Charlie

EMILY IS HIDING FROM me.

I watch the way she does it, noting when each of her family members notices her withdrawal and when they decide to allow her the space. She has little poker tells. Quiet smiles that aren’t real. The way she deftly turns conversations back to any subject that isn’t her. The way she finds tiny chores that pull her away but make her appear to still be present. The way she finds pockets of solitude in a house full of people.

I’m not the only one who notices, but I’ll bet she thinks she has them all fooled. Her family loves her, worries about her, but doesn’t push her.

I really want to push her. I shouldn’t have told her she scares me. It made her pull back too much.

I respect her need for quiet. For solitude. But I resent the space she puts between us. It’s her right, of course, but I hate it. I hate that she thinks she needs it. Hate that it isn’t even about me. It’s about Alan.

Alan the weasel.

But what can I do? Spend the rest of my time in Maple Grove convincing her to move on from the weasel and then leave her just when she comes around?

It’s been almost forty-eight hours since we built the bikes. I haven’t been alone with her since. My time is coming to a close. I saw my car yesterday. It’s almost done. A real beauty. Midnight blue with a white nose stripe. A 454 under the hood and sitting on seventeen-inch chrome racing rims in the front and eighteen in the rear for a great muscle car stance.

And when her interior is done, I’ll be on my way. Riding out of town like the Lone Ranger at the end of every episode. Better for having known Emily.

I can’t stop thinking about the night she hugged me. It began so awkwardly, but then something changed. At least it had for me.

Was it platonic? Hell no. But it hadn’t been a prelude to sex either. And touching her, being touched, fundamentally changed something inside me. A seismic shift.

But not the same for her.

I want inside her. I want to claim her. Make her mine. Part of me wants to make slow, sweet love to her. But I’ll be honest, part of me wants to fuck her into the mattress. I want her to get dirty and nasty as fuck. I want to find what gets her off and set her free. I want her addicted to my cock and I want to cover her in my cum.

But that isn’t going to happen.

She doesn’t want to see where this can go—because we both know it’s going nowhere. I was upfront with her about noticing her, and she stopped talking to me. Can’t get more straightforward than that.

But that doesn’t stop my gut from clenching because she is ignoring me.

After dinner, the family gathers around the television for yet another Christmas movie—this one a black and white deal. I’m bored but also absorbed by watching this family interact with each other. It’s like a really well-run unit.

Amy’s husband pauses the movie so she can go put the baby down, and my attention goes straight to Emily, like it always does.

“Mom, you look exhausted. Why don’t you call it a night?” she says. There are deep lines furrowed over the bridge of her nose. Someday, some guy is going to have the right and the privilege to kiss them smooth.

“I can’t. It is Miracle on 34th Street night.”

Emily sends a glance to Carter, and he picks up the argument. “Mom, we’ve all seen it a hundred times. You need to get some rest to knock out this bug. The kids’ party is tomorrow. You don’t want to miss that.”

They get her to agree, though still not to see a doctor, and as soon as she leaves the room, Emily announces she is driving into town to grab some things from her apartment.

“Take Charlie with you,” Carter suggests, to my surprise. Jonesy has never been stupid. Why would he trust a guy like me with his sister?

“I’m sure Charlie has better things to do,” she says, her cheeks pinkening.

I don’t have anything better to do, but that doesn’t explain why words are coming out of my mouth before I decide to say them. “I’d love to see the Christmas lights in town again.”

Smooth.

She picks at likely nonexistent lint on her shirt. “You saw them the other night.”

“But I want to see them again.”

“Good, it’s settled,” Carter says. “Charlie, that hat you wanted to borrow is in my room. You can come grab it and go.”

Jones is not even trying to be subtle. I no more want to borrow his hat than he wants to loan it to me. He is going to have the big brother talk with me before I leave with his sister. Which is good. But then I remember the beautiful babies Jones wants to saddle me with and start second guessing the drive to town.

Once inside Carter’s room, Carter grabs a hat off the desk and shoves it into my chest. “You’re one of the best guys I know, but you fuck with my sister and no one will find your body. Just so we are clear.”

I couldn’t have heard him right. “What the fuck, man? You’re the one pushing me to go with her. It was your idea.”

Carter folds his arms across his chest, his stance deceptively relaxed, but likely ready to spring into action. “You could be good for her. She could be good for you. But if you hurt her feelings like—”

“Do not say that weasel’s name if you are about to put me in the same line-up.”

“She told you about him?”

“Yeah. She told me.”

The muscle in Carter’s jaw ticks. “She let him into her head, man. It kills me that she hasn’t been able to get him all the way out yet. I just don’t want to push her from the frying pan into the fire. You have my permission to date her—”

“Dude, she would kick your ass if she heard you say that, and I’m tempted to do it for her. She doesn’t need permission from you or anyone else—”

Carter narrows his eyes. “Damn it, you know what I mean. Just don’t hurt her.”

“I’m not staying, Jonesy. There’s no reason for me to start something I can’t finish.”

“You could stay.”

“And do what? There’s nothing for me here.”

Carter gets quiet. “You don’t have to start something. Just...just make her feel good about herself again. Give her some attention, you know? She needs to feel pretty and wanted again.”

She doesn’t need that from a guy, she needs that from herself. But if Carter doesn’t get that, it isn’t up to me to explain it to him. “Permission to be excused?”

Carter shakes his head. “Don’t forget to wear the damn hat.”