious matter, Claud.”

“I hear what you’re saying. And I’m going to be a good girl. Promise.” Her half-frown transitions into a naughty smirk. This isn’t the first time I’ve seen that look. Trouble always accompanies it.

“You better be a good girl. ‘Cause I’d look horrible in one of those orange jumpsuits, picking up trash on the side of the road.”

“Stop, Duke. Don’t say things about going to jail. That’s not going to happen.”

“Damn right, it’s not. Because I’m keeping my hands—and my dick—to myself until you blow out eighteen candles.” And after she does, I’m going to put her over my knee and give her eighteen smacks across that sweet little bare ass.

* * *

Five nights of tutoring. Five nights of teasing. Five nights of toying. Add those things together and what do you get? A record-setting case of blue balls.

But it’s not Claudia’s fault. If she did nothing but breathe, my dick would still get hard for her.

I’ve never had to exercise so much fucking self-control in my life. That shit is exhausting, but one hundred percent necessary. Otherwise, I’d have Claudia shoved against the wall again, except with my cock buried deep inside her. I can’t wait until that day comes.

Claudia leaps into my arms as soon as I open the door. “Is this happiness to see me or happiness your calculus test is behind you?”

“Both.”

“How do you think you did?”

“Really well. There were three bonuses and I’m pretty sure I got all of them right.”

“That’s great, bae.”

“Bae?” She giggles.

“Is it okay if I call you that?”

“If that’s what you want.”

“I’ve never had a bae before. I like it.”

I kick the door closed and carry her to the sofa. “No tutoring tonight. What do you want to do?”

“It’s probably not the best idea to go out. I was thinking we could stay here.” She glides her hands up my arms and around my shoulders. “Maybe you could tutor me in a different subject.”

“Claud …”

“Not full-on sex. I’m talking about the prerequisite stuff. Kissing.” She presses a soft kiss to my lips. “Touching.” She glides her hands over my chest. “Exploring.” Her hands move lower toward the fly of my jeans.

I grab her wrist when she tugs to open my pants. “And what happens when we get carried away and I have you shoved against the wall again?”

“I’m the one who needs the tutoring so you tell me what happens.”

Damn, restraint is draining. I take her hand in mine and kiss her inner wrist. “We’re going to do the safe thing and watch a movie.”

Claudia dramatically exhales as she falls against the back of the couch. “God, my boyfriend is a twenty-three-year-old man who acts a hundred and three.”

“Well, this twenty-three-year-old man can’t take another hard-on without getting off. My balls can’t decide if they should explode or implode.”

She sits up and reaches for my pants again. “Duke… let me make you come.”

“Ah, fuck, I can’t take this. You’re killing me.”

“It’s my fault you’re in this kind of misery.” She yanks open the button on my jeans and lowers my zipper. “Let me help you get some relief. You’ll feel so much better.”

I move her hands and push my dick back in my pants when it juts out. “There’s nothing I’d love more, but I can’t let you.”

She lowers her head. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. I love that you want to make me feel good. Trust me. I’m going to let you as soon as I can.”

Hands. Mouth. Pussy. Ass. I’m going to wear all of it out.

“Forty-nine days,” she whispers.

“It’s going to be so good when it happens because we had to wait.” I’ll know it was worth every minute of holding back when I finally get to slide my cock inside her.

“You’ve never had to wait for sex with anyone else. You wanted it and they gave it to you right then and there.”

“I don’t want to talk about that.” When you’re young, drunk, and fucking a girl who spread her legs for you, you never once consider having a conversation about it years later with the woman you love. You don’t think about how you’ll one day need to explain how you used another woman’s body for your own selfish pleasure. And you damn sure don’t contemplate how you’ll justify taking an act intended for true love and turning it into nothing more than a way to get your rocks off.

I never knew how much I’d regret the ones who came before her.

“I know you’ve screwed around with other girls. I may be young but I’m not stupid.”

“I don’t think you’re stupid or naïve, but it’s never a good idea to talk to your girlfriend about what you’ve done with others in the past. No good can come from it. It’ll only stir up bad feelings.”

“Phew.” She wipes her hand across her forehead. “I’m glad you feel that way. That means we won’t have to have the conversation about how many boys have fucked me.”

How many boys have fucked me. What the hell? “Wait just a minute.”

“Do you think we should watch a movie or binge on a TV series? We have to occupy ourselves with something other than sex and all the things leading up to it for the next forty-nine days. Maybe we could start watching American Horror Story. I’ve heard it’s really good.”

“Back up, little dove.”

“To the movie or TV series?”

“You need to explain what you mean by how many boys have fucked me.”

“There’s nothing to explain. You said we’re not having that conversation because no good could come from it. Don’t go getting your panties in a twist with me when you’re the one who put an end to that discussion.”

“I didn’t think such a conversation existed on your part.” I assumed because she hadn’t dated, she hadn’t had sex. I guess that was a dumb assumption.

“So you want to talk about me, but we don’t get to talk about you? You have to know that isn’t going to fly with me.”

“I want to know how many there have been.”

“No. You said we weren’t talking about it. So we aren’t.”

I’m not letting this go until I get some answers. “Yes, we are. Tell me now. How many boys have fucked you?”

She wraps her hand around my chin and squeezes so my lips pucker out. She presses a quick kiss to my mouth and releases her hold. “No one has fucked me. I’ve been saving myself for you.”

“You. Little. Shit. Come here.” I yank her onto my lap, facedown, and smack her on the ass three times. “I’ll teach you not to fuck around with me like that.”

I smack her ass one more time before allowing her to turn over and she curls in my arms like a baby.

“Did you like the way that felt, Duke—not knowing and imagining the worst?”

I get it now. “No. I didn’t like it at all.”

“That’s how I feel not knowing. I imagine notch after notch on your bedpost.”

I don’t want Claud to have the sick feeling in her gut I just experienced. “I don’t keep a running tally.”

“I don’t need an exact number.”

That’s good because I don’t have one. A few faces, but mostly circumstances, scenarios, and places flash in my mind. “At least a dozen. Probably closer to fifteen or sixteen.”

“Did you love any of them?”

Hell, I doubt I could even come up with names for three of them. “No. It was just sex. Mostly one-night stands after a night of partying.”

“Okay. That’s all I wanted—to know the truth.”

“And you’re okay with it?”

“Well, I wish you hadn’t been with all those girls but it’s in the past. Nothing to be done about it now.”

I wish I hadn’t been with them either. “Know this, Claudia: you’re the only one I’ve ever waited to have. The only one who’s ever had a place inside my heart. The only one… I’ve ever loved.”

“And you’re the only one I’ve ever loved.”

Confessing my love for Claudia is terrifying. I’m putting so many things in jeopardy. My lifelong friendship with my two best friends. My relationship with Staci and Shane Bliss. The opinion my family has of me. The respect of my co-workers.

I could lose everything by admitting my love for this girl.

And yet I’m willing to risk it all for her.